Posts tagged ‘fear’

May 8th, 2013

Keep Hope In Your Pocket

{Etsy print by JCSpock}

{Etsy print by JCSpock}

I admit I spend too much time worrying about the things that don’t end up even happening in my life. I worry about wasting time, but much of it is spent obsessing over the illnesses I have and the opportunities I don’t have.

Last night, however, I dreamed about possibility, hope and miracles. In it, I was told that everything we think we know about life is just the surface of what’s true. We grieve and bemoan our situation, for example, because we think it’s permanent. We allow logic to override miracle. We’ve grown too accustomed to computers and smartphones that tell us what is true instead of figuring it out for ourselves. And the weather? Trust your forecaster or Siri instead of just popping your head out the window.

As a result, intuition falls to the wayside. Hope no longer exists unless we have evidence to prove it.

Because something seems impossible or improbable we give up. But the whole notion of faith and miracle is dreaming up the impossible. If so, what we believe can be true is delivered to us on a platter.

Sounds easy, but the real struggle is challenging our old and jaded minds. We have to fight the fear of being vulnerable, being wrong, being disappointed.

We knew this as children. Every thing we absorbed then was magical. Do you remember it? But we let the pain and suffering of growing up wound us. Some allow it to wound them permanently.

If we can strip away the negativity, the paranoia, the obsessive need to know in this moment, we might return to that place of innocence, hope and joy. Instead of searching intently for a way to rid of your current ailment, let’s spend a moment in prayer and acceptance for what is so that we may lay open a door to possibility that everything. is. okay.

You won’t get that from the internet, a friend, your spouse, a sibling, or even a doctor. When you sit quietly or stand in the middle of nature, however, you will know it.

Do what you can with what you have and then surrender it and let it be. Life will happen regardless of how much you try to control it. But within those seemingly confining boundaries, there is and always will be hope. Trust in it. Hope is the armor of courage best used in battle. It will carry you through sleepless nights of worry, distrust, and panic. It is the only thing besides love that will help you through the unknown. And when you’ve landed safely on the other side, remember it. Remember that there is always a ray of light upon you just as you look back toward the shadows. It matters not what you go through, but where you’re focusing.

May 1st, 2013

Will You Live in Fear or Faith?

{Flickr photo by 27147}

{Flickr photo by 27147}

Between moving to our first home and landing a new writing gig, I haven’t had spare time to write for fun, much less keep up this blog. [insert =( here.] But I know the value in doing it. It’s forced me to sit on the ground with my laptop, exhausted after 5 hours of moving behind me.

Why?

Reflecting on this moment is of the utmost importance and sharing all the mini lessons I learn along the way makes it all worthwhile. Even if there are only a handful of you still reading this now.

2012-2013 has been filled with some of my most exciting and painful moments. I’ve said goodbye to good friends, got slammed with unexpected good and bad news and was continuously tested on my faith. The question that kept looping in my head was: Do I choose to live in fear or faith?

To live an inspiring life, many might assume that it means living a pain-free one. Some might think that true happiness is a life void of difficulty and filled to the rim with constant joy, and luck. Those who feel this way can get pretty tied up in feeling sorry for themselves (I can vouch for my own self-pity parties in the past.). But what they don’t realize is true happiness and joy stems from having the confidence to overcome obstacles, from being able to put one foot in front of the other regardless if you know where that path will lead.

Any one of us can easily fall into the gap of paranoia and fear especially in regards to the news lately. Any one of us can stay in the past and glorify a frozen moment. It’s easy to let yourself get overwhelmed by difficulty, problems and uncertainty. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

On the other side of the fence is hope. It’s still scary there. Unknowns lay like hidden potholes. But love, courage, faith there are stronger. I’m not saying that the road is easier. In fact, if you decide to live your life with faith, it may even be harder. But if you choose it, your confidence will grow. And in doing so, you will reap the benefits of a truly lived life.

I meet a lot of people these days who like to play their lives safe. Being cautious feels smart. It feels like the best way to live your life. But play things too cautiously and you’re putting yourself at great risk. You’re risking your ability to love deeply, laugh loudly and experience the life you were meant to live.

We were not meant to live life problem-free. We were meant to bend in the wind, to fall, to bleed, to shed our leaves and grow beautiful like the trees…

July 11th, 2012

Adjusting to a New Place

{by The Inspiring Bee}

Life is not supposed to be easy.

We’re not meant to sit in hammocks and twiddle our thumbs. We’re grown to be both hard and soft, both strong and vulnerable. We’re built to withstand hardship and to be supple and weak. We know this as children. We know it inherently, which is why children laugh as hard as they cry, play as hard as they sleep. We just forget as we lose our baby fat and childlike sensibilities.

But life does not want us to stay set in our own ways. It wiggles and shakes us to move. It sends storms our way and removes our umbrellas, raincoats and even the roof over our head in an effort to remind us: “You were meant to live BIG!”

It calls us over and makes us say things like:

“This is so unfair. It shouldn’t have to be this way. Why me??!!!”

And when we’re on the floor, sobbing in waves, breathless and tired and weak, it shows us a light. It reminds us that through sorrow and struggle, a door opens. It’s THE way. The path that was always meant for us to walk through. We just were too busy trying to lose weight, buy the perfect house or carve out the perfect life, to see it.

But as the dust settles and we find our place, the light, which was peaking through a small crack in the door grows brilliant. It shines over us and heals what we didn’t know needed healing. We realize that what once we labeled “tragic” was an unexpected blessing.

The new place feels unfamiliar and scary, but we dip our toes in it anyway. We sense as we leave our old life, a shift. We feel both sad about what we’ve lost, but ever hopeful for what we’re about to gain. It’s through this process of continuing to have hope and faith that lands us to the life we were meant to live. It’s the breaking through that gives the journey meaning.

As I walk on sand instead of concrete, my physical move has taken shape to an emotional one. Life cannot exist independent on what we’re going through internally. We must also shift with our physical experience and circumstances. In light of what ever you are going through, remember that where you are now is where you are supposed to be. Remember that you have the tools to get you through whatever you’re going through. And above all this, remember the light of grace that will always pave the way even when the world seems to have gone dark.

July 9th, 2012

Why You Shouldn’t Give a Bleep About What Others Think

I was reminded today by this quote from this post that we sometimes put off our dreams because of the fear of what others will think.

{via Oprah.com}

Again I was reminded of being 10 and in a pool with little boys teasing me. Oh how I wish I had brought a rubber band for my lion’s mane like hair! Unfortunately the water did nothing to dampen it down. In fact, my hair only grew bigger as did their taunts. Suddenly, I was a “witch,” with nasty crazy hair swimming in a pool full of mean bullies. Sinking my head in the pool couldn’t take away that fact nor could it drown away their hurtful words.

It may seem like a stretch. But in reality, it’s not. It’s that same fear of being ridiculed or made a fool that could be hurting your chances of happiness and success. It’s what’s keeping you from quitting your job, applying for the one you really want or to venture out into the unknown.

“What will they think? Will they laugh? Think of me as a loser? A failure? That I’ll never measure up?”

It’s easy to allow your own fears to control your life. It’s even easier to let in faux voices from past bullies to dictate what you do and don’t do in life.

It make me sad to think you’re doing the same with your own life.

How do we break free from the voices that could rob us of our own voice? 

I think we realize the following:

1. that people are always less concerned/obsessed/focused on us than we think. Most people are too entrenched in their own life to worry about what you’re doing for a living.

2. for those that chat and gossip about you? I listen to my mom when it comes to that one. They probably have nothing else going on in their life.

3. everyone else is just genuinely concerned about you and don’t realize your passion or have half your courage or your faith. Anyone who’s ever ventured out in a life less traveled knows that path is a difficult one. Let those people be your cheerleaders. Let them pave the way for you.

Remember the quote about from Oriah. Forget about titles, and impressing your neighbors.

Be consumed in your passion and your life will eventually catch up to your dreams.

June 19th, 2012

Being Okay With the Unknown

{flickr photo}

I guarantee our ancestors were better at it than we are. They didn’t have smart phones back then, or tablets, or digital notebooks. They looked to the stars for guidance and their hearts for hope. And when it got really bad, they sat on the earth, lifted their palms up to the sky and prayed for guidance.

I wish I had their faith and confidence. (I’m the type of girl who needs to check her iPad for the weather before deciding what to wear in the morning.)

With all our fancy gadgets, you’d think we’d be stronger, more courageous and adventurous. In some ways, yes. But surprisingly, it’s getting good with the not knowing in life that makes us strong.

The Bad Thing About Technology

I think technology has just given us a false sense of control. And we’ve gotten too comfortable in thinking we can know and control everything. So much so that when something hits us (an illness, a death, a loss), when something alters the way we perceived things previously, we’re shaken to our core. And that unsettling experience propels us from the false veil/shield we thought would prevent us from difficulty.

I don’t think we will ever get to a point where we enjoy the hardships, look forward to the pain or feel automatically grateful for it. But I think in learning that none of us really had control to begin with, we can let go just a little bit. We can stretch our arms into the unknown, feel the fear and be in awe of its power. We can remember that our lives are both greater and smaller than we make it. And instead of feeling anxious and overwhelmed by the enormity of that knowledge, we can remember that love, spirituality, hope, and faith always trumps fear…

{Read more on my Happy Haven column for Beliefnet Health.}

May 14th, 2012

Where’s Your Courage?

{flickr photo by: dalechumbley}

I used to think courage was being able to sit through a horror flick without hiding under a jacket, asking a guy out, or giving a speech. All of which I failed miserably at. As a child, my mom used to buy me books and toys with a theme: A dog that said, “I’m lonely.” A mouse that said, “I’m shy.”

Okay I got it mom!

But as I got older, I realized that what I thought was courage, was far from what I thought it was. Yes, it took some guts and bravery to do the above. But real courage was strength.

The kind of courage I’m talking about is the one…

  • that pushes you to say how you truly feel.
  • that frees you to be yourself, not repressing your quirky parts out of fear from being rejected or your winning side so others won’t feel dim in your light.
  • that lets you sit in the unknown in peace and quells the anxious voice.
  • that gives you faith when nothing is going right and everything feels wrong.

Courage is sometimes the fierce lion, but often the determined mouse.

It’s not easy being courageous. But when we get to that mountaintop and feel the wind brushing our face, we will know that the only way to truly live is to be on the edge of comfort and walk toward our greatest fears with courage.

 Are you living your life with courage or in fear?

April 30th, 2012

Getting Back Control of Your Life

{photo by The Inspiring Bee}

In life, there is no room for bench warmers. There is no tree with which to hide, no tunnel to escape from, no magic invisibility cloak to help you vanish into thin air.

Perhaps that’s why we lean towards books and movies of fantasy and fiction. When life gets hard, we can’t just disappear for a moment, retreat within and return when we’re strong again. So we watch wistfully wishing we could momentarily catch our breath.

When life gets hard and we’re weary from the fight, the desire to “sit this one out” is great. How do you keep going about your day, maintaining work, chores, your daily tasks when a huge surmounting issue is weighing heavily on your shoulders?

I’ve worn that heavy cape. I’ve felt the crushing pull of not knowing, where you have two choices and neither are ones you would choose. And in that fear, I know that there is only one thing that can help me get through it.

Dig a hole through that tunnel. Find a way to walk through the fear on your own terms. If illness, loss, or some other impending doom is on your way, don’t avoid it, or succumb to the grief the way we’d suffocate under a wave. But find a way to feel like you have control.

For me, this means writing. Only in the process of writing can I completely lose myself to the words. I can forget whatever fear I’m about to face. I can let go of worry. I can forget about the worst scenario. Surfing the internet won’t help. Talking to others may not help. Sometimes the only thing you can do is to let go into the thing you truly love and find joy in this moment.

If you’re in the process of facing yours fears and you’re sick with worry, I hope you will carve a space for your gentle soul. Find a place where you can cry, where you can feel the wind on your face, where you can hold yourself with love and light and remember that regardless of the darkest shadows that want to linger, weight on you and drain you, you can CHOOSE how you will live your life. It may be a small choice. It may be choosing to walk instead of drive or draw instead of write. But if we can find a way to take control of what we feel we have no control of, we will again find the strength and courage to keep going.