I have a bag, okay a few bags, near the front door. In it, I throw unwanted things. Broken toys, clothes that make me look frumpy, toddler PJ’s that no longer fit.
I visit the donation center biweekly. It feels good to get rid of stuff and to think that maybe someone will be able to love the things that we’ve outgrown.
The funny thing is while I’ve been letting go of a lot of stuff, I’ve also simultaneously been letting a lot of stuff in.
More snacks. More email subscriptions. More books from the library.
If I don’t control what’s coming in, there will never be enough space to create the sense of wholeness and balance I’m aching for.
I’m keeping my life busy. I’m keeping my nightstand high. I’m filling spaces in closets and pantries that I’m trying to empty.
I imagine there’s a reason why I keep doing that. Why I keep filling empty spaces with unnecessary noise and stuff.
Because silence, hunger, and emptiness are often anxiety provoking. But that’s also where the light comes in. That’s when my quiet inner voice has room to speak. It’s when I can feel the discomfort of hunger or of not knowing. It’s when all the things I worry about seeps into the silence and I need to suddenly listen.
And that’s terrifying
I know it’s just clothes, but it’s baby clothes for babies I no longer have.
I know it’s just an empty pantry, but it’s blankness which was filled with sugary snacks.
I know it’s just well-worn dresses and broken toys, but it’s who I used to be and who they won’t be anymore.
Things carry weight.
And if we’re not careful and conscious, we’ll keep filling our days, moments and homes with things to replace, avoid and deny what’s bothering us.
We’ll stack our inbox from newsletters on how to be thinner, richer, and more successful. We’ll flood our own inner voice with words from experts, and doctors.
We’ll give up our own sense of power for the words of some stranger we’ll never meet.
And we’ll do it willingly because the fear of our own shaken, vulnerable, and uncertain voice feels like a thin string of nothingness. Nothing to build a life on. Too weak to make a difference.
Yet the only way through is to feel the things you’re feeling. This is the way to consciously choose. This is the path towards knowing what you need to do. This is how we’re ultimately able to keep our closets and inbox from overflowing.
We do it by grieving the loss of what’s been and gone.
We do it by having faith that the empty spaces will eventually be filled and we get comfortable with being uncomfortable with the unknown.
Otherwise we’re just stuffing our bodies and minds so we’re too numb to feel that.
One way leads to empowerment and the other from a life of helplessness and indirection.
It’s an ongoing battle. Every time I click on buy or search through the aisles at the market, I need to ask myself: Do I need this? Am I getting this to fill an emptiness? Will this bring or take away something from my life?
Are you consciously letting things into your life? Are you aware of what you’re afraid to let go?
Are you interested in learning ways to be more conscious so you can live a more creative inspiring life? I send out newsletters with insights that’ll help you glean information on how to do that.
