Have you ever been stuck with one foot in the door and the other one behind holding you back? Well I have! In fact, I had a friend once tell me in impatience that I need to learn how to make decisions and stick by it regardless of the outcome. But deciding what to do when you can’t predict what will happen next is a doozy of a decision.
I was in limbo, for example, going back and forth like a tennis ball when desperately contemplating whether I should stay at my job or leave. My indecision left everyone dizzy. Some days I was all for it-screw that job I’d say! Other days I thought, “Well if only I could tough it out just one more day.”
The same crazy back and forth decision-making process throws me for a loop everytime. Should I quit? Should I stay? Should I move? Should I stay? Basically I’m asking, “Should I go or should I stay?” Yes, stability, sameness, similarity (the 3’s) are all about feeling (here’s another one) safe. I know where I am now. I know who I’m dealing with now and I have some sort of pseudo control over what I am going through. But if I take that step and drag that back leg forward and jump, will I be making the biggest mistake of my life? Will I one day regret this move? Will I one day ask myself why I couldn’t have been comfortable in my comfort zone?
The scary part is that there are no answers. There’s no guidebook or instruction booklet like a recipe that you can follow word for word or a person, place or thing you can hold responsible when everything goes up in flames. Perhaps, that’s what being human means. Having the courage to know what we’re jumping into and jumping in anyway.
Although I’m still swinging back and forth in my decisions, I’m learning to enjoy the ride. It also helps when I realize how many big jumps I’ve already made and far I’ve already come. It’s kind of like taking a hike up a steep mountain. You may not know what’s ahead or if you’ll even like it, but you can turn around and see how far you’ve already come. And in that, you can keep treading ahead, stronger and wiser.
It’s all about listening to that quiet but clear voice. The one that gets smothered by the “what if’s” and “shoulds” of the world. I think we all know what we have to do. When we listen to it, we make that big leap a whole lot smaller.
