Archive for June, 2011

June 30th, 2011

Nurturing Your Soul

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You know that most of the time bloggers write what they know about right? Or they blog about what they are going through.

So when I say, “nurture your soul,” I’m confessing that I’ve been known to neglect this vital nugget of truth.

And I’ve done it more than once. In fact, you could say that I’m a quarterly soul neglector.

Why Neglecting Your Soul is Just Plain Nuts

But the bad thing about that is neglecting turns to drain and drain turns to depletion. If I’m being honest, it sometimes turns to drama too. {Might as well get all my D’s in there.}

And what happens is a lot of unnecessary negativity, a severe decrease in productivity and a blow to your soul.

Not a good thing all around.

So why do we do it?

Trying to Catch a Rainbow

Imagine a rainbow. Think about that rainbow as the 10 pounds you want to lose or the job you really, really want. Now imagine that juicy goal right in front of you. It’s almost in your grasp. You just need to…Get. A. Little. Bit. Closer. You can almost reach it. But then like that rainbow it goes a little bit further. So you chase it again. And again.

It’s like a treadmill. You end up running yourself silly and getting nowhere.

Frustrating isn’t it?

But for some (me included!), there is a part of you that thinks if I only work a little harder, do just a bit more, I’ll get there. I’ll touch that rainbow. I’ll finally get to my goals.

And you will.

Just not without learning to nurture yourself first.

I have to keep learning this lesson over and over.

Thankfully, I have a chronic illness that reminds me when I’ve gone overboard. In fact, my health has been going down lately and I know why.

When I started getting well, I got sucked into that obsessive accomplish mode and I forgot about taking care of myself. I stepped up my exercise routine. I began taking new assignments left and right. I was feeling good so I let my creative spirit die. I just didn’t have the time to read for fun, paint or be crafty.

That’s why I’m blogging about this now.

In the last month or so I’ve felt as depleted as a dried up sponge. Hard, crunchy and abrasive. In order for me to get back to a place of inspiration, I need to refuel my soul. Painting for me was like water to that sponge and I soaked it up like there was no tomorrow.

A few nights ago, I heard a strong inner voice say to me, “Paint.” And it grew louder and louder. I was exhausted, but I did what I could to begin the process of painting.

It felt good. My fingers were no longer in that scrunched up typing mode and I wasn’t anxious about the next thing on my list. It was in the moment, oh how I need this right now, gift to my soul.

What happened was that I honored myself.

I can bet those of you who read this are a bunch of ambitious folk. You see everyone else’s fame and you want a piece of it too.

But you need to remember that the journey is long. And in order to keep going you need to stop, take a rest, and take care of your needs.

Feed your soul with love, fun, and rest and you will get there eventually.

June 28th, 2011

Getting the Courage You Need to Fulfill Your Dreams

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What is courage?

I can start by telling you what it’s not.

  • It’s not sitting on your couch day after day willing your dreams to become a reality.
  • It’s not taking class after class as a way to stall action.
  • It’s not resistance, battling, fighting to hold your dream hidden from judging eyes.

Courage is being open, flexible, moving gently in the direction of possibility. It is allowing one’s self to dream, take action and then to believe.

When you are courageous, you are the opposite of muscles, brawn and cold-hearted strength.

It is flexing your vulnerable muscle, being open to defeat, knowing the risks involved and your costs, and then doing it anyway.

I say this because there are too many people who believe that to be happy, to venture out and begin to live their dreams, they need to have guarantees. Maybe it’s the world we live in today where comfort is a must, guarantees should be well, guaranteed.

At the same time, know that you can be courageous by taking tiny, itsy-bitsy steps.

If you’re getting signs that the job you have right now just isn’t the right fit, slowly dip your toes in the water. Check out job boards (try do it after work). Start talking to friends, family and acquaintances about areas of work you are interested in.

Above all, keep trying.

Don’t give up the fight.

Keep working on what is you want. Create a vision board either online or with magazine cut-outs. Look at it every day. In fact, look at it as soon as you wake up in the morning. See if you can bring that intention to fulfill those goals into your daily life.

To me, courage is taking a risk that I will be hurt, ridiculed, embarrassed, judged, laughed at and know that no matter I have the tools to pick me up after that fall.

Create your own first aid kit for bad falls.

  • Fill it up with spa days, a good for the soul reward after difficult situations endured.
  • Have the right pal on hand to comfort you and remind you what a star you are.
  • Watch a pick-me-up movie to forget your mistakes for the day.
  • Do something for someone else to put life’s seemingly serious transgressions into perspective.

It’s not easy to be courageous, but then again it’s not easy to live the life of your dreams.

Yet, it is so worth it.

What are you doing to be more courageous?

June 24th, 2011

Cultivating Confidence

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I remember the exact day it happened. It was April 26, 2011. It was a Tuesday, and an ordinary one at that. Except for one thing.  I went to the gas station that afternoon and I said, “$50 on number 8.” There was no hesitation in my request. There was not a slightest high pitch, lilt at the end of my statement. For the first time in my life I was confident in what I was asking.

Just weeks earlier I was apologizing profusely when I had to stop working from a serious bout of food poisoning. In between bathroom breaks, I continued to work on my laptop. Months before that I questioned the validity in ending a relationship with a client who went from benign to ballistic in mere months.

I often got confused as a teenager when calling people on the phone. When I was 25 years old a classmate who I hadn’t seen in years asked me what I was doing for a living. I mumbled, “Loaned Executive.” I was quite proud of it actually, but I was too embarrassed of my pride to spit out the words. This was the result of years of grooming. Never stand too high among the grass. Better to hide than to stick out. Better to blend in with the crowd than to rise above it. But something changed. I went from 13 to 33 in six months.

What sparked this spontaneous bout of confidence?

It took my entire life, but I realized that to live my dreams, not just dream them I needed to strip away at every thought and belief I had about myself. I had to leave the inner critic on the wayside. I needed to rise about the limitations that kept me bounded with fear for so long.

In a few words, I learned to have the courage to be me.

 

How do you cultivate your own self-confidence?

  • Begin focusing on your passion. Read books that fill that need. Attend lectures, workshops. Find people who share that passion with you. When you are filled with what moves you, your confidence will rise to the top.

  • Fake it until you make it. Everyone starts from the bottom. Until you have the confidence that comes from experience, act as if you do. Act as if you already believe you have the skills, talent, and years to back up your career. You may surprise yourself and realize you already do.

  • Communicate with confidence. Everyone experiences a lack of self-confidence at one time or another. Maybe it’s the weight you gained or your inexperience that has you lacking the big C. I find that if I focus on the person in front of me instead of on myself, insecurities and fear fades and my confidence soars.

  • Confidence comes from self-worth. Like a flower that needs care, it’s important to spend time growing your self-esteem. Keep a daily success journal with all the things you have accomplished in a day. Reflect on moments where you surprised yourself and achieved great things. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Nurture your inner spirit by learning to trust your instincts and respect your decisions.
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    Remember that cultivating confidence takes time. Remember that you cannot buy it with fancy clothes. Remember that confidence comes from an inner strength of being not outward actions to impress others.

    Today, I heard a talk on love. The person asked, “What if you were to love yourself just the way you are?”

    If you can begin to practice doing that, you will exude confidence effortlessly. For confidence doesn’t just come from what you wear and how you shake someone’s hand. It comes from the belief that you are worthy of success and happiness and by believing in yourself and your endeavors.

    Pretty powerful stuff!

    What did it take for you to cultivate your own sense of self-confidence?

    June 20th, 2011

    Finding the Answers to Your Questions With Life Coach Mary Welty-Dapkus

    Martha Beck certified life coach Mary Welty-Dapkus has walked the walk. She consults others in her coaching business Set in Motion because she has not only been through the program, but she’s gone and dealt with the hard parts of life herself. From a five year bout of an un-diagnosable illness to financial hardship, Mary has learned a great deal and is here to share her wisdom and shed a light on some of your own obstacles.

    In an inspiring hour, Mary talked with me about the things that hold you back and provides tips and strategies on how to overcome them. And the best part is that she delivers them in such a playful, oh-so-Mary way. You’ll see what I mean below.

    Be your own detective.

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    Confused about what to do with your life? Feel stuck about what steps in your career you need to take next? Mary says you already have all the answers in you. You might just need to go out there and find it.

    How?

    Start paying attention to everything around you. When you are in your car, turn off your radio. When you are at home, turn off your TV and computer. Sit in silence and begin to ask the questions you have in your mind. Then be your own PI and begin putting a microscope over your life.

    To try: Try this handy dandy Martha Beck coaching tip. Keep a journal. Write your questions with your dominant hand and answer them with your nondominant hand.

    Instead of going outside to find the answers, from friends, authority figures, family members, start to flex your intuitive muscle by taking notice of everything going on around you. You might start to see the answers you’re looking for inside yourself.

    Take turtle steps.

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    So you’re not where you want to be right at this moment. But envisioning your dream job seems like too much of a leap.

    To get from where you are to where you want to be, you don’t have to do big to think big.

    In fact, stepping too far outside your comfort zone may make you want to crawl in and hide forever. Instead, Mary suggests making “turtle steps.” Turtle steps are ”the smallest infinitesimal step that someone can take that doesn’t shake them to their core. “

    To try: Want a career as a freelance writer, but quitting your day job seems too scary to do? Don’t quit. But use your free time to research about others who made the leap from full-time to freelance.

    Fill in the Blank and Find Insight

    This is one of my favorite exercises Mary had me try too. If you reach a point in your life when you feel like, “you’ve bit off more than you can chew” or you feel stuck, burnt out, or blocked in your life, try this.

    To try: Fill in the black with what automatically comes to your mind.

    I’ve bit off more than I can chew because ______.

    Stress feels like _____ to me.

    What you answer could provide insight into what’s blocking you in your life. Mary believes that filling in the blank “bypasses our preconceived notions” and limiting beliefs by answering in a subconscious way.

    For example when I did the exercise, I filled in the second sentence with “sticking my finger in an electrical outlet.” I felt that stress was neither good or bad, but like a volt of electricity making my hair stand on end.

    Mary used her intuition and said this to me:

    “If there is a normal current running and you could just put in a plug, why would you take that next step and stick your finger in there?”

    What an “aha” moment that was for me. I think too often I don’t trust the process and I overcompensate for my lack of faith. Instead of letting things be, instead of trusting the fact that there is a natural occurring energy running through my life, I went and stuck my finger in the source. Talk about impatient right?! And talk about hitting the nail on the head.

    Mary provided me a lot of insight in our conversation. She made me realize that although we have all the answers to our questions about life, career, and our purpose, sometimes we need someone to point it out to us. Sometimes we need someone to shake things up a bit, help us see a new way of doing things, someone who will help us to break our limited beliefs. I think Mary might be the person to do it. If you think so too and would like more information on her services, please check out her website Set in Motion. Thanks so much Mary!

    June 16th, 2011

    5 Simple Steps to Creating Your Dreams

    guest post by: Karin Volo

    We often have a way of making things more complicated than they need be. It is often the simplest things in life that bring us the most joy. That’s why when I was recently asked,” How do you create your dreams?” I came up with five easy steps to follow. Now don’t get me wrong, some of these steps do require a bit of effort. But the ideas are simple.

     

    1. Clear out the baggage –We all have limiting beliefs, buried emotions, and default programming that we absorbed growing up. These hold you back from reaching your true potential. Clear out those limiting beliefs, resentments, lingering anger, deep hurts and you’ll be able to move forward much quicker.

    2. Visualize – Be very clear and specific about what you want to have in your life. Research has shown that our brain can’t tell imagination from reality—and this is a good thing! Our imagination can help make things possible.

    3. Believe in your dreams – Faith is belief in the unseen and is a necessary ingredient to creating your dreams. The Law of Attraction works when the heart-felt belief is there. Doubt and unconscious programming will sabotage your dreams very quickly.

    4. Protect your dreams – Only talk about your dreams with those who will be supportive. Dreams are the babies of the soul and need to be protected and nurtured until they can stand on their own. Sharing your dreams with others who may not have the same level of belief in them can bring down your enthusiasm and allow the doubts to seep into your mind. Keep those dreams in a safe place until they begin to manifest into your life. Yet sharing the dreams with people who will support and help you can also strengthen your feelings and get you even more excited about them.  So be careful about who you choose to share your dreams with.

    5. Connect to Source –We are very limited in our abilities in our human bodies…but when we tap into the Source power, incredible things can begin to happen. There are countless stories of miracles with spontaneous healing, incredible feats of strength in a crisis, and determination to succeed against all odds. We love these stories because they inspire us. By connecting to Source on a regular basis, you can open yourself up to the guidance that will bring your dreams into reality. Whether it is through prayer, meditation, talking a walk in nature, the Universe is supportive to those who are open and listening.

    Follow these simple steps on a daily basis and before you know it, you’ll be on your way to making your dreams come true.

    Karin Volo is an expert in career and personal development and is known as a Tough Transition Specialist. Karin’s passion is helping people better their lives and her purpose is to inspire and teach others to thrive through tough times to discover and create their dream lives.

    To receive her bi-monthly newsletter, Inspiring Lives, full of inspiring stories and resources and to sign up for a FREE video series, 7 Tips for Improving Your Life Now, subscribe today at www.InspiringYourVeryBest.com .

    June 13th, 2011

    Follow That Passion

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    I’ve been thinking about what makes people successful. What moves them, for example, to a place of uncertainty to living the life of their dreams?

    Writing for magazines and newspapers gives me the opportunity to find out answers to questions like these. And here’s the most interesting part. Although there did seem to be planning and hard work involved, the key to most people’s success has been PASSION.

    Can you believe that?

    Yes it was true for the store owner who played an instrument all his life and ended up decades later teaching kids how to play it. And it was true for Mary Cvetan, a PR writer and editor who created an organization out of nothing, but an idea.

    I interviewed her for Rabbits USA magazine as the co-founder of Pittsburgh House Rabbit Club. However, Cvetan didn’t spend a lifetime as a rabbit lover and then suddenly decided one day to start an organization focused on rabbit education and advocacy. Instead, she fell in love with one rabbit and followed her PR instincts to bring her idea into fruition.

    It Started With Loving One Bun

    Ten years ago, Cvetan had a friend with two rabbits. They both lived in an outdoor hutch, not a great place for a prey animal by the way.

    Here’s her story:

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    “My friends had a 8 foot privacy fence around the property. The hutch was custom built. It was very close to the home. That rabbit was in absolutely no danger at all. But she didn’t know that. All she knew was that this dog was barking ferociously. She panicked. She threw herself against the side of the hutch trying to escape and she broke her back.”

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    That poor bunny died that night.

    Although Cvetan didn’t have very much bunny experience, the story touched her and when her friend asked her to keep Jaja, the remaining girl bunny who witnessed her mate’s tragic death, she said, “Yes.”

    Cvetan told Jaja, “Look. You will never be in a cage again. You’re going to meet me half-way. We’re going to figure this out together.” And that they did. In fact, she fell so much in love with this little bun that she told everyone she met about her. She talked to people in the grocery store and at the vet. And the more people she talked to, the more she realized the lack of information there was on how to adequately care for a rabbit.

    Her conviction to use her skill as a writer to spread education about rabbits led to an essay published in a local newspaper. That article received a lot of attention from rabbit owners in different states. It fueled Cvetan to do more and around Easter in 2002, she reached out to her local humane society and offered to give them free PR help. She wanted to help the organization receive media attention to get rabbits adopted at Easter and more importantly provide information so that individuals could make a good decision about whether they should even adopt rabbits at all.

    After that year’s success, Cvetan came up with more ideas on how to increase adoption rates and education on rabbit care. They had an adoption event at Borders the next year. And then she began fostering a rabbit.  She said, “So little by little, I was getting more and more volunteer fever for the rabbits and for the shelters advocacy.”

    A few years later in 2005, the education director at the Humane Society asked Cvetan if she would like to partner with the organization and create an education program. Six years later, Cvetan’s club the Pittsburgh House Rabbit club is as busy as ever.

    Like a frog jumping from one lily pad to the next, Cvetan seemed to follow what called her in the moment, going from one idea to the next one, following her instincts and passion.

    Why does she do it?

    I think her story about her pair of bunnies describes the reason why best.

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    “Every night at bedtime, I would give Jaja and Bradley a treat maybe at 9:30 I would give it to them out in the hall. I would say, “Bunnies you want your treat,” and they came flying out from underneath the bed. Well one night I’m in the hallway and of course they come flying out from under the bed…wait a minute it’s just Jaja and she puts her brakes on and runs back under the bed. She went back underneath the bed to get Bradley because (since he’s deaf) he didn’t hear me. I thought something was wrong.  Another time, she was in the litter box in the far corner of the room. I would never usually give them pellets in the bedroom but this particular day, I had a couple of pellets in my hand and I gave Bradley a couple of pellets. He ran over to Jaja’s little box to tell her. He jumped in the air and she followed him. How cool is that?”

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    It’s hard not to tell how much Cvetan is passionate about buns. She “gets emotional” when she talks about another one of her bonded rabbit pairs who fell in love at first sight and were inseparable until one of them died when she was 11 years old.

    I love her story because it shows the power of one woman’s determination to spread awareness and education about something she was passionate about. She essentially took her compassion for animals and transferred it to her passion in life. It’s something we can all learn from. In fact, with great enthusiasm she said,  ”Brandi, if I can do this, anyone can.”

    June 10th, 2011

    Let Your Silly Out

    It’s Friday. And this post is super late. But I have a good reason. I spent my morning doing social media and my afternoon interviewing a few people in the neighborhood for a local article I’m writing.

    But now that I’ve had a chance to sit down and rest, I thought I’d tell you something.

    “You Look Like a Man Who Takes Himself Too Seriously” – The Scarecrow, Batman Begins

    Before, during and after one of my interviews, I realized, “Boy am I taking myself too seriously!” Not that interviewing people for an article isn’t serious or important. I’m proud of the work I do. In fact, I’m still beaming about the response I got from someone I interviewed recently who complimented me by saying I have a knack for what I do. I felt like Sally Field when she said, “You like me. You really like me.”

    But I also realized that part of the creative process means not taking myself or my work so seriously. This isn’t brain surgery here, by the way.

    And the same may apply to you too.

    You may have your hands gripping the wheel of life because you believe that the only way you will ever be successful and reach your dreams is if you control every single aspect of it.

    Maybe in the short-term it’s working for you. But eventually the your energy will wear down and you will be burnt out.

    Sometimes taking ourselves too seriously can choke the life out of creativity. It can deter your dreams because you close off the potential for inspiration, serendipitous moments, opportunities that come by chance.

    That’s not to say that success and dreams don’t come from hard work, patience and persistence. But sometimes when you’ve done all of that and you’re still going nowhere, the best thing you can do is breathe.

    Oh and have a little giggle too.

    To be honest, in “real” life, I’m a lot more silly than serious. Some friends know me only for my silly side. And that’s side has helped me to do well in life. It’s allowed me to be creative, to make mistakes without believing that it’s the end of the world and to be open to possibility.

    So to help get you started, here are a few LOL videos.


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