Archive for February, 2010

February 24th, 2010

2010 Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine?

This year was beginning to feel like a flop. The kind that reminds me of my little bunny and how he runs and jumps and then in pure animal fatigue, flops down as if saying, “I’m tired. Now leave me alone!”

That’s how I was feeling too. With being unable to say good-bye to my 14 year old sheltie before she was put to sleep, moving and with a few disappointments, upsets and struggles here and there, I was starting to wonder if the belief that God gives you only as much as you could handle was wrong.

It’s only February and I was already starting to think, “Okay. I had enough!”

Yet, the sun poked through, finally finding it’s way back home. New clients, better opportunities and finally settling in has gradually made 2010’s outlook not so bad after all.

I realized, however, that while those external circumstances have helped me a great deal in seeing the silver lining, staying positive and hopeful are what got me through the worst of it.

Everyone goes through hard times. Yet, there are some that can transform the most challenging situations into opportunities to grow and strengthen one’s faith.

It’s not easy.

Sometimes I think it’s easier to stay in the dark shadows and complain about our situation than it is to step out into the sunlight. Because if we take that risk and take responsibility for our life, there’s no one left to blame but ourselves.

Stepping out of my situation, while painful, is the only real solution to walking an inspired life. I can sit and wait for life to be good to me or I can stand up and risk everything to feel truly alive.

I think I’ll choose the latter. How about you?


February 18th, 2010

The Most Extraordinary Things in Life Are Most Ordinary

I apologize for being MIA as of late. My dad’s been in town from Hawaii and we’ve been hopping from Yosemite to Sonoma to San Francisco, giving “Amazing Race” a run for it’s money.

I did get oodles and oodles of photos and material for my blog. But more on that later.

One of the gifts of my dad’s trip was something I already knew, but had the opportunity to re-learn: Sometimes the most extraordinary moments in life are the most ordinary.

I can honestly say that the memories that give me goosebumps were surprisingly not the snowcapped mountaintops or the view of the bay during sunset. Although both in retrospect could easily bring tears to my eyes.

What actually sticks out in my mind are two rather ordinary moments that happened when we weren’t visiting the sights. Sorry Half Dome and Fisherman’s Wharf. Looks like sitting at home and walking around Trader Joe’s wins this race!

When I think back to the whirlwind of my dad’s visit, I smile when I think of the times we were sitting still instead of racing on. One moment occurred even when I wasn’t in the room.

I was taking a shower and through the running water, heard a simple sound that made me think we could have spent the whole time sitting around. It was the sound of my dad and husband’s laughter. Honestly, that sound was worth more than the 4 hour trip to Yosemite or the museum we waited 2 hours and a mound of kids for.

They were talking over their love of the guitar. My dad sitting on our only guest bed-an air bed from Target and my husband cross-legged on the ground. And the two laughing about simple things like strumming. It was a moment worth its weight in gold. A moment to be treasured.

The second moment was surprisingly even more ordinary than the first one. Walking around Trader Joe’s picking out trail mix and pointing out my favorite chips. There was just something so safe, familiar and touching about the moment. The cashier even offered us a sample of the chocolate chip cookies I was eyeing. Not a scene that would make it to a movie because of its ordinariness, but one I will store away for a rainy day.

Maybe it’s a reminder for all of us to put as much love, attention, focus and energy on celebrating every day not just the so-called big ones.

February 11th, 2010

How to Spend Valentine's Day Without Spending Lots of Dough

Valentine’s Day…It’s a coming! How are you spending the holiday?

I have to say with our move and the recent death of my 14 year old dog, 2010 has been anything, but easy. Actually, it’s kicked me in the butt a few times. All the more reason to really take the opportunity to do something BIG for this heart holiday.

For you, big might mean a bouquet of flowers, a box of candy or dinner to a fancy restaurant. But for me this year, I think I’m going to work hard at celebrating the person I love the most…myself!

Valentine’s Gifts for Yourself

  1. Keep a journal. I’ve been reading Julia Cameron’s Finding Water: The Art of Perseverance (Artist’s Way). In it, she talks about weekly dates and morning journals. Both ideas have inspired my ideal Valentine’s day.
  2. Making a weekly date with moi. Whether you go for a walk or have lunch/coffee on your own, celebrate a special date with your favorite person…you. It’s a great way to reconnect with yourself. I did it a few days ago and found surprising peace by focusing on the moment and the meal in front of me, instead of external sources.
  3. Give to others. After you’ve done enough to fill your own tank, it’s wonderful if you can share the love with others. Do it with time or money. Donate to a favorite charity/organization or volunteer your time to help others. The rewards you get back will feel like a gift greater than the gift you gave.
  4. Show gratitude. Whether you’re in singledom or coupledom, I’m sure there are tons of people in your life that you couldn’t live without. Make V-day the day that you show your appreciation to them for the big and small things they do all year. If money is tight, a card or even a hug is enough to say, “Thank you!”

How about you? Any ideas for Valentine’s Day you’d like to share?


February 4th, 2010

In Search of an Authentic Life

I’ve been going through a weird parallel universe thing where my internal life and external situation have been mimicking each other. A great example is this horrendous move. For 5 years we stayed in the same place. Partly because it was comfortable and safe and partly because the thought of moving and packing 5 years of our stuff made my skin crawl.

But then suddenly safe and comfy didn’t feel so comfortable anymore. We’d outgrown our tiny apartment. And picking up and starting over seemed less scary than it did before.

I expected it to be hard but, what I didn’t expect was HOW hard it would be! This move was probably the hardest I’ve ever had to go through. It seemed like I was uncovering every dark disgusting creature inhabiting hell. Suddenly, slugs, pincher bugs and spiders were coming out from every nook and cranny of our now empty apartment.

I spent 5 hours, which felt more like 5 years, vacuuming, spraying and scrubbing every dusty, musty corner I could find. I realized I had been living in filth without realizing it.

How did I not get smothered in dust when the air vent above us was caked in thick layers of the stuff?

We never had it cleaned once-once in 5 years!

My husband helped me make the connection when I asked him why we had to go through all of that stress especially since we moved a mere 5 minutes away from our old place.

He said, “Maybe we were living in denial for all those years and suddenly we’re seeing things for what they really are.”

His matter-of-fact tone in saying something so profound is what I love about him most.

I suddenly realized that all the crap I discovered while cleaning our old place was kind of like the crap I was denying in other areas of my life. Suddenly, I was uncovering it and it wasn’t a pretty sight. There were bugs crawling and dust piling up on areas in my life that desperately needed my attention.

While I’m glad for the awakening, I’m ecstatic that we finally finished the move. And in my new place (both internally and externally), I feel like I can finally start living a more authentic life, the kind of life I was supposed to be living-dust and bug free.

February 1st, 2010

Ode to Meeko

When I saw Marley & Me the movie, I cried so hard in the theatre that I feared people would think I was crazy.  The story reminded me of my own Marley-a 14 year old black and white sheltie Meeko.  Crazy, rambunctious, and yet loving as hell.

It wasn’t love at first sight when I saw her though.  She was bald and pink when I met her.  Kind of like a rat.  And even weeks later when we brought her home, a tiny ball of fur, black button eyes with a tinge of blue, we weren’t all taken with her.  For one thing, we never had a dog before.  My mom only allowed me to have one because I had asked Santa for one every year since I was 7 years old.  She even warned me, “Don’t think I’m going to take care of it.  It’s your dog!”

I even questioned how much I really wanted a dog after taking care of her for a few months.  She was loud, barked at and bit everything and would cry all night unless I lay down next to her holding her paw.

We had her for a year and she still drove us up the wall.  By that time, my mom warned me she would take her to the pound or return her to its original owners.  We didn’t know what to do with this wild, hyper dog and she didn’t know what to do with us either.

My mom even tried to take her to puppy training class only to be told that Meeko was “too wild” for even the beginners.  She nearly gave me a heart attack once when she saw another dog and ran so fast her collar slipped off her neck and almost ran right into the road.  Meeko also ran around in circles and barked loudly whenever someone would leave so we would have to spell out words like, “I-M G-O-I-N-G” so she wouldn’t get upset.

Oh and the walls!  She bit her way through our walls and made deep holes in them.  In later years, she would dig through garbage, suitcases, bags and anything that could possibly hold a treat.  I had to stop bringing home chocolate for fear she would eat them all and get sick.

Yet, with all of her craziness, I fell in love.  When she was about the size of my head, Meeko would curl up on top of it at night while I was sleeping.  I think she did it to feel the cool breeze coming from my window.  I loved it even when she slipped once and scratched my eyelid the night before my high school class pictures would be taken.  Or the time when I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and when I returned to my dark bedroom freaked out when I felt something furry next to me.

Surprisingly after some time, my mom and her boyfriend Ray fell in love.  My mom has thanked me on several occasions for bringing Meeko into her life.  She said, “Meeko has opened my heart to loving again.”

It’s kind of funny how this 25-pound rascal of dog came in to our lives and rescued us.  It’s just how she loved us every day unconditionally.  How she would run up to the window when she heard our car come home, or run up to you to give you a hug, tail wagging.  How she would sigh in annoyance when I would pick her up or sit right in front of the TV so you’d pay attention to her.

Funny how a stinky little dog can capture your heart like that.  She brought us 14 years of joy, craziness and above all, she taught us love.  I’d say that was a big feat for a small dog.

Meeko

1995-2010