There is a reason you haven’t done the thing you’ve always wanted to do yet. You were groomed to excel at certain things. While those behavioral traits made you easy to get along with, and won you friends and acceptance from your family, they’re not serving you now.

While some of these may be cultural/societal and even gender rules, we’re all vulnerable to it to a certain extent. The key is to become aware so you can begin to start living the life you were meant to live.

It’s better to do mildly okay than excel.

No one likes a braggart. No one likes someone who’s doing better than them as well. While you were taught to succeed well enough so your family didn’t have to worry about you, you were also ignored or quietly reprimanded when you tried to do more than the status quo.

Never show how you really feel. 

Because the world is a scary and unsafe place, it’s better to hide your emotions than wear them on your sleeve. In fact, if you are emotionally expressive you will be mocked, teased and looked down upon. Those who can operate on a “nothing really bothers me” level will be well-accepted and rewarded.

Being financially secure is preferable than doing what you love.

Financial security is important, but some families believe that it is the most important thing in life. Some feel that financial wealth equates with happiness. There is truth that money can provide comfort and experiences that lead to joyful experiences. But money is not everything. Those who grow up believing it end up feeling depressed and empty when their high paying job doesn’t lead to the happiness they were promised in youth.

Money, success and happiness are only for the few lucky people in the world.

This is a hard one to let go of. Many of us see people who are doing well and secretly believe we’re not worthy of it or that only a few people are meant to achieve happiness, wealth and success in life. While there are is only one Oprah, that doesn’t mean that there is no room in the universe for a successful you. The only thing preventing you from attaining what you truly want are these misbeliefs, and fear that keeps you from dreaming big and staying small.

It’s more important to appear perfect than be vulnerable.

Many of us were raised in the generational belief that “children should be seen and not heard.” Because of this we strived hard to get good grades, be quiet and listen because these were the qualities that brought us love and attention. The truth is the more perfect we appear on the outside, the more disconnected we are with what truly matters.

Be kind, considerate and gracious to everyone. But with your family anything goes.

I see this all the time. We’re overly compassionate, courteous and considerate to strangers, but when it comes to those we love we’re short, critical and rude. We’re taught that loved ones are forced to stay with us, but we must win the attention of others. The truth is everyone deserves our love, acceptance and attention, especially those we hold dear to our hearts.

How many of these rules did you grow up with? Are you ready to break the cycle now? I’m offering a coaching package for those who want to not just dream big, but live the life they were meant to live. It’s all about helping you return to your true nature before all the rules, and life itself hammered it out of you.

If you’re ready to make a change, contact me a bauyemura@gmail.com.

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