Archive for ‘Being Authentic’

December 18th, 2012

Loving What You Got

{flickr photo by QuinnDombrowski}

{flickr photo by QuinnDombrowski}

It’s not always easy to look down at your cracked shoes, your too light wallet, your larger-than-life thighs and say to yourself, “Gee, I love my life!”

But I’m going to tell you why it’s hard not to.

Even though you could list hundreds of things you don’t like about yourself, your situation, your life, there is within every single person so many GOOD reasons to legitimately say, “Thank you!” And it’s all the things you think you hate about your life that actually make it so.

It’s me when I’m being too vocal, expressing my distaste for a certain food or dislike for a restaurant. In afterthought, I cringe wishing that I could have swallowed my voice instead of spoke up. It makes me feel too diva-ish, too brash, too much. But it’s also the thing I love most about myself if only I allowed myself to embrace it.

You might find that same conflict within yourself. The thing you criticize about someone else-they’re too judgmental, complain-y, immature, etc.-are the very shadows that you try to hide within yourself. There’s a fear that if you were to let that aspects of your self out, you would be teased or worse hated. In Care of the Soul (a book that found me in Glen Ellen, California, in a “keep-a-book, give-a-book library”), Thomas Moore says:

“It appears to me that as we open ourselves to see what our soul is made of and who we really are, we always find some material that is a profound challenge.”

And oftentimes what makes us feel ugly and weird are actually just reasons for celebration. Why? It provides evidence of our uniqueness, our individuality, what makes us different. And sometimes that can be the answers to our life purpose.

Maybe I’m not supposed to stay small and quiet, but to be bold and expressive. And letting that side out is the only way I can release my fears and express my soul’s purpose.

That isn’t to say every bad habit or behavior is justified. But it’s also not about repressing or hating them either. In silencing our inner complainer, for example, we may be neglecting ourselves. Moore says the way toward healing is through love. And that means loving even the so-called hard parts and then listening to why they are there.

Holocaust survivor, Nobel Laureate, and writer Elie Wiesel said on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday:

“Whatever you do in life remember, think higher and feel deeper.”

I believe it’s only in completely surrendering to who we are in this moment that we can completely live and love our life. If we do anything less than that, we will miss our calling. We miss our purpose for being here. We become disconnected from our truth because we’re too wrapped up into what we don’t have, what we never got, and why so-and-so is so much better than us.

Thinking higher means we grasp onto an elevated way of thinking of our lives and our self. Feeling deeper means that we don’t hold back. We feel the highest of highs and lowest of lows and know that if we stay true to who we are, we will always land on our feet.

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April 2nd, 2012

How Much of an Impact Do You Really Have in the World?

Your True Purpose

There will come a time when you doubt your influence and significance in life. Maybe in your twenties you thought you were invincible and believed that you had the power to change the world.

In your thirties, your dreams began to shift a bit. You scaled them down as other things and people took priority.

Somewhere along the way you began to lose sight of your dreams. You now worry that you may never fulfill your purpose. And that regardless of any fame or recognition you’ve gotten over the life of your career, the most important thing is having a sense of purpose and meaning. But you’re not even sure you managed to do that.

Here’s what I think. I think you deserve a pass. Just for today, consider the impact you have by just being here.

Don’t believe me?

Ask your kids, your friends, your partner, what you do for them that makes them happy and what they love most about you. It won’t be your job promotion, your book hitting the best seller list or anything else you think you need to have in order to have a meaningful life.

My grandfather, for example, had one of the biggest influence on my life. Not because he worked three jobs on the plantation to support his family. In fact, on paper he didn’t do anything grand or momentous except for the fact that he loved his family and he loved me. He had a very simple, ordinary life.

Sometimes we get too hard on ourselves for not “making it in life.” We’re not all meant to be millionaires, best-selling authors, and spiritual gurus. What we are meant to do is to truly be who we are.

Just by the act of being authentic we free ourselves and others to be the loving, influential beings we are all meant to be.

For today, try learning to wear a garment of gratitude instead of hard cold armor. Try it and in doing so, watch as the meaning, and influence you’ve always wanted doesn’t just flow into your life effortlessly.

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March 29th, 2012

When Everything Stops

When I first started blogging, I had an unlimited source of energy and enthusiasm. I flocked to people who took BIG risks in their lives, overcame seemingly impossible obstacles and became successful because of it. My excitement over finding them was much greater than my fear of contacting them. And so I did.

That’s how I was able to eventually get interviews with authors, Olympians and bloggers I admired from afar. I never in a million years thought that they’d take the time to answer my questions to be on this little blog.

But I have to say that in the few years that I’ve been blogging, the passion has waned a bit. I am still drawn to inspiring people and feel a surge of adrenaline when I read or watching something that inspires me. But I would be lying if I didn’t say I’ve lost that loving feeling.

With my daily blog over at Beliefnet Health and my online column for The Writer magazine, I sometimes feel like a dried out sponge.

So I’m turning to you…

I know a lot of you who read this blog (and I’m so grateful for you that do) are also bloggers yourself. How do you keep the loving feeling going? What do you do to help juggle blogging and/or job, and your life? Do you have any blogs that you read that help lift you up? 

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March 23rd, 2012

Watch Out for Those Dream Killers!

{flickr photo Andrew Magill}

I had a disturbing dream the other night. A loud, abrasive woman (who resembled me on PMS) said, “You need to watch out and guard your inspiration and your passion!” or something to that effect.

That poor, harried lady who scared the hell out of me was trying her hardest to warn me of what scares me the most-dream killers. While they exist everywhere, they are particularly rampant and concentrated in certain areas (especially if you grew up with them).

In fact, I have grown up with a lot of them. And because of it, I’ve attracted and invited a few into my life. While it’s never pleasant to hear how I “haven’t really made it yet” or why any writing job I get will never be as grand as my third uncle from a second marriage’s impressive career, I do have to say this:

If life was a school, they’d be my biggest teachers.

How to Outsmart Smarty Pants People

The only way to negate negative people is to:

  1. Minimize your time with them. {I talk a little more about that and about the people you should avoid if you’re in a particularly bad mood on my Beliefnet blog here.}
  2. Pretend you’ve got headphones on and you can’t read lips.
  3. Suck it all in, run far away from them and then scream, exercise and vent in journal or to a supportive friend.
  4. Smile and say, “Thanks for sharing” and try not to do it with sarcasm.

The one thing you should NOT do is to reply with anger, in the heat of the moment and say things you’ll regret.

The thing about us creative types is that we’re extra sensitive people. And the funny thing about that is we often grow up in communities and families that are less than sensitive to our feelings.

—>If I’ve learned anything it’s that the worst thing you can do is attack someone who you feel is attacking you. It might feel tempting to point out your friend’s hypocritical criticism especially when he/she has yet to take a risk and follow their own dreams. Or to laugh at a relative who makes a nasty comment about your creative endeavors when they haven’t done anything creative or risky themselves. But that’s the point.

When it comes down to it:

The best thing you can do is to put on an invisible shield and let those words bounce right off of you. Realize that no matter how much it stings, most of what they say has nothing to do with you.<—

Remember you don’t have anything to prove to anyone.  You are on your own path and they are on theirs. Remember that as long as you’re continuing to follow your dreams, you are not the loser, coward, failure they say you are. In fact, you are a survivor, someone who simply deserves everything you ever wanted in life because you are here and made it this far.

*I took a much needed Creative Friday break. The last one really wore me out, which you can read about here and here. I hope to be back to my regular schedule next week. Have you been busy crafting while I’ve been away on vacation? Tell me please! I need the motivation.

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March 22nd, 2011

Perfection & Productivity Can Kill You

Big IslandThe Lure of Being Productive

This weekend I was highly productive. I wrote three queries, worked on two essays, did a painting and caught up on my reading. I also spent time with friends, went to a museum, a farmer’s market and a coffee shop.

In the midst of all my doing, however, I started to wonder if I was veering way too far off course. In the process of all that doing, was I neglecting just being?

There were a few bread crumbs that led me to question my latest endeavors. There was this post by writer hero and friend Jordan Rosenfeld who I once interviewed here.

And then there was this passage from Gregg Levoy’s Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life: “The beating heart of self-esteem is the feeling that we’re acceptable as we are, without having to earn it.”

And the feeling of dread as I put down my paintbrush when I saw that the painting before me was not the beauty of perfection I had hoped.

In Mark Nepo’s Book of Awakening he says,”What we need is always harshly and beautifully right before us, disguised in the wrapping of our nearest urgency. We just refuse to accept this, because it feels so difficult to face.”

The True Purpose of Life

All experiences reminded me that perfection, production, completion are not the goals of this life. That one does not need to perform perfection in order to earn love and self-worth. I was reminded that although we creatives often need validation, we should not be seeking it through our work.

The process, however, imperfect and painful is part of the journey.

Learning to hold ourselves in that process is the key to truly living a meaningful, purposeful life.

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November 16th, 2010

What Are You Going to Be When You Grow Up?

In January 2008, I wrote something in my journal that surprised me.

It was the beginning of a new year. Instead of feeling hopeful and excited, I was lost and confused.

Where was my career going? How much longer was I going to stay at this 9-5 job? Would I ever be a writer?

It surprised me because I don’t remember feeling this way.

On The View, Joy Behar said that she was jumping from job to job until she finally pursued her real dream of being a comedian at age 40.

Then, I remembered. I too, have been on that path. And I’m so grateful to be able to write about it.

What Are You Going to Be When You Grow Up?

I was as confused and lost for most of my life. Even as a child, I would constantly change the answer to the question, “What are you going to be when you grow up?” First, I said waitress. Then, cashier. After both of my parents balked at my low paying choices, I later developed a desire to make fake food (like I saw in restaurants). I figured that in addition to the fact that I loved food and being creative, the people who made them must be scientists so I was sure they’d make tons of money.

In college, I switched my major multiple times. I went from being a business major (because I thought that was where the dough was) to being an environmental scientist (because I wanted to help the environment) to finally giving into my true desire of being a writer (with a BA in English).

I struggled with being who I thought my parents and society wanted me to be (financially wealthy and successful) with who I felt I truly was (people driven and a writer).

When I thought back to my early years, I can remember enjoying two things with fervor and obsession-reading and writing.

When I was bored, I created my own newspaper. I interviewed family members and sometimes did so on a toy tape recorder. I typed out stories of a leaky faucet or a rainy day on a typewriter my grandmother bought me. I posted poems on my walls as a kid. And I looked forward to the days that I got a new book.

It took me two decades to RE-member what I always knew. My dream job is to write and inspire others by doing so. Thank goodness I finally rediscovered my true calling. My only regret? That I didn’t trust my instincts sooner.

What were your aspirations as a child?

Can going back to your early roots help you uncover your own deep, unconscious desires?

Try it and see what happens. You may reveal a key ingredient to pursuing the life of your dreams.

Hi there! Glad you stopped by!

You’ve found one of my blogs on everything inspiring.  I also have one on writing and freelancing tips for new writers and entrepreneurs here. If you are in search of a writer to get all of your words in order, I’d love to work with you!

I am a published writer, blogger, and copywriter that can help you with all of your writing needs. You can find out more about me here.

You can also sign up for my RSS feed, join in the conversation on Facebook or tweet me @2inspired. I’d love to hear from you! Thanks for finding me!

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November 2nd, 2010

Finding Inspiration in Individuality: Why You SHOULD Stick Out Like a Sore Thumb

{photo credit}

I was tiny as kid. And very conscious of it. I saw my own shadow and was appalled at how “small” I really was.

I think I was surprised because inside I felt big-HUGE even! My spirit poured out from beyond my childlike body like hot, liquid gold, bright and all glowing.

Yet, my enthusiasm came out in sometimes unkind ways. When I drew grass, for example, I made sure there was dirt below it. A layer of brown crayons and then a shade of green.

And when the other girls pointed and laughed, I argued my side and they fought back. But I stood my ground (no pun intended).

They could make green grass all they wanted. But I insisted that mine’s be brown and green and I would leave it that way.

It was definitely a sign of what was to come-my desire to be an authentic me-to stand out like a sore thumb and be as different as I could possibly me. (My poor mom!)

And to this day, I advocate and have always advocated for others to learn to embrace their uniqueness-to find what makes them brown instead of green and to be as true to themselves as they can be.

While it’s not always easy to stand apart from the crowd, being authentic, being who you were meant to be, is the easiest way to find your true calling in life.

I know for a fact that I could have still been a Research Assistant or an Administrative Assistant if that’s what I wanted to be. But my innate quirkiness, insatiable curiosity and maddening borderline insane desire for creativity, makes me shed sameness and throw my finger up at conformity. Then, out of exhaustion and pure laziness I opted to just accept who I am…warty and all.

Can’t say it’s the easiest path in life. Nor can I say it’s always happy. But in the end, I know who I am, who I love, what makes me happy and why I do what I do. And being able to say that is purely priceless to me.

How about you?

Hi there! Glad you stopped by!

You’ve found one of my blogs on everything inspiring.  I also have one on writing and freelancing tips for new writers and entrepreneurs here. If you are in search of a writer to get all of your words in order, I’d love to work with you!

I am a published writer, blogger, and copywriter that can help you with all of your writing needs. You can find out more about me here.

You can also sign up for my RSS feed, join in the conversation on Facebook or tweet me @TheInspiringBee. I’d love to hear from you! Thanks for finding me!

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