Tweet I have a net that seeks to capture every jumping fish in the ocean, every balloon in the sky of my mind. “Just in case,” it thinks. “I might need it for a rainy day.” The things I need to pack, the conversation I need […]
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why it’s good to be a fighter…
I was born a fighter. I think I must have came out of the womb with gloves on. Well except that I was delivered via C-section so maybe I wasn’t quite ready.
I carried this mindset my entire life. It dictated my academics and shot me up from a C-average student to a straight-A’s one.
What that’s led to is a lot of great opportunities and surprising successes. And just as surprising failures.
What I’ve learned in looking back is that it’s not always the fight that wins the battle, but the letting go, surrendering and accepting what is. It’s a great thing to be a fighter. You need someone in your corner to fight for your dreams, to stand up for what’s right, to make a difference. But you need a listener to propel you into the life you were meant to live.
leaning into what is…
When you have an innately fighting personality, you believe with 100% certainty that you can control everything. Your body may be tired. Your soul may be fatigued. But your mind says, “Keep going!” And you listen. What happens over time is that you stop communicating with your intuitive voice. You live on adrenaline to keep going. Eventually, you run on empty and get sick.
It’s the same thing with living your life. I think being a straight A-student gave me the false impression that if I only work really hard, I could get everything I wanted right away. I forgot about ambiguity, faith, the unknown. I forgot about trust.
When you fill up every single space of “what if,” you leave little room for things like magic, mystery, serendipity.
It’s not wrong to go for what you believe in. But you won’t get to your dreams by going on your own. Don’t let your mind drive you all the time. Sharpen your intuition by trusting your instincts and allow your soul to guide you.
The struggle isn’t always the fight. Sometimes it’s about settling in softly into the present moment of the unknown and having the courage to walk patiently without answers, without solutions to your current problem and just be.
There’s a deep inherent desire in all of us to believe that every aspect of our lives should come with a perfect, happy ending. Maybe it’s been drilled in us from watching too many romantic movies and reading too many fairy tale happy endings. Although it gives me a twinkling satisfied feeling when I leave the theater, I know it does nothing for my sense of true happiness in the real world.
That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in magic and miracles and possibility.
But I believe that when we give up hope for perfection, we get something better than we expected.
I’ve wasted too much time holding onto relationships that weren’t good for me, projects that didn’t fit and opportunities that were more of a hassle than beneficial. Although I can’t get that time back, I can back my future my changing my present.
In the end, we all need to let go of control and let in faith.
Maybe your career isn’t perfect. Your home would never be on the Nate Berkus show’s “House Proud” segment. Your family is more Osbournes than the Brady Bunch. And your relationship? Not the fairy tale ending you dreamed it would be.
But when we base our lives on an imaginary, unrealistic picture, we not only sell ourselves short. We sell our lives short.
It’s almost Christmas and New Year’s is right around the corner. It’s a great time to start recognizing the real gifts and magic out there now. Instead of trying to force an unrealistic vision, why not celebrate the freedom of life itself?
I realized that whenever I’m caught up in the end result, I’m missing the big picture and all the possibilities that come with that.
The best gift I can give myself is learning to be grateful for this moment and this moment only. In order to so, I must let go of the vision I have that a life lived perfectly is a life well-lived. This means that I must let go of the perfect day and even a perfect moment. This means that I must give up on having everything I want to accepting a life lived the best way I can. It’s an exchange that may feel like a sacrifice. But in the end, I know it’s one gift I won’t want to give back.
What will you let go of in 2011?