Posts tagged ‘Grief and loss’

May 9th, 2012

A Different Way of Perceiving Loss

{flickr photo by The Djudju Beast}

Loss is one of those inevitable experiences in life we have to cope with. Hopefully we don’t have to deal with it until we’re older and more able to handle the grief. But in any case, it’s hard. Its impact devastating.

It’s difficult to deal with whether we’re dealing with the loss of a relationship, a job or a loved one (furry kids included). And one of the reasons why it’s so hard is that it reminds us about how short life is. Every loss is like another dying leading us to our own inevitable death.

Sorry to be so grim. But we are talking about death.

While coping is never easy, I’ve recently found a ray of light to help me deal with loss in a new way.

I realized that the being, the job, the opportunity that we feel we lost has been a gift. And when it’s ripped away from us, we forget that. I think we take for granted that life is short. Waking up each day feels like an expectation not a reason for gratitude. And we expect the same from those around us. We think that life will always unfold the way it has been and are shaken up when it’s suddenly changed.

It’s normal to feel angry, sad, and filled with despair when we lose something we love. But when we’re past the point of initial grieving, I think we owe it to ourselves and the people and things we lost to find the gift in their presence. It’s not only the empty space they leave which makes up the legacy of their life, but their entire life.

Whenever I feel like I’m falling into despair, I refocus my perspective. I remember that the time we have with people and the experiences we love are less important than the remaining impact they left on our hearts. I’d rather remember the gift than the anger. I’d rather hold onto their love than the loss.

And I think it’s important to focus on their purpose of being here instead of why they left. We will never know why something we love has to end. Trying to find the answer to that question can only pull us down a road toward more struggle and suffering. Instead, I choose to find answers to why they were here in the first place.

It’s not easy to deal with the sound of silence after something we loved was taken away. But I know that if we can continue to remember the love, hope is right around the corner…

 

CategoryDaily Inspirations | CommentNo Comments »

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January 4th, 2011

2011 Miracles

{photo credit}

I know you can’t just bibbidi bobbidi boo and make all your worries go away when the clock strikes 12. In fact, I just wrote a post for Psych Central that blows that possibility in the water.

But something’s changing in me. And I can’t quite get my finger on it.

Have you ever stood on solid ground only to discover that the large mass around you was actually thin ice?

And when you slipped and fell, did you grasp on tightly out of fear of losing control and letting go? And in the process of focusing on what you had instead of what you have now, suddenly lost yourself in the process and whatever it was you were trying to hold onto?

Yeah it was one of those kind of years.

The type that can either make your life better than ever or break you. Break you so you want to run back to whatever safety net you were once in.

But remake you so that you never see your life the same way again and that’s a good thing.

Usually if you experience that type of life changing experience, you’ll go through both. With some breaking first so that there’s ample space for changing. You hurt and become vulnerable so that little lights of possibility can shine through.

Find Yourself in Silence

To nurture yourself and minimize the fall, sacrifice time for peace. Surround yourself where the ringing of a phone or the high pitch sound of a distant TV never reaches your senses.

For me, it was rocking back and forth out at sea where I finally grieved the loss of my grandfather.

Beneath me was 30 feet of deep water and around me was silence interrupted periodically by waves.

When I sat still and let the experience touch me instead of escape me, I let go and let in the loss.

When I was silent, a turtle swam up from the great depths beneath me, took a breath of air and then dove back down.

It was a symbol for me, of hope, miracle and the importance of breath.

We all need to come up for air every once in awhile.

Be Cognizant of Where You Spend Your Energy

My thyroid hasn’t been functioning properly. This makes it difficult for me to workout too much or work too hard.

After I suffered for awhile, I realized the blessing it was trying to give me.

If we’re open to our illnesses, our suffering, the things that shakes us to our very core, there may be a message waiting there.

For me, the message was clear.

Arguing about unnecessary things, worrying about unnecessary things, working too hard, working out too much, automatically triggered my heart. It raced and pounded louder than it was ever audible before. Now I could clearly see what was taking up too much energy in my life and what I needed to do to live a less stressful and more peaceful one.

I know it’s difficult to see.

When there are tears pouring down your face, when you feel like breathing is an effort, when it takes all you have to keep going…

But there is a message.

And I hope you’ll find it. Remember the turtle and find your own message and miracle and share them with me here.

CategoryDealing with Fear, Inspired Life | Comment4 Comments »

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