Every time I divulge this secret to new and old friends, they shudder in horror. Maybe a little pity too.
I’m always surprised by it.
While others would rather be face with a lion than confront failure, I’m apt to meet in head on. If there’s one thing I’ve been good at it’s facing my fear of the dreaded F-word.
To me, failure is a part of the journey-the path I choose to be on because that road is full of growth and hopefully publication.
It’s not a personal thing. But I think people get caught in the net of failure and think it’s about them. They’re reminded of being ousted in grade school or not measuring up to their parents. They think that letter they got from that publication signals the end.
I think it’s just the beginning.
I’m not saying that facing failure isn’t soul crushing work. I’m not trying to romanticize it or tell you that it won’t make you question your abilities.
But I’m saying that if you don’t learn ways to deal with it, you’ll fail with a capital F. As in, the end, the story is over.
If you see failure with a lower case f, however, you’ll realize a few things. a) Your piece isn’t the right fit for that person b) you still have things to work on.
Neither of which are truly bad things.
Failure is not like the F you got in high school. It’s just information to be used to get you to the next level.
Every time I watch a singer on The Voice leave the stage without a chair turn, I wonder how they’ll use that experience. Will it pull them into the dungeon of despair or give them fuel to work that much harder?
Sometimes rejection does mean you’re heading in the wrong direction. Sometimes it just means you showed it to the wrong person.
But it’s not a measure of your self-worth. It doesn’t mean you’ll never succeed. And it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t have the stuff to get there.
In Amy Morin’s book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, chapter 10 is all about failure. Resilient people don’t buy into the belief that you’re supposed to succeed at everything. They don’t worry about being a failure in other people’s eyes. They know failure is how you get to success. They know it’s a marathon not a sprint.
I think somewhere along the way with our social media culture, we’ve glossed over this realistic obstacle in modern life. Everyone fails even the really successful, pretty people. No one escapes success without a bump in the road. It’s how we learn to get back up again. And that’s the real goal of messing up, to remind you how strong and capable you are. You are meant to get through hard things. One or even 100 failures are not going to stop you-if what you’re doing is important enough.
The real thing you’ll learn is that what you’re doing is worth it. No matter if you are a bestselling author or #1 seller in your field. You’re doing it. No one will tell you how amazing you are for just putting yourself out there. Well, except for me.
Because I know how un-glamorous it is to be in the trenches. But I also see the beauty in reaching in deep, being vulnerable to the handful of people who will be inspired by it.
Yes even with 100 rejections. It’s a worthy endeavor.
Stephen King. Walt Disney. J.K. Rowling. They’ve all done it a thousand times. They’ve been through addictions, divorce, and bankruptcy. And aren’t we grateful?
What would it be if they had given up at the first slight of rejection? Our lives would never be touched by their creative endeavors. The world would be lost without their courage and vulnerability.
Just like you.
So keep moving. You don’t know how close you are to the finish line and you’ll never know if you give up.