Archive for ‘Dealing with Fear’

July 17th, 2012

Why It’s Worth Facing Your Fears

This whole process of moving to a new place has taught me a lot of things. For one, I was reminded that fear if left alone will only grow bigger. And if confronted can reap so many unexpectedly beautiful things.

Such a small choice like deciding to go out with a new friend or trying a new restaurant, a new way home, can be like a car wash for your soul. Sometimes it’s small ripples that cause the biggest waves.

Driving over this scenic, (but some believe scary) highway, I thought about all the opportunities I would have missed had I allowed fear to control my life.

{When fear is worth the risk by The Inspiring Bee.}

Staying safe seems comfortable, the way it feels to slide into your bunny slippers or have a warm meal on a cold day. It feels good. And it should. But over time, comfort sticks over our life like cobwebs. It makes it harder to trust your instincts, have faith and LIVE your life.

I thought about the relationships I held onto in fear of never finding the right one, jobs I took out of desperation and times when I overstayed my welcome because knowing what was in front of me (no matter how bad) was better than the unknown.

Perhaps the biggest lessons I learned is this:

“You were never that much safer anyway.”

{Catch the rest of my post here.}

 

CategoryDealing with Fear | CommentNo Comments »

Tags:
July 11th, 2012

Adjusting to a New Place

{by The Inspiring Bee}

Life is not supposed to be easy.

We’re not meant to sit in hammocks and twiddle our thumbs. We’re grown to be both hard and soft, both strong and vulnerable. We’re built to withstand hardship and to be supple and weak. We know this as children. We know it inherently, which is why children laugh as hard as they cry, play as hard as they sleep. We just forget as we lose our baby fat and childlike sensibilities.

But life does not want us to stay set in our own ways. It wiggles and shakes us to move. It sends storms our way and removes our umbrellas, raincoats and even the roof over our head in an effort to remind us: “You were meant to live BIG!”

It calls us over and makes us say things like:

“This is so unfair. It shouldn’t have to be this way. Why me??!!!”

And when we’re on the floor, sobbing in waves, breathless and tired and weak, it shows us a light. It reminds us that through sorrow and struggle, a door opens. It’s THE way. The path that was always meant for us to walk through. We just were too busy trying to lose weight, buy the perfect house or carve out the perfect life, to see it.

But as the dust settles and we find our place, the light, which was peaking through a small crack in the door grows brilliant. It shines over us and heals what we didn’t know needed healing. We realize that what once we labeled “tragic” was an unexpected blessing.

The new place feels unfamiliar and scary, but we dip our toes in it anyway. We sense as we leave our old life, a shift. We feel both sad about what we’ve lost, but ever hopeful for what we’re about to gain. It’s through this process of continuing to have hope and faith that lands us to the life we were meant to live. It’s the breaking through that gives the journey meaning.

As I walk on sand instead of concrete, my physical move has taken shape to an emotional one. Life cannot exist independent on what we’re going through internally. We must also shift with our physical experience and circumstances. In light of what ever you are going through, remember that where you are now is where you are supposed to be. Remember that you have the tools to get you through whatever you’re going through. And above all this, remember the light of grace that will always pave the way even when the world seems to have gone dark.

CategoryDaily Inspirations, Dealing with Fear | Comment2 Comments »

Tags:
July 9th, 2012

Why You Shouldn’t Give a Bleep About What Others Think

I was reminded today by this quote from this post that we sometimes put off our dreams because of the fear of what others will think.

{via Oprah.com}

Again I was reminded of being 10 and in a pool with little boys teasing me. Oh how I wish I had brought a rubber band for my lion’s mane like hair! Unfortunately the water did nothing to dampen it down. In fact, my hair only grew bigger as did their taunts. Suddenly, I was a “witch,” with nasty crazy hair swimming in a pool full of mean bullies. Sinking my head in the pool couldn’t take away that fact nor could it drown away their hurtful words.

It may seem like a stretch. But in reality, it’s not. It’s that same fear of being ridiculed or made a fool that could be hurting your chances of happiness and success. It’s what’s keeping you from quitting your job, applying for the one you really want or to venture out into the unknown.

“What will they think? Will they laugh? Think of me as a loser? A failure? That I’ll never measure up?”

It’s easy to allow your own fears to control your life. It’s even easier to let in faux voices from past bullies to dictate what you do and don’t do in life.

It make me sad to think you’re doing the same with your own life.

How do we break free from the voices that could rob us of our own voice? 

I think we realize the following:

1. that people are always less concerned/obsessed/focused on us than we think. Most people are too entrenched in their own life to worry about what you’re doing for a living.

2. for those that chat and gossip about you? I listen to my mom when it comes to that one. They probably have nothing else going on in their life.

3. everyone else is just genuinely concerned about you and don’t realize your passion or have half your courage or your faith. Anyone who’s ever ventured out in a life less traveled knows that path is a difficult one. Let those people be your cheerleaders. Let them pave the way for you.

Remember the quote about from Oriah. Forget about titles, and impressing your neighbors.

Be consumed in your passion and your life will eventually catch up to your dreams.

CategoryDealing with Fear | CommentNo Comments »

Tags:
July 4th, 2012

How Do You Know It’s Time to Call it Quits?

Unfortunately, there’s no sign on the door that says, “Closed,” when it’s time to pack it up and go. You need to be a bit of a detective, a sleuth, an intuitive master to figure out that.

Here’s what I do know.

Life doesn’t just let you alone without any clues to help you on your way. But you need to be 1) open to hearing them 2) ready to embrace the message.

When contemplating the move from California to Hawaii, the decision was not easy. It was probably a lot harder than you’d think. It took many conversations within myself to decide that listening to my intuition was smarter than following my head.

It took carefully packing away my fears, gently rocking my inner child and softly and compassionately showing it the way.

In short, it was no cake walk.

But in the end, I’m here and all is well. And I was reminded that life is easier when we listen to ourselves.

 How do you know when it’s time to go?

1. You feel restless.

2. You wake up at night with a, “Something’s not right feeling.”

3. You’re terrified about the decision you know you have to make.

4. You’re tired of living the life you’re living.

5. You keep getting signs that you should be doing something else.

In all honestly, you know what you have to do. You may be too afraid to do it. You may believe that you can’t. Sometimes what’s really holding us back isn’t the thing we have to do, but the belief that we can’t do it.

Allow yourself to imagine the possibility that you can, that you have all the tools you need to do what seems impossible, that fear is just a normal part of the equation.

Our fears will never go away. But as we get stronger and courageous and more able to face them, we allow ourselves the opportunity to fulfill our life purpose and to grow into the person we were meant to become.

We only have one life to live. We only have this moment. If something isn’t working in your life, please dear friend,

consider changing it.

CategoryDealing with Fear, Finding Your Purpose, Inspired Life | CommentNo Comments »

Tags:
June 14th, 2012

If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed…

What to do when you're overwhelmed

{flickr photo}

Yesterday all was well. But today? Hell broke lose and today’s an all together different story. Suddenly, your work load, your kids, your bank account, your health all need your attention and they need it now!

What seemed easy to put off yesterday, feels like an emergency today. How will you manage the seemingly unmanageable? And as your anxiety holds hands with fear, will you be able to survive whatever it is and make it out okay?

It’s a question that could likely leave most us wishing to be kids again, to want to hide from the responsibility that adulthood brings.

As someone who’s suffered from health issues and constant career fears (I am a writer), I understand the urgency. I know what it’s like to need answers now, to want to wake up from the nightmare that is your current life.

Fortunately there is always another way. I’ve discovered that even in the worst circumstances, light paves the way through the darkest of shadows. We only need to to know where to look to get to it.

Bite-Size Pieces

The majority of the time, we get overwhelmed because we think we need to do it all, and do it all right. It’s only in adulthood where we miraculously believe that because we’re older now, we should be able to tackle each mountain that comes our way. We forget that as children, it took patience, determination and hard work to learn how to roll, crawl and finally walk. Life is still like that. Sometimes we need to take bite-sized pieces and small steps to get what we want. We may not have it all right now. But we will eventually get there, if we give ourselves the time and space to achieve it.

Get Back to the Basics

One of my favorite bloggers is Sarah Wilson, a beautiful Australian media personality who blogs about life, health, travel and more. She wrote once that sometimes when she’s not feeling well, she simply lies down. As in, completely relinquishing to the earth or corpse pose for all you yogis out there. When life hits us hard, there is an automatic reaction in us that says, “Fight harder.” But in reality, the best thing we can do is ride the wave. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, go back to basics. Live simply. Breathe deeply. Work hard against being hard. Like the branches of a tree, be strong in your roots while allowing the wind to move you. You WILL get back on track.

{You can read the rest of this post on my Beliefnet column Happy Haven.}

CategoryBurnout, Dealing with Fear, Inspired Life | Comment1 Comment »

Tags:
May 14th, 2012

Where’s Your Courage?

{flickr photo by: dalechumbley}

I used to think courage was being able to sit through a horror flick without hiding under a jacket, asking a guy out, or giving a speech. All of which I failed miserably at. As a child, my mom used to buy me books and toys with a theme: A dog that said, “I’m lonely.” A mouse that said, “I’m shy.”

Okay I got it mom!

But as I got older, I realized that what I thought was courage, was far from what I thought it was. Yes, it took some guts and bravery to do the above. But real courage was strength.

The kind of courage I’m talking about is the one…

  • that pushes you to say how you truly feel.
  • that frees you to be yourself, not repressing your quirky parts out of fear from being rejected or your winning side so others won’t feel dim in your light.
  • that lets you sit in the unknown in peace and quells the anxious voice.
  • that gives you faith when nothing is going right and everything feels wrong.

Courage is sometimes the fierce lion, but often the determined mouse.

It’s not easy being courageous. But when we get to that mountaintop and feel the wind brushing our face, we will know that the only way to truly live is to be on the edge of comfort and walk toward our greatest fears with courage.

 Are you living your life with courage or in fear?

CategoryDaily Inspirations, Dealing with Fear | CommentNo Comments »

Tags:
April 30th, 2012

Getting Back Control of Your Life

{photo by The Inspiring Bee}

In life, there is no room for bench warmers. There is no tree with which to hide, no tunnel to escape from, no magic invisibility cloak to help you vanish into thin air.

Perhaps that’s why we lean towards books and movies of fantasy and fiction. When life gets hard, we can’t just disappear for a moment, retreat within and return when we’re strong again. So we watch wistfully wishing we could momentarily catch our breath.

When life gets hard and we’re weary from the fight, the desire to “sit this one out” is great. How do you keep going about your day, maintaining work, chores, your daily tasks when a huge surmounting issue is weighing heavily on your shoulders?

I’ve worn that heavy cape. I’ve felt the crushing pull of not knowing, where you have two choices and neither are ones you would choose. And in that fear, I know that there is only one thing that can help me get through it.

Dig a hole through that tunnel. Find a way to walk through the fear on your own terms. If illness, loss, or some other impending doom is on your way, don’t avoid it, or succumb to the grief the way we’d suffocate under a wave. But find a way to feel like you have control.

For me, this means writing. Only in the process of writing can I completely lose myself to the words. I can forget whatever fear I’m about to face. I can let go of worry. I can forget about the worst scenario. Surfing the internet won’t help. Talking to others may not help. Sometimes the only thing you can do is to let go into the thing you truly love and find joy in this moment.

If you’re in the process of facing yours fears and you’re sick with worry, I hope you will carve a space for your gentle soul. Find a place where you can cry, where you can feel the wind on your face, where you can hold yourself with love and light and remember that regardless of the darkest shadows that want to linger, weight on you and drain you, you can CHOOSE how you will live your life. It may be a small choice. It may be choosing to walk instead of drive or draw instead of write. But if we can find a way to take control of what we feel we have no control of, we will again find the strength and courage to keep going.

 

CategoryDealing with Fear | CommentNo Comments »

Tags:
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »