3 Quotes That Will Help You Confront Almost Anything

Finally confronted my fear of speaking. My table at the HMSA and Mom’s in Hawaii Mom-O-Rama event.

This year has been bursting with challenges most of which have been stuffed into the month of June. But I’ve never been one to turn down an opportunity out of fear. Instead I’ve bombarded my inner critic with positive verbiage from the likes of

1. Sue Monk Kidd on Super Soul Sunday, in which she says:

Well, you know, as I get older, I try to love the uncertainties more than I do the certainties.”

To embrace what we don’t know is one of our greatest challenges isn’t it? And yet when I look back-my wedding day, the birth of my son,  my grandmother’s funeral, this past Mom-O-Rama talk with Moms in Hawaii and HMSA have also been a life changing experience. It’s what makes life feel magical. Although I’m often full of anticipation and fear, I’m almost always grateful for the growth and opportunity it gave me.

2. Steven Pressfield’s book, The War of Art continues to push me to face my fears professionally.

The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear, then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist…

The pro keeps coming on. He beats Resistance at its own game by being even more resolute and even more implacable than it is.”

Pressfield teaches me that my goal isn’t to wait until I’m fearless. My goal is to understand that fear is part of the process. It’s to realize that part of being a professional is to accept the discomfort, plan, prepare and then even though I might feel unworthy, inexperienced and awkward and do my best anyway.

3. Glennon Doyle Melton teaches me, shocks me, and makes me laugh until I’m weeping as I read each highlighted passage to my husband in Carry On Warrior:
Every little girl is told at some point that the world does not want to see the ugly, afraid, secret version of her. Sometimes the people who tell her this are advertisers, sometimes they’re people close to her, and sometimes they’re just her own demons.

And so she must be told by someone she trusts that this hiding is both necessary and unncessary.

She must be taught that, in fact, some people will want and need to hear about her secret self as badly as they need to inhale. Because reading her truth will make them less afraid of their own secret selves. And she must be taught that telling her truth will make her less afraid too. Because maybe her secret self is actually her own personal prophet.”
Her words make me feel brave-not by doing anything amazingly courageous, but just by virtue of sharing my truth. It pushed me to express personal experiences that my normal introverted self would cringe at sharing. I’m so grateful for this. It helped me to realize that some people may not accept this gift of honesty with kindness, compassion or understanding, but it’s worth saying for the ones that need to hear it and will consequently receive it graciously.
Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

Should You Throw in the Towel?

{Morguefile photo by MMAARRSS}

{Morguefile photo by MMAARRSS}

Every now and again, I hear a little voice that says, “It’s time to quit!” But how do I know if it’s coming from my inner mentor or fear?

Sometimes it’s difficult to differentiate between the two. Over the years, however, I’ve gotten better at identifying them. Here are a few clues that help me decide whether it’s time to throw in the towel or keep going.

1. Your inner voice sounds desperate. 

Does the voice sound desperate and whiny? Chances are if it sounds like it’s trying to convince you to quit, it’s most likely fear. Fear doesn’t want you to succeed. It wants you to stay safe in your comfort zone. When you decide to do something risky, something close to your dreams, you better believe that voice will come across as desperate, argumentative and even somewhat convincing. In comparison, quitting something that’s not right for you will feel like a calm knowing.

2. Your beliefs are based on “should.”

Sometimes I hear the voice of surrender and it’s focused on something I “should” do. Maybe I need to quit pursuing my dream so I can focus on making more money or I should stop doing this project because I should be spending my time on something more practical. If your inner voice is based on something you “should” be doing, chances are it’s not time to quit just yet.

3.  You would feel temporarily relieved, but filled with regret down the road.

Imagine how you would feel if you quit. If you’re hit with instant relief, but think you’d regret it later, you’re probably being motivated to quit by fear. The things that matter most to us cause us the most fear. But while quitting will initially eliminate the discomfort, the realization we’re not pursuing our dreams feels tragic. While fear ebbs and flows as we continually push ourselves, the feeling of continual comfort and living a lifetime of safety never feels good in the long run.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

Using Fear as Your Compass

Raccoon

What scares us usually pushes away rather than towards the fear. Fear is an indication of danger. It’s a sign we should be running away rather than confront it.

That’s not what bestselling author and well-known blogger Seth Godin says. In his podcast with Tami Simon of Sounds True he debunks the myth of fear and turns it on his head.

Ever heard of Charles Pollock? Probably not. We’ve all probably heard of famous painter Jackson Pollock. But his brother Charles was also a painter. Godin says, he wasn’t an artist. He spent his career painting like his teacher.

…no one’s ever heard of him, and he changed nothing. The reason is simple: because Charles avoided his fear and Jackson danced with his fear.

Fear is now a compass. The noise in our head—the resistance—is a compass. It tells us when we are onto something—when we are about to do something important or personal or real; when we’re about to do something that might make a difference.

So, if every time you hear that inkling in your head, you run away, you will become a wandering generality—somebody who doesn’t make the impact you’re capable of. But—and I’ve talked to people who choreograph ballets, I’ve talked to directors, I’ve talked to people who have built companies, people who have done things that don’t necessarily feel artistic but have worked—and all of them tell me the same thing. Which is: that feeling is when they know they’re about to do something important.”

We all have opportunities to do things that matter to us. But the more important it is, the more it matters, the scarier it is to do them. It’s much easier to give excuses, quit, and run the other way. But you will never fulfill your true purpose if you hide.

Every time we’re scared, we think we’re not ready. We think we don’t deserve the opportunity. But that’s just resistance rearing its ugly head. The truth is you would never have been given the chance if you weren’t ready, talented, and deserving. It’s all a mental game. You just need to go through it to succeed. Be a Jackson Pollock and not a Charlie what’s his name.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

Inspiration to Confront Your Fears

{by Prawny via @morgueFile}

{by Prawny via @morgueFile}

I’ve been MIA because I’ve been dealing with something kind of heavy recently.

F-E-A-R.

It’s reared its ugly head again and all my defense walls are up. I’m ready to give up, throw in the towel and use every single excuse not to face it.

It’s so much easier to sit back and watch everyone around me grow more successful. It’s much harder to be in the ring wrestling with every single critic, self-doubt, and past insecurity of my lifetime. I wear it like a skin. And confronting discomfort is like sloughing that skin off. It’s painful.

But there’s been a lot of things inspiring me lately. Like the singer on The Voice that is uber talented, but doesn’t believe in herself. When she lets go of her insecurities for a moment, her melodious voice gives me goosebumps.

Then, there’s pro-golfer Michelle Wie who says in her interview with Self magazine and that I wrote about here, the game is 80% mental. It’s changed the way I envisioned success. Unless I tackle my inner critic, any talent I have or hard work I put in matters little.

Then there’s Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art, which is always on me like the bible:

The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.

What Henry Fonda does, after puking into the toilet in his dressing room, is to clean up and march out onstage. He’s still terrified but he forces himself forward in spite of terror. He knows that once he gets out into the action, his fear will recede and he’ll be okay.”

If I am successful at defeating my fear, you will see me come June in a Hawaii event. Wish me luck!

If you would like to see me confront my fears and join me on dealing with your own through relaxing activities like meditation and sipping on tea, I’m teaching another workshop on Saturday, April 25th in Wahiawa. It’s soon so make sure to sign up here as soon as possible. You can also email me at bauyemura AT gmail DOT com.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

5 Reasons You’re Still Stuck

Cat starting out the window

It’s been several years since your last big idea. But you’re still reading or watching about other people’s dreams while yours fades in the distance.

If you’ve wondered why you haven’t “made it” yet. Scroll through the following list to see if you’re guilty of the following obstacles that are keeping you stuck.

1) You’re playing safe.

People who risk big are often the most successful and the happiest. Taking a risk means different things to different people. For some, joining toastmasters or a choir is huge in the department of facing their fears. For others, starting their own business is a risk worth taking. If you’re still stuck in the same place you were last year, you may be too comfortable where you are. True enjoyment comes from taking risks. Find out what would make your heart race and take the leap.

2) You’re on the wrong path.

Maybe you dream of great things. But the things you’re dreaming of has nothing to do with what truly matters to you. If you’re fantasizing about financial wealth, but your real goal is to help others, you’ll stay stuck in a false facade of what can really make you happy. The sooner you realize you’re on the wrong path and return to the one that will lead you to your true purpose, the faster you’ll be on the road to happiness.

3) You expecting something or someone to change.

Life doesn’t happen because you’re lucky. Life happens because you take the necessary action to fulfill your dreams. If you’re waiting for the circumstances to be right before you venture into your life, you will be waiting a very long time.

4) You’re burnt out.

Perhaps you’ve run out of steam and inspiration on the path towards the life you want. The key is to mix things up, take a break, reimagine your vision. Change won’t happen while you’re emotionally or physically drained. Things will happen when you take care of yourself and feel refreshed enough to go after your dreams.

5) You haven’t taken any baby steps.

Big dreams do require big steps. But they also require small ones too. Skipping steps won’t get you there faster. Hard work, patience and continually chipping away at the small tasks (from paperwork to research) to get to the larger ones will eventually lead you to your dreams. Sometimes we need to face the small fears in order to give us courage for the really scary ones. If you haven’t made any changes in years, it’s time to reflect on whether you’ve taken all the necessary steps to get there.

Need help finding your purpose? I’d love to help! I offer phone and in-person dream coaching for those who need direction in following their dreams.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

The Key to Coping With Failure

 Butterfly

In Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art, he speaks of the dreaded R we didn’t learn in school with Reading, Writing and Arithmetic.

Resistance.

It’s the word responsible for more failed dreams than anything else. It’s unfinished projects, unsuccessful diets, and unfulfilled dreams. It’s the fear inside that said, “Well last time I failed at that. I’m never going to do that again!”

It’s what’s keeping us all hidden, scared, and silenced.

It’s the reason why we place so much meaning, value and importance on feedback. We’re afraid of the shame that comes from failing, the unworthiness factor, the belief tucked under that asks, “Am I good enough?”

What helped me recently is reading this Real Simple quote:

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

You mean to tell me that I can fail again. That the goal to success is to not avoid failure, but to fail better?

That’s what I thought too.

When I realized I didn’t have to tip-toe through the minefield of failure because if I’m growing, it will always be present, life seemed a lot less overwhelming.

The key isn’t to figure out how to never fail again. The key is to fail more efficiently.

What does that mean?

Instead of getting 10 rejections, shoot for 5. Instead of a complete overhaul of your copy, focus on getting feedback to edit a few sentences.

This may sound like shooting for the grass instead of the trees or the clouds instead of the moon. But if you continue on the path of 1 step forward, 2 steps backwards, you will eventually get there. If you approach a dream with the belief that you have to succeed flawlessly, you’re more likely to get overwhelmed and give up.

So that’s my motto these days.

Fail successfully…

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter

Transformation

Transformation is one of those words that sounds easier and loftier than change. The latter often beckons its listeners to hide, avoid or escape. Why is change so scary, but transformation seem as elegant as a caterpillar turning into a butterfly?

I think because all of us innately know transformation is necessary in order to truly live. Change sounds force upon us by something beyond our control. One is our humanely right. The other something to fear.

Truthfully, however, we need both to wake up to our lives.

Change can inspire transformation. An external event, an illness, a loss, even a positive experience like marriage or a new baby can force our hand. What we thought we knew no longer applies. Some people embrace this change. Others fear it.

I tend to fall into both categories. Initially I go into panic mode when change arrives. But by quickly submerging myself into whatever newness is taking place, I find peace in acceptance and surrendering. Through life’s greatest challenges, I realized I can either resist and cause myself more suffering or I can learn how to ride the wave of unexpectedness and allow whatever is happening to transform me. Doing so has always given me the greatest lessons.

Recently, for example, I kept running into an annoying problem without any solution in site. How do you resolve a reoccurring conflict? One way to automatically fail is to continue to do what you have been doing and expect a different scenario.

In order to change the situation and break free from it, you need to reach in deep and do something that makes you a bit uncomfortable, sweat a little and do what doesn’t always feel natural. I learned I can either take this challenge as an annoyance that is “happening to me” or I can think of it as a lesson “happening for me.” That tiny shift in perspective ended up being a HUGE insight to me! I quickly learned the lesson wasn’t to feed my ego, defend myself, or manipulate the situation. What I needed to do was be vulnerable, be honest, and communicate in a way that was 1) respectful 2) genuine 3) filled with integrity.

Sometimes we get bogged down in proving ourselves because of low self-esteem, a critical environment or a traumatic childhood. Automatically we feel the need to justify and defend every decision we make. But if we step out of that and trust our true selves we remember that nothing other people say or think matters as much as how we view and think about ourselves.

How to Transform Your Life

Transformation takes courage, discipline and a lot of patience. But it can start out small. Interestingly, you can start by changing your external circumstances. For example, start noticing your home, your workplace, your physical environment. Is there anything you can do to make things more pleasant for yourself? Decluttering, organizing, donating items that no longer serve their purpose. These things seem superficial. But look at something that bothers you every day is like a paper cut. Seemingly benign, but it cuts at you over time.

Life coach Martha Beck says she notices when clients change their outward appearance, there’s often an internal change. I think you can also begin to start small by changing your physical environment or appearance to initiate change in your life.

Eventually you will gain the confidence to create consistent change in your life and that will begin the journey toward life-long transformation…

Kitchen Reno

Our kitchen before.

{Our kitchen in process...}

{Our kitchen in process…}

{Almost there.}
{Almost there.}

{Nearly done.}

{Nearly done.}

white cabinets with chicken wire

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Related Posts with Thumbnails

snowflake snowflake snowflake snowflake snowflake snowflake snowflake snowflake snowflake snowflakeWordpress snowstorm powered by nksnow