You hear this a lot with addiction. A smoker, for example, becomes addicted to eating or an alcoholic can’t stop shopping. We do this in relationships too. We trade one toxic boyfriend for a highly critical friend or say goodbye to a hurtful relative only to befriend a narcissist.
It’s not that we’re addicted to pain. It’s that we’re comfortable with it.
Sometimes we think we got everything figured out, but what we really did is cover our problem with a newer problem.
When I was in graduate school, my professor said the solution to addiction was to replace it with a healthy addiction. Adopting meditation or hiking as new behaviors can make us feel better, but it doesn’t get to the root of the problem.
Addictive behaviors often stem from a desire to self-soothe. If we’re feeling insecure, for example, we might feed the emptiness with a piece of cake. If we’re feeling lonely, we might distract ourselves with online shopping.
But we must always return to why we’re feeling this way. Everything else will be a bandaid. Everything else will be temporary. Eventually we’re right back where we started-face to face with our uglies, the deep, dark shadows that we’ve been running away from.
So the solution?
We face it head on. We acknowledge our insecurities. We feel not feed our feelings. We recognize what things are triggering our pain. We see every situation as lessons and opportunities to grow. We stretch to reach past our comfort zone so that we can come back to ourselves.
It’s loving who we are through the dark shadows that is truly healing. It’s accepting how scared or uncertain we feel. It’s loving ourselves anyway.
Say this to yourself:
“Even though I’ve gained weight or my face is a hot mess,
Even though I don’t have a ton of friends,
Even though my job sucks and I might never find my soul mate or my purpose,
Even though my family is not the most loving,
Even though I don’t know what I’m doing or who I really am,
Even if no one ever reads my blogs or likes my page,
I. Am. Worthy.
I. Deserve. Love.
I. Matter.”