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Tag: guilt in motherhood

Being Authentic

Can You Tell Me This?

June 3, 2019

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Hi there

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I'm Brandi. I'm a fifth generation Japanese American writer mom raising her two sons on the island of Oahu. I'm a copywriter and freelance writer. I write self-help, spirituality and now children's fiction.

Fresh inspiration from Hawaii

theinspiringbee

The reason why some of us take longer than others

The reason why some of us take longer than others to write our stories is that we have to fight everything we’ve been taught by our families, our culture and society. We live in a world that is brutal to those who present as different and we must learn ways to generate a sense of safety in order to have the freedom to create and express the truths that others would rather we keep to ourselves.

For art to come out, we need to believe what we have to say is important.

We need to know that someone wants to hear it.

And we must believe we are good enough to put those words on a page.

{photo of my sons in the water.}

The things that I’ve worked on cannot be seen.

The things that I’ve worked on cannot be seen.

It cannot be liked or witnessed with the physical eye.

It cannot be ironed out, given a thumbs up 👍 or liked.

It does not earn rewards or raises or certifications.

It’s almost inconceivable except that over time, the changes worked on have a ripple effect on everything we do and believe about ourselves.

The changes are not quantifiable like numbers on a scale but the work is harder than anything we do on the outside.

The work is life and the way we use every experience and interchange to grow and heal.

The work is to mend old wounds with compassion and persistence, confront what we call negative emotions and continue to walk the line between trust and vulnerability.

Hard times bring us to our knees and from that place of surrender we are offered the gift of truth, clarity and purpose.

At the point where you think your life is ending is actually where it begins.❤️

{Photo of my son running on the sand in Maui.}

Years ago I was contacted by Marty Avary to be a p

Years ago I was contacted by Marty Avary to be a part of her beautiful coloring book and just went through it again.

I am still so honored that my words are among the wise quotes by Sharon Salzburg, Maya Angelou, Thich Nhat Hanh and others.

Their words and mine that I wrote so long ago that I barely remember writing it, are imperative reminders that healing, loving and forgiving never go out of style and are needed in every stage and every phase of our lives.

#healingbook #untangleyourmind #adultcoloringbooks #wisequotes #bookswithquotes #forgiveness #wordsaboutforgiveness #spiritualwriter #hawaiispiritualwriter #oahuwriter #gosei #japaneseamericanwriter #healingwords #quotablebookquotes

Every challenging path I’ve ever been on has alw

Every challenging path I’ve ever been on has always been met with support in the form of women mentors.

@jaquiduvall was my first life coach who has been supporting me for a decade. She not only helped me to leave my 9-5 to pursue my dream of becoming a ✍️, but working with her also changed my perception of what “work,” could look like for me. She has helped me every area of my life and knowing her has been life changing.

@echen408 was my mentor who has also been a friend and support for over a decade. I worked with her in political science, but the knowledge I gained from her and still take with me today is how to be confident, courageous, honest, kind and trustworthy because she embodies all this as well as being a successful woman and mother.

@andreawhywang was a new mentor that helped me transition from nonfiction to fiction #childrensbookwriter . But like others she’s also taught me the gift of hard work, kindness, creativity, perseverance, confidence, standing up for what you believe in and to keep shooting for excellence.

There have been other women who have inspired me to become who I was meant to be. I am so grateful and thankful to all of you for shaping my life, sharing your words of wisdom and being a support system to me.

It’s one of the reasons why I am passionate about coaching other women - to give back what’s been given to me.

#womenmentors #grateful #gratefulforwomenwhoinspireus #inspiringpeople #mauihawaii #oahucoach #oahuwriter #whyilovecoaching #whoinspiresme #thankful #writersneedsupport #becomingawriter #becominganauthor #labryinth #counselingpsychologymaster

{photo of my sons walking through a labyrinth in Maui}

Life is wilder than any movie. A million versions

Life is wilder than any movie. A million versions of your life hover in the ethers, but only a few are visible to us. Time and openness makes space for the other doors to open, which is why feel stuck - like we’re living the same day over and over again. To break that funk of samedom we need to shift our perspective. Do something to remind ourselves that life is more than the tennis match, the work call and that loud neighbor. It’s all of that and way more.

Traveling opens the door for me. But it can be listening to music, reading a book from a different genre, going to a bookstore, meeting someone new, spending time in nature sharing ideas with a writing partner or coach and confronting a fear.

Anything that takes down the facade of this concrete life and opens us to the truth that lies hidden beneath.

Some of us only get a glimpse temporarily but awareness that a more meaningful life exists is life changing.

#whyilovecoaching #infj #infjlife #meaningfullife #maui #takemebacktomaui🌴🌊🌺 #gettingunstuck #gettingunstuckinlife #photosofocean #naturepics #hawaiiwriter #essaywriter #lifeshift #changeinperspective

{photo of Dragon’s teeth in Maui}

The fear of risking everything to fulfill a soul’s purpose can feel like a betrayal to every grown up that told us it was not possible. We buffer it with adult beliefs that it’s only the privileged that can follow dreams or that it’s more important to be practical. But what do we have really, if not our dreams?

All of us are at in every moment vulnerable to hurt, pain, illness, and rejection.

We’re privileged to believe we have 100 years to follow our hearts.

We have this moment.

We can cushion ourselves with these beliefs to keep psychologically safe when real safety resides in listening to our hearts.

It’s when we betray ourselves, not other people, that we put ourselves in danger.

This week I share some of these beliefs about money and purpose that are so insidious because there are legitimate reasons to support them. Because society supports them and because many of us were raised to believe that there is one ☝️ right way to live our lives.

I hope you will check it out on theinspiringbee.com

{photo of a forest of trees on the island of Oahu.}

Is there a way to use what we’re going through i

Is there a way to use what we’re going through instead of spiraling into it?

Although you might still be in the thick of it, that doesn’t mean you can’t turn the greatest challenges you’re facing into hope.

I share a few ways that can move you through heartache, stuckness and pain in today’s post on theinspiringbee.com

When we are young and healthy, life is full to the

When we are young and healthy, life is full to the brim with endless possibilities. The line between real and fantasy is blurred. Magic is part of the everyday.

To become who we are meant to be, we need to reembody our childhood selves. We need to see through the lens of anything is possible, live with magic in the everyday and play.

We must do this even when our bodies feel like heavy coats of armor, our daily tasks way us down and the burden of loss sits like a weight reminding us that time is all we have.

Age makes us believe it’s safer to follow rules and science, and hard evidence. But our soul remembers that any problem can be solved with faith, creativity, compassion, hope, ❤️ and the knowledge of the preciousness of this human life.

Together who we were as children and who we are now as adults have the wisdom to heal the world 🌎 in becoming who we were always meant to be.

[Photo of kids playing at Kalama Beach.]

Feeling like you keep running into a wall and feel

Feeling like you keep running into a wall and feel stuck? Instead of getting caught in a shame spiral 🌀 or a loop of negativity and failure, here’s a quick calming shift in perspective. A tropical island break from your normal routine.

1. Use this experience as an opportunity to be kind to yourself. Instead of beating yourself up, practice self compassion. Remind yourself that no one is perfect, you’re doing the best you can and this situation, while challenging, is helping you to grow into the person you are meant to be. Above all else, ❤️ yourself.

2. Reflect on why you can’t seem to succeed in this one area. Is this a test to see how much you want to achieve this goal or were you doing it for someone else? Sometimes we unknowingly sabotage our efforts because it’s not something that makes our ❤️ sing.

3. Stop comparing yourself. Someone you know might have achieved success earlier or sooner, but that is likely an illusion. We see what people want to show us. Not all the embarrassing failures, missteps, and closed doors.

Maybe you’re heading in the wrong direction and life is tapping on your shoulder to go another way.

Maybe you’re in the right direction but you need to take a break.

Spend time 🧘‍♀️ journaling and pausing to reflect on what beauty lies beneath these raw emotions.

Many people react to life and try to bury these feelings because failure triggers past feelings of unworthiness. But if we give it a minute, we can discover unexplored gems about who we are and who we are supposed to be.

Try it and tell me what you discover.

The New Year often drums up a desire for change. I

The New Year often drums up a desire for change. It highlights what hasn’t been working and it inspires us to create a life we’ve been dreaming of.

The problem is that by spring we’ve lost much of our motivation when times get hard.

Then another year passes and we’re right back where we started from. In the same place. In the same job. In the same relationships.

Sometimes we fail because the things we were seeking weren’t worth pursuing.

The truth is we didn’t really want it anyway.

To gain clarity over your goals this year, today’s post on theinspiringbee.com or linkinbio shares a few reasons why we don’t reach our resolutions and it invites reflection on what we can do differently this year.❤️🎆🎉

{photo of my son staring out on the balcony of a Waikiki hotel on New Year’s.}

2022 Recap: I did not do any bucket list things.

2022 Recap:

I did not do any bucket list things.

I drank peppermint tea and devoured nonpareils while dreaming of writing.

I attempted a complete overhaul revision of my middle grade.

I took more than a dozen courses some which I still haven’t finished.

I went on a trip to Kauai.

I indulged in sweets and fear.

I stewed boy did I stew.

I cried. Got boiling mad. And I laughed. Did I laugh!

I went under anesthesia to take a test to resolve an issue. I suffered again for another three months. I’m still struggling.

But I’m living and struggling and isn’t that what we’re all doing in life?

I faced a gargantuan amount of fears - the type of challenges you conquer that are not brag-worthy except to the little
kid part that can’t believe you got through it.

But most of all I was drenched, immersed I should say in gratitude for getting through it all, for remembering that even
with the heartbreak, grief, and constant health challenges, I am loved beyond measure, that there is a reason for every season and
that most of the time it’s just the fear that makes you think you’re sinking, but in reality, you’re just a human being vulnerable as
heck, but with more cushions than you know.

Thank you for that, the good friends who stick around, family who remind you of all your good and bad and mostly love you anyway, and our new home, however, temporary, that’s giving us the chance to live a dream life again.

It’s been good knowing you 2022! Welcome 2023!
--

{photo is a collage of pictures I took years ago from different perspectives.}

Instagram post 17923743140528139

Instagram post 17923743140528139

So excited to share my new guest blog post on @hel

So excited to share my new guest blog post on @hellobeesties It’s a how to get unstuck article with real life learning lessons from me down my path of becoming a “real” writer and all the internal struggles that followed me.

I hope this will help you if you’re feeling stuck to uncover what’s keeping you from moving forward. It also gives you practical tips on becoming a more intentional and self aware writer ✍️.

It’s also a great quick read if you need a break from the holiday madness

https://www.wildebeestpublishing.com/blog/the-psychology-behind-writing-guest-article

This year I had a huge impossible dream come true.

This year I had a huge impossible dream come true. For three years I’ve wanted to live here. In 2022 I vowed to make it happen. I tried anything and everything:

I visualized and meditated. I prayed. I manifested it in a journal. I applied, put in offers. I gave up. I surrendered. I accepted where I was is where I should be. I was grateful for the home I already had.

And when an opportunity came up that felt right in my bones, I sacrificed everything - even moving during the holidays to do it.

And just under the wire, a month before the end of 2022 my dream to live in Kailua, a quiet dream that only grew louder, finally came true.

Of all the things I tried, not giving up was how I believe I finally got here.♥️

What impossible dreams did you tackle and accomplish this year?

Some people don’t let age and circumstance chang

Some people don’t let age and circumstance change them.

That’s not me.

Here are the things I don’t do anymore:

1. Drink alcohol.
2. Wear perfume.
3. Travel yearly.
4. Eat out extensively.
5. Finish my whole plate of food.
6. Apply for any jobs or opportunities that don’t align with my values.
7. Take my health for granted.
8. Live without awareness that my actions have repercussions on the world.
9. Fight for things that don’t matter.
10. Go out for the sake of going out.
11. Stay silent when I have something to say.
12. Back down for the things that do matter.
13. Care more about appearance than my beliefs.
14. Care more about saying the “right” thing than speaking from the heart.
15. Worry about pleasing others and instead focus more about being true to myself.
16. Invite people, food, and situations that don’t serve me and my future self.
17. Question if someone likes me and instead ask if I like them.
18. Try to be perfect.
19. Focus on the numbers on the scale.
20. Take this one precious life and everyone in it for granted. {Most of the time😅}

{photo: sons climbing a tree.}

Hi Brandi-Ann, I just read your article "What Em

Hi Brandi-Ann,

I just read your article "What Emerged in an Old Letter" in Taproot and I just wanted to write and tell you how beautiful I found it. I was moved to tears and it made me think about my own grandparents, who died over twenty years ago, and how I wished I had kept a card or letter from them.

Your piece really stood out to me, so I just wanted to reach out and let you know. Gorgeous writing.

Warmly,
Kristen
--
Kristen Roderick

Thank you @thespiritthatmovesme for the kindest and most generous email regarding my essay for @taprootmag

I often feel like I'm writing in a void so getting feedback like this is what keeps me going.❤️

It’s that time of year again. How did we get to

It’s that time of year again. How did we get to the end of 2022 so fast?

While one season ends and another begins, I created a holiday 📚 list of the books that were meaningful, that left an impression and that helped motivate me to live a more honest, compassionate and deeper inner life.

Have you ever read a book that you couldn’t put down even when you’re tired of mommying all day and you know you have to wake up and do it all again tomorrow?

Have you ever read a book so gorgeous that you had to pause and reread that line or stare at the picture again?

Have you ever read a book so good you wanted to tell everyone about it so they could feel good after reading it too?

Like a beautiful sunset you took a picture of so you can relive it.

That good.

That’s what I read this year and that’s what’s on my Christmas book list. I hope you’ll check it out on my blog theinspiringbee.com

What was your favorite book you read this year?

{photo of sunset taken at Malaekahana.}

As you read in a previous post, I had some egregio

As you read in a previous post, I had some egregious teachers and spent most of my adulthood making up for education lost from the schools that I went to.

But if it weren’t for these two teachers 👩‍🏫 my middle schools years would have been a lot worse.

Mrs. Simon always encouraged me to write and Mr. Tam was hilarious, kind and generous with his time. He took us to carnivals and plays on the weekends.

While a bad teacher can motivate you to prove them wrong, good ones stay with you forever.❤️

For all my teacher friends, thank you for all that you do in a job that feels endless and thankless at times.🥰

And for any of you who had a good teacher, shout them out in the comments below.

I just discovered this shop in Chinatown and fell

I just discovered this shop in Chinatown and fell in love 🥰 with it. Everything unique and special and showcased for its difference.

It inspired me to write and also to think about the ways we sabotage ourselves with one way thinking-that if only we were able to embrace our individuality and strived less to be rich and instead have a wealthy ♥️ and soul.

Greed is what’s keeping me up at night and if you’re a #highlysensitiveperson like me, you feel it too.

The way our society is going isn’t sustainable for future generations.

If you get what I’m saying, you will relate with my post this week.

You can find it at theinspiringbee.com or the link in my bio.

It’s a bit left field from my normal post but I felt called to write it. Let me know what you think.❤️

Reading picture books and wordless picture books l

Reading picture books and wordless picture books like, “Float,” by Daniel Miyares is so special and one of the rare times when my kids are calm and quiet. I’m so honored and happy that I get to write them and that I captured this moment with my son when he was a toddler.

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