Posts tagged ‘Martha Beck’

May 21st, 2010

Week 10: The Final Chapter (Feasting)

Can you tell I’ve been procrastinating? For 10 weeks, I’ve been diligently (well maybe just being good enough) following Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life. And it’s finally coming to the end! I have to say this is one diet, I’m sad to say goodbye to. It’s been a difficult ride-what with having to do nothing, be truthful, focus on my desires, be creative, take a risk, indulge in treats, have fun, laugh, connect with others and now feast.

Okay maybe it sounds a lot more fun and easy than it was! But all in all the journey was a life-changing one. It’s given me insight into what I really want in my life and the hope that I can achieve it. It’s taught me the importance of indulging in play and in laughing while also being conscious of my self and others. And while doing it saddens me, I must continue on to the last and my favorite part-the feast.

Here’s a story I’ll use to describe this section.

Martha uses a similar story in the book as well. Anyway, 10 years ago I worked at a chocolate shop. At that time, I didn’t like chocolate too much (I know! I can hardly believe it myself being the chocoholic I am today.) At the time, I was not very honest with myself or others for that matter. I actually told the owner I adored chocolate and that I was taking this as a permanent job, not the part-time summer gig I really had in mind.

After working there for a month, I started to develop a craving for chocolate. Maybe it was the aroma of melted cocoa that warmed me up to it or the temptation of being able to grab gourmet chocolate pieces like chocolate covered mint leaves and chocolate covered oranges anytime I wanted to. But whatever it was, I blame my chocoholism to this store.

The funny thing about it was that while working there I actually lost weight!

Why did I refrain from pigging out on any piece of chocolate I could get my hands on? It could have been the mean manager who I think didn’t like me. But more than likely it was because I fully feasted on the experience of being there. The chocolate aroma, the feel of the sweet brown cocoa melting on my fingertips, the spicy ginger flavor mixed with bitter dark chocolate. All of that was more than enough. All my senses were engaged without needing to overindulge on the experience.

This is the main focus of the last chapter. Indulging on things that are filled with beauty, that arouses our senses, that feels like a “feast” helps bring us to joy, more than cash, food, and things alone can do. It’s the pure enjoyment of life that can bring us to the highest levels of happiness and joy.

When I think about my honeymoon, for example, I think of many things. But the moment that stands out most to me?

The chocolate pyramid.

When I say those three words, my husband knows exactly what I’m talking about. It was a rich chocolate dessert put atop a beautiful arrangement of white eggplant drizzled with honey. Sitting in an open restaurant in Santorini, Greece with the sounds of soft Greek music playing, the feel of the warm night, and the simply gorgeous heaven on a plate in front of me. That was real joyous living!

She ends with the feast because it is one of the most important things to remember in being joyful. Sometimes we forget when we get caught up in the busyness of life to simply sit and appreciate the world around us. If you’re feeling that way, get back to feasting. Experience life’s small moments, breathe it in, then sit back and feel the joy!

May 12th, 2010

The Importance of Connection: Week #9

I find it ironic or dare I say, “serendipitous” that something occurs every week that coincides with The Joy Diet. And this week was no different. One of my challenges has been feeling disconnected-the downside of working at home and getting deep into social media. I’ve gotten great at the daily tweets or Facebook comments online, but in the real world, I’ve shied away from TMRI or too much real interaction.

Why is disconnection so common?

According to Beck, it’s the risk we take when two people become three-a dynamic that can make us vulnerable to things like heartbreak and rejection. Yet, connecting with others is the very thing we need the most. Supportive relationships are what helps take us through the “not so perfect now” to the life of our dreams.

In order to tackle this ugly monster, I’ve been practicing diligently like the “good” student I am by doing nothing, being honest, and taking small risks on a daily basis.

In honest language, this means I’ve stared off in space while I waited for things to happen (my husband to come back to the car, the computer to stop thinking, etc.). It also means that I’ve been brutally honest about my life and the choices I’m making in the present moment to create my future reality.

And the risks?

Beck tells us to try to do nothing in relationships with others. I’ve been spending more time focusing on listening to others rather than worrying about responding. Although I haven’t always been successful, I notice that during moments when I can fully be present, I feel less stressed in the conversation and more compassionate about who I’m listening too.

Another serendipitous moment?

Yes it’s another one! Recently, a dream came true when I started “chatting” via twitter with one of my role models and inspiring author of this book (I think I’ve laughed and cried from laughing on almost all of her books.) Martha Beck. I’m sure she’s someone with the kind of generous spirit that will chat with anyone, but I can’t tell you how much my spirit lifted and my heart soared. I took a giant risk, for me anyway, to contact her. And I felt validated, in fact, I felt “heard” just like what she talks about in chapter 9 and just like my favorite scene in the movie Avatar.

In fact, I’m starting to wonder what it would be like if we all stopped focusing on our own insecurities, doubts and worries and focus entirely on the person right in front of us.

We might just become more happy, compassionate and connected beings.

In case you’re curious

Here’s a snippet of my brief chat with Ms. Martha Beck:

ME: Thanks you for making my day! I’m heavily into, “The Joy Diet” and can’t tell you what a difference it has already made.

MB: At the risk of sounding like a dork, it’s people like YOU who inspire ME!

May 4th, 2010

Week 8: The Joy of Laughter

A few nights ago, I was on the phone with my mom. It was 11:30 at night and after a week of freelance work, I was pooped. The kind of tired that makes you slur like a/your drunk. It also made me spontaneously guffaw. Sure laughing while conversing with your parent doesn’t seem abnormal, but it was the context that was odd. I was getting her credit card information and suddenly a giggle escaped from my mouth. It startled me so much that I quickly covered it up with a cough. The strange incident got me perplexed until I read, “Chapter 8: Laughter” of Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet.

According to Beck, we should be hee-hawing and guffawing 30x’s in a day! Laughing clears the tension, unclogs feelings of anxiety and brings you closer to a more authentic life. Since I made that leap from corporate cubicle to work-at-home freelancing, however laughing is harder to come by. I think my unexpected chortle a few nights ago was the result of my soul not getting its daily shot of laughter.

This exercise got me reminiscing about my earlier laughing years. While it was not always fun and games, I remember chuckling quite often. I once laughed and could not stop laughing for no real reason (laughing strategy 5) when my dorm mate was taking a nap. Another time, I cracked up when as a band leader (yes I was a band geek), I forgot everyone’s music in my section. We faked it the entire performance! And there have been thousands of times I laughed at myself (laughing strategy 6)-when I fell down flat on my face or when I took belly dancing for the first time and saw how dumb I looked trying to shake my belly. Beck says we laugh at the most anxiety provoking times, which explains why we sometimes burst out in laughter at the most serious moments. My cousins and I couldn’t stop laughing, for example, at our grandfather’s funeral. We weren’t trying to be disrespectful. I think the emotions were too intense for our young selves and laughing was the best remedy.

Nowadays laughter seems to seep out in surprising places especially when I don’t make the time for a good guffaw. How many of you are doing the same? Taking life just a bit too seriously and not taking fun and laughter seriously enough?

When I thought about the “dramas” in my life the last few weeks and saw it through the eyes of humor, I felt the weight lift from my shoulders. My ‘aha’ moment was realizing that almost nothing was so serious that I couldn’t laugh my way out of.

Try it for yourself.

The good news is laughing is fun, it does not take money and is not hard.

  • Make a point to spend time with funny people, watch movies, television shows, read books and articles to make you laugh and see if you find the solution to a pressing problem, feel less heavy and closer to feeling more joyful.

Get started with this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clw7SAJs_6w]

April 24th, 2010

How Goofing Off Can Make You More Productive

I’m stuck on item #6 of The Joy Diet and would like to stay here awhile please. Making 2 treats a part of my every day has been a blessing. Not just for my soul, but for my wallet too.

Sometimes we get so focused on our goals or obsessed with daily superficialities (iphone, ipads, gossip, buying a home, etc.) that we lose sight of the here and now. This actually works against us and our ultimate goals-to be happy, successful and to feel whole.

I know because I’ve been a workaholic lately. Digging my nails deep into the present and throwing it all in there. I’ve been reading books and articles online, crafting not2shabby things and taking classes all in the hope of making me better at something. I ended up spreading myself thin with nothing left to give and worse-with nothing left to show for it.

Have you ever been there before?

Sometimes like the empty room in a home that needs to be filled we allow worry and fear to inhabit it instead of giving time, patience and faith to let things fill it organically.

Know what I mean?

It’s what happens when an empty dining room table gets replaced with junk or why the fear of no job/relationship makes way for jobs/relationships you don’t want. Out of fear comes desperation and more things we don’t want or need in our lives. Out of faith comes the life we’re destined to live. The latter takes courage to get there.

Goofing off helps.

Last week of The Joy Diet was an easy one. And surprisingly it brought my passion back. I stopped crafting, writing, and reading things related to my career. Instead, I flipped through fun magazines and watched a few episodes of Oprah. It just so happens that I caught two shows related to my passions (Earth Day and a show about people in their dream jobs). It reminded me about my passion to help the environment, why I write, and why I sacrifice time and money to do what I do. It inspired me to write this post and gave me the hope I needed to continue on the journey in faith, not fear.

Here’s a Joy Diet Challenge:

Take an hour or a few hours a day or even a week if you can and devote the time solely to you and your passion. It could be riding a bike, taking a hike, rediscovering your love for art by visiting a museum or watching a movie. Just do something unrelated to your career. Have fun and you’ll see passion, excitement and joy returning to your life-the fuel necessary to help manifest the life of your dreams.

April 21st, 2010

Happy Earth Day 2010!

Earth Day is the one day we have to celebrate someone pretty special. It’s probably not coincidental that it’s celebrated so close to our other mother’s special day, Mother’s Day. They’re two very important people.

But here’s another coincidence or do I dare say serendipitous event-it’s also treat week, the 6th item of The Joy Diet.

How does it relate to this earth-friendly holiday?

Martha asks us to list 10 things that make us smile. I discovered that the majority of what was on my list were things like, “Feeling the sunshine on my face, hearing the sound of the wind as it flows through the trees, digging my toes through the sand at the beach, and smelling that warm salty air of the ocean.”

Surprised? It surprised me too.

I thought for sure somewhere on the list would be winning a large amount of money, taking a trip to Europe, getting a full spa day, or at the very least eating my favorite junk foods. But when push came to shove I realized that it’s the small every day things that cause my frown to turn upside down.

What would we do without our mother earth?

I’d smile a lot less for sure. Anyway you look at it, there is only one earth. I hope on this day, we can all do something big and small (reuse items or use less toilet paper/napkins e.g.) to make a difference to our one planet.

If you’re in need of some inspiration, check out this video from Ted.com. Artist, and photographer Chris Jordan will easily make you rethink your often unconscious, yet unthinkable long-term actions to the earth. He gives us a visual representation of what earth day really means.

In the meantime, I’ll be thinking up new repurposing ideas, trying to shut down my computer more so I can spend more time appreciating the earth. And this week in particular, I’ll be giving myself two treats a day for the Joy Diet. I’m on my way to the ultimate goal of experiencing more joy!

[ted id=279]

April 15th, 2010

Week #5: Risk

I pulled out a fortune from a cookie a few months ago and it read, “Your courage will reap rewards for you.” It’s a perfect statement to describe this week’s focus of The Joy Diet. In week #4, Ms. Martha had us visualizing our desires, now we have to put our money where our mouth is.

I’ve already been inspired by the Oprah show recently, when Sir Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin empire, was on. This adventurous dude who is one of the most wealthiest people in the world and has his own private island, believes in going for your dreams and he does so in a way that would make most people blush, then faint. Somehow I think he follows this week’s goal to a tee.

Although I’m not Sir Branson-ready, I do feel in the mood to walk through a few first to get to my dreams. It may be the reason why I turned into Jim Carrey’s character in The Yes Man recently. Saying ‘yes’ to something I normally wouldn’t do.

I agreed to walk around my community selling ads for a local newspaper. While I’m not necessarily (I’ll use Sir Branson’s word) virgin in this area, I don’t get excited about doing it. I don’t think any introvert would. But I said, “Yes!” I took the challenge, walking through 15 shops in 1 afternoon.

I’m not going to lie and tell you my life was forever changed, cause it wasn’t. But I did get something out of it. As I willingly took the role as a salesman for the day, I saw people change how they reacted to me. While most of the people I met were kind, a lot of them (who I’ve interacted before as a consumer) went in hiding-literally not wanting to talk to me or were quick to brush me aside. I learned two things: 1) how to become a better salesman 2) that it really didn’t matter how people perceived me. I was just playing a role. They weren’t rejecting me. They were rejecting what I was selling.

It may sound like common sense, but for someone who makes a living as a freelance writer, getting rejected is a daily, soul-crunching experience. Taking a risk and getting rejected for something less personal, empowered me. I realized that like being a salesman, a writer was just another one of my roles. It wasn’t who I was. It was something I did. And in this business we call life, taking a risk, and risking rejection is the only way we can find success and ultimately happiness.

What’s the next item on my risk list?

  1. Writing a book

I know this one seems kind of wild and crazy. But the good thing is that Martha lets us break up the risk into small steps so it feels less intimidating. For now, I’m going to just research classes on writing books and read other books created by the publisher I’m interested in. Then see what happens next. Hey if I fall and crash and burn, at least you’ll know I gave it my all and tried.

If you really want to find joy and achieve your dreams, you’re going to have to work for it. And this week’s work is all about how much you’re willing to risk.

What are you willing to risk this week?

April 12th, 2010

2inspired Inspiration Board

While you’re reading this, I should be in Las Vegas, a place where people risk it big (*a hint to this week’s Joy Diet item). I’ll be posting more about that later in the week.

But today’s inspiration?

It’s the inspiration board. I wrote about it in a front of the magazine article for the May issue of The Writer. And I decided that while everyone else gets organized for the spring season, I’m going to re-envision my dream board. I think it’s a perfect way to keep myself on track, have a visual representation of my goals and stay motivated for the rest of the year. If you’re itching to do your own, you can go there.

As for my board, I’ll share it with you here:

As you can see, topping my list for this month carried over from January is getting tickets to see Oprah at the Oprah Winfrey show, which feels even harder since she’s announced her final season. A house, car, traveling, working on a project with like-minded creative and spiritual people, eating healthily, being financially successful and writing a book also top my tadbit ambitious board (you think?).

How about you? What have you got cookin’ for these next few months?

April 7th, 2010

Joy Diet Week 4: Creativity

Ooooh, my favorite chapter! At least that’s what I was thinking when I turned to page 66, item #4. I’m all about creativity. In fact, I took O magazine’s quiz, “Who am I meant to be?” and scored highest in the category: Striving to be Creative. So forget nothing (chap 1), truth (2) and desire (3), now I would go straight to the head of the class. Creativity? Easy-peasy!

Could someone hit me over the head please? I forgot that I’m reading, “The Joy DIET.” I’m forgetting that bringing in joy means delving deep into your psyche, going past superficiality and shallow happiness, into the real meat that is true, authentic and raw emotion-real joy. Pass the tissue please.

If I had a temporary jolt of insanity, I was quickly reminded that Beck is a genius. Genius because she’s able to twist, shatter and turn my mind upside down. This week isn’t about buddying up with Martha Stewart and creating a spring floral arrangement, it’s about creativity in the sense of bringing life to our desires. Desires (in case you missed week 3) like writing a book, helping inspire others, etc. Or it could be less grand like, “I want to buy a bunny or take a trip to the beach.”

Ms. Beck says to first get past our long-held belief that talent and creativity are inborn, easy feats, that we are 100% responsible for and oftentimes doesn’t work. I L-O-V-E the part where she says this,” I’ve noticed that the biggest difference between wildly successful people and total failures is that the successful people fail more.” Then I think I’ve got a head start!

The next part asks us to ask ourselves how to get there. For example, “How can I write a self-help book?” Then, go crazy writing as much answers that come to mind, the nuttier the better, which is good because I have a mind filled with nutty answers. There were a few jewels in there too though like take a class and ask other authors.

When you’ve reached your limit, Beck says to dig in deeper and gives a bunch of creative (here’s where the mind-boggling started) ways to find more solutions. My all-time favorite is when she asks readers to think of an enemy, list their obnoxious traits and then (to get to your dreams) adopt them. Her thinking is that the reason why certain people really bug us is that they are mirrors reflecting what we haven’t accepted in ourselves. It could be a behavior that we were taught was bad or unacceptable and denying that part of us may be keeping us from getting to our dreams. Wild isn’t it?

At first, I just kind of scratched my head and sat there, mind-boggled and trying to let it all sink in. Then, I thought of someone who drives me crazy and had my ah-ha moment when I realized that selfish people were my pet peeve. And had a even bigger ah-ha when I suddenly got it! My whole life I’ve been taught to be selfless, but what’s been preventing me from following my dreams is a focus on not being selfish. I realized that being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, according to Dictionary.com it means, “devoted to or caring only for one’s self.” I think there are times when we all need to be selfish. I realized that how else would I get everything I desire if I’m not a little selfish. Funny how that works huh?

There are tons of gems in this chapter, but I wouldn’t want to ruin it for you. I hope you’ll pick up a book and join me. It’s not all hard gut-wrenching parts, there’s a ton of insight, wisdom and fun too!

April 5th, 2010

How I Made My Own Dreams Come True

The # 1 thing people ask me is, “How do you get all those people on your blog?”

What I think they mean is, “You’re not famous. You’re not that special. You work at home all day so how do you get all those inspiring people to take time from their busy schedule to spend time on 2inspired?”

I know. I get it. Because I’m pretty astounded too.

I started blogging because at the time I was quite fed up. I spent most of my life working at jobs that went from, “eh?” to “EEEEEHHHHH!!!.” In other words, the blah jobs and the “I’d rather do anything else than this” job.

After I was officially in my thirties, I decided that I’d rather risk being poor than taking a job I hated. With that, I opened the door to the possibility of writing again.

I think my first stint as a writer was poetry in elementary school. I started creating my own little newspaper where the top events was a leaky pipe or a sunny day. I got involved with our school’s newsletter and “worked” as an editor when computers were big, bulky things with no pictures. In high school, I joined the newspaper staff and surprised myself by winning a journalism scholarship award-one of only a handful in the state.

‘Til today, I still believe that I won solely based on my one strength. No, it’s not my writing skills, but something I share with Ryan Seacrest. It’s my A for effort.

I truly believe the reason why fiction and nonfiction authors, life coaches and past Olympians visit 2inspired is that I have a passion and that passion makes me high on E: E for energy and effort. It’s also on the graciousness of the people who I meet that makes 2inspired possible.

Well, plus, I ask.

Most people don’t believe that if they ask, they might just get what they want. I ask because my crazy desire to inspire others is greater than my fear of being rejected. I’ve experienced a million and a half rejections in my life and I’m still standing. Most of the time, I surprise myself by getting exactly what I ask for.

I think this goes back to Martha Beck’s Joy Diet and desire. Some people are so afraid of disappointment that they would rather hide their wishes in a closet, then lie them out so the world can see them. Maybe I’m just a little less scared of that. That’s all it is really.

If you want to make your dreams come true, don’t wait for someone to hand it over to you. Don’t wait until you feel good enough to deserve it or until you think you’re talented enough. Don’t wait or else time and the world will pass you by. Work today, one foot in front of the other, and your dreams will be that much closer while your fears will be that much farther behind.

If I waited for permission, for a sign or something that says, “Now you’re ready! You’re talented enough so people won’t laugh behind your back and talk about what a fake you are.” I’d be doing the same thing I did for most of my career. Sit back, watch life happen outside my window and let fear take over.

My point is this.

I’m not any more talented than the next person. What I have is a strong desire to make a difference to others, inspire them while I face my own fears and share the experience through my writing.

I just hope you realize that you can do it too. Follow on that path of whatever it is that makes your heart soar. Allow yourself the chance to shine and live out your dreams with wild abandon. Because really. If you don’t do it, who else will make your dreams come true?


March 31st, 2010

Joy Diet Update: Week 3 Desire

Sounds kinda sexy doesn’t it? Well it is!

This week’s challenge is all about identifying your true desire. Beck’s theory is that any strong desire, ache, or thirst that we have are like bread crumb’s left by our soul-little nuggets to help us find our way to our true calling. That path will lead us to our destiny. Pretty cool, I’d say.

The way to get there?

Another 15 minutes of nothingness.

On Oprah yesterday, Raquel Welch spoke words that sounded like gospel to me.

She said, “A moment of silence sometimes is the most scariest thing in the world.”

Amen sister! It’s been an uphill battle for me these last few weeks, but the trek IS getting much easier.

I set the timer, closed my eyes and easily went first to nothingness, second to truth and third to this question, “What do I want most right now?”

I was suddenly flooded with images. First, I saw a book-my book on how to help others reach their dreams. Then, I felt a wave of energy pulsate through me and became swept up in the electricity of something greater than me. I saw myself as a spiritual teacher, with online classes and magazine columns and presentations. In the image, I had a strong, unbreakable spirit and surprising certainty that my life’s purpose was to inspire others to find their own purpose and live the life of their dreams.

A dam broke open.

Instead of any fear of inadequacy or fear itself (the wretched old man that walks around asking me, “Why wish, hope or dream?” since I’ll never get what I want), I  was suddenly free. Free to dream the impossible. My imagination flowed through effortlessly like a dam broke open and with it all my fears washed away and I was suddenly filled with every possibility.

Beck says we grow up learning early not to feel hopeful out of the fear of being disappointed or that wanting something is somehow selfish or hopeless. In reaction, we bury our dreams, lose sight of our true purpose and settle for the safe road. Better to conform and live a life of safety, then to reach out, take a risk and lose everything.

I am surprised that in 15 minutes, Ms. Martha Beck in her delightful book, changed everything for me. Not only did I feel optimistic about my potential and a life not limited by fear, but it also helped get me back on track. During that 15 minutes, I started to visualize every job I have had so far and knew instantly whether they fit in with this new vision or whether it was a job I took for convenience.

Thank you Ms. Beck again for making me shake my head in sheer and utter disbelief!

But I have to ask, where were you when I took that job at Apple?!