Posts tagged ‘Facing your fears’

August 30th, 2012

Ocean Talk

I’m far from being the first person to find symbolism in the waves and the ocean. And I certainly won’t be the last. But I hope you’ll humor me a bit with these few pearls of wisdom given to me by loved ones while playing on the beach.

“Man just when things are going good, everything gets all messed up.” – from my 8-year-old cousin.

As said to me by my husband while I swam frantically in the opposite direction of an oncoming wave:

“You know running away from the wave actually is worse. Going toward them is easier because you’re meeting them just before they break on the shore.”

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that the waves = fears and escaping them = well the same thing. When a wave comes barreling down toward me, I scream like a 4-year-old jump as high as heck and run as fast as you can in an ocean (a.k.a. not very fast). All that energy it takes to avoid them is pretty exhausting. And so it goes with life. You might not think of it, but the amount of fuel it takes to repress a problem, to avoid a fear, weighs heavily on your soul. And that’s energy that could be better spent on and with your loved ones, your passion, your dreams.

Surprisingly, when you go head on towards them, they’re not all that bad. Anticipation is always worst than the truth of what your facing. Even big and scary looking waves come down to shore eventually. What you need is courage in the interim when crazy anxious thoughts make even little waves look gigantic.

My advice?

Get grounded. Plant your feet firmly in the sand (or the cement or the dirt depending on where you live). Remember that waves ebb and flow, come and go, but you can always find your center. Getting grounded could be a physical sensation of security. But it can also be the safety and comfort you feel with a friend, the unconditional love you get from a pet or your partner. That strength will help you especially if you feel like an oncoming issue could wipe you out and knock you down.

Grab tools. Whether you’re swimming in the ocean or you’re wading through life, you need tools to help you meet any challenge coming your way. You need to learn how to swim for one and be prepared to do what you need to do to feel safe. Panicking is good for no one. Find solace in the tools you have around you-a life coach, a therapist, a good book-someone or something that has overcome big waves before and landed safely on the other side. Their wisdom can act as a guide, calming you so no matter what’s coming your way, you won’t feel alone.

Just do it. Sometimes it takes patience to overcome the big waves in your life. Sometimes it takes time to build courage, tools and to feel grounded. Other times you’ve got to stop wading around in the shallow side and take a risk to get to the deep end. There will never be a perfect time to do it. You can always have more confidence, be a little more prepared and have more courage. But that doesn’t mean it will be easier. Don’t wait for that calm day, it might never come.

Have any great tips on facing your fears ocean analogy or not?

July 17th, 2012

Why It’s Worth Facing Your Fears

This whole process of moving to a new place has taught me a lot of things. For one, I was reminded that fear if left alone will only grow bigger. And if confronted can reap so many unexpectedly beautiful things.

Such a small choice like deciding to go out with a new friend or trying a new restaurant, a new way home, can be like a car wash for your soul. Sometimes it’s small ripples that cause the biggest waves.

Driving over this scenic, (but some believe scary) highway, I thought about all the opportunities I would have missed had I allowed fear to control my life.

{When fear is worth the risk by The Inspiring Bee.}

Staying safe seems comfortable, the way it feels to slide into your bunny slippers or have a warm meal on a cold day. It feels good. And it should. But over time, comfort sticks over our life like cobwebs. It makes it harder to trust your instincts, have faith and LIVE your life.

I thought about the relationships I held onto in fear of never finding the right one, jobs I took out of desperation and times when I overstayed my welcome because knowing what was in front of me (no matter how bad) was better than the unknown.

Perhaps the biggest lessons I learned is this:

“You were never that much safer anyway.”

{Catch the rest of my post here.}

 

December 9th, 2010

Facing Your Fears Head On

This summer I added something else surprising on my, “I’ll never do this list.” Never say never!

On top of being a private investigator, I also agreed to open myself up to verbal attack from comedians Penn & Teller. Have you watched their show? They are brutal to their guests.

And as someone who is still getting over being teased as kid, I was not looking forward to reliving that experience.

Yet, fear does something crazy to me. It eggs me on. And somewhere between scared out of my mind and fearless, I end up doing something scary just to see if I can. (Believe me when I saw that I’m not an adrenaline junkie or someone who lives on the edge.)

But every time I take that chance, the gift I get is greater than the fear I experienced.

And that’s the reason why I decided to join a friend on Penn & Teller about Affirmations.


The Unrealness of Reality TV

One thing I learned from the process is that reality TV is not very real at all.

I hate to spoil it for you. But lot of what you’ll see (if you check out the video below) was staged. While the teacher, Jaqui Duvall, is a real teacher who teaches Affirmations, she is also a life coach and a friend. She asked me to be a “student” in a staged class and I happily obliged. Besides giving me a behind the scenes look to what it takes to transform ordinary life into Hollywood, it taught me a great lesson on facing my fears.

Facing My Fear

Everyone came to the taping this summer for very different reasons. I came because I wanted to face my fears. And though I may never be an actress or television show, it taught me a great lesson: No matter how scared out of my mind I felt, or how awkward or nervous I was, I still survived.

  • Just like I did in my high school play.
  • Or when I gave my first presentation as a executive for United Way.
  • Or when I decided to take that job as a private investigator.
  • Or worked as a junior high school counselor.

Every one of those opportunities made my heart pound, my throat dry and my stomach ache. Maybe it’s not so good for the body long-term, but in the short-term facing our fears does something magical. It stretches our comfort zone, gives us fuel for the next big fire and it reminds us about how much more we can do than we think we can.

In the end, I do it not just because it may be good for my career, but because it’s worth it for my growth as a soul.

As children, we’re always taking risks. We go from rolling around to crawling and then crawling to walking. It’s a pretty scary feat for a little kid. Yet, to grow, we need to take risks otherwise we’d spend our whole lives rolling around on the ground instead of walking.

It’s the same for us as adults. We’ve lost our vulnerabilities, our physical and mental limitations that we had as children, but as adults we are more afraid about life than ever.

Maybe this is one situation where we need to relearn what we’ve forgotten as kids.

The next time you have the opportunity, remember how fearless you were as a child, and use that to tackle something that’s scaring you. If you can do that, you’ll be more courageous when another scary magical thing comes along.

In the meantime, you can check out my Penn & Teller 5 minutes of fame video below. {I’m about 9 minutes and 37 seconds in.}