Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and even with the last few years being the most challenging in my life, my cup runneth over.
Last year, I told someone that I wanted 2018 to be my year of failure. I’m not a masochist, but failure leads to evolving and I know I’m on a path towards self-growth. He looked at me incredulously. As an entrepreneur, the idea of failing seemed like a terrible wish.
And I’ll tell you something. It kind of was. Here’s something you won’t read on other blog posts, see pinned on Pinterest or in an Instastory. I failed tremendously in 2018. A tidal wave of rejections in emails and snail mail, and unanswered responses.
That’s just professionally, as a parent, failure feels like part of the job.
And then, there was a constant battle with my health.
Yes 2018 was a rollercoaster of failure.* But when I reflect back on my life and analyze my strengths, I think failing is one of them.
Someone told me recently they could never risk being a fiction writer for fear of rejection. Yet, I submit every day, and almost every day get rejected. Not even the good kind.
It’s not easy to be a writer. But I’m not ashamed of my failure. I don’t even really think it’s a bad thing.
You see something that failure gave me this year was a deep personal and intimate relationship with myself and the way I perceive my self-worth. Failing is a humbling experience. Failing consistently with little to no win requires a muscle to be strengthen. It requires an incorrigible belief in yourself and your abilities. It requires you to quiet the ego that says you’re less than because the outside world isn’t acknowledging or validating your skills. It means you have to take a good look and the mirror and remind yourself that what you do isn’t equated with your self-worth.
Perhaps my time is not now. Perhaps this is the hard work, the roll-up your sleeves, hand in the dirt moments that successful people don’t talk about. This is why this post is important. People need to know it’s easy to do great things. People need to realize there’s no shame in failure. There is courage in making mistakes and learning from them. There is enormous potential for increasing one’s self-worth. These are the moments you remember. It’s not about the end of the road. It’s about persevering when there’s no evidence you should except for your conviction that what you are doing matters
Just because where you are right now isn’t ready for the masses doesn’t mean it won’t be.
More importantly, it’s not who you are. Never believe that your work equals your worth. It doesn’t.
And one more thing.
When that rejection comes around, as it will if you decide to venture with your heart, let yourself have a moment of grief. And then do the unexpected thing. Celebrate. You did something many people are afraid to do. You put yourself out there. And that is enough. In fact, that is everything.
*Update. To say all of 2018 was a failure would be incorrect since it’s not over yet, and there were a few successes-a request for a book proposal, a “good” manuscript rejection and being witness to this woman’s success.
