I’ve been going through a weird parallel universe thing where my internal life and external situation have been mimicking each other. A great example is this horrendous move. For 5 years we stayed in the same place. Partly because it was comfortable and safe and partly because the thought of moving and packing 5 years of our stuff made my skin crawl.
But then suddenly safe and comfy didn’t feel so comfortable anymore. We’d outgrown our tiny apartment. And picking up and starting over seemed less scary than it did before.
I expected it to be hard but, what I didn’t expect was HOW hard it would be! This move was probably the hardest I’ve ever had to go through. It seemed like I was uncovering every dark disgusting creature inhabiting hell. Suddenly, slugs, pincher bugs and spiders were coming out from every nook and cranny of our now empty apartment.
I spent 5 hours, which felt more like 5 years, vacuuming, spraying and scrubbing every dusty, musty corner I could find. I realized I had been living in filth without realizing it.
How did I not get smothered in dust when the air vent above us was caked in thick layers of the stuff?
We never had it cleaned once-once in 5 years!
My husband helped me make the connection when I asked him why we had to go through all of that stress especially since we moved a mere 5 minutes away from our old place.
He said, “Maybe we were living in denial for all those years and suddenly we’re seeing things for what they really are.”
His matter-of-fact tone in saying something so profound is what I love about him most.
I suddenly realized that all the crap I discovered while cleaning our old place was kind of like the crap I was denying in other areas of my life. Suddenly, I was uncovering it and it wasn’t a pretty sight. There were bugs crawling and dust piling up on areas in my life that desperately needed my attention.
While I’m glad for the awakening, I’m ecstatic that we finally finished the move. And in my new place (both internally and externally), I feel like I can finally start living a more authentic life, the kind of life I was supposed to be living-dust and bug free.
Thursday, February 4th, 2010, 3:17 pm | 
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February 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Great blog post. I resonated with your story. It reminded me of when I moved a year and a half ago. Although I did not uncover dust but that I accumulated a lot of stuff that I don’t even use. To me, to be on a journey of authenticity means to get rid of things that no longer serve me or love.
February 4, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Hi Anna,
Thanks for visiting 2inspired! It’s nice knowing I’m not alone on that road toward a more authentic life. Although it’s been a struggle, it’s also been a blessing. Seems like the two often go hand in hand doesn’t it?
February 8, 2010 at 6:41 pm
Sometimes moving house is the only way to declutter your life. We’ve moved a fair bit in the past. It’s not easy cleaning and clearing out all the junk but it’s definitely worth it.
I hope your new dust free environment gets your creative juices flowing. Enjoy it – the dust will come back too fast but hopefully you can stay on top of it this time:) Having said that, I’d certainly rather be living in a messy, dirty house and have an interesting life than a clean pad and nothing much to else to show for life.
February 8, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Thanks! The move has started our year on a rocky note. But I felt change was coming for awhile. It was difficult, yet necessary!