Archive for ‘Following Your Dreams’

October 18th, 2011

Embracing the Lulls in Your Life

There are moments meant for celebrating. Getting my first online column for The Writer for example, made me feel like a champ. I felt the same way when I was asked by this lady to be interviewed on her radio talk show. And I was certainly excited when an Oprah show producer contacted me to be a possible guest on her OWN network show. But amongst every victory, every insanely wonderful treasure trove of opportunity lies the lull.

You may know it as the place where nothing happens.

It’s quiet here when everything whittles down. You can almost hear your heart beating through your chest. Part calm. Part terrifying. It’s the stillness that comes from a multitude of places.

 

{flickr photo by Moyan Brenn}

Reasons for the Lull in Your Life

1. You’re in-between places.

You might know you want to make that job to fulfilling your purpose, but you’re not ready. You’ve got one foot in the future and one on the past and you’re terrified to make the leap. Saddling two place is not a comfortable place to be. But when you’re not sure where to step next, the middle ground is where you must go. Be patient. Remove the obstacles like fear and lack of information by taking away judgment and being in the present moment. Sometimes we’re stuck because it’s not the right time to take the next step.

2. You’re burnt out.

Burn out is quite common especially for the type A perfectionists out there. But be glad for it. Because it is your signal to stop, drop and start relaxing. You might think that doing so is impossible. You have that deadline, the decision that still needs to be made, the kids that need your attention, that boss that’s demanding it. But it’s imperative that you make time for yourself. Trying to be creative when you’re spent is like grasping onto sand. Ideas and thoughts will quickly slip through your fingers.

Going through a break in your life doesn’t need to cause a breakdown. Although it’s scary when there is a pause in your otherwise hectic schedule, it’s a good sign. It means change is on your way.

My mom would always tell me to watch when the trees are still. “It’s the calm before the storm,” she would often say.

Storms sound scary don’t they. Even threatening. But they can also signal change and a clearing away. A new start. If we let the stillness be, we might eventually get there, learn why they came in the first place. It may even be the excuse we need to refresh our spirits, discover new ideas and open our eyes to wonder.

Think of the possibilities.

CategoryDaily Inspirations, Following Your Dreams, Inspired Life | Comment2 Comments »

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September 7th, 2011

Analyzing a Dream

From pinterest via @Edna Gooden. Originally from ppepper.tumblr.com.

 

Instead of a relaxing three day weekend, I settled for a 2 day sort-of relaxing one. One strenuous hike and a bike ride later, I was wishing I had a full-time job again. Oh for those paid holidays!

But it must have been a lack of sleep. A severe lack of it. Because by Tuesday afternoon I was in dreamland.

Literally.

I was so exhausted that I took a nap during mid-day and woke up with the weirdest dream.

 

Weird Dream Alert!

I dreamed that I decided to go back to work as a therapist, taking 1-2 clients a day a week at $60 a session. The weirdest part was that the thought actually made me excited. It seemed to be the greatest idea I ever had yet. {Even better than the idea I had last night to eat an apple covered with peanut butter.}

 

Ever wake up feeling the remaining emotions of your last dream upon waking?

That’s how I felt. A lingering sense of excitement with a side of “what the heck was I dreaming” when I was fully awake.

I did the counseling thing. I did it and it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I cared deeply about my clients, but the anxiety and worry over if I was doing the right thing was too much for me. I am a weakling at heart. A sappy sap of a person. And so while I am passionate about helping others, I could never go back to that life.

 

Why am I telling you this?

My dream reminded me of where I was a few years ago. I was in in-between land, not quite where I wanted to be in life, but a little further out than I was before.

I was at a job I hated, but hated a little less than the last job.

The lure to keep on that path, taking higher paying jobs that left a bad taste in my mouth, was strong. Loved ones made the temptations even greater. At the time, I felt like the only one who didn’t where I was going. I had been on the path for a decade while I still was twiddling my thumbs waiting for the sky to fall on my life.

It was not a pretty picture.

But surprisingly, once I was courageous enough to take a different path in my life, make decisions that were scary, but felt closer to my true self, things started happening. When I was ready, my world began to change.

 

  • I started hearing about writing jobs from acquaintances and started seeing more jobs online.
  • I got offered positions that fit what I was looking for.
  • I met people who were on the same journey as me.

 

And I’m not just talking about my career.

Every time I decide to do something different-change my attitude when I’m disappointed, decide to have a good day regardless of how bad it’s supposed to be-I am rewarded in miraculous ways.

If you’re ready for something new in your life. Decide to take control of your life by changing yourself. Eventually like ripples in the ocean, that positive change will come back to you. It may come to you in dreams come true, in an insight you hadn’t realized before, in the new people you are about to meet.

You don’t need a new program or a book to change your life, you just need to be open to the gifts already in store for you.

I’m pretty sure that my dream was reminding me how far I’ve come and not to look back. Onward my dear friends!

CategoryFollowing Your Dreams, Inspired Life | Comment4 Comments »

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August 31st, 2011

Part II: Living Joyfully with Bonnie St. John

via @Ethan King from Pinterest. Original photo from thedesigninspiration.com.

This was one of my first interviews. And still a favorite. If you’re feeling down about a recent failure or you don’t know how to go from where you are to where you want to be, then you’ll definitely want to read this…

I love what you say in Following Dreams about the difference with a gold medal winner is her ability to get up faster.  How do we apply this to our own lives?

Sometimes when things go wrong people can focus on the mistake and beat themselves up mentally.  Being able to forget about what went wrong and purely focus on how to make things better is an important skill that gets you much further.  Particularly in this economy, it seems that everyone is “falling down” or being impacted by the crisis in different ways.  Those who can put their energy into bouncing back instead of bemoaning what happened will be better off sooner!

Deciding to follow your dreams whether it’s starting a business or finding your dream job takes a lot of work.  What tools do you think dreamers need to be equipped with in order to keep motivated and stay the course?

There was a book that came out a long time ago called, “Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow.”  I tell people “Do what you love…and Follow the Money!”  What I mean by that is make sure that you understand how the market works in the area you love.  When I began speaking, for example, I loved doing workshops with small groups of people and having interesting conversations.  However, a friend advised me to aim for being a keynote speaker.  “You have a small child,” she said. “Keynote speeches pay a higher fee—you can go home to your baby more often!”  Understand who pays, why they pay, and how you can serve their needs as well as enjoy doing what you love.  Learn about how to manage your money and get a good accountant.  You need to learn to manage a business whether you want to open your own practice as a doctor or lawyer, be a musician or painter, or open a business sewing fashions for pets…being smart about the business gives you a lot more freedom to follow your dream.

It seems that when we begin to find our joy and follow our dreams, other people seem to want to pull us out of it.  What remedy do you have to deal with others and how do we prevent them from negatively imposing on our lives?

Always remember that you have a choice.  You can surround yourself with positive people and messages.  Even if there is one negative person you can’t get away from—a parent, spouse, or coworker—you can mitigate the impact by having more positive people to talk to, bounce your ideas off, and get advice.  Don’t try to convert the nay-sayers—that would only drain your energy.  Just shift your focus and energy elsewhere.

What do you think prevents most people from living their joy?

  1. Old habits
  2. Too busy
  3. Don’t know they can.
  4. Feeling smart. A friend told me pessimists are more often right, but optimists are more often successful!

In “Live Your Joy” you talk about a character called Mr. Smelly. Who is Mr. Smelly and how can he prevent us from living the life we were meant to live?

“Mr. Smelly” is the rude, flatulent, dirty houseguest I described in “Live Your Joy.”  He insults me, discourages me, and annoys me—yet I make him lunch and invite him to stay overnight!  Sound absurd? Yet, I allow in my head similar “guests.” I have thoughts in my head that are discouraging, rude, and insulting and I let them stay!  I don’t think I am the only one who feeds the negative thoughts and makes them comfortable!

Yet those negative thoughts bring us down, prevent us from believing in ourselves and living a truly authentic life.  It is important to battle the Mr. Smelly in our brains…and not let him get too comfortable!

Speaking of your new book “Live Your Joy,” tell us a bit about it and what inspired you to write it?

People were always asking me how I stayed so positive despite hard times—numerous surgeries to amputate my leg, abuse for years as a child, divorce, being a single mom, and more.  “Why aren’t you bitter?” people kept asking.  “Live Your Joy” tells people about how I work at finding joy, being joy, and creating joy no matter how difficult things are.  In “Live Your Joy” you learn the essential skills of joyful living and success through fun-to-read, modern-day “fables.”  There is a lot to take away and use, even though it is easy to read!

You can find out more about Bonnie and her new book, “Live Your Joy” on her website.  Thanks Bonnie for being an inspiration to all of us!

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August 25th, 2011

More Tips for Dealing With Change

via @Erica Shoulders on Pinterest originally from Etsy.com

Don’t React

So what do we do when we don’t know what to do?  First, stop, take a deep breath and don’t do anything. Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher and author of Stillness Speaks says to “become at ease with the state of ‘not knowing’.” It is having faith and trusting what you do know in the unknown. Knowing, for example, that the tide will recede, the vast encumbrances of our lives are, what a recent musical called Avenue Q taught me, “only for now.” Sure we may not know if we are making the right decisions or if the better route is to avoid change and stay where we are, but in reality even what we perceive to be stable in our lives, may not be. In all situations, there is an undercurrent of change lurking just beneath the surface. After all, life is hard and requires risk, challenge and especially courage. Instead of finding security in our external world, it’s much more important during times like these to find safety and stability in our selves.

Invite Acceptance and Surrender in Your Life

Learning to accept your situation will help you develop a sense of empowerment over the unknown. You may not know, for example, what the future holds, but being present and focusing on what you can do today, gives you control over your future decisions. In addition, trying to run, avoid, or distance your self from fear, only transforms it into a bigger monster.

Meditate, talk to friends, family or a counselor, and express yourself through art, exercise, and spirituality and in those activities, you will find the space to express not repress your emotions.

Then with time, patience and self-compassion, you will eventually find acceptance in your situation. As Kathy Freston of Quantum Wellness says when we completely accept our situation, the answers will come from Spirit who will guide us to the next step. Once we’ve found a path towards acceptance through activities that heal us such as prayer, meditation, or even a simple walk, we can learn to deal with the situation clearer and on a cognitive level. In Stillness Speaks, Tolle explains that when we accept what we don’t know, we also stop struggling to find answers out of desperation and the end result is that thought becomes more effective. With the ability to think clearly, there is also an opportunity to think clearly about your choices.

Reflect on the Past

Another activity is to recall times in your life when you were faced with an unknown. Then, think about how you handled the situation and how the events of your life eventually unfolded. More times than not, our worries and anxieties are unnecessary and are unfounded. Remembering these incidents will remind you that you have gone through difficult situations before and that you can do it again.  Use your past experiences to bring you strength, to lift you up and to remind you what you are capable of.

To be continued…Will be wrapping things up in a final post.

CategoryFollowing Your Dreams, Inspired Life | Comment4 Comments »

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August 24th, 2011

Dealing with Life’s Greatest Uncertainties: 6 Ways to Welcome Change in Your Life

“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” So said Julia Robert acting as Elizabeth Gilbert in movie based on her memoir Eat, Pray, Love. Yet, it’s a road that most would avoid at all cost. When a recent event such as a job loss, end of a relationship or illness has shaken you to the core, what do you do? Do you embrace the road you are now on or do you resist, react, and avoid change at all costs? It’s a choice that will either paralyze you or propel you forward towards self-growth.

Being on the verge of impending change is probably one of the hardest places to be. 

At every fork in the road there are decisions that need to be made and questions about the outcome. The slate is blank and the only choices are to stay where you are or move forward. What choice will you make?

Gilbert courageously ended her six-year marriage with her husband because after 47 consecutive nights of crying on the bathroom floor, she realized she couldn’t be married to him anymore.  It was a difficult, trying decision to make.  With one road leading to the path she’s already walked on to another one free with possibilities, but frightening because of its uncertainty.  The truth is that to get to the point of life-changing transformation, we need to do the work.  And change, good or bad, is painful.  It is the ending of one life and a beginning of another.

The question is, “How do we deal with that common fear of the unknown?”

Do we react in fear and out of emotion?  Do we jump into the next phase of our life allowing the “what if’s” to consume our thoughts and dictate our actions? Or do we open ourselves up to something different?”  Ask yourself this, “How often do you make unconscious decisions about your future that end up propelling you into self-sabotaging behavior?”  Is mindless snacking sabotaging your efforts to lose weight or mindless spending not just eating away at your wallet, but at your soul?  You could turn the other cheek and continue doing what you’ve always done or you could rise up to the occasion and see the situation as a gift. It’s a gift that could awaken you to a conscious, healthy and wealthy life, the life that you really want.  It’s a life that comes out of self-growth and life-changing transformation.

How do you get there?

In part I, I’m listing the first of six things you can do in the midst of uncertainty to choose differently, which will ultimately change the trajectory of your life.

 

Don’t Panic

In “Life at Work,” Thomas Moore discusses how the things we do unconsciously like being consistently late at work could be an indication that your daimon or what drives behavior, is unconsciously driving you.  Though having passion and direction in life are good things, it’s being unaware of our behaviors that can lead to disaster. A desire to have creative freedom for example may engender a passion to be an entrepreneur. Yet, the fear of the unknown may unconsciously drive you to spend money on things you don’t need or attract clients who don’t pay.

Here’s what’s key.

When you’re first taught how to swim, what was the first thing you learned? “Whatever you do, don’t panic!”  Panic is one of the reasons people drown.  It’s also the reason why we make disastrous unconscious decisions that dictate our life and why we often get stuck in limbo not wanting to make a decision either way.   The ocean becomes symbolic of our lives where those who survive take a deep breath and go with the tide, and others who panic are swallowed by the waves of their own fear.

To be continued…

CategoryDealing with Fear, Following Your Dreams, Inspired Life | Comment4 Comments »

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August 16th, 2011

Bullying Isn’t Just for Kids

Pinterest photo

Bullying is a serious thing going on with kids today. But this isn’t about that kind of bullying.

This is the seemingly harmless adult bullying that can steal you away from your dreams.

  • It’s what happens when Aunt Marge asks when are you going to find the “right” one (job, partner, etc.).
  • OR when you’re going to stop with all this silly freelancing and finally settle down.
  • It’s the pressure you feel to conform to other people’s wishes and thereby negating your own.
  • It may not be as life threatening as the bullying that goes on with kids, but it is serious and can be dream threatening for sure!

The sad and unfortunate thing is that most people are doing it for good reason. They want you to be happy, successful and wealthy. But life doesn’t have a perfect one-size-fits-all equation. There’s no way to know which way is the right way.

But one thing’s for sure.

Keep on the road to other people’s dreams and you’ll definitely miss yours.

If you want to be free of dream bullying, however, here are a few tips:

Prepare a mantra ahead of time.

Whether it’s, breathe, calm, peace or love. Think of something that will temporarily distract you when noisy people try to change your mind.

Listen with love. 

Another Pinterest photo

This is a hard one. But most times people give you advice or ask you questions because they are concerned. Many times they don’t realize the consequences of their constant questioning. Instead of responding or reacting, trying listening with love. What they tell you may be more about them and their unfulfilled dreams then about you.

Plan what you’ll say in advance.

Prepare something non-snarky in advance so you don’t experience a slip of the tongue and say something you might regret.

Here are a few examples. When a friend says, “Everyone wants to find their dream job, but we can’t do whatever we want.” You could say, “Thank you. I know you’re concerned about me. But I guess I’m lucky that I can.”

When an acquaintance says, “When are you going to get a real job?” You could say, “I’m pretty happy with the one I have now actually.”

Do you have any advice, tips, suggestions for how to respond when a bully tries to bully you? Share them in the comments below.

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