I was suffering from “not enough-itis” just last week. In case you’ve never heard of it, here’s my own definition.
Not Enough-Itis: An insidious disease that can damage your health, your relationships and your self-worth. It’s what happens when you compare yourself with others and in comparison, nothing you do is enough.
I’m not even a parent so I can’t imagine how much worse the disease gets when you have kids too. Fetchingly, Sarah Jessica Parker’s new movie I Don’t Know How She Does It is out in theaters as a preview to that life. I haven’t watched it yet. But I get the premise. The pressure for mothers trying to juggle everything perfectly, but never successfully.
Sadly, this is where we’re at as a society these days.
We’re moving away from “just enough” to “gotta do it all.”
I’ve never been one to embrace a fad, but this one somehow wormed its way into my psyche. That’s what happens when you spend too much time online and watching TV. Everyone else’s life looks perfect and yours always seems to be slipping through the cracks.
I’m pretty honest about my faults and my imperfections. Call it the gift that being an awkward teenager gave to me or growing up as a rebel where pretending to be perfect was the ideal. But who am I kidding? Isn’t this the life we all live these days?
As for me, I healed this insatiable disease by taking a much-needed break away, faraway from looming deadlines and impossible to fill pressures. I escaped into a little Snow White and the Seven Dwarves cottage in a not just inspiring, but awe-inspiring forest all the way in Mendocino.
I fell in love. I remembered who I was separate from what I did. I remembered to breathe. I remembered what it felt like to have a “home,” a real place where you can softly land after a stressful day.
My body felt healthy. I suddenly felt like I had been holding my breath for far too long. Nature felt like it was embracing me and it wouldn’t let me fall.
My inspiration returned.
My writing flowed.
If I could wrap up that place in a snow globe, I would. I’d take it out and shake it and feel the fresh air blowing my hair in my face and the healing sound of complete silence.
It reminded me that not enough-itis was the fairy tale. Not this place. This place was the truth. This is what I needed to take me out of the “I can’t tweet/blog/Facebook/comment on every single person’s inspiring blog” to save my life. But that’s okay. All I needed was to do what I was doing. Focus like a dog zooms in on his bone, with mindful attention and purpose. And never mind the distractions, the people doing this or that, the distance still not traveled.
It will be there tomorrow. But today. Today is for living and dreaming…
