Posts tagged ‘new beginnings’

February 13th, 2012

Did I Make the Right Decision?

I used to admire friends who could end a relationship when everything was still hunky dory because they knew it wasn’t the right one for them. It was a strong indication of their ability to follow their instincts and trust their own intuition.

I have always been a doubter trying to practice a little more faith. But recently all that leaning I was doing on the side of stability and security made me feel stuck. It also made me feel like a coward.

How could I possibly keep blogging here about courage, if I was living life with my tail between my legs?

So after 6 months of hemming and hawing and feeling stuck, I decided to do something CrAzY!

I decided to follow my dreams, listen to my intuition and abandon that little voice inside my head that said, “Who do you think you are?!” And I did it anyway.

After two years of loving my job at Psych Central (I was even recently mentioned in this article about my work for the company), I decided it was time to say goodbye. And I did it the careless way, the way people say you should never do it. I quit without a backup (with just a few gigs-a.k.a. my column with The Writer magazine and my biweekly blogs for Psych Central).

I decided I wanted to return to writing and not just editing. I wanted to stop being afraid and take a big risk. And so I did.

Making the Right Decision is Scary

Although I think I made the right decision, the process was still scary. I had no excuses, no upcoming jobs and a lot of self-doubt. I realized then that I DEFINITELY made the right decision. Why?

I was catching up on old Oprah’s Lifeclass reruns when I heard Iyanla Vanzant talk about self-growth. She said humorously and truthfully:

“If you’re not living your life at such a certain level, you have some fear, you’re living too small. If you don’t have some trembling then you’re living too small…If pee is not running down your leg, you are living too small because that means you’re in control and you’re too comfortable and you can handle it. When you are comfortable, you are not growing.”

Then guess what happened?

I saw a job ad for a writer/editor position. But not just any position. It was for a company that I had been dreaming about writing for since I began full-time freelancing, about 5 years ago. I subscribed to all of their email newsletters and tweet their posts. I have been waiting for an opening for a very long time. And there it was. I was afraid and applied anyway.

I received a call two days later. I found out that the position was in-house and since moving to Virginia wasn’t on our agenda, I was pretty disappointed. But decided to ask if maybe there were other opportunities available in which I could write telecommute instead.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yep. They had an opening for a blogger position on their health website. And they had been looking for awhile. I couldn’t believe my luck. Or faith? Or intuition?

So I have my own column there and you’ll be able to read about emotional health and wellness 4 days a week on my new blog Happy Haven! I’ll still be posting here, my writing site and my column for The Writer too. Hope to connect with you on one of the them soon!

January 3rd, 2012

New Year’s Day Every Day

Once in awhile someone will cross your path by chance and you know it’s for a purpose. I felt that way about this lady, and I feel the same way about my guest blogger Cindy Scheopner. Her story below brings me hope about the possibility of changing our lives. Not just on New Year’s Day, but every day. It’s such an inspiring post.

by: guest blogger

I cannot ask for a New Year better than the one that ended. Each year has mostly been better than the past. I am pursuing a PhD in philosophy in Hawaii, a late in life, third career that is going well. My life partner is supportive and kind. He sails while I philosophize. Our children and grandchildren are healthy.

That does not mean everything is perfect. I manage, somehow, to stress myself while living in Hawaii. I am behind on several projects. My kids call with complaints about what I have or have not done. I’m overdue for a haircut and still carrying around more weight than I would like. I haven’t yet found the Tai Chi group I’d like to join.

These concerns pale in contrast with the past. Once, I struggled to balance a very demanding professional life with an increasingly dysfunctional private one. The man who captured my heart insisted on stomping my spirit – an exercise that destroyed us both. Making me feel bad didn’t make him feel better but he couldn’t stop and I couldn’t stop caring. For many years, I thought I could become perfect enough to make him happy. Even after I no longer believed that, I wasn’t sure how to release myself and my children from his death grip.

I cannot say the process was easy or fast. But each day I take a certain number of steps. The days that I take more steps forward than backward leave a foundation for the next that is higher than the last. Some steps were through blurry tears. Some were through sheer terror. But they led me to a place of respite where I could forgive myself and look ahead.

Eventually, I craved adult companionship but could not imagine who would want to share my messy life. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be a fellow refugee. We joined hands and continued to make daily steps-still sideways sometimes, often in circles but always beside one another.

Often my partner says “I can’t believe we can live like this!” He means living in Hawaii, but he also means living in peace with one another. I don’t know how we managed to find one another, but we each realized how lucky we are and hang on tight. The advantage of a miserable past is appreciating a less-than-perfect present.

As I walk along the beach, I watch each new wave erase footprints from the sand. It is an ancient, eternal process that restores the sand perpetually. I seek not perfection in my future nor to erase the imperfections of the past – only the new beginning promised by each wave.

About Cindy Scheopner: Cindy lives in Hawaii with her partner, Rick. She is writing a dissertation to complete her philosophy PhD while Rick sails. Between them, they have six daughters, four step-children and three grandchildren. In past lives, Cindy was an attorney (briefly) and a journalist (lengthily). She has no idea what she’ll do with a philosophy degree, but it’s a whole lot of fun. She Tweets as @Scheopner and posts random pictures and thoughts at: http://scheopner.posterous.com/