You think to yourself the following:
More than half the year is over. I haven’t lost weight. I didn’t become a writer. I’m not closer to meeting my soulmate. I’m in the same exact place I was last year. I’m not healthier or happier. I’m stuck. I’m never going to get there.
Maybe even worse than that is no matter what you do you feel like an outsider. You can put on a smile, laugh at all the right times and engage in the superficial banter at work, but there’s a part of you that feels like it’s dying inside.
Somewhere inside you know that your real self is being stuffed somewhere underneath everyone else’s dreams for you. It’s suffocating.
There is truth to that. I didn’t realize until reading Donna Eden’s classic book Energy Medicine the extent to which belonging can disable us. It can blunt our abilities. It can make us sick. In the book, Eden shares a true story of a boy who was labeled, “slow, perhaps retarded.” But after working with him, she realizes that not only is he not dumb, but he’s extremely gifted. This is the quote that really resonated with me:
“His problem was that he was totally out of sync with his own energies. No one had understood his singular way of experiencing the world, and he was working with all his might to do things the way other people do them. Most of us become slightly impaired in our thinking when our energies are being disrupted. He was mentally disabled by the jangle between his energies and the way he was trying to live.”
What a powerful statement! Can you imagine all the ways we are block ourselves from our true talents and gifts in order to fit in with everyone else?
We’re supposed to be humble and selfless. We’re not supposed to speak up. We should take traditional 9-5 jobs. Never complain. Never make a stink. Follow the rules. Be like everyone else. Don’t stick out.
These are the ways our parents kept us in line and keep themselves sane. But they cannot be used to cultivate a joyful and meaningful life. To embody your authentic being, and make ripples in the world, you need to step out in all your nakedness. You have to ruffle a few feathers. Make people blush. You need to be all of you, the dark one, the rebellious warrior, the defiant brat, and the relentless hero. You need to wear your heart on your sleeve. You need to fear the stares and do it anyway.
That’s how you get towards your resolutions. That’s how you make radical change.