This is the time of year when moms rejoice, homeschool moms get even busier, and all of us wonder, “What’s next?”
It’s great to have a pause in the 24/7 craziness that became our lives. But stillness and quiet can wreak emotional havoc too.
It’s amazing to think that before our children made us mothers, we had a whole life. Their introduction into the world was disruptive to say the least.
We had to find a whole new way of living that had little to do with us and everything to do with that bundle of joy. It was a whole lot of work we didn’t know we were signing up for. Our lives were upended. No more late nights out. No more traveling impulsively. No more doing what you wanted when you wanted.
And just as soon as you start getting adjusted with this new normal of mommy mess, they leave.
Now that the kiddos are back in school, there’s a whole lot of time on our hands. The kind of time we dreamed of when we were on call 24/7. But what do we do with it?
For a few days, cleaning up is probably you’re biggest MO.
And maybe catching up with friends who thought you were MIA the last summer months.
But as the days pass and the stretches of freedom grow, there may be a time when you wonder, “What else is there?”
Many of us are in this transition. The pandemic didn’t make it easier. For the last few years, we’ve all been stuck at home. That togetherness was claustrophobic and emotionally draining, but it also became a sense of safety and normality.
While the change can understandably make us anxious, there are ways to deal with it so it doesn’t pull you into a spiral of confusion or worse, depression.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT
- Don’t do anything drastic. First of all, here’s what not to do. It’s tempting when you’ve got time on your hands, to shake things up. But don’t jump into buying a house, applying for a job, or investing right just yet. Like the advice they give you after you’ve been jilted in your youth, don’t make big decisions when you’re going through a transition. It’s understandable that you want to fill the void with getting busy with something else. Eventually you’ll have to deal with this emptiness that replaced your child and you don’t want to be feeling that in addition to regret. Which brings me to number 2.
- Spend time with yourself. Yes party with your mom friends if you need to. But in order to get through this transition, it’s important to also catch up on who you are now. To figure out what you want to do next, you need to reconnect with the you, you’ve been missing. You are not the same woman you were while you were raising them and you certainly are not same women you were before kids. Who you will become when they don’t need you as much anymore, that’s to be determined. Spending time alone will get you there. You can use step 3 to get closer to finding out more about yourself.
- Journal. What did you love to do before kids or even when you were a kid? What is missing from your life right now? What cause on the news and media affects you deeply? What is one thing you admire from someone you follow online? Imagine looking back on your life as a happy and healthy 100 year old. What did you do in your life that you’re most happy and proud of?
- Don’t rush it. The kids just went to school. You have time to figure things out. Remember the answers may not come right away. You will try one thing and it won’t work. But then you try again just like your kids do every day. Give yourself time to read books you’re interested in, find articles that inspire you, and keep pursuing what you’re passionate about. One thing will eventually lead to another and you’ll get there. I promise.
- Seek help. If after awhile you keep running into the same road, you might need support and help. My son likes to point out all the ways his friend has changed after playing video games, but he doesn’t see its negative impact on himself. Sometimes we need outside support to discover what it is we’re meant to do next. Hiring a coach can be that extra guidance you need to find your way.
Did you know I work with women creatives one on one for less than the cost of back to school supplies?
Email me to find out how I can help you.