The Things We Don’t Say

Years ago, my husband and I were about to attend a funeral. He shared that he didn’t want to say anything.

“Because I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Saying the ‘wrong’ thing is better than saying nothing.”

This conversation can be said about anything we’re uncomfortable talking about. Money. Sex. Race.

Racial issues in the world are why I’ve been mad posting on my Instagram and Facebook pages, but been silent here. I knew I wanted to say a lot. It was easier to write short things like my photo above. But there are so many words. So. Many. Emotions.

It’s brought up a lot of things in all of us. And in me.

I spent my whole life trying to decolor myself. This sounds like a racist thing to do against my own culture. But it stemmed, as I learned from four generations before me, minoring in Ethnic Studies and getting older, from the fear that sticking out would be a form of annihilation. Being ordinary meant you wouldn’t get teased or bullied. But for my grandparents and even my own parents, it could have meant survival.

Being “too Japanese,” and not American enough could mean being sent to a concentration camp where your loyalties were tested. It’s an unsettling feeling that no matter how much you try to prove yourself even volunteer in war, you still didn’t know if you were truly American or American enough.

This was a long time ago, but fear and racism do not fade with time unless we address it, on many levels. Talking about it. Giving voice to those who are voiceless. Supporting people who haven’t had the same privileges as we have. Doing what it takes to understand our own fears and prejudices.

Our country now has hit a tipping point. Are we finally going to roll up our sleeves and get uncomfortable with talking about all the prejudices we keep hidden?

Our Wounds

What these tragedies show us is we have deep wounds as a country that never healed.

In Hawaii, plantation owners strategically pitted different ethnicities against each other to prevent them from unifying. The power of their togetherness would mean better working conditions and pay. What if the same thing is going on now?

What if we’re allowing the small minority of wealthy people to keep their wealth and power by distracting us from themselves? How powerful would we be if we realized this and fought together against them for saving their privilege and wealth for themselves while simultaneously inciting fear in the “other.”

There is no “other,” just a wasteland where people dump stereotypes and scapegoat others to shift blame. It drums up fear that drives xenophobia and racism in a destructive and cruel way. We forget we’re all human. We all have heartbeats and want to be loved. We all deserve the right to walk down the street without being murdered. It hurts and painful to consciously feel what’s going on in the world right now and not want to shut it out. But I hope you won’t. I hope you use this time like I am to rethink the unhealthy way the world is working and work to find ways to do something better. The most vulnerable among us deserve this consideration.

I wished we lived in a world where we knew at a very deep level that the only way the world works is if we give freely to each other. That there is more than enough when you’re willing to share. We’re not individual people on our own islands. We’re people who are made to be connected with one another.

Let’s hope that this is the moment when we all wake up to our responsibility to do something about it.

Resources

I’m still learning myself. If you have any resources that you would like to share or tell us about your own personal story, please share them in the comments or to me privately through email. This is the time when I think listening is imperative and so is compassion.

Blaming, judging and shaming are not the paths to understanding and better race relations. But accountability, responsibility, and openness are.

Right now is the time when we inspire each other to change. There are many ways we can do that. Whether it’s by supporting small businesses, advocating for equality in your workplace, financially support organizations working to help black communities like these, if you live in Hawaii, you might want to check out The Popolo Project, a nonprofit with a website showcasing Black people in Hawaii. Reading books on racial issues. Reading books on cultural acceptance like Same, Same, But Different, The Only Black Girls in Town, Mixed, The Name Jar, and others. Let me know what books you loved. Those are children’s books, but I’d love to expand my list to other genres.