Posts tagged ‘dealing with uncertainty’

January 6th, 2010

Jealousy's Not Such a Monster After All

My ego went a bit crazy today when I wasn’t looking. A friend’s good news sent me in a downward spiral of self-doubt and anguish.

This unnerving reaction of why not me instead of good, happy feelings for them was a good wake up call. I quickly realized this had nothing to do with my friend, their dreams or my failures and everything to do with my own self-acceptance of an unconventional dream.

Then I started thinking:

Should we feel less than if are dreams and goals fit into a different mold from society’s expectations?

That is, if we’re not married by 28, with kids by 30 and at the top of our career at 35, does that somehow make our lives less meaningful than the every man?

I don’t think so. But it took a good dose of talking to my ego to realize something greater was going on. As Martha Beck says in Steering by Starlight,”When something ‘terrible’ is happening to us (from a ‘shallows’ perspective) something wonderful is always being born from the Stargazer’s perspective.”

I think the incident reminded me of the importance of staying true to myself and my life instead of jumping on the bandwagon with only a linear goal. Life is full of possibilities. I don’t need to limit my choices to a A + B = C formula. Unless, of course, I wanted to.

Think of it this way. What would our world be like minus world shifters like Oprah and Walt Disney? Every being’s purpose is different. Some grander than others. I know that I can’t live an authentic life by living small or living the life my family, friends, or society want for me. Big or small, one thing I’ve learned is that living a safe, unconventional life doesn’t serve any of us, least of all the world.

CategoryFollowing your dreams | CommentNo Comments »

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October 12th, 2009

Is Change Coming? And If So, Are You Ready for It?

Hawaii

There’s some things in life that we have no control over.  Things like the weather, the economy, and these days even our job situation can make us feel helpless and vulnerable to change.  But there are other things such as where we live, what actions we take on a daily basis and how we choose to be towards others that we can change.  Why is this important?  Understanding what stage you are in can help bring awareness to why you haven’t loss that weight, applied for that job or taken steps toward your dreams.  Keep reading to determine where you are in the process of change.

According to James Prochaska, John Norcross and Carlo Diclemente in Changing for Good, there are six stages of change.  The first is precontemplation.  You are considered a precontemplator if you resist change, are in denial that you need to change and externalize your problems-blaming others for them instead of focusing on yourself.

The second stage is contemplation.  Contemplators, in comparison to precontemplators, acknowledge that they have a problem and want to find a solution for it.  They are, however, stuck in limbo lacking commitment toward their goals.  They know that they want to change, and may even have steps to get there but they’d rather be thinking about it rather than acting on it.

Preparation is next.  Contemplators who deal with their fears and anxiety and take steps toward action are considered to be in the preparation stage.  Although they are committed and may have already taken steps toward change, this is also the time where ambivalence can potentially sabotage their efforts.

Action.   The stage that involves modifying behaviors such as applying and interviewing for jobs, or getting rid of junk food in the house.  It requires significant time and commitment to your goals.

Then, there’s Maintenance. Being cognizant of the gains you have made up to this point needs to be recognized as well as being aware of future challenges.  It is easy to relapse from this stage so strong commitment is imperative to keeping you on the right track.

Lastly, Termination.  If you’re breaking a bad habit or addiction then termination may either mean you’ve reached your goal and/or that you need to be sure to maintain this state for the rest of your life.  If your change was getting a dream job, or moving to another state, celebrate!  You’ve successfully reached the other side and can reap the benefits of your hard work, serious self-reflection and commitment to your dreams.

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September 24th, 2009

Staying the Course

Hawaii HikingPart of life’s challenge is staying happy in midst of struggle.  Pardon me while I use another hiking analogy.  Imagine you are on a rough trail with the heat beating down your back and the sun piercing your eyes.  Do you take a deep breath and enjoy the ride or do you speed up?

If you ask me, I’d try to get to the end as soon as possible.  The process is not enjoyable for me.

But neither is tolerating difficulty, boredom, uncertainty and the other valleys in our lives.

Our struggle is fighting the urge to rush to get to the top.  Maybe it’s an internal desire in us to believe that “bigger is better” or that winners are somehow more worthy than losers.  Whatever it is, sometimes we’re too much in a hurry to achieve greatness to be appreciative of what’s going on in the meantime.

Let’s role play for a minute.  I’ll imagine you asked me, “What’s the worst that can happen by wanting better for myself?”

Well like adrenaline, when there’s a right amount, you actually do better.  Adrenaline and dreaming of success are motivating.

But on the other hand, sometimes wanting too much too soon can have the opposite effect-it can be paralyzing.  Losing 20 pounds, for example, feels overwhelming but having a goal of losing a pound of week seems more doable.

This is why it’s better to do one small thing than to wait for a life changing moment to take action.  If you want to be a successful paid blogger, for example, start small by trying it out as a hobby before you quit your day job.  Or if you’re anxious for your small business to be a big success, focus first on your products and company before you decide to branch out to bigger and better things.

Every thing has its time and place.  Sometimes we try to rush our experience because the not knowing, or the feeling like we might never accomplish our dreams scares us and either paralyzes us or pushes us too quickly into unknown territory.

The cure?

Start small.  Take every moment as it comes.  Dream big but pursue it with baby steps.  You want to know how to get to the top?  Put one foot in front of the other and over time you will eventually get there.  Just be patient, wait and see!

CategoryFollowing your dreams | Comment1 Comment »

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