Facing the Things You Fear Most

H-A-P-P-Y                                          H-A-L-L-O-W-E-E-N! 

In case you didn’t know, I’m a bit of a scaredy cat. I’m scared of oogly googly things like spiders, snakes, cockroaches. And I’m scared of loud noises like fireworks, balloons popping, gun shots and suspenseful movies.

I think in my former life I was a rabbit. I startle easy and like to be in quiet places.

But of all the things there are in the world to worry about, the thing that scares me most is not fulfilling my purpose.

It’s the thing that keeps me up late at night, that inspires me to keep working, to look for clues, to hunt down any inkling of desire I might have.

Because as you know, just when you think you know everything something changes to prove you wrong. 

I once heard that you’ll never stop wanting until you’re dead. That hopefully means we have a lot of wanting left in our lives. It means that there is no age limit on dream-seeking. That the only thing keeping you from pursuing your dreams is the limitations you create in your mind.

Yesterday, I was in yoga lying down in corpse position {ironic name} when these lines popped into my mind:

i am just a small spirit,

spinning, pulsating brightly through the limitations of this flesh covered body.

as an entity it is strong,

together with my soul it is powerful.

i extend a light through its fingers and twinkle its toes and experience what it’s like to be sensitive to sound, vulnerable to pain, and to feel both connected and disconnected at once.

it is fear and pain,

pure awareness abound.

a blessing to be awake, a gratitude to experience what it is to be alive.

it’s when the intensities too great,

when the light from spirit is low,

that’s when i long for respite,

to retreat to the sweet pleasantries of nothingness

to crawl out of this weak, all feeling body.

but it is with knowledge, with unexpected strength,

a treasure trove of goodness despite pain, despite discomfort, despite fear

that i keep my light flowing, courageously extending my glow, my energy,

my inner brilliance,

though it wax and wanes like a candle fragile to the wind,

i take the chance

because i remember

that in the end

it is worth it…

That poem was melding in my brain and it just rolled on out. To me, it means: Yes. Life is scary. Life is uncomfortable, awkward, painful, devastating, and disappointing. But it is also beautiful, hopeful, exciting and gives us the opportunity to grow, to feel and to change.

As you prepare for your Halloween party, fixing up some sweet treats and getting into your costumes, I hope you’ll remember that. Maybe the things that scare us are not so scary after all. Maybe they are just lessons waiting to be learned.