Archive for August, 2011

August 31st, 2011

Part II: Living Joyfully with Bonnie St. John

via @Ethan King from Pinterest. Original photo from thedesigninspiration.com.

This was one of my first interviews. And still a favorite. If you’re feeling down about a recent failure or you don’t know how to go from where you are to where you want to be, then you’ll definitely want to read this…

I love what you say in Following Dreams about the difference with a gold medal winner is her ability to get up faster.  How do we apply this to our own lives?

Sometimes when things go wrong people can focus on the mistake and beat themselves up mentally.  Being able to forget about what went wrong and purely focus on how to make things better is an important skill that gets you much further.  Particularly in this economy, it seems that everyone is “falling down” or being impacted by the crisis in different ways.  Those who can put their energy into bouncing back instead of bemoaning what happened will be better off sooner!

Deciding to follow your dreams whether it’s starting a business or finding your dream job takes a lot of work.  What tools do you think dreamers need to be equipped with in order to keep motivated and stay the course?

There was a book that came out a long time ago called, “Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow.”  I tell people “Do what you love…and Follow the Money!”  What I mean by that is make sure that you understand how the market works in the area you love.  When I began speaking, for example, I loved doing workshops with small groups of people and having interesting conversations.  However, a friend advised me to aim for being a keynote speaker.  “You have a small child,” she said. “Keynote speeches pay a higher fee—you can go home to your baby more often!”  Understand who pays, why they pay, and how you can serve their needs as well as enjoy doing what you love.  Learn about how to manage your money and get a good accountant.  You need to learn to manage a business whether you want to open your own practice as a doctor or lawyer, be a musician or painter, or open a business sewing fashions for pets…being smart about the business gives you a lot more freedom to follow your dream.

It seems that when we begin to find our joy and follow our dreams, other people seem to want to pull us out of it.  What remedy do you have to deal with others and how do we prevent them from negatively imposing on our lives?

Always remember that you have a choice.  You can surround yourself with positive people and messages.  Even if there is one negative person you can’t get away from—a parent, spouse, or coworker—you can mitigate the impact by having more positive people to talk to, bounce your ideas off, and get advice.  Don’t try to convert the nay-sayers—that would only drain your energy.  Just shift your focus and energy elsewhere.

What do you think prevents most people from living their joy?

  1. Old habits
  2. Too busy
  3. Don’t know they can.
  4. Feeling smart. A friend told me pessimists are more often right, but optimists are more often successful!

In “Live Your Joy” you talk about a character called Mr. Smelly. Who is Mr. Smelly and how can he prevent us from living the life we were meant to live?

“Mr. Smelly” is the rude, flatulent, dirty houseguest I described in “Live Your Joy.”  He insults me, discourages me, and annoys me—yet I make him lunch and invite him to stay overnight!  Sound absurd? Yet, I allow in my head similar “guests.” I have thoughts in my head that are discouraging, rude, and insulting and I let them stay!  I don’t think I am the only one who feeds the negative thoughts and makes them comfortable!

Yet those negative thoughts bring us down, prevent us from believing in ourselves and living a truly authentic life.  It is important to battle the Mr. Smelly in our brains…and not let him get too comfortable!

Speaking of your new book “Live Your Joy,” tell us a bit about it and what inspired you to write it?

People were always asking me how I stayed so positive despite hard times—numerous surgeries to amputate my leg, abuse for years as a child, divorce, being a single mom, and more.  “Why aren’t you bitter?” people kept asking.  “Live Your Joy” tells people about how I work at finding joy, being joy, and creating joy no matter how difficult things are.  In “Live Your Joy” you learn the essential skills of joyful living and success through fun-to-read, modern-day “fables.”  There is a lot to take away and use, even though it is easy to read!

You can find out more about Bonnie and her new book, “Live Your Joy” on her website.  Thanks Bonnie for being an inspiration to all of us!

August 29th, 2011

Good Idea Gone Bad

I was hesitant to post my latest painting. But it’s been awhile since I’ve had the time to do anything creative or crafty so I decided to show you what happens when a good painting goes bad.

Basically, I had a great idea to paint something for my office.

The pencil drawing actually came out better than I expected.

But that’s when I took a wrong turn.

Here’s a note for the future: Don’t paint when you’re tired!

My once not bad drawing came out squiggly and weird colored when I tried painting it with shaky tired hands.

I was going to toss it. But for now, it’s a good reminder about the importance of celebrating your inner creative muse despite its imperfections.

I’ve always had a beef with perfection. When I was a kid dreaming of being a copywriter one day, I wrote this as a jingle for a future commercial:

Imperfection can be beautiful.”

It was supposed to be a commercial on contact lenses.

But I digress.

I had such an issue with imperfection that I once tossed an art piece I did in elementary school. Like that crazy piano player on Sesame Street, Don Music, I would get frustrated when something I did wasn’t perfect.

Just goes to show how much things have changed.

It is now hanging up real nice next to a previous canvas that I did. Alls I can say is, next time I know better. But I’m grateful for the lesson in imperfection either way.

Ever have a painting that didn’t go exactly the way you planned? How about a project or an idea that you eventually gave the heave ho? 

 

August 27th, 2011

Easy Weekend Craft

To get your creative juices flowing this weekend, why not try making your own DIY necklace?

This is the same necklace I briefly mentioned here and the good news is that like all of my MIM (Made It Myself) crafts it’s fast, easy and cheap!

Here’s what you need:

Materials: 1 circular pendant with green recycle symbol, metal twine, 1 square pendant with the word create on it and 1 jump ring.

How I did it: I used the metal twine that attached one of the pendants to its cardboard backing and threaded it through both pendants and a jump ring. Lastly, I threaded through the jump ring with an old necklace chain I hardly used. That’s it!

What are you creating this weekend?

August 26th, 2011

You’re That Much Closer to Making a Decision

via @Sandra Vanderbeck Heyrich on Pinterest. originally from youaremyfave.com.

Make Conscious Decisions

When fearful, our options seem limited but when we are at peace, more possibilities open up.  Go over your list of what ifs again and see if you can incorporate a more balanced list of the best and worst scenarios possible.  Then talk to love ones about what you would do in each situation and the choices you do have.  There may be options you overlooked and friends and family may be able to put your situation in perspective.  Sometimes our greatest worries begin to dissipate once we begin expressing them.  Lastly, give yourself a timeline.  Create a goal for yourself and make conscious clear decisions about where you want to go in your life and when.

Befriend Your Fears

We often perceive fears as our greatest enemy, yet they provide us with an enormous opportunity for self-growth.  What if we were to see them as friends who want to help us become a better person, a person who isn’t afraid to be more of who we really are?  Let your fears help you instead of hurt you by asking them, “Why are you here?  What are you trying to teach me?”  Then, write down what comes to you.  You may be surprised by the answers.  My fear of moving told me its purpose is to help me make a conscious decision about what I want to do with my life.  Instead of relying on external events to decide things for me, I am forced to be responsible and accountable for my own actions.  Thinking of my fears as a friend has made decision-making less scary to me because I know that even my so-called worst enemy, has my best interests at heart.

I believe that every situation, especially the challenging ones, provides us with an opportunity to grow as a human being, if we let it.  At the surface, change and the unknown, a seemingly daunting duo are actually disguises for two loving teachers who really want us to transform into the strong, authentic and powerful people that we already are.  The sooner we’re able to get that, the sooner we’ll be free to truly live our lives.  And although I’m still in the midst of the unknown, uncertain about if and when I’ll ever move back to my home state, I seek comfort in knowing that either way I will be okay.

August 25th, 2011

More Tips for Dealing With Change

via @Erica Shoulders on Pinterest originally from Etsy.com

Don’t React

So what do we do when we don’t know what to do?  First, stop, take a deep breath and don’t do anything. Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher and author of Stillness Speaks says to “become at ease with the state of ‘not knowing’.” It is having faith and trusting what you do know in the unknown. Knowing, for example, that the tide will recede, the vast encumbrances of our lives are, what a recent musical called Avenue Q taught me, “only for now.” Sure we may not know if we are making the right decisions or if the better route is to avoid change and stay where we are, but in reality even what we perceive to be stable in our lives, may not be. In all situations, there is an undercurrent of change lurking just beneath the surface. After all, life is hard and requires risk, challenge and especially courage. Instead of finding security in our external world, it’s much more important during times like these to find safety and stability in our selves.

Invite Acceptance and Surrender in Your Life

Learning to accept your situation will help you develop a sense of empowerment over the unknown. You may not know, for example, what the future holds, but being present and focusing on what you can do today, gives you control over your future decisions. In addition, trying to run, avoid, or distance your self from fear, only transforms it into a bigger monster.

Meditate, talk to friends, family or a counselor, and express yourself through art, exercise, and spirituality and in those activities, you will find the space to express not repress your emotions.

Then with time, patience and self-compassion, you will eventually find acceptance in your situation. As Kathy Freston of Quantum Wellness says when we completely accept our situation, the answers will come from Spirit who will guide us to the next step. Once we’ve found a path towards acceptance through activities that heal us such as prayer, meditation, or even a simple walk, we can learn to deal with the situation clearer and on a cognitive level. In Stillness Speaks, Tolle explains that when we accept what we don’t know, we also stop struggling to find answers out of desperation and the end result is that thought becomes more effective. With the ability to think clearly, there is also an opportunity to think clearly about your choices.

Reflect on the Past

Another activity is to recall times in your life when you were faced with an unknown. Then, think about how you handled the situation and how the events of your life eventually unfolded. More times than not, our worries and anxieties are unnecessary and are unfounded. Remembering these incidents will remind you that you have gone through difficult situations before and that you can do it again.  Use your past experiences to bring you strength, to lift you up and to remind you what you are capable of.

To be continued…Will be wrapping things up in a final post.

August 24th, 2011

Dealing with Life’s Greatest Uncertainties: 6 Ways to Welcome Change in Your Life

“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” So said Julia Robert acting as Elizabeth Gilbert in movie based on her memoir Eat, Pray, Love. Yet, it’s a road that most would avoid at all cost. When a recent event such as a job loss, end of a relationship or illness has shaken you to the core, what do you do? Do you embrace the road you are now on or do you resist, react, and avoid change at all costs? It’s a choice that will either paralyze you or propel you forward towards self-growth.

Being on the verge of impending change is probably one of the hardest places to be. 

At every fork in the road there are decisions that need to be made and questions about the outcome. The slate is blank and the only choices are to stay where you are or move forward. What choice will you make?

Gilbert courageously ended her six-year marriage with her husband because after 47 consecutive nights of crying on the bathroom floor, she realized she couldn’t be married to him anymore.  It was a difficult, trying decision to make.  With one road leading to the path she’s already walked on to another one free with possibilities, but frightening because of its uncertainty.  The truth is that to get to the point of life-changing transformation, we need to do the work.  And change, good or bad, is painful.  It is the ending of one life and a beginning of another.

The question is, “How do we deal with that common fear of the unknown?”

Do we react in fear and out of emotion?  Do we jump into the next phase of our life allowing the “what if’s” to consume our thoughts and dictate our actions? Or do we open ourselves up to something different?”  Ask yourself this, “How often do you make unconscious decisions about your future that end up propelling you into self-sabotaging behavior?”  Is mindless snacking sabotaging your efforts to lose weight or mindless spending not just eating away at your wallet, but at your soul?  You could turn the other cheek and continue doing what you’ve always done or you could rise up to the occasion and see the situation as a gift. It’s a gift that could awaken you to a conscious, healthy and wealthy life, the life that you really want.  It’s a life that comes out of self-growth and life-changing transformation.

How do you get there?

In part I, I’m listing the first of six things you can do in the midst of uncertainty to choose differently, which will ultimately change the trajectory of your life.

 

Don’t Panic

In “Life at Work,” Thomas Moore discusses how the things we do unconsciously like being consistently late at work could be an indication that your daimon or what drives behavior, is unconsciously driving you.  Though having passion and direction in life are good things, it’s being unaware of our behaviors that can lead to disaster. A desire to have creative freedom for example may engender a passion to be an entrepreneur. Yet, the fear of the unknown may unconsciously drive you to spend money on things you don’t need or attract clients who don’t pay.

Here’s what’s key.

When you’re first taught how to swim, what was the first thing you learned? “Whatever you do, don’t panic!”  Panic is one of the reasons people drown.  It’s also the reason why we make disastrous unconscious decisions that dictate our life and why we often get stuck in limbo not wanting to make a decision either way.   The ocean becomes symbolic of our lives where those who survive take a deep breath and go with the tide, and others who panic are swallowed by the waves of their own fear.

To be continued…

August 22nd, 2011

You Have My Permission…

One thing we forget when we get to be adults is that we always knew what we wanted to be when we grew up. And we already lived the life that we dream of.

There was a time when we were kids when the world was big and scary, but in a single moment anything was possible.

For the most part, we did what we wanted to. We lived the life we wanted to live.

Maybe as adults, we just need permission to live that way again.

Here is a permission slip that will hopefully release you from the rigidity and pressures that now plague you as an adult.

 

Why?

Because you have my permission to do the following…

The laundry will still be there tomorrow. The dishes will still need to be cleaned even if you cleaned them today. But more importantly, life is too short to worry about these things.

What would you add to your “permission list?” Pick one thing and do it this week.