Anger is one of those emotions we’d rather not express, experience, talk about or feel. In fact, especially as women, it’s one emotion we like to keep hidden. We store away this socially unacceptable emotion until we can’t hold it in any longer and let it out on who else, but our family. Yet, have you ever watched a child when they get upset? There’s no holding back with kids. Anger is seen in loud outbursts, arms flailing, and sometimes a bit of stomping. Even my little rabbit will thump and growl when he’s upset. So why is that when we get older we try so hard to dishonor it?
For one thing, no one wants to see an adult throwing a tantrum. And for another, anger has been given such a bad rap. When we see someone red faced and yelling, the last thing we want to do is be around them. And the act of holding in our anger is absurdly valued and believed to be a virtue instead of a flaw. Yet, holding in your anger can be like holding in a sneeze. Instead of getting rid of all those toxins from your body and releasing the energy into something that feels good, you’re inhaling, repressing, and storing all of that negative energy and irritants inside. Ironically, although we might avoid confrontation with friends or hold back our anger at work to prevent fights and the end of a relationship, the opposite tends to happen when we don’t act on it.
The good news? Expressing anger isn’t as scary as you may think. In Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck’s statement that “well-used anger lies at the heart and soul of making the world a better, more humane place” floored me. She gives examples in her book of how Rosa Parks and Gandhi, people who we revere as peacemakers, used their anger to change the world. That gave me goose bumps because previously my impression of anger was of the “throwing your hands and feet on the floor” type. I didn’t realize that anger could be the catalyst for positive change. It’s already helped me on one occasion where I chose to use my anger toward a few drunk people’s insensitive remarks to help me write a new article on racism. Because anger is such a powerful, adrenaline inducing emotion, it can help motivate you to do something significant and life changing. So the next time you’re feeling angry, remember that this seemingly negative emotion can contribute positively to the world.
