Posts tagged ‘Should I quit my job?’

February 12th, 2013

The Bad News Is You’re Discouraged. The Good News is You’re Discouraged!

{Etsy print by rachelmarvincreative}

{Etsy print by rachelmarvincreative}

When I started blogging, I was in my late twenties. Things were different then. I was energetic and enviously ambitious, even naively so. But time changes things. Your priorities shift. Where relationship and career were my own two motivations in life, now a growing family, my health and owning a home seem to take center stage. You too might be surprised by what life unfolds.

Maybe on your path towards your dreams you hit a roadblock, an obstacle so great that you don’t expect to survive it. The weight of time, financial pressures, familial obligation are squeezing you so thin, you feel like the only road worth walking these days is the one toward practicality. Your dreams will have to wait.

Maybe that’s your life right now. And that’s okay. I think the biggest concern is not that you’ve stepped off the plate for awhile, but that you never return.

Discouragement can be the murderer of your dreams or it can be its greatest advocate. It’s normal to hit roadblocks, to want to quit, to believe it’s time to give up. But if your dreams begin to haunt you after awhile, don’t ignore them. Find a way to re-introduce them in your life. They may look like a different being. They may come in a different form. But listen to them and they will guide you back on purpose.

Moving to Hawaii changed a lot of things for me. The high cost of living and low paying jobs were disconcerting to say the least. I began to feel a palpable wave of discouragement from people whose dreams were long buried and who settled for a half-lived, but safe life. Being around desperation can damper your own sense of motivation. I too longed for the freedom we felt in California. Not only the financial one, but the sense that you could do anything and be rewarded for it.

What I realized is that some people believe it’s easier to embrace “get rich” schemes than follow a dream. A dream seems impractical and fantastical like fairy dust and the Kardashians. Only a handful of people in life are fortunate to get one. Everyone else needs to make a living.

I have to say even after living here and seeing how hard it is, I still believe in dreams. I think discouragement isn’t a sign that you should give up and quit. I think it’s a sign you’re on the right track. It means you need to pump up your enthusiasm, energy and courage to become encouraged. It’s requiring you to think harder, to dig deeper, to be everything you were meant to be. Adults forget that as babies and kids every stepping stone was an inconceivable task. We get lazy and comfortable in our ways. But we were not meant to be kids forever. We are challenged because we were meant to do great things.

If you are reading this and feel like you’re slipping off that dream cliff, hold on. Hold on to dear life for the dream you’ve been dreaming all your life. Even if you can’t articulate what it is exactly (maybe you have a desire to write, paint or create, but not sure how to do this as a career), don’t give up. I started with a BA in English and ended up with a Masters in Counseling Psychology. Not as a therapist, but as a self-help/psychology writer who occasionally writes about writing, pets and the environment. I’m still not done and you’re not either.

Do what you must to take care of yourself and your family. But remember this: Never, ever give up on your dreams. Doing so will do much more damage and disservice to your loved ones and yourself than you think.

September 26th, 2011

Waiting for a Guarantee

via pinterest. {original from bravegirlsclub.com}

“I used to worry, ‘What is the meaning of life? What should I be doing with my life?’ Now I see that maybe you don’t even really know why you’re doing something or what the meaning is. It’s just something you’re doing.”

- Jerry Horovitz, small publishing house Amber Lotus sole proprietor. From Carol Adrienne’s The Purpose of Your Life.

When are we ever sure we’re on the right path? Heck sometimes I’m not even sure if I chose the “right” restaurant for dinner, let alone know whether I’m doing the best when it comes to choosing a career or a place to live.

But is there really any guarantees in life?

The real threat is the impact making a wrong decision has on our ego. How much will you beat yourself up, for example, if you decide not to quit your day job or if you decide to? Being an adult means that any mistakes we make is ours and ours alone. When the buck stops, it stops right in front of you. And how you handle that is probably congruent to how afraid you are and how indecisive you might be.

That quote above by Horovitz is telling of a wise man who’s live to tell the tale. A few sentences later he says:

“Maybe you don’t see the purpose until later…Most of the time our work is probably a reflection of what we are working on inside ourselves.”

I wholeheartedly agree. Of course, a part of me wishes that I didn’t need to work as a research assistant, a PI or a therapist before I finally gave into my childhood dream of being a writer. But in retrospect, I hardly think that the person I was ten years ago was ready or experienced enough to do the jobs I’m currently doing today. All that experience has shaped me as a writer. It’s taught me how to fail miserably, pick up the pieces and keep going. It’s given me research skills and taught me the importance of patience. And of course, life experience = great fodder for a writer.

I write this to you who feel lost right now.

These random nonsensical paths you are making have purpose even if you can’t see the end of the tunnel yet. Sometimes we don’t know why we’re in a dead-end job or feel stuck in a location we hate. But maybe this is a reflection of what’s going inside of you. Maybe instead of berating ourselves for being indecisive or consistently making the wrong decisions, what if we were to completely accept and respect where we are now?

Life is not like math class. There is no right and wrong answer. All we can ever do is to guess and hope we guessed well. And even then when we think we made the best choice possible, well sometimes that’s not enough. That’s okay too.

Feel free to make “mistakes” in this universal class called life. And when you inevitably do, try not to be so hard on yourself. Remember you don’t know the outcome yet. Maybe you are on a different path than you planned, but this one is leading toward healing, teaching you how to accept your mistakes or giving you the opportunity to grow courage so that you can eventually live your dreams. Don’t rush the process. And above all, realize that whether you’re deciding between Italian or Chinese or you’re making a decision to change your life, you will get another chance. Let go of the pressure to be perfect and release the severity of the decision. We’re built to deal with the consequences either way.

Good luck!

I’m betting we’ll all be okay.

{Still don’t know what to do? Get great practical advice from Goodlife Zen on increasing your chances of making the “right” decision.}

July 25th, 2011

Making the Right Decision

Players like to analyze the strategy and outcome of a game. Why this move was beneficial and why that one led to a player’s downfall.

Sometimes we discover clues to help us make future decisions by investigating the past.

Situations that may need your attention?

  • Deciding whether you should take one job over another.
  • Knowing whether you should quit the job you have to start your dream job.
  • Anytime you’re caught between a decision to stay in your comfort zone or take a giant leap into the unknown.

You can write pros and cons lists, ask others for advice, or wait for the answer to fall into your lap. But if the question lays unanswered for awhile, you may need to dig deeper.

Investigating Your Life for Clues

One of the benefits of going home for me is having the chance to explore the “me” of my youth. I have about 5 or 6 full journals with evidence of who I was. As if time suddenly stood still, I’m back to that clueless, sensitive girl in her teens and “looking for love in all the wrong places” young woman of my twenties.

Since I wrote the journals, I’ve devoured each, pouring over every word as if they were the latest fiction novel often forgetting the protagonist was me. After the third read, I’d go back and look for clues. I’d ponder who I am by reading about who I was, all the while trying desperately to forgive and accept the person I had completely forgotten about in my present life.

Well, this time I discovered something else.

I randomly flipped through an entry I wrote on November 17, 2003 .

Tonight was one of those nights that I felt so appreciative of being here [in California], like I made the right decision. I got to say almost everything that has been happening has conformed this. I have had so many positive experiences and am happier learning more about myself and how to appreciate my life.”

I don’t remember writing this. But was blown away by reading my realization of making the right decision. And looking back, I definitely did. It was so validating to read that.

After I read that passage, a few papers fell out of the journal. One was a note written by a psychic I saw over ten years ago. In it, she wrote:

Her life choice seems to be leading her away from safety and choices she once knew, a general calculated move is on its way with some connection to the mainland. Also, she needs some time away from her friends in order that she gain some new perspective elsewhere. Affirmation: Oftentimes negativity is a test put before us by the force in the Universe that wants to see balance within you, rather than accomplishment.”

I think seeing this journal passage and the note was serendipitous. The timing was quite impeccable as my husband and I have been tossing and turning over a decision that’s haunted us for the last few years.

And reading it, made me realize that in the past,  I had made one of the most difficult choices in my life-to move away from the “safety” the psychic talked about and because of it, reaped the rewards years later experiencing happiness and gratitude for my life.

 The affirmation really hit home.

At the time, I didn’t really understand it. In fact, it’s only on my birthday this year that I really got it.

There is a lot of negativity all around us. I would be lying if I said that not only was it around me, but it was all too tempting to swallow that pill and adopt it as my own. I think the struggle to maintain positivity is something that has been my main obstacle for most of my life. I hadn’t realized that challenging myself to resist negativity so that I could be positive was my goal in life. Forget about accomplishments! If I only understood that earlier. I wonder if I would have been torturing myself with trying to get straight A’s or winning awards and scholarships.

If I only knew that that was what I had to do in life, I wonder if I would have made more of the “right” decisions sooner.

Either way, it was an “aha” moment for me. My purpose became clear. I was validated in my past decision, which gives me courage in deciding my present one.

What about you?

Have you discovered something about yourself or found the answers to your greatest dilemmas by searching within?

Much luck on your journey ahead…

xo,

Brandi

February 1st, 2011

GMDL Day 9: What does it mean to GMDL?

{photo by me. yep. i have a little old photo shop. check it out here.}

It’s day 9 of the challenge. Hope you’re getting less done since you started. That is the goal isn’t it?

Forgive me if I haven’t started the challenge by explaining myself. I have yet to answer these questions:

  • Why would one want to do less in life?
  • Isn’t the American dream about doing more, gaining more, making more?
  • More money, more fun, more food, more work, more time…

But this is what we sacrifice when we do more…

  • We sacrifice time with our loved ones. Time that cannot be exchanged, put on hold, or given a raincheck.
  • We sacrifice time worrying, feeling guilty and unsatisfied. Why? Because doing more often means doing too much. It’s time spent on a never ending treadmill of getting ahead. But because we’re human we eventually need a break. When we take a break, we feel inept, uncomfortable, worried that we won’t be able to hold it together and someone better will take our place.

What happens when we do less?

  • You will leave an open door-space for love in your life, opportunities to come in, and the possibility of what should be versus what you think should happen.
  • You give yourself space to breathe so that you can come back open-hearted, rested, patient and more energized for the work that you do.
  • You find the answers to the questions that have been haunting you for a long time. Should you take the new job? Should you quit your old one?
  • You will find yourself. You will not find yourself in the great waters of chaos, or the halls of busyness. You will not find your humanity or your faith or your truth by jamming up your free time with errands, with work, with television, with food. You will find yourself when all is quiet, when you make that decision to sit in silence and just be. It’s scary, but true.

I may not be offering you up the world. But I’m offering you the chance to truly see, to give yourself the chance to find your own truth, to live the life that you’re meant to live, to be the person that you really want to be.

I hope you take the challenge and this gift. Good luck to you!