I’ve been going through a weird parallel universe thing where my internal life and external situation have been mimicking each other. A great example is this horrendous move. For 5 years we stayed in the same place. Partly because it was comfortable and safe and partly because the thought of moving and packing 5 years of our stuff made my skin crawl.
But then suddenly safe and comfy didn’t feel so comfortable anymore. We’d outgrown our tiny apartment. And picking up and starting over seemed less scary than it did before.
I expected it to be hard but, what I didn’t expect was HOW hard it would be! This move was probably the hardest I’ve ever had to go through. It seemed like I was uncovering every dark disgusting creature inhabiting hell. Suddenly, slugs, pincher bugs and spiders were coming out from every nook and cranny of our now empty apartment.
I spent 5 hours, which felt more like 5 years, vacuuming, spraying and scrubbing every dusty, musty corner I could find. I realized I had been living in filth without realizing it.
How did I not get smothered in dust when the air vent above us was caked in thick layers of the stuff?
We never had it cleaned once-once in 5 years!
My husband helped me make the connection when I asked him why we had to go through all of that stress especially since we moved a mere 5 minutes away from our old place.
He said, “Maybe we were living in denial for all those years and suddenly we’re seeing things for what they really are.”
His matter-of-fact tone in saying something so profound is what I love about him most.
I suddenly realized that all the crap I discovered while cleaning our old place was kind of like the crap I was denying in other areas of my life. Suddenly, I was uncovering it and it wasn’t a pretty sight. There were bugs crawling and dust piling up on areas in my life that desperately needed my attention.
While I’m glad for the awakening, I’m ecstatic that we finally finished the move. And in my new place (both internally and externally), I feel like I can finally start living a more authentic life, the kind of life I was supposed to be living-dust and bug free.
