Posts tagged ‘Facing Fears’

July 5th, 2010

Surefire Ways to Burn Out, Pt.2: A Few Dream Busters

I had such a great time sharing part one of ways to burn out, I’m back again for a another round. So here we go!

  1. Bring your bad attitude wherever you go. Remember my past post about Mike Rowe and his awesome show Dirty Jobs? Those workers could do the dirtiest jobs with enthusiasm because they brought their passion wherever they went. The opposite is true too. Want to burn out and get yourself fired? Bring your unhappiness to your job and it’ll feel a million times worse being there. I once had a Japanese teacher who told us to leave our baggage outside the door so that when we entered we’d be fresh and ready to learn. While it’s not always easy to do so, being present, mindful and showing a good attitude while you’re at work, can potentially propel you into something better. Being angry, disgruntled and negative can make you miserable and eventually lead to a fast track path to burning out.
  2. Be boring. Do the same thing every day all the time. Don’t ever have any fun and be as dull as you can be. Work until you can’t work no more, then work again for good measure. Do that and you’ll need a vacation ASAP!
  3. Stay safe. Stay in your comfort zone too long and spider webs will grow on your dreams. You’ll start losing hope, have less faith and your potential for self-growth and happiness will begin shrinking all around you. Giving up is next and that’s when burnout sets in.
  4. Sit under the sun too long without any protection. The opposite of staying safe is to go out of your comfort zone too much and too often. I once had a job where I was battling my inner fears on a day to day basis. The stress not only attacked my insides, but they didn’t give me a chance to refuel, reboot and recharge either. The result? Well, you can guess what happened next. How do you protect yourself from feeling too stressed? Social support. Breaks. Adequate safety from supervisors, mentors, anyone in a position that can lend a hand. It may also mean a change is necessary, which leads me to this:

Here’s the deal. Sometimes burning out can be a good thing. It can be a sign that it’s time to move on. Maybe you’ve stayed safe too long. Maybe you’ve allowed fear to paralyze you from taking action and burning out is the sign that you’re ready to confront that fear and make a change. It could also just mean you need a break. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take some time to figure out what it’s telling you. Just like a fever is your body’s way of saying you need to rest, burning out is a signal that something’s not right. An internal and emotional shift may be necessary to put you right back on track.

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April 5th, 2010

How I Made My Own Dreams Come True

The # 1 thing people ask me is, “How do you get all those people on your blog?”

What I think they mean is, “You’re not famous. You’re not that special. You work at home all day so how do you get all those inspiring people to take time from their busy schedule to spend time on 2inspired?”

I know. I get it. Because I’m pretty astounded too.

I started blogging because at the time I was quite fed up. I spent most of my life working at jobs that went from, “eh?” to “EEEEEHHHHH!!!.” In other words, the blah jobs and the “I’d rather do anything else than this” job.

After I was officially in my thirties, I decided that I’d rather risk being poor than taking a job I hated. With that, I opened the door to the possibility of writing again.

I think my first stint as a writer was poetry in elementary school. I started creating my own little newspaper where the top events was a leaky pipe or a sunny day. I got involved with our school’s newsletter and “worked” as an editor when computers were big, bulky things with no pictures. In high school, I joined the newspaper staff and surprised myself by winning a journalism scholarship award-one of only a handful in the state.

‘Til today, I still believe that I won solely based on my one strength. No, it’s not my writing skills, but something I share with Ryan Seacrest. It’s my A for effort.

I truly believe the reason why fiction and nonfiction authors, life coaches and past Olympians visit 2inspired is that I have a passion and that passion makes me high on E: E for energy and effort. It’s also on the graciousness of the people who I meet that makes 2inspired possible.

Well, plus, I ask.

Most people don’t believe that if they ask, they might just get what they want. I ask because my crazy desire to inspire others is greater than my fear of being rejected. I’ve experienced a million and a half rejections in my life and I’m still standing. Most of the time, I surprise myself by getting exactly what I ask for.

I think this goes back to Martha Beck’s Joy Diet and desire. Some people are so afraid of disappointment that they would rather hide their wishes in a closet, then lie them out so the world can see them. Maybe I’m just a little less scared of that. That’s all it is really.

If you want to make your dreams come true, don’t wait for someone to hand it over to you. Don’t wait until you feel good enough to deserve it or until you think you’re talented enough. Don’t wait or else time and the world will pass you by. Work today, one foot in front of the other, and your dreams will be that much closer while your fears will be that much farther behind.

If I waited for permission, for a sign or something that says, “Now you’re ready! You’re talented enough so people won’t laugh behind your back and talk about what a fake you are.” I’d be doing the same thing I did for most of my career. Sit back, watch life happen outside my window and let fear take over.

My point is this.

I’m not any more talented than the next person. What I have is a strong desire to make a difference to others, inspire them while I face my own fears and share the experience through my writing.

I just hope you realize that you can do it too. Follow on that path of whatever it is that makes your heart soar. Allow yourself the chance to shine and live out your dreams with wild abandon. Because really. If you don’t do it, who else will make your dreams come true?


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January 20th, 2010

What are your dreams telling you?

I awoke from another symbolic dream a few days ago. I was fleeing from fear. A fear with no shape, no specific face or form. It was a compilation of every man’s fear-snakes, gun shots, and dark shadows. A long corridor led me to a door. I ran with heart pounding, beads of sweat racing down my face and an intensity so strong that I felt it in my every being.

The door was a way out. I opened it and slammed it quickly. Although I could still hear the sounds of fear getting close, I suddenly felt safe. I took a brief look around the room to get some bearing of where I was.

It was a cluttered space filled to the brim with everything you could need to survive-a bed, shelves, TV, clothes, etc. I felt warm and comfortable there but it was also stifling. There were just two windows which were frosted so I couldn’t see out of them. I felt claustrophobic and had an immediate urge to leave so I opened the door. As soon as I did, I saw fear lurking in the hallways and the sound of it took my breath away. I closed the door again and woke up panting.

It took me a few minutes in this waking world to feel safe again. And another few to decipher this nightmare of a dream.

I realized that the room was my comfort zone. It was safe. It had everything I needed to survive. It was devoid of fear and it was comfortable there. But there was no room to breathe. I knew the instant that I fled to it that it was safe to stay where I was, but in order to grow and be free, I needed to step outside my comfort zone and face my fears.

The message? My dreams were telling me, “Wake up and get moving! The world is waiting for you to tackle those fears.”

I love how my dreams talk to me, reminding me that no matter how scary they are, choosing to face my fears rather than hide from them is integral to fully living life. In the end, I realized that I didn’t want to choose a safe, but stagnant life. I didn’t just want to survive. I wanted to thrive.

I think we all have dreams (awake and asleep) that define our destinies. What’s key is setting an intention to remember them and prepare for it by keeping a journal nearby. I think that if you’re open to it, your dreams will be the bridge connecting you to the life you’ve been dreaming of, the authentic life you’ve been searching for.

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September 3rd, 2009

Do You Have the BALLS?!

All this talk about fear has gotten me scared.  I mean COME ON after reading a handful of articles about writer’s who ate only raw food or fast food for a month, or worked in an Alzheimer’s care facility, I started to ask myself, “Do I have the balls to be a writer?”

What does it take to be a writer?  What does it take to do anything we dream of doing for that matter?

Sure there’s talent, skill, experience, luck…Wait, I just watched Oprah today and ventriloquist Terry Fator said luck had nothing to do with his recent multimillion dollar contract with the Mirage Hotel in Vegas. This sucks because I was really hoping to at least get 1 out of 4.

But seriously if it ain’t luck and I’m too much of a chicken to eat tasteless food or take care of Alzheimer’s patients, then what good am I?

If you’re asking yourself the same questions and are thinking “what’s the use in trying,” I’d say think again.  Sure there may be hundreds of thousands-even millions-of people trying to do what you do, but there is also no one else in the world like you.  The best way to transform your dreams into a reality is to find something you are truly passionate about and don’t stop trying.

When I think back on my life as a young girl from a small island, I never would have believed that I would one day travel to Italy and Greece or see my name in a book or a magazine.  I’m sure you have your own story too.  We all need to believe that we were put on this earth for a purpose.  That our individualities, our quirkiness, what makes others think we’re weird, is all part of what makes us unique.  Let’s celebrate that instead of spending time hiding it!

Oprah has said countless times that we should embrace who we are and be good at that instead of trying to be someone else.  I agree and think that courage comes when we let go of the crutches that give us a false sense of security, a pseudo protection from the world.  We need to let go, risk failing and falling hard to grow, hope and dream.

When I was in middle school, probably my most hated time in life, all I wanted was to be like everyone else.  Now in my thirties, I am a cheerleader for my differences.  The more different, the better!  That’s why I think that although I might not have the courage to do any great feat, I can write because I can do one thing right-believe.  Belief in yourself can get you everywhere.  Although you need to talent, a bit of luck and experience to push you through, you can’t go very far unless you believe that you can.

So here’s hoping that with every new endeavor, you carry a stroke of luck, a gift of talent and skill, that you befriend courage and hold belief close to your heart.  That, my friend, is the balls you need to get you through any scary obstacle toward your dreams.

Athens

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August 18th, 2009

Playing Limbo With My Life

Have you ever been stuck with one foot in the door and the other one behind holding you back?  Well I have!  In fact, I had a friend once tell me in impatience that I need to learn how to make decisions and stick by it regardless of the outcome.  But deciding what to do when you can’t predict what will happen next is a doozy of a decision.

I was in limbo, for example, going back and forth like a tennis ball when desperately contemplating whether I should stay at my job or leave.  My indecision left everyone dizzy.  Some days I was all for it-screw that job I’d say!  Other days I thought, “Well if only I could tough it out just one more day.”

The same crazy back and forth decision-making process throws me for a loop everytime.  Should I quit?  Should I stay?  Should I move?  Should I stay?  Basically I’m asking, “Should I go or should I stay?”  Yes, stability, sameness, similarity (the 3’s) are all about feeling (here’s another one) safe.  I know where I am now.  I know who I’m dealing with now and I have some sort of pseudo control over what I am going through.  But if I take that step and drag that back leg forward and jump, will I be making the biggest mistake of my life?  Will I one day regret this move?  Will I one day ask myself why I couldn’t have been comfortable in my comfort zone?

The scary part is that there are no answers.  There’s no guidebook or instruction booklet like a recipe that you can follow word for word or a person, place or thing you can hold responsible when everything goes up in flames.  Perhaps, that’s what being human means.  Having the courage to know what we’re jumping into and jumping in anyway.

Although I’m still swinging back and forth in my decisions, I’m learning to enjoy the ride.  It also helps when I realize how many big jumps I’ve already made and far I’ve already come.  It’s kind of like taking a hike up a steep mountain.  You may not know what’s ahead or if you’ll even like it, but you can turn around and see how far you’ve already come.   And in that, you can keep treading ahead, stronger and wiser.

It’s all about listening to that quiet but clear voice.  The one that gets smothered by the “what if’s” and “shoulds” of the world.  I think we all know what we have to do.  When we listen to it, we make that big leap a whole lot smaller.

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June 29th, 2009

Fear of Asking for What You Want

Whether it’s asking for a raise, a job, time off, or time alone, why are we so reluctant to ask for what we really need?  

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.  In the past, I debated whether to ask for more pay at a job and the fear nearly paralyzed me.  Although I eventually gained the courage to ask, I wondered why we often avoid asking for what we want?  Is the fear greater than our need?

Fear of Disappointment.  I believe part of of our fear derives from past fears of rejection.  When we were younger, we may have asked for something as small as a bike or as big as time with our parents only to end up being disappointed.  Not asking may be a way to avoid reliving these hurt feelings.

Fear of Rejection.  Whether it reminds us of our first heartbreak or loss of a job, when we ask for what we want and get turned down, it can feel like a rejection of who we are.

Feelings of Unworthiness.  Sometimes we don’t ask because we think we don’t deserve it.  Why should we for example, ask to live the life of our dreams?  Who are we to do it when everyone else  has to suck it up and slave away at their 9 to 5 jobs?

So what do we do when we feel unworthy, fear disappointment or rejection?

Stay positive.  Negative thoughts and ruminating, makes facing your fears even more challenging.  Instead try to tell yourself that getting rejecting by ___ is not a rejection of yourself and that in the end everything will turn out for the better. For affirmations, check out Wayne Dyer’s Motivational Affirmations taken from his book Excuses Begone! at Beliefnet.com.

Make it impersonal.  Sometimes when we avoid asking for what we want, what we’re really afraid of is being judged or criticized for who we are.  Remember that getting turned down for whatever it is (a date, job, etc.) has less do with us and more to with the individual.  They may not like your writing style or your hairstyle, but someone else will.  The best way to deal with this is to not take things personally.

Feeling Worthy.  Remember that you are worthy of asking for what you want.  You were born with the same rights, potential and possibilities as anyone else.  You have every right to ask for what you want in life.  And if you have trouble swallowing this one, think about someone you admire and then ask whether or not they deserve to ask the same question.

The only way to get what we want is to ask for it.  Practicing these steps, learning to trust our instincts, and having faith, will help give us courage to ask the questions that will get us to our dreams.

Path

CategoryFacing Fears, How to, Inspirational Stories, job | Comment4 Comments »

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May 19th, 2009

Endings Breed New Beginnings

1 fort mason at night 003The last episode of one of my favorite TV shows “Scrubs” came to its final end recently.  I was oh so sad to see this comedy show say its good-byes and it was a reminder to me about how hard it is to let things go.  And it doesn’t have to be the big goodbyes that are the hardest. Whether we are saying goodbye to a TV show or a friend, ends are hard because it is an awakening of consciousness that life is short with its own inevitable finale.  Some of us avoid ends like the plague by resorting to isolation, not connecting with others, or just by resisting change. I know I’ve been guilty of all three at least once in my life.  So how do we learn to accept endings in the most graceful, beneficial way possible?  By first grieving the lost of whatever that end brings.  Whether it is a saying goodbye to your single self or to your married one, it’s important to fully respect what that ending means to you and represents in your life.  The main thing to know is that change will come no matter how hard we try to avoid it.  But when we can have the courage to accept it, that’s when we gain the most benefit for ourselves and for others.  

The best thing about endings?  There’s always a new beginning around the corner.  Saying goodbye to your older self, means that there is a new you waiting to bloom.  And isn’t that what self-growth is all about?  Facing the tough growing pains in order to be a stronger, more authentic you?  Though no one voluntarily wants to feel pain, it’s comforting to know that through dealing with it, there is a beautiful light at the dark end of the tunnel.  And it’s called hope.  Hope for being a better, stronger, more compassionate and authentic you.  It’s a lot like the quote by Robertson Davies that I received today from Beliefnet.com,

“Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible circumstances and they become more extraordinary because of it.”

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