Archive for December, 2010

December 21st, 2010

On the 12th Day of Christmas…

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My loved ones gave to me,

Five Christmas Parties

Four disagreements

Three overcommitments

Two tantrums

And a disappointed holiday.

Is that how your holiday season is feeling these days?

It’s funny how this time of year is supposed to promote merry days and happy faces, but we see people getting in car fights, honking horns, and fighting over last minute-gift items quite regularly. Check anyone’s update in Facebook and you’re sure to find someone who’s talked about it.

What happened to the cheer and the merriness?

Somehow I think it went down the drain with high expectations and the belief that we should feel a certain way about the holidays.

It’s the belief that somehow our dysfunctional family will suddenly turn Brady overnight.

Or that the problems we had in 2010 will automatically disappear with the clock strikes 12 on midnight.

Maybe it’s about hope. But more likely I think it’s wishful thinking.

This holiday when you’re dreaming up what you hope your vacation will be. Try to put the focus back on yourself. Imagine what will make you happy. And then think about what you can do to get yourself there.

  • Think about what triggers you and what you can do to prevent them or deal with them before they happen.
  • Find a space space to go when you need to take a break from difficult loved ones.
  • Meditate and/or pray.
  • Be around people who are positive and supportive.
  • Write in a journal to express your anguish, your hopes, dreams and joys to a place where no one will laugh at you, criticize what you believe in or mock your dreams.

This is the one true way to get through the holiday season with a real smile on your face. Not an artificial one.

Merry Christmas and thank you for reading The Inspiring Bee!

Hope you all have a wonderful, safe holiday season that is filled with more love and joy than material things!

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December 14th, 2010

Christmas Gifts to Inspire Others, Pt. 2

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This post is a continuation of yesterday’s post on 5 Gifts to Inspire Others…

3. Surprise.

Have someone in your life who infuriates you? Or in my case, has a driver cut you off in traffic and gave you the gift of his middle finger?

Instead of the usual reaction, why not give the gift of the unexpected response?

It will be difficult to change your reaction automatically and it takes some time to do so, but it’s worth it.

How about, for example, agreeing with the relative who always wants to argue or saying something kind to the person expecting you to fire back? It worked for me as I decided to smile and laugh about the angry fella who thought a finger could ruin my day. Diffusing anger with kindness is a well-worthy gift if not for them, for your sake.

4. Peace (and quiet).

I went to Point Reyes twice this year, once for my birthday and a second time just because. It was a far drive and an expensive retreat, but well-worth it. I hope you can take the time to give yourself this same gift.

While everyone takes a vacation, not everyone goes on retreat. But let me tell you what a difference the two make. Vacations are wonderful for relaxing, for seeing the sights for seeing the world in a new light. But while you come back with memories and souvenirs on vacation, you return with lifelong gifts while on retreat.

Sitting in quiet where you can only hear the sound of your breath or footsteps on a creaking floor or the sounds of the wind whistling through the leaves of an old tree, are like cashmere for your soul. Everyone needs a place to go where they have the space and energy to hear nothing, but their voice. Go there and you will come back with enough fuel and positive experience to inspire others.

5. Generosity.

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My husband has a tremendous heart. But I often joke that he is stingy with his words (as in he’s too quiet sometimes). This being said by a fellow introvert. But joking aside, I do think this is the season for giving. And while #1-4 are all about giving, this I believe, is the number one gift you should give this holiday-to yourself and others.

Generosity is a huge gift and there are a myriad of ways you can give it to others. Besides donating time (volunteering) and money (donations), you can give the gift of compassion, empathy, love and friendship. This means really REALLY listening to your loved ones when they tell you and show you how they feel. This means NOT brushing them away with a, “Oh you’ll be fine!” or “Cheer up!” when their upset. This means being present and offering up yourself in really empathizing and being there for them. Isn’t that a gift they deserve for being gracious enough to let us in?

It’s so easy in this day and age to be attached to our digital toys and ignore the people we love the most (ourselves included!). But it’s that much more important to turn them off and turn on who we are and be as present and open as we can.

Being generous by giving of ourselves is a profound gift we can give. It can change lives. It can determine your children’s future. It can alter the future of our whole world.

Isn’t that what we want the most for our kids and for everyone?

Let’s remember this before we bemoaned our financial inability to buy the most expensive and impressive gifts. I hope this will be an opportunity for all of us to rise to the occasion and better our lives and situations for each other.

Happy Holidays!

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December 13th, 2010

5 Gifts to Inspire Others, Pt. 1

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This may not be the post you think it is.

There are a ton of blog posts now on what to get for a __________ (golfer, writer, mother, the person who has everything, etc.). But while those are all great and in good fun, I think it’s important to take this time to focus on something deeper.

Don’t you?

There are gifts that may not be shiny and new, but can have lasting value on one’s soul and can have a ripple effect on the lives of others.

With that being said, I thought it would behoove me to create a post for you unlike the rest of the crowd, that reminds us about the importance of what this season really represents-a time of gratitude, miracle, hope and giving.

A Christmas List to Inspire

1. Time.

I’m not talking about Gucci and Fossil. I’m talking about that precious, irreplaceable gift that can change someone’s life.

As a freelance writer, I know my time = money. If I’m spending it browsing stores online, I’m doing a disservice to my business. That’s time that I cannot invoice or exchange for an indirect path to money like marketing.

It’s like that, but maybe a million times more important to consider the precious time you have on this earth and who you want to spend it with.

Take one day in your life and then get a stop watch and time how much of your day is spent on the computer, TV, working vs. how much time you are spending with your loved ones. The number may surprise you.

Think about it this way. As a child, the one gift I wanted more than anything, wasn’t a new Barbie, a new outfit or a book, it was time spent with my mother.

2. Gratitude.

I’m guilty of not regifting this gift. Are you?

There are moments in my day when I think about my husband, for example. I think about how much he does for me and how much I appreciate him. Then time passes, I see dishes in the sink, and the gratitude? Like our leftovers, it goes down the drain.

If you want to give someone a gift that will last forever, thank them, thank yourself. Write down every moment, even seemingly insignificant ones, and you will be giving a gift of gratitude to yourself. Write it down in a card or tell someone you know and you will be doing both you and your loved ones a favor.

To be continued… Stay tuned for part 2 with gifts 3-5 here tomorrow.

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December 9th, 2010

Facing Your Fears Head On

This summer I added something else surprising on my, “I’ll never do this list.” Never say never!

On top of being a private investigator, I also agreed to open myself up to verbal attack from comedians Penn & Teller. Have you watched their show? They are brutal to their guests.

And as someone who is still getting over being teased as kid, I was not looking forward to reliving that experience.

Yet, fear does something crazy to me. It eggs me on. And somewhere between scared out of my mind and fearless, I end up doing something scary just to see if I can. (Believe me when I saw that I’m not an adrenaline junkie or someone who lives on the edge.)

But every time I take that chance, the gift I get is greater than the fear I experienced.

And that’s the reason why I decided to join a friend on Penn & Teller about Affirmations.


The Unrealness of Reality TV

One thing I learned from the process is that reality TV is not very real at all.

I hate to spoil it for you. But lot of what you’ll see (if you check out the video below) was staged. While the teacher, Jaqui Duvall, is a real teacher who teaches Affirmations, she is also a life coach and a friend. She asked me to be a “student” in a staged class and I happily obliged. Besides giving me a behind the scenes look to what it takes to transform ordinary life into Hollywood, it taught me a great lesson on facing my fears.

Facing My Fear

Everyone came to the taping this summer for very different reasons. I came because I wanted to face my fears. And though I may never be an actress or television show, it taught me a great lesson: No matter how scared out of my mind I felt, or how awkward or nervous I was, I still survived.

  • Just like I did in my high school play.
  • Or when I gave my first presentation as a executive for United Way.
  • Or when I decided to take that job as a private investigator.
  • Or worked as a junior high school counselor.

Every one of those opportunities made my heart pound, my throat dry and my stomach ache. Maybe it’s not so good for the body long-term, but in the short-term facing our fears does something magical. It stretches our comfort zone, gives us fuel for the next big fire and it reminds us about how much more we can do than we think we can.

In the end, I do it not just because it may be good for my career, but because it’s worth it for my growth as a soul.

As children, we’re always taking risks. We go from rolling around to crawling and then crawling to walking. It’s a pretty scary feat for a little kid. Yet, to grow, we need to take risks otherwise we’d spend our whole lives rolling around on the ground instead of walking.

It’s the same for us as adults. We’ve lost our vulnerabilities, our physical and mental limitations that we had as children, but as adults we are more afraid about life than ever.

Maybe this is one situation where we need to relearn what we’ve forgotten as kids.

The next time you have the opportunity, remember how fearless you were as a child, and use that to tackle something that’s scaring you. If you can do that, you’ll be more courageous when another scary magical thing comes along.

In the meantime, you can check out my Penn & Teller 5 minutes of fame video below. {I’m about 9 minutes and 37 seconds in.}

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December 8th, 2010

Finding Inspiration During Tough Times

If I were a good liar, even a decent one, I would say that life has never been better. That although I’ve hit some rough patches, I’m seeing the light.

While that’s partially true, the 100% truth is that sometimes life really sucks.

These days it’s a cough drop that helps me get through the toughest parts of my day because it forces me to focus on the present moment. And when that doesn’t work, a hug from my husband does.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have faith, or hope, or want to live each day being positive and inspiring to others.

What it means is that this moment, this year even, is forcing me be more of who I need to be. And I’m willing to take the journey, even in the dark, bumpy parts.

I’m a visual person so here’s what I mean:

1. Perspective:

This is a shot I took outside of our cottage in Point Reyes. The sun had just set and the gorgeous countryside was beginning to turn dark and gray.

Amazingly. This is the same scene taken with the same camera at the same time. The only difference? A different camera setting. To me, this represents a change in perspective. That we can all have tough moments, days, months, even years, but it is our ability to keep going, to do what we need to do to get through the hard parts, and see the same problem/concern/hardship through different lenses.

2. Blurry to Focus:

This photo looks like a big mess of weeds doesn’t it? Sometimes that mess is your business or your life. You’re doing a whole of something, but in the end it feels like it’s amounting to nothing. I know what you’re going through. I felt that way too. But recently, being sick has made it difficult for me to do more than one thing at a time. And you know what? That’s a blessing.

It’s made it easier for me to focus on the things that really matter. (Forgive me if that sounds trite, but it’s true.) When you have gazillion things on your plate, you lose track of your purpose. Not only that but you become inefficient in the things or people you care about most. When you zoom in on one specific aspect of your life, instead of trying to do a superficial observation from above, you get to see the details. I realized that placing your attention on one thing instead of trying to do all of them is a lot more beneficial to not just your career, but your life.

The bottom line is this. Life will inevitably suck at different moments. We are all living in a world we don’t have much control of. But what we can hold onto is grace. The choice we have to see something small to be grateful for, even when we’re sucking on our cough drops, or crying our eyes out. And then have patience and wait. Because out of that dark, difficult time, there will be a gift. It will be the rainbow you didn’t expect, the joy that you couldn’t have appreciated if you didn’t go through it, or the strength you didn’t have before.

That’s what keeps me hopeful and inspired during the sucky times in life. How about you?

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December 6th, 2010

Signs and Symptoms You’re On the Right Track

By now, you must know that I’m a BIG believer in signs.

I like to think of life as leaving bread crumbs along the way to help us find our way home. But it’s hard to tell sometimes isn’t it? Is a bread crumb just a bread crumb or is it a divine sign that you’re on the right path?

If you’re confused about what your true purpose in life is and wonder if you’re even in the vicinity of your calling, then this post may help you.

Triple Threat:

This weekend I did what my soul was crying out for-I went to find salvation in an old rustic cottage in Point Reyes. You may have remembered that I traveled there before. This time, however, instead of a birthday celebration, I was on a writer’s retreat.

Tucked inside a warm cozy cottage I sat with blanket over my lap, my laptop on hand, a cup of hot tea, and a view of these three pals for support:

But it wasn’t the only 3 things that helped me this weekend. Wait to you hear this!

I have been reading a book appropriately titled Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life (I highly recommend it by the way). Every page I read seems to be reflective of what’s going on in my life.

When I got to the cottage, I read a page on spiritual retreats. After hiking in Point Reyes, I read another passage on the positive impact of nature on finding your calling. Then, the BIGGIE!

My husband and I left the cottage, passing for a gazillion times this quaint sign:

We saw it on our first trip and I admired it again on this recent one. We were on our way to the small town of 300 people in Point Reyes Station. Since I adore bookstores, I headed there first, welcoming the warm air and smell of old books.

I went straight to the writing section and peeked through their small, but unique selection of old and new finds. That’s when I saw a best-selling book The Writing Life by Annie Dillard, an author I had never heard of. I spent an hour flipping through the thin paperback and feeling inspired to get it. It was a used copy with watermarks and an old newspaper article someone had cut up and left there. It was filled with so much emotions about being a writer and in such a shabby chic shape that I almost bought it, had it not been for the $5 price tag, almost 5 times as much as the under a dollar find online.

So we left the store and the book and I went our separate ways.

That evening I holed up in the cottage reading another page of Callings and then stumbled upon this quote: “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” And it was by Annie Dillard.

I was dumbfounded by the coincidence. Was it a coincidence or was this a sign that I needed to start taking my life day by day to make great changes in my life?

It was enough of a coincidence (3 to be exact-sign, bookstore, the book) that made me think it was the latter.

The takeaway?

If you’re on a mission for change, looking for answers, need a sign to help you on your way, then start being a detective of your life. Open your mind like a child, have an intention of what you’re searching for, go somewhere quiet and peaceful so you can hear the subtle whispers. And when you find it, listen to it. The more you listen to the bread crumbs you get, the more you will see them and start picking up on the right ones to help guide your life.

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December 3rd, 2010

Friday Inspiration

My post yesterday sparked a few emotional responses. I guess I’m not the only one going through a hard time.

Although it’s rough riding right now, it’s comforting to know we have all either been through hardship or are going through it now.

If you’re in the boat with me, let’s ride the wave together. No sinking ships here!

In fact, I’m ending the week with a few ways that’s helping me put one foot in front of the other. I hope it’ll give you hope and inspire you too.

1. Yellow leaves.

I was driving today and was temporarily removed from my own thoughts when I glanced out the window. The gorgeous fall leaves was a reminder that nature keeps going no matter what the season. And if it can do so, I can too.

2. Blackberries.

Even blackberries were sour before they were sweet. Sometimes we need patience to get to the sweeter parts of our life.

3. Birds soaring.

When it was freezing cold and windy, we looked up and saw these birds soaring, flying with, not against the wind. Sometimes we need to let go and stop resisting what was, so we can enjoy what is.

4. Perspective.

What looks like a cloudy, foggy day becomes bright and clear when we change our perspective. Be open to a different path than you planned for or expected. It might just be the one you’ve been waiting for.

IS there anything or anyone inspiring you right now? Do tell.

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