You started out on fire. You were charged up, ready, inspired! You invested something of great value to this ultimate goal. You spent money or time and you’re all in. But what happens when your interests wane? What happens when your excitement begins to dwindle? Worse off, what do you do when you run into an obstacle so gigantic that it threatens to stop you in your tracks.
You can give up.
Quitting seems luxurious right now. Like binge eating and watching guilty TV like taking a nap instead of exercising. Everything that you’ve ever been tempted by will show itself.
You tried, you’ll say to yourself. You gave it your best shot. But these kinds of things are for people with _____ (time, money, talent, courage). All things you’ll tell yourself, that you’re not made of.
We all encounter these voices. But that is not your voice. That is the voice of your dad who screwed up financially in his life and doesn’t want you to do the same. It’s your mom who sacrificed for you to get a “good job with good pay.” It’s your friend who never fulfilled her dream because staying safe was more important. Just because you hear these voices doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel.
Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to give up writing children’s stories? Maybe I’m not meant to write for children I tell myself. Maybe my efforts would be better spent doing something else. But there is a difference between quitting and giving up.
Quitting happens when we’re forcing something. We think if we’re a certain weight or make a certain amount of money then we’ll be happy. Because of this we push ourselves in situations that never felt right to begin with. We stay in the unhealthy relationship. We keep selling the product even though we don’t believe it because doing this will get us to the gold at the end of the rainbow where everything is perfect and happy, and our lives will be complete.
That’s different than giving up. Giving up happens when we’re afraid. We run into an obstacle that feels too hard. We’re in a new situation that challenges us to think outside the box. To do what we need to be successful, we have to put ourselves out there and face a fear like public speaking.
When you think about what you’re striving to accomplish, ask yourself what’s your motivation? What’s pushing you forward? Is it the end goal or the act itself lighting your fire?
You won’t be able to sustain something through the long haul unless what you’re doing fuels you in some way. You’ll only be able to talk yourself through it for awhile until the going gets tough and those cookies become irresistible or that new project distracts you.
To persevere you need a hot button of passion. In other words, you need a strong why. Every time I want to throw in the towel, another children’s book idea calls me in and I get wrapped up all over again. To get one of these published, however, I have to roll up my sleeves and do the hard work. But I wouldn’t be able to get through the drudgery unless I remember why I’m doing it in the first place. I have a background in counseling psychology and I’m passionate about helping others. I remember the vulnerability of being a child, the joy and sense of wonder, and feeling misunderstood and alone. I want to write books to help kids feel validated and supported. This reason keeps me writing even through the waves of rejection.
So if you’re stuck in the hard middle right now ask yourself if what you’re doing has a strong enough why to keep you going. If it does, then figure out what you need to pull you through the tough spots. Do you need a break? Would a support group help? Could taking a class or reading a book inspire you to keep going?
I wouldn’t be able to persevere without my stack of books which I recently posted on Twitter. Also, I found Brene Brown’s new special The Call to Courage on Netflix surprisingly hilarious and of course inspiring. And if you need someone to talk directly, a coach offers the ease of a good friend with the ability to encourage you and give you ideas on how to get unstuck. Find someone that matches your personality and motivation style.
I’m going to add my own plug here because I have a particular niche worth mentioning. I have a masters in counseling. I’ve also juggled being a writer, and stay at home mom with chronic illness. While I’m professionally trained to work with people of various backgrounds, I’m comfortable working with moms who struggle with health issues. You can shoot me an email at bauyemura@gmail.com to set up a free session to see if we’re a good fit.