Posts tagged ‘How to be successful’

August 31st, 2011

Part II: Living Joyfully with Bonnie St. John

via @Ethan King from Pinterest. Original photo from thedesigninspiration.com.

This was one of my first interviews. And still a favorite. If you’re feeling down about a recent failure or you don’t know how to go from where you are to where you want to be, then you’ll definitely want to read this…

I love what you say in Following Dreams about the difference with a gold medal winner is her ability to get up faster.  How do we apply this to our own lives?

Sometimes when things go wrong people can focus on the mistake and beat themselves up mentally.  Being able to forget about what went wrong and purely focus on how to make things better is an important skill that gets you much further.  Particularly in this economy, it seems that everyone is “falling down” or being impacted by the crisis in different ways.  Those who can put their energy into bouncing back instead of bemoaning what happened will be better off sooner!

Deciding to follow your dreams whether it’s starting a business or finding your dream job takes a lot of work.  What tools do you think dreamers need to be equipped with in order to keep motivated and stay the course?

There was a book that came out a long time ago called, “Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow.”  I tell people “Do what you love…and Follow the Money!”  What I mean by that is make sure that you understand how the market works in the area you love.  When I began speaking, for example, I loved doing workshops with small groups of people and having interesting conversations.  However, a friend advised me to aim for being a keynote speaker.  “You have a small child,” she said. “Keynote speeches pay a higher fee—you can go home to your baby more often!”  Understand who pays, why they pay, and how you can serve their needs as well as enjoy doing what you love.  Learn about how to manage your money and get a good accountant.  You need to learn to manage a business whether you want to open your own practice as a doctor or lawyer, be a musician or painter, or open a business sewing fashions for pets…being smart about the business gives you a lot more freedom to follow your dream.

It seems that when we begin to find our joy and follow our dreams, other people seem to want to pull us out of it.  What remedy do you have to deal with others and how do we prevent them from negatively imposing on our lives?

Always remember that you have a choice.  You can surround yourself with positive people and messages.  Even if there is one negative person you can’t get away from—a parent, spouse, or coworker—you can mitigate the impact by having more positive people to talk to, bounce your ideas off, and get advice.  Don’t try to convert the nay-sayers—that would only drain your energy.  Just shift your focus and energy elsewhere.

What do you think prevents most people from living their joy?

  1. Old habits
  2. Too busy
  3. Don’t know they can.
  4. Feeling smart. A friend told me pessimists are more often right, but optimists are more often successful!

In “Live Your Joy” you talk about a character called Mr. Smelly. Who is Mr. Smelly and how can he prevent us from living the life we were meant to live?

“Mr. Smelly” is the rude, flatulent, dirty houseguest I described in “Live Your Joy.”  He insults me, discourages me, and annoys me—yet I make him lunch and invite him to stay overnight!  Sound absurd? Yet, I allow in my head similar “guests.” I have thoughts in my head that are discouraging, rude, and insulting and I let them stay!  I don’t think I am the only one who feeds the negative thoughts and makes them comfortable!

Yet those negative thoughts bring us down, prevent us from believing in ourselves and living a truly authentic life.  It is important to battle the Mr. Smelly in our brains…and not let him get too comfortable!

Speaking of your new book “Live Your Joy,” tell us a bit about it and what inspired you to write it?

People were always asking me how I stayed so positive despite hard times—numerous surgeries to amputate my leg, abuse for years as a child, divorce, being a single mom, and more.  “Why aren’t you bitter?” people kept asking.  “Live Your Joy” tells people about how I work at finding joy, being joy, and creating joy no matter how difficult things are.  In “Live Your Joy” you learn the essential skills of joyful living and success through fun-to-read, modern-day “fables.”  There is a lot to take away and use, even though it is easy to read!

You can find out more about Bonnie and her new book, “Live Your Joy” on her website.  Thanks Bonnie for being an inspiration to all of us!

May 13th, 2011

You Want Love, Happiness, Success?

Be prepared for the hard work.

Do you remember when you were 7 and played pretend? You imagined you were a model, teacher, scientist or in my case all of the above plus being a cashier?

Wasn’t it fun to sit back and dream up anything you ever wanted and truly believe tomorrow it could all unravel in your lap like it was your birthday?

That was then. This is now.

Although theories taught by “The Secret” and the Law of Attraction may teach you otherwise, the truth is you must always be ready to sacrifice something for the good stuff.

The Sweet Treats You Want in Life

you want to write a book ~

you want to be a successful entrepreneur ~

you want to find true love in your life ~

Think about the things you want in so bad that it almost hurts to dream about it. There it is. Right in front of you.

Are you ready to give up something to get it? read more »

April 14th, 2011

How to Invite More Possibility and Synchronicity in Your Life

{flickr photo by: steve9567}

Spring is Here and So is Hope

Things feel like they are finally falling into place.

The storm has settled and every fallen leaf and flower have been stored, tucked neatly away.

In my life, I’ve been seeing synchronicities left and right.

  • I talked about one dream today (to be a coach!) and then got an email a few hours later inviting me to take a free course on it.
  • I wrote a post on how not to screw up a phone interview here and received an email on a Brazen Careerist about how to Ace the Phone Interview.
  • I have been thinking about how much I need to work on my elevator speech and I got a free book to review on elevator speeches.
  • And I recently read about New Mexico as a great place for a writer’s retreat and now I can’t stop hearing about it.

Either people are getting good at reading my mind or something else is happening.

The Close You Get to Following Your Own Inner Voice, the More Successful You Will Be

On Twitter today, I wrote: “I’m learning more and more that every one has their own individual path. The more closer you adhere to yours, the closer you are to success.”

Your voice. That inner wise soul that lives inside of you. That’s your key to success, to finding and following your calling.

When you listen to what’s in your heart, (the quiet thought that says to not take that job or to start painting) and you begin to really listen to it, things will to start connecting and falling in place.

It’s as if once you make a choice to _______ (follow your dreams, end a relationship, start a new on, become self-employed, etc.), everything in the universe will begin to start lining up toward that goal.

Be in a place of hope, possibility-that your dreams can really be a reality and you will eventually find that they will come true.

Of course, it takes time.

Have Patience Like the Falling Leaf

I’ve been taking an essay course. And in it, the teacher said, “Don’t rush the process.” It’s a good lesson on almost anything we really want in life. Just as you cannot force a leaf or a feather to fall faster, you cannot speed up the process of your journey. You will get there faster if you listen to your voice. But you still need to go through the hard stuff to get there.

Wishing you hope, love, peace and possibility on your journey…

April 12th, 2011

Should You Count Your Lucky Stars or Work Hard to Achieve Success?

{flickr photo by: fearthekumquat}

How Important is Luck in Success

Social media expert and writer friend Danielle McGaw posted a seemingly benign, but surprisingly provocative topic in her post Don’t Call Me Lucky. Is luck a factor in success? She didn’t think so and nor did many of her commenters.

I had to scratch my head and ponder awhile on this one.

While luck has a lot of negative connotations to it (as in your hard work is due to chance), there is also something beautiful and inspiring about it too.

Sure, hard work has a BIG place in someone’s success. It is usually mandatory, in fact. But there has to be other things that come in play, factors unknown to us that wields its ways in our lives.

Young House Love’s Sherry Petersik on Luck

In my interview with famous blogger Sherry Petersik of YoungHouseLove, a blog that reaches thousands of visitors daily with about 17,000 fans and appearances in numerous magazines not to mention the Nate Berkus Show, she claimed luck as one of the factors in their success.

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”We have definitely had a series of lucky breaks to end up where we are today in the blog world, and for that we’re eternally thankful. We never solicited these mentions, people found us and liked what they saw- which is truly amazing and we still pinch ourselves when we think about it!”

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Okay, maybe they are just being modest.

But there is something beautiful to me at least, about being grateful to the mystifying abyss of the unknown. The part of life whether we call it God, divine, spirit, etc. that may play a part in luck. And the belief that we are 100% responsible for all the good things in our lives doesn’t feel right to me.

The problem with the word “luck” is that it can apply to very different things from having a “lucky dog” to being “lucky at the slot machines.” I really don’t think most people would argue that some luck is involved in Vegas.


But in every situation, can there be a little luck involved?

These are just musings. I wanted more evidence to uncover the truth about luck. So I did some research.

Here is some pearls of wisdom I gleaned from meta-analysis report, “Luck’s Role in Business Success: Why It’s Too Important to Leave to Chance.”

Luck is neither a simple nor singular concept. There are definitional and conditional issues involved in defining and explaining luck.” – John Hafer, Ph.D & George G. Gresham, Ph.D.

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The report looks a variety of past studies and has this to say about luck:

1. The more control you have, the less likely it’s luck. Although lack of control does not automatically equal luck (say in the case of winning the lottery), it “may be a determinant of the degree of luck involved.”

2. Nothing is completely in our control. That would mean that every situation and action involves a bit of luck on some level.

3. We remember success as attributed to hard work and failure to bad luck. Doing so, helps us maintain our self-esteem. It is also based on the belief that luck is something saved for a few and “other people run out of.”

4. Luck is dependent on whether we have an internal or external locus of control. People with internal locus of control believe that they are in control and responsible for their own success and behaviors and consequently are less likely than those with external local of control to equate success with luck. {People with an external locus of control believe external situations and circumstances control their situation.}

5. Luck & Success. There is some luck involved in success. In a 2004 report on strategic management, they found that while effort is important in professional excellence, “luck may indeed play a role in success break.”

Guess in the end, we were all right. Life’s a little bit about luck and a lot about hard work. It’s just how you look at it.

Basically, researchers have no real way of measuring luck. But whenever events are out of control, they are labeled as luck. The best thing to do is to try your hardest with what you have to work with. And to note that there is a big world out there and no matter how hard we work at something, we are never 100% immune to the hands of luck.

Life is 90% hard and 10% faith. Do your best with what’s in your control and then surrender to what is.

How much of success do you think involves luck? Chime in below.

January 14th, 2011

A Lesson from Simon Cowell

Finding Your Own Destiny on OWN

I was watching a preview from Oprah’s newest endeavor: OWN network. In it, a chosen few were part of a Masters course discussing their life story and using it to help inspire others. {photo from Oprah.com}

Oh how I am drooling to get my hands on the station. One that my husband smiled and said to me, “If you had it, you could watch it all day, couldn’t you?”

Yes. I could and I would.

But I digress, the quote that gave me chills up and down my spine and made me rewind and replay twice, was none other than Mr. Simon Cowell.

How does a wise-cracking former American Idol judge have to say that was SO inspiring?


“Every single negative can be changed into a positive.”

-Simon Cowell

It’s simple, yet true. {photo by IMDb}

The car that died? The illness you got? The disappointing promotion you did not get. None of them can get by without the opportunity to change your life unless you let it.

My kids parents sometimes say the darnedest things. My mom said, for example, that some people don’t change because they haven’t gone through anything BIG in their life.

I say that it doesn’t matter about the experiences. Yes, it’s true that getting married, having a child or going through a tragedy changes us. But sometimes, it is the way we react or don’t act on our life’s experiences that shape who we are.

If for a moment, we can believe that everything coming at us now can be transformed into something positive, through our own control, how much would that change who we are?

  • Maybe that is why they are there.
  • Maybe we’re in need of transformation.
  • Maybe it is the key that will unlock our fears/worries.
  • Maybe it is a hint to our true purpose.

{photo by Michael D. Dunn}

Isn’t that an exciting thought?

It makes every unknown an exciting prospect, even the scary ones.

December 9th, 2010

Facing Your Fears Head On

This summer I added something else surprising on my, “I’ll never do this list.” Never say never!

On top of being a private investigator, I also agreed to open myself up to verbal attack from comedians Penn & Teller. Have you watched their show? They are brutal to their guests.

And as someone who is still getting over being teased as kid, I was not looking forward to reliving that experience.

Yet, fear does something crazy to me. It eggs me on. And somewhere between scared out of my mind and fearless, I end up doing something scary just to see if I can. (Believe me when I saw that I’m not an adrenaline junkie or someone who lives on the edge.)

But every time I take that chance, the gift I get is greater than the fear I experienced.

And that’s the reason why I decided to join a friend on Penn & Teller about Affirmations.


The Unrealness of Reality TV

One thing I learned from the process is that reality TV is not very real at all.

I hate to spoil it for you. But lot of what you’ll see (if you check out the video below) was staged. While the teacher, Jaqui Duvall, is a real teacher who teaches Affirmations, she is also a life coach and a friend. She asked me to be a “student” in a staged class and I happily obliged. Besides giving me a behind the scenes look to what it takes to transform ordinary life into Hollywood, it taught me a great lesson on facing my fears.

Facing My Fear

Everyone came to the taping this summer for very different reasons. I came because I wanted to face my fears. And though I may never be an actress or television show, it taught me a great lesson: No matter how scared out of my mind I felt, or how awkward or nervous I was, I still survived.

  • Just like I did in my high school play.
  • Or when I gave my first presentation as a executive for United Way.
  • Or when I decided to take that job as a private investigator.
  • Or worked as a junior high school counselor.

Every one of those opportunities made my heart pound, my throat dry and my stomach ache. Maybe it’s not so good for the body long-term, but in the short-term facing our fears does something magical. It stretches our comfort zone, gives us fuel for the next big fire and it reminds us about how much more we can do than we think we can.

In the end, I do it not just because it may be good for my career, but because it’s worth it for my growth as a soul.

As children, we’re always taking risks. We go from rolling around to crawling and then crawling to walking. It’s a pretty scary feat for a little kid. Yet, to grow, we need to take risks otherwise we’d spend our whole lives rolling around on the ground instead of walking.

It’s the same for us as adults. We’ve lost our vulnerabilities, our physical and mental limitations that we had as children, but as adults we are more afraid about life than ever.

Maybe this is one situation where we need to relearn what we’ve forgotten as kids.

The next time you have the opportunity, remember how fearless you were as a child, and use that to tackle something that’s scaring you. If you can do that, you’ll be more courageous when another scary magical thing comes along.

In the meantime, you can check out my Penn & Teller 5 minutes of fame video below. {I’m about 9 minutes and 37 seconds in.}