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What Made Me Drop to My Knees

When I was in Arizona, I wanted to fall to my knees.

And it wasn’t the canyons (Grand + Antelope) that did it for me. Nor was it the red rocks that made me feel a profound sense of peace and well-being.

Surprising since there were more than enough reasons to be in awe.

I’m embarrassed to say that my trip to Sedona RE-minded me that I’ve still got a lot to learn when it comes to this class called life.

 

The Big Drop to My Knees Moment

I felt sick to my stomach when standing on this ledge overlooking Horseshoe Bend. And it wasn’t vertigo or a fear of heights. Nothing admirable like that.

I had already experienced about 6 days of awe having traveled all the way from Phoenix to Tucson to Antelope Canyon and now here.

After taking about 500 photos of things like this:

I noticed that not only had I almost run out of battery in my camera, but I ran out of memory too. Being far from an outlet and my computer, I decided to delete a few. Guess what I did instead?

I DELETED MY ENTIRE CAMERA!!!

Over 500 photos of our entire trip.

The only reason why I have these is that my super smart husband was able to recover them-well most of them. The others came out like crap and looked like this:

And as embarrassed as I am to admit it, I have to be honest and say, “It’d about ruined my trip.”

Can you believe it?

I was willing to throw away 6 days of memorable experiences with my husband just because I didn’t have proof that we were there. We still went horseback riding, saw the stars falling from the diamond filled sky, walked up red mountains and gazed at the sun as set on the Grand Canyon.

And the Lesson Is?

I wonder if going to Arizona had less to do when the sense of spirituality and magic I felt while I was there and more about the lesson it taught me. This familiar desperation was a sign that maybe it’s time for another challenge. You know how I love my challenges.

As we countdown the weeks to another year, I’m focusing The Inspiring Bee on two words. And it’s not “eat less” “make more” or any of the normal yearly resolutions. This year I’m going to focus on different aspects of letting go.

Two words I’ve been having trouble with since I was a kid waving to the toilet bowl. {True story by the way.}

This week I’m letting go of the hope for a perfect photo and gaining acceptance for what is.

What will you let go of?

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5 thoughts on “What Made Me Drop to My Knees”

  • First of all, this is totally depressing, just because I’ve been there, too: “I was willing to throw away 6 days of memorable experiences with my husband just because I didn’t have proof that we were there.” It’s crazy that the age of social media has sort of ingrained the idea that if we can’t show our experiences to everyone else, then they didn’t happen. What a wacky notion. Even without the pictorial proof, the memories still exist!

    And as for letting go… I think this coming year I will try to let go of my anxiety. It prevents me from doing so many things, and I hate that. There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.

    • Hi Crystal. Sorry I depressed you! But good to know that others feel like me. It was embarrassing to be such a baby about it. But a good reminder that I need to learn how to let things go.

      And great that you’re working on letting go of your anxiety! It’s a tough one and I’ll hope you’ll give yourself time to deal with it. It’s something I struggle with too and while fear is my friend in that it helps motivate me, it does make the path a lot bumpier than most.

      Thanks for your comment!

      • YOU didn’t depress me! Just the thought that it’s become so difficult to keep experiences for ourselves anymore. That we suddenly need validation from showing pictures to everyone else. Though, I also love to keep pictures so that I can remember what happened and how pretty things were–I have an awful memory, lol.

        You just made me think about that stuff. So, you thought-provoked me 😉

        • Aw nice! =) I know what you mean though. It was actually very validating that you felt similarly. As a visual person myself, I find that looking at pictures brings back the memories for me. Oh and I’m glad I thought-provoked you. Always trying to do that here.

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