Archive for ‘Dealing with Fear’

May 1st, 2013

Will You Live in Fear or Faith?

{Flickr photo by 27147}

{Flickr photo by 27147}

Between moving to our first home and landing a new writing gig, I haven’t had spare time to write for fun, much less keep up this blog. [insert =( here.] But I know the value in doing it. It’s forced me to sit on the ground with my laptop, exhausted after 5 hours of moving behind me.

Why?

Reflecting on this moment is of the utmost importance and sharing all the mini lessons I learn along the way makes it all worthwhile. Even if there are only a handful of you still reading this now.

2012-2013 has been filled with some of my most exciting and painful moments. I’ve said goodbye to good friends, got slammed with unexpected good and bad news and was continuously tested on my faith. The question that kept looping in my head was: Do I choose to live in fear or faith?

To live an inspiring life, many might assume that it means living a pain-free one. Some might think that true happiness is a life void of difficulty and filled to the rim with constant joy, and luck. Those who feel this way can get pretty tied up in feeling sorry for themselves (I can vouch for my own self-pity parties in the past.). But what they don’t realize is true happiness and joy stems from having the confidence to overcome obstacles, from being able to put one foot in front of the other regardless if you know where that path will lead.

Any one of us can easily fall into the gap of paranoia and fear especially in regards to the news lately. Any one of us can stay in the past and glorify a frozen moment. It’s easy to let yourself get overwhelmed by difficulty, problems and uncertainty. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

On the other side of the fence is hope. It’s still scary there. Unknowns lay like hidden potholes. But love, courage, faith there are stronger. I’m not saying that the road is easier. In fact, if you decide to live your life with faith, it may even be harder. But if you choose it, your confidence will grow. And in doing so, you will reap the benefits of a truly lived life.

I meet a lot of people these days who like to play their lives safe. Being cautious feels smart. It feels like the best way to live your life. But play things too cautiously and you’re putting yourself at great risk. You’re risking your ability to love deeply, laugh loudly and experience the life you were meant to live.

We were not meant to live life problem-free. We were meant to bend in the wind, to fall, to bleed, to shed our leaves and grow beautiful like the trees…

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April 15th, 2013

Use Magic to Find Meaning In Your Life

There is something magical about this moment.

It’s the only one you’ll ever have.

Whether you’re grieving over a loss, bored out of your mind, or simply enjoying the ordinariness of this moment, if you can take the time to appreciate how fleeting it all is, you’ll find meaning in your life.

As I sit here on the bare floor writing pen in hand, I am listening to the rain while observing my 7-year-old mini lop bunny hopping around me and pushing his soft nose in my chubby knees. It’s a thing to marvel at. Maybe you don’t find anything magical about a person and their rabbit journaling maybe self-indulgently about their life. But that’s just because you don’t see what I see.

Magical moments are not simply ones that make dreams transpire out of nothing, but being able to notice the moment without being so busy you let it all pass you by.

When life feels uninspiring and void of meaning it’s because you’ve drained it of its magic. You tell yourself:

“I know everything.”

“I’ve seen everything.”

You’ve become closed to age and time. And being the weary-traveler, you shut yourself out to anything new, any potential for possibility in your life.

When you shut out magic, you open the door to a meaningless life.

Your life isn’t meant to be strictly a huge to-do list of insurmountable tasks and brag worthy accomplishments. It’s meant to flourish, to savor, to share love and joy, to teach and to live. When you’re closed off to chance and live by the book, you leave little room for all the good things in life like hope, courage, and faith.

According to Dictionary.com, magic is:

“the art of producing illusions as entertainment by the use of sleight of hand, deceptive devices, etc.;”

What appears to be deceptive is our own mind. In order to allow magical moments in we need to adopt the child’s mind, the ability not to know everything. And be okay with it. When we assume to know everything and make our way only with numbers, statistics and research to back it all up, we don’t leave room for chance. And chance is where things like magic, luck, serendipity and pure joy comes in.The reason why we won’t move forward unless we got a lot of left-brained thinking to back it up is fear. Being vulnerable reminds us of being shamed as a kid or foolish as a teen and no one wants to regrettably say, “I should have done that instead.”

But the only way to build up a meaningful life is to open yourself up to vulnerable moments. It’s walking in the rain without an umbrella. It’s moving courageously in the direction of your dreams rather than waiting for the “right” time.

If you’re truly searching for more meaning in your life, you’re going to need to get good at listening within. You’re going to have to forgo the outside chatter that says, “You’ll regret that,” or “You’re making a bad decision,” or “You’ll never do it,” and you’ll have to do it anyway.

You’re going to have to sit still enough to hear and appreciate that inner voice. You’re going to have to take chances when you were to fearful to do so in the past. It will take courage, patience and a lot of doubtful moments. But if you continue on the path despite all obstacles, you will find it. You will again return to the space that I’m currently in-quiet moment, wave of acceptance, gratitude and an unwavering openness to the unknown, fear on your back and eyes set forward.

It’s no way an easy place to be. But I promise you this…here you will find meaning.

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March 26th, 2013

The Importance of Play in Inspiration

{Etsy art by spunkyfluff}

{Etsy art by spunkyfluff}

Many people get caught up with words like, “progress,” “certainty,” and “maturity.” They worry when they don’t know what they want to be when they grow up. They beat themselves up when two steps forward leads to one step back. They are self-critical and ashamed when they are “acting immature.”

But it’s all part of the process. According to Care of the Soul author Thomas Moore, it’s neglecting the complexities of our inner child (the part of us that is playful, creative and spontaneous) that hurts us most. He says progress and growth are prioritized in our society, but they are not always necessary or relevant. Sometimes in order to grow or heal we need to take a step back. Sometimes in order to know what we want, we need to honor the child. To go forward, it’s imperative that we look back. He believes that taking care of your soul requires that you accept, nurture and pay attention to all aspects of yourself. And in fact, ignoring or attempting to deny your childhood desires, your inner joy, spontaneity, and your creativity can cause significant suffering.

Who you are right at this moment is a conglomeration of who you were, who you are and who you are about to become. To neglect any part of your soul in disgust, distaste or disdain will work against you. It’s like a critical and demanding parent who controls you into being the person they want you to be. You will never know your true purpose or calling if you continue on that path. The only way to awaken the part of you that asks the following:

Who am I?

What do I really want in life?

What do I want to be when I grow up?

…is to listen.

This means prioritizing play in your life. Respect the time you devote to reading, playing, creating and protect it as well as you protect time spent working. Embrace your inner child’s wants without judgment, criticism and reprimand. You’ve had enough of that in your life and that’s the reason why you are where you are in this moment. I’m afraid the only way you can free yourself from the hold of a stifling past is to release your fears and finally respond to the part of you that you’ve been hiding for so long.

It’s a frightening, but worthy cause.

For today, let yourself be immature,

open your eyes to life as if you’ve never explored it before,

and be okay, just for this moment, with not knowing what’s through that unopened door…

CategoryCreativity, Daily Inspirations, Dealing with Fear, Finding Your Purpose | CommentNo Comments »

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October 31st, 2012

The Things That Scare You Most

{flickr photo}

It’s Halloween guys. Whether you’re choosing to celebrate the season in costume, passing out candy, or being an old fuddy-duddy like me and doing nothing, it’s hard not to be cognizant of theme of the holiday. F-E-A-R!

It’s my nemesis and my bestfriend.

It alerts me to baggage I need to work on, lessons I still haven’t learned and situations I should stay out of.

Without the fear factor nudging me toward challenging opportunities and away from dicey situations, I might not be here today. Seriously.

Try being a private investigator for a year and you’ll realize the necessity of true fear in helping to navigate life. That’s the good type of fear. The bad types of fear are the unnecessary worries that actually block you from your fear o’meter. It makes it difficult to wade through your baggage to identify what’s really scare worthy and what’s not.

{Nothing’s creepier than a graveyard except maybe a graveyard at night.}

The Difference Between Fear That Helps You and Fear That Makes You Stuck

When I was a PI, my boss taught me that real fear is the stomach dropping feeling, an intuitive knowing that something’s not quite right. It’s not necessarily a big, “I’m going to die” moment. It’s a hint, a thought, an unsettling feeling that someone or something feels unsafe. That’s the life saving features of good fear.

On the other hand, there are these fears:

What if so and so doesn’t like me?

What if they laugh at me?

What if my work really sucks?

What if I blow it?

What if make it?

These fears keep you from pursuing your dreams. I should know. I’ve let them rule my head for far too long.

These are the worries that sabotage your success. It’s why I’ve taken ill-fitting jobs, why I stayed in them, and why I messed up amazing opportunities in the past. All because there was a little really scary voice that said: “You’re not good enough!”

The only way to get around them is to address them right where they are. Ignoring them just won’t work. You can tell yourself all the reasons why the above scary statement is not true. Argue that there are people who love you, you have enough emails that disprove it, and accolades to demonstrate the contrary.

Or you can dig deeper and figure out where this statement started from. Who said it? Why did they say it and how did it affect you?

I’ve realized that sometimes reoccurring negative statements don’t disappear until we listen to what it’s saying. There’s something from your past lurking, haunting your present that needs addressing. Perhaps, it will never entirely disappear. But you can choose to ignore it, address it or accept it just as it is-the vulnerable part of yourself that just needs a little love and attention.

That’s how I deal with my scary side of myself. It never gets an opportunity to control my life or sabotage my efforts anymore.

How about you?

How have you learned to take control of your inner fears?

 

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October 22nd, 2012

It Pays to Risk Big: Risky Behavior Not So Risky After All?

There’s a misconception that risk is bad for you. It’s an old wive’s tale that says a good life is a quiet one. It’s why there are people who don’t travel, who stay unhappily in the same job/relationship for years, and why we never quite live up to our potential.

The fear of feeling uncomfortable dries up our ambitions. We mistakenly believe that staying at home or working the same job is safe. Somewhere along the way when we abandoned the tooth fairy and the magic of Santa Claus, we also bid adieu to our childlike spirit that craves adventure and self-growth. We settled instead.

I had a childhood friend who’s parents didn’t want her to leave the house out of fear. Leave home and she could be hit by a car, struck by lightening, or killed. But who knows what staying stagnant will do to our soul?

Psychologically we feel safe when we don’t venture outside our comfort zone. We avoid uncomfortable stomach butterflies, the shame of failure or the fear of success.

We get so comfy in our stagnation that shaking things up feels intolerable and unsafe. Yet, playing it safe can prove risky to our success.

In The Extraordinary Healing Power of Ordinary Things, Larry Dossey, M.D. says:

“I believe the urge to take risks is innate, inscribed in bone and blood and genes, and that when we completely avoid risk, we sabotage our greatest potential.”

By not choosing to take risks, we can compromise our physical health as well. In his book, Dossey shares research that indicates risky behavior can stimulate our immune system aiding in things like cancer and infections.

If risky behavior is good for us, then what’s stopping us from pursuing our dreams?

Maybe we’re not all built to jump out of planes or even on a surfboard, but that doesn’t mean we’re ill-equipped to take on our dreams. Maybe what we need is someone to tell us right now that what we’re doing means something, that it will be worth it, and that our efforts in the present moment have significant influence on our future.

Well it is.

It will be.

And it does.

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September 10th, 2012

When the Honeymoon Ends

In every relationship, there will come a time when you’ll begin to doubt whether you should be in it. It’s usually when the honeymoon phase ends. You wonder: “Did I do the right thing?”

I’m not talking about your romantic relationship or your friendships, but your career.

According to Real Simple magazine’s Daily Thought for September 7, 2012:

But when the love wanes, do you bail out? Do you hit the road? Do you venture into greener pastures?

I sometimes think of it. When writing begins to feel painstakingly hard, when thinking up new ideas feels like walking in slowly sinking sand, I contemplate a life writing-free. I imagine having a 9-5 job again where I feel respected by friends and family, where the benefits are good, a steady paycheck is a given and where vacation feels easy. I can turn off work as easily as shutting down my computer.

But I remember that it’s always greener on the other side. I remember what it was like to ache for meaningful life and the desperation I felt to do what made my heart soar. And I know that I’m lucky. But I wanted to tell you all that it’s not easy. That even if you’re feeling like this right now, it doesn’t mean that you’re off course. You can expect that challenges come regardless of what field you in. Sometimes the challenges are professional ones and other times it’s a personal test.

These days, I like to think of life as a class. Maybe I’m going through this so I can learn how to endure criticism. Maybe this happened so I can get better at responding to negative feedback.

If you allow your deep love and passion for helping others to drive you forward, then those other so-called setbacks are really just bumps in the road. If you learn these lessons, it’ll just make your tires stronger and more able to go right over them.

Sometime in the path toward your life purpose you will feel self-doubt. And that’s okay. Don’t avoid the feeling. Don’t bury it in other things. Listen to what your doubt is trying to tell you. It’s often less about them, the people who are bringing you down. Most of the time, it’s you. Take it as a reminder that no matter who said what about your work or what obstacles are thrown your way, it’s not a reflection in the totality of you. Don’t allow someone to break you down. Have the courage to remember that you have a special gift and your one mission in life is to allow that gift to come forward.

Above all this, remember that I’m in this boat with you. We are never alone. We’re soul soldiers trying to just do what we love and love what we do.

CategoryDaily Inspirations, Dealing with Fear, Finding Your Purpose, Following Your Dreams, Inspired Life | CommentNo Comments »

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August 30th, 2012

Ocean Talk

I’m far from being the first person to find symbolism in the waves and the ocean. And I certainly won’t be the last. But I hope you’ll humor me a bit with these few pearls of wisdom given to me by loved ones while playing on the beach.

“Man just when things are going good, everything gets all messed up.” – from my 8-year-old cousin.

As said to me by my husband while I swam frantically in the opposite direction of an oncoming wave:

“You know running away from the wave actually is worse. Going toward them is easier because you’re meeting them just before they break on the shore.”

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that the waves = fears and escaping them = well the same thing. When a wave comes barreling down toward me, I scream like a 4-year-old jump as high as heck and run as fast as you can in an ocean (a.k.a. not very fast). All that energy it takes to avoid them is pretty exhausting. And so it goes with life. You might not think of it, but the amount of fuel it takes to repress a problem, to avoid a fear, weighs heavily on your soul. And that’s energy that could be better spent on and with your loved ones, your passion, your dreams.

Surprisingly, when you go head on towards them, they’re not all that bad. Anticipation is always worst than the truth of what your facing. Even big and scary looking waves come down to shore eventually. What you need is courage in the interim when crazy anxious thoughts make even little waves look gigantic.

My advice?

Get grounded. Plant your feet firmly in the sand (or the cement or the dirt depending on where you live). Remember that waves ebb and flow, come and go, but you can always find your center. Getting grounded could be a physical sensation of security. But it can also be the safety and comfort you feel with a friend, the unconditional love you get from a pet or your partner. That strength will help you especially if you feel like an oncoming issue could wipe you out and knock you down.

Grab tools. Whether you’re swimming in the ocean or you’re wading through life, you need tools to help you meet any challenge coming your way. You need to learn how to swim for one and be prepared to do what you need to do to feel safe. Panicking is good for no one. Find solace in the tools you have around you-a life coach, a therapist, a good book-someone or something that has overcome big waves before and landed safely on the other side. Their wisdom can act as a guide, calming you so no matter what’s coming your way, you won’t feel alone.

Just do it. Sometimes it takes patience to overcome the big waves in your life. Sometimes it takes time to build courage, tools and to feel grounded. Other times you’ve got to stop wading around in the shallow side and take a risk to get to the deep end. There will never be a perfect time to do it. You can always have more confidence, be a little more prepared and have more courage. But that doesn’t mean it will be easier. Don’t wait for that calm day, it might never come.

Have any great tips on facing your fears ocean analogy or not?

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