Archive for May, 2010

May 31st, 2010

Halfway from Here to Heaven: Quotes for Your Memorial Day Monday

Among pining away for puppy love, I found a few journal entries on hope and a strong desire for inspiration. I was cataloging quotes to remind me to stay positive and to keep following my dreams.

Who knew that one day I’d want to share those secret thoughts with you?

Here are a few for your Monday to hopefully inspire you:

Vicky Ceelen author of Close Friends: “A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”

“If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.”

Then from a tiny book called Ain’t Life a Pomegranate? by Dr. Linda Andrade Wheeler:

“Do not lose sleep or exert energy on people who do not love you back or do not make you a better person by being associated with them.”

I love this one: “Take your rubbish with you and leave the place better than how you found it!”

And one more from this wise book: “What happens to a person is less significant than what happens within him.”

From The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book
by Miguel Ruiz:

On Forgiveness – “You will know you have forgiven someone when you see them and you no longer have an emotional reaction…When someone can touch what used to be a wound and if no longer hurts you, then you know you have truly forgiven.”

I even wrote some of my own: “Imperfection is beautiful. It doesn’t pretend to be what it’s not-perfect.”

“I used to believe that love was an emotion engendered from a single soul endeared. Now I believe it is what remains from each individual that seeps into your heart and will remain forever.”

photo via Mukumbura

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May 28th, 2010

A Secret Self-Indulgence Revealed

I have a confession to make. One of my favorite indulgences is diving into old diaries. I flip through pages like I’m reading a best-selling novel, staying up late at night to finish them. Once I grew so desperate and frustrated, I took a pair of scissors and cut open the front cover of one of my diaries because I didn’t have the patience to find the diary key.

Why am I so bonkers over 20 years worth of my own life story?

There’s a jewel in there. It’s the troubled, lost, girl who was trying to find her way through heartbreak, identity-crisis and confusion, or in other words life. When I read about her first love and then break-up, I have compassion there. I want her to succeed. I want her to love herself more than some dumb guy. I want this time to be different. And somehow I keep reading hoping to find that ray of sunshine-the courage, certainty and confidence I’m happy to wear now.

Although I’m usually disappointed and know how this story ends, I still read and reread, hoping to find some nugget of “me.” Maybe this time she’ll do what’s right for her. Maybe this time she’ll realize that she deserves more.

I think about who that girl was. I look through old photographs and see her smile. Think about how beautiful she was and how she didn’t know it.

I know she’s me. But she’s a me I’ve long forgotten. When I reread old diaries, I reconnect with her. I have compassion for her and love her. I’m grateful because it’s her shoes that got me here.

It’s weird and yet so true.

Have you ever walked back in your own shoes?

Thought back to who you used to be and what you used to believe.

One thing that rereading my diaries has taught me is that all so-called problems have happy endings. If you are patient enough and if you are kind to yourself, work hard on being more of you, you’ll get there. I only had a handful of pages to wait until my prayers were eventually answered.

The next time you’re feeling despair, remember how far you’ve already come, how much you’ve already endured. When you turn around and look back, you’ll see that you’ve already climbed that mountain and survived it. You just need to remember and have the courage to meet it once again.

photo via incurable_hippie

CategoryInspirational Stories, Stories of Gratitude | Comment5 Comments »

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May 26th, 2010

Guest Post: Finding Inspiration in Grief

Sometimes light begets dark, and hardship, loss and heartbreak brings hope, healing and inspiration. My guest blogger today, Margarita Tartakovsky, shares her wisdom on transforming pain and difficulty into courage and inspiration. Thanks so much Margarita!

Both of my blogs were born when my dad died.

I had always wanted to have my own body image blog, but as a flawed perfectionist – flawed because I’m not a perfectionist about everything; you should see my desk right now – I did a lot of thinking before launching one. Like two years of thinking. I did launch one, which had a title, tagline and about page. But that was as far as I got. Fast forward to this summer, after I’d written for about a year for Psych Central’s World of Psychology blog, I decided to send my blog proposal to the boss and give it a shot.

And, in November of 2009, Weightless was born. My second blog, Self-ish, had a bit of a rockier start. More like an elevator. Up went a post. Down went my motivation – with months in between posts. And so this continued, until the WordCount Blogathon, when I just decided to go for it again and just write.

So how does inspiration come from grief? Honestly, I’m not sure. I just know that I desperately wanted to distract myself and cope with something I had no control over. Working – healthy or not – was my way of dealing with what was happening and what eventually did happen.

But I did learn a few things. Here are three.

  • I got one step closer to being fearless. I’m a worry-wart so my list of fears is endless: snakes, being good enough, producing great work, not making it as a freelancer, the future and swimming in dark, glassy lakes. After one of my worst fears had already occurred – the death of my dad – almost everything else just didn’t seem so scary. Suddenly being myself, being honest and starting my blogs wasn’t so terrifying after all – not by a long shot. I still get insecure before I press “publish,” wondering if a post is helpful, if it even makes sense. But I remind myself that I have to be fearless, even if it’s in the little everyday things. It’s what keeps us moving.
  • I realized that what-ifs are pointless. While this is by no means an incredible a-ha moment, it’s one that I have to keep reminding myself of. The what-ifs that I used to have were usually false, and the what-ifs that never came to mind came to true.

When my dad first got sick, we figured it was like his usual once-a-year pneumonia. He’d go to the doctor, take his medicine, and promptly get better. We never thought, “What if we’d be planning his funeral a few months later?”

My what-ifs before my father’s death were of the not-good-enough kind. They weren’t “What if I get that great gig,” or “What if I become a truly successful freelancer.” Nope. They were mostly negative and perfectionism-prone. In fact, I’d rattle off a list of what-ifs like a robot.

Today, I try to work on my what-ifs because here’s the thing about them: While it’s good to prepare for the worst possible situation – like trying to plan for potential problems when starting your own business – truly expecting these what-ifs can crush creativity and inspiration. It feeds anxiety, while it starves movement. 

And, no matter how many what-ifs we can come up with, we’re no fortune-tellers; we can’t forecast the future. And that’s OK.

  • I started to breathe in the now. I used to be a big-time planner, always thinking toward the future. (Or I’d be pondering the past.) You might say that planning is a good thing. Planning gets you an editorial calendar for a blog or a week’s worth of meals.  Or a great vacation for a great deal. But it also means that I was thinking ahead, and thinking little of the here and now, little about taking in the moments.

Many of my planning propensities, however, vanished when something I never expected to happen did.  

Instead, I started living more in the moment – where I’m pretty sure happiness resides. Where you smell the smells. Where you observe your surroundings. Where you breathe in the air. Where you notice the little – but equally beautiful – things. And where you can find the good stuff, like inspiration.

Margarita Tartakovsky has a MS in Clinical Psychology from Texas A&M University. She is a beautiful blogger who writes Weightless for Psych Central and has her own blog on self-improvement called Self-ish.

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May 24th, 2010

Be the Super Hero in Your Own Comic Book Life

As I was driving around today, I thought about how neat it would be if our lives were like the movies. Then upon thinking about it further, I realized our lives are like the movies!

Although you may not realize it, you’re the protagonist in the story of your own life.

There’s tons of obstacles in your way. Villains lurking in every corner. Burning bridges you must avoid and challenges you need to overcome along the way.

So here they are.

I’ve compiled a list of your 5 worst enemies and the strategies you’ll need to battle them and win.

  1. The Party Pooper – Dressed in all black this enemy is as harmless as Eeyore unless you let him get to you. His weapon? His droopy eyes like Puss in Boots in Shrek. Whenever you’re up, he’s down. Combat his sad demeanor by minimizing time with him and never talk to him about your superhero strengths.
  2. The Grey Shadow – Party Pooper’s evil twin sister, the Grey Shadow fights skillfully with her sharp tongue. On days when you feel filled with self-doubt, avoid your archenemy at all cost. She will find your weak spot and dive daggers into your soul. You’ll start to wonder why you even tried to be a super hero in the first place.
  3. Evil Mirror –  Sometimes your worst enemy is the person looking back at you in the mirror. Their weapon? Your insecurities. When Evil Mirror comes lurking, pull out your own weapons: affirmations, positive statements, and your sidekick supportive friend to help.
  4. Big Bully – You leap tall buildings in a single bound. When you get down, Big Bully pushes you and calls you a freak. Never befriend a Big Bully. In fact, the less energy and attention you give him the better. Soon he’ll lose interest and find another super hero to attack.
  5. Two Headed Monster – On some days, he’s your best friend. He compliments your superhero strengths. Makes you feel like the king of the mountain. Then, in one single swoop he finds you when you’re most vulnerable and attacks. The best way to win this battle? Don’t hang around for either. Don’t be dependent on others statements about you. Instead, empower yourself and let those words slide right off your fancy schmancy superhero cape.

These are just 5 of your enemies. There are some that still haven’t revealed themselves to you. The further you go to empower yourself, the more enemies will appear. Be strong! Never forget your mission (to accomplish your dreams) and always remember to take care of your super hero self!

Photo by: the Sofa

CategoryFacing Fears | Comment3 Comments »

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May 21st, 2010

Week 10: The Final Chapter (Feasting)

Can you tell I’ve been procrastinating? For 10 weeks, I’ve been diligently (well maybe just being good enough) following Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life. And it’s finally coming to the end! I have to say this is one diet, I’m sad to say goodbye to. It’s been a difficult ride-what with having to do nothing, be truthful, focus on my desires, be creative, take a risk, indulge in treats, have fun, laugh, connect with others and now feast.

Okay maybe it sounds a lot more fun and easy than it was! But all in all the journey was a life-changing one. It’s given me insight into what I really want in my life and the hope that I can achieve it. It’s taught me the importance of indulging in play and in laughing while also being conscious of my self and others. And while doing it saddens me, I must continue on to the last and my favorite part-the feast.

Here’s a story I’ll use to describe this section.

Martha uses a similar story in the book as well. Anyway, 10 years ago I worked at a chocolate shop. At that time, I didn’t like chocolate too much (I know! I can hardly believe it myself being the chocoholic I am today.) At the time, I was not very honest with myself or others for that matter. I actually told the owner I adored chocolate and that I was taking this as a permanent job, not the part-time summer gig I really had in mind.

After working there for a month, I started to develop a craving for chocolate. Maybe it was the aroma of melted cocoa that warmed me up to it or the temptation of being able to grab gourmet chocolate pieces like chocolate covered mint leaves and chocolate covered oranges anytime I wanted to. But whatever it was, I blame my chocoholism to this store.

The funny thing about it was that while working there I actually lost weight!

Why did I refrain from pigging out on any piece of chocolate I could get my hands on? It could have been the mean manager who I think didn’t like me. But more than likely it was because I fully feasted on the experience of being there. The chocolate aroma, the feel of the sweet brown cocoa melting on my fingertips, the spicy ginger flavor mixed with bitter dark chocolate. All of that was more than enough. All my senses were engaged without needing to overindulge on the experience.

This is the main focus of the last chapter. Indulging on things that are filled with beauty, that arouses our senses, that feels like a “feast” helps bring us to joy, more than cash, food, and things alone can do. It’s the pure enjoyment of life that can bring us to the highest levels of happiness and joy.

When I think about my honeymoon, for example, I think of many things. But the moment that stands out most to me?

The chocolate pyramid.

When I say those three words, my husband knows exactly what I’m talking about. It was a rich chocolate dessert put atop a beautiful arrangement of white eggplant drizzled with honey. Sitting in an open restaurant in Santorini, Greece with the sounds of soft Greek music playing, the feel of the warm night, and the simply gorgeous heaven on a plate in front of me. That was real joyous living!

She ends with the feast because it is one of the most important things to remember in being joyful. Sometimes we forget when we get caught up in the busyness of life to simply sit and appreciate the world around us. If you’re feeling that way, get back to feasting. Experience life’s small moments, breathe it in, then sit back and feel the joy!

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May 18th, 2010

A Few Inspiring Notes

I’ve been hearing a few inspiring quotes a little over here and a little over there.

Here’s a few tidbits I’ve been learning about that I wanted to share with you here:

A few posts ago I talked about Oprah’s recent episode on, “Women, Food and God.” Something else she said really shook me to the core. She talked about how she still struggles with being a people pleaser. That no matter how successful/powerful/wealthy she is, whenever she has to say, “No” to someone, a part of her is afraid inside. It brought her back to a time when she was beaten by her grandmother and was not only forbidden to fight back, but to express her pain. Oprah said every time she is put in a situation where she has to say no, she is reminded of that. She doesn’t just feel bad about doing so, but in that moment she feels like she is a child, a child who will be annihilated.

I wonder how much of us quench our passions and suffocate our desires because as children we were not given a voice or the ability to express our needs. I wonder how much of our dreams are put on hold because of it. How much of who we are and who we aspire to be gets passed up because of someone told us we can’t do it.

Dealing with past fears isn’t something you can do alone. If you’re on a path towards your dreams, but feel stuck, afraid, and uncertain, don’t stop now, keep going. Seek professional help if you need to. You will get there. You just need the support, self-compassion and the help to do it!

If you need some extra motivation, Oprah.com has a great article with advice from 8 top coaches.

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May 17th, 2010

Shunning the Negative Peeps

Oprah’s show last week on the book Women, Food and God really affected me. (For a free excerpt see Oprah.com.) Funny that it wasn’t food or God that were shocking, but her emphasis on women and relationships.

There were two things in particular I found worth sharing here:

1. How our obsessions with ______ (food, clothes, money, etc.) affect not just our relationships with our self and others, but our society and the world as a whole. If all of our energy is going on how to fix ourselves (our weight/body), how much less energy are we giving to the world? I realized that maybe the greatest disrespect we are doing to ourselves and the future of our world is by pushing down our emotions and holding back our gifts. It’s a sad disturbing situation that I think every woman, myself included, needs to change for good. Let’s celebrate who we are! Banish our negative thoughts and fully embrace what we have to offer the world. I think as women we have a responsibility to support each other to be better and live more authentic lives, growing closer to who we are meant to be while leaving our former insecure selves behind.

2. Surround yourself with positivity. When Oprah talked about love and relationships, her words of wisdom were so powerful and moving it brought me to tears. She said when someone isn’t happy for you and your successes, it isn’t about you, it is about their own self-loathing. I think when we improve ourselves, there are still uphill battles to fight and one is the reaction you get from those around you. When you succeed you are a mirror that reminds others of what they haven’t accomplished and what they haven’t yet achieved. We need to learn how to get beyond our ego and refocus our attention on what we need to do instead of flailing in the sunshine of someone else’s success.

These are two important, yet difficult things to master. Yet, they are certainly necessary in the pursuit of your dreams. Surround yourself with negativity (like the phrase misery loves company) and you’ll only be as good/happy/successful as those you’re with. Focus on what you’re not good at and what you haven’t accomplished and you’ll sabotage yourself up that ladder.

How do we empower ourselves?

Be kind. Open up to the possibility of hope, love and dreams. Find positive, loving and supportive people in your life. Connect to something bigger than yourself whether it’s god, the universe, your own inner soul. Then ever so slowly, lift yourself up, and find your own path, the path that will take you one step at a time toward the life you were meant to live and the woman you were meant to be.

CategoryFollowing your dreams, Happiness | Comment4 Comments »

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May 14th, 2010

What You're Doing Right

I’m a big fan of Twitter for obvious reasons. I’ve got almost 400 kick-butt followers from editors and web designers to small business owners to freelance writers. And I even have a handful of my all-time favorite peeps. (Like Ms. Martha Beck who I’m still blushing in disbelief from her words of humor/wisdom in our recent twitter chats.)

The one thing that I haven’t really enjoyed, however, is the number of tweets and articles out there that tell you what you’re doing wrong. Their provocative, grab you pieces might gain tons more attention that this humble blog does, but I can’t help wonder how helpful they really are.

Maybe in the big scheme of things knowing that I should, for example, have my name as a Twitter handle instead of the name of my blog, is a good thing. It’s also good to know that I shouldn’t be a freelancer if I don’t like sitting at my desk or working alone or doing paperwork or working as a business, etc. But what I see less in the Twitter realm is what we’re doing right.

Why are there so many negative articles and posts out there? Can knowing what we’re doing wrong be more helpful than focusing on what we’re doing right?

Maybe having someone bark orders at some is necessary. Maybe we need the knowledge to come straight and clear for us to get it. But for some, I think a little bit of encouragement would be better.

If you’re on the road to following your passion, would you want someone to berate you for what you’re doing wrong or support you and focus on what you’re doing right?

Maybe it’s a preference thing. But for me, on this journey to freelance freedom, I’d much rather read this.

A top 5 list of what you’re doing right, right now:

  1. If you’re reading this, you’re on your way to an inspiring life. Just taking small steps ends up affecting your life in a big way.
  2. You’ve taken risks. Yesterday, I made a big announcement on Twitter that my dream jobs were as a magazine columnist and a book author. I cringed as I clicked on send. But I did it. It was my way of proclaiming my dream. I took a risk and survived it. Congratulate yourself for even the some bits of discomfort you face!
  3. You’re doing the best you can. Life isn’t about perfection it’s about giving everything you can. Even if you’re sitting in a cubicle dreaming of your dream job, you’re doing what you can with what you have. Not everyone can quit a job they hate right away and that’s okay. Accepting your situation and who you are in the moment may be what you need to get through this moment to the moment of your dreams.
  4. You’ve already come so far. I think it takes a lot to get to a point where you can feel safe and comfortable enough to dream. Even a year ago, I never thought I could write for a living and although I’m still far from my goals, I’m closer than I’ve ever been before. Try to remember where you came from and celebrate your small victories every step of the way. You deserve it!
  5. You’ve kept going. Perseverance is a big thing in life. While others give up with the going gets tough, you’ve stuck through. And aren’t you glad you did? Even if all you’ve ever done is to hold onto that dream. You’ve done more than enough. When the time is right, you’ll have the courage and energy to go for it all! And when you do, let me know. We’ll celebrate that victory together!

A few words about this photo: I have extraordinarily long arms and no I’m not selling an ad for deodorant. I just finished a monstrous of a hike in Santorini and as you can see I was pretty excited.

CategoryFollowing your dreams | Comment1 Comment »

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May 12th, 2010

The Importance of Connection: Week #9

I find it ironic or dare I say, “serendipitous” that something occurs every week that coincides with The Joy Diet. And this week was no different. One of my challenges has been feeling disconnected-the downside of working at home and getting deep into social media. I’ve gotten great at the daily tweets or Facebook comments online, but in the real world, I’ve shied away from TMRI or too much real interaction.

Why is disconnection so common?

According to Beck, it’s the risk we take when two people become three-a dynamic that can make us vulnerable to things like heartbreak and rejection. Yet, connecting with others is the very thing we need the most. Supportive relationships are what helps take us through the “not so perfect now” to the life of our dreams.

In order to tackle this ugly monster, I’ve been practicing diligently like the “good” student I am by doing nothing, being honest, and taking small risks on a daily basis.

In honest language, this means I’ve stared off in space while I waited for things to happen (my husband to come back to the car, the computer to stop thinking, etc.). It also means that I’ve been brutally honest about my life and the choices I’m making in the present moment to create my future reality.

And the risks?

Beck tells us to try to do nothing in relationships with others. I’ve been spending more time focusing on listening to others rather than worrying about responding. Although I haven’t always been successful, I notice that during moments when I can fully be present, I feel less stressed in the conversation and more compassionate about who I’m listening too.

Another serendipitous moment?

Yes it’s another one! Recently, a dream came true when I started “chatting” via twitter with one of my role models and inspiring author of this book (I think I’ve laughed and cried from laughing on almost all of her books.) Martha Beck. I’m sure she’s someone with the kind of generous spirit that will chat with anyone, but I can’t tell you how much my spirit lifted and my heart soared. I took a giant risk, for me anyway, to contact her. And I felt validated, in fact, I felt “heard” just like what she talks about in chapter 9 and just like my favorite scene in the movie Avatar.

In fact, I’m starting to wonder what it would be like if we all stopped focusing on our own insecurities, doubts and worries and focus entirely on the person right in front of us.

We might just become more happy, compassionate and connected beings.

In case you’re curious…

Here’s a snippet of my brief chat with Ms. Martha Beck:

ME: Thanks you for making my day! I’m heavily into, “The Joy Diet” and can’t tell you what a difference it has already made.

MB: At the risk of sounding like a dork, it’s people like YOU who inspire ME!

CategoryBook Reviews, Following your dreams | CommentNo Comments »

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May 10th, 2010

The Single Secret to a Successful Life

You might read the title and blow it off. I mean come on, one secret! One secret to a successful life! There’s no way or is there?

Here’s what I know for sure:

While there are no easy ways to success, there is a simple way. And it’s one thing you can do now that will help you down the road to success.

In the almost year long path that I’ve been on my own pursuit of happiness, I’ve learned a few things.

  1. You can’t trust everybody. I had enough deadbeat clients to learn that the hard way. But it also taught me my next lesson.
  2. I’m responsible for my life. This means that I need to be selective about the people I interact with and invite into both my personal and professional life. Which also leads to #3 and what I consider to be the #1 secret for a successful life.
  3. Confidence! If you don’t feel it, feign it. Why? Because over the last year I realized that you get what you think you deserve. If you feel unworthy of success, of good friendships, a happy marriage, even a working car, then you’ll get exactly what you think you’re worth.

The big ‘aha’ moment for me came when I dug in deep and discovered that what was really holding me back was me. There was a voice that said that I was not good enough as a writer to do it for a living.

The thing that got it from boisterous betrayer to wimpy whisper is understanding that I was creating my destiny. I was tripping over my own path because I believed that I wasn’t good enough to deserve better.

What got me over the hurdle was building up my own sense of self-worth. Reminding myself of how far I’ve come personally and professionally and silencing the inner critic with a larger than life ally.

The difference has been profound.

Just thinking that I deserve everything I desire has gotten me better clients, better pay (in one case, almost 7x’s what I was making at the start) and more opportunities. The best indicator of the change is my writing. Just like the way people can perceive in your body language how you feel about yourself, I think you wear your writing on your sleeve.

One of my friends kept telling me my writing has gotten better recently. While I pondered what changed, I suddenly got it! It was my perception of myself and my abilities that had affected my writing.

While I’m still a work-in-progress, I definitely think that confidence has helped me go from, “I think I’m a writer,” to “Yes I can and Yes I am a writer!” And this single secret to success, I believe can also help you on your own endeavors. Try on a bit of confidence, wear Oprah’s or a mentor, someone you idolize, and see if that doesn’t get you one step closer to your dreams!

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