Did I ever tell you this story?
When I was in high school, I had a horrible English teacher. He would sit on a chair in front of us and read our work aloud. Then he would begin attacking it. Questioning its worthiness, commenting on how terrible it was, and always letting us know whose story he was reading.
It was a cringe-worthy experience especially for a highly sensitive introvert like me.
Eventually, I sought support from the vice Principal. But he was “tenured,” so he couldn’t be fired.
I started skipping class, asking my journalism and history teachers to let me stay in their class instead. Because I was a good student, they agreed.
One day I got called out of class again and this teacher called me an, “airhead,” who was a “bad writer.”
I hardly spoke, but I worked up enough courage to say back, “I think I’m a good writer.”
I didn’t know if it was true. What I did know was that my writing could well be bad, but that I wasn’t a bad writer. I didn’t believe that bad writers exist – only good writers with bad rough drafts.
I left his class in tears. The person who pulled me out was a friend and as we left the class together she turned to me and said, “Congratulations! You won a scholarship award for your writing.”
I don’t think she knew what had just happened. But that single moment was life altering. It validated my experience. It gave me courage to keep writing.
I tell you this story because the reason why it’s still hard to write is whenever you work on something that means the world to you, it’s going to trigger old wounds.
I know now that whenever I get a critique it will likely reopen a wound. I know that I will get defensive and angry, and want to find every reason why this person is wrong. I allow myself to feel every emotion and listen with kindness and compassion to this younger me who felt rejected so many years ago. And you know what happens?
The moment passes, and I feel motivated and inspired to write.
I know I won’t become a better writer unless I listen to what’s wrong with my words. I know that critiques improve my writing in a way that I couldn’t fix alone. And I also grew to understand that just like my English teacher, not everyone is right.
While you are pursuing your passion, you will run against people who will criticize you. In fact, the more successful you are, the louder they will be.
In a moment of calm and peace, you will learn to discern the feedback that can help you grow and the ones that will only motivate you to work harder.
If you get anything from my story, remember this:
Bad writing does not equal bad writer or more importantly, bad person.
Never equate what you do to who you are.
You are perfectly imperfect as you are. When we forget that, every critique becomes too personal. Every attack is an attack on our soul.
Good or bad doesn’t matter. Keeping at it regardless is what matters most.
