Posts tagged ‘fear of failure’

January 20th, 2010

What are your dreams telling you?

I awoke from another symbolic dream a few days ago. I was fleeing from fear. A fear with no shape, no specific face or form. It was a compilation of every man’s fear-snakes, gun shots, and dark shadows. A long corridor led me to a door. I ran with heart pounding, beads of sweat racing down my face and an intensity so strong that I felt it in my every being.

The door was a way out. I opened it and slammed it quickly. Although I could still hear the sounds of fear getting close, I suddenly felt safe. I took a brief look around the room to get some bearing of where I was.

It was a cluttered space filled to the brim with everything you could need to survive-a bed, shelves, TV, clothes, etc. I felt warm and comfortable there but it was also stifling. There were just two windows which were frosted so I couldn’t see out of them. I felt claustrophobic and had an immediate urge to leave so I opened the door. As soon as I did, I saw fear lurking in the hallways and the sound of it took my breath away. I closed the door again and woke up panting.

It took me a few minutes in this waking world to feel safe again. And another few to decipher this nightmare of a dream.

I realized that the room was my comfort zone. It was safe. It had everything I needed to survive. It was devoid of fear and it was comfortable there. But there was no room to breathe. I knew the instant that I fled to it that it was safe to stay where I was, but in order to grow and be free, I needed to step outside my comfort zone and face my fears.

The message? My dreams were telling me, “Wake up and get moving! The world is waiting for you to tackle those fears.”

I love how my dreams talk to me, reminding me that no matter how scary they are, choosing to face my fears rather than hide from them is integral to fully living life. In the end, I realized that I didn’t want to choose a safe, but stagnant life. I didn’t just want to survive. I wanted to thrive.

I think we all have dreams (awake and asleep) that define our destinies. What’s key is setting an intention to remember them and prepare for it by keeping a journal nearby. I think that if you’re open to it, your dreams will be the bridge connecting you to the life you’ve been dreaming of, the authentic life you’ve been searching for.

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November 30th, 2009

Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway

If you had the opportunity, would you do something you feared most? As I’m writing this, my stomach is in knots, turning like I’m sailing out to sea not sitting comfortably in my chair. Yet, I’m considering doing it.

There have been many times in my life when I had the chance to risk something great (like my pride) for something greater (self-confidence). Like the time I took a job giving speeches to hundreds of people even though the feeling of eyes staring back at me turns my cheeks hot and I hate talking in a group of 5 let alone 200. Yet, I did it anyway.

There were times in my life when I let fear wash over me. Like when I was 6 years old and I chickened out at my grandparent’s surprise wedding anniversary. I practiced my speech for days. I can still see the index cards in my sweaty hands. At the end I was supposed to sing Kermit’s, “Rainbow Connection” while my cousins played the piano and ukulele. I got to the mike and my voice failed me. My mom took me by the hand and I left the stage in defeat. I’ll never forget that moment.

Then there was the time I took an F for my elementary school class project because I was too afraid to give my presentation. I spent weeks planning for it and when the teacher called my name, I looked the other way.

Tonight I’m faced with another one of my greatest fears to risk being made a fool of on national TV. Yet, I’m going to do it anyway.

You might think I’m crazy or foolish. Who wants to stand out like sore thumb while people take cheap shots at me? You know what? I do. I want to do it not because I’m a masochist, but because I believe I’ll get something even bigger for the experience. The chance to stare fear down and do it anyway.

One point for the fearless fool, zero for the fear.

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September 24th, 2009

Staying the Course

Hawaii HikingPart of life’s challenge is staying happy in midst of struggle.  Pardon me while I use another hiking analogy.  Imagine you are on a rough trail with the heat beating down your back and the sun piercing your eyes.  Do you take a deep breath and enjoy the ride or do you speed up?

If you ask me, I’d try to get to the end as soon as possible.  The process is not enjoyable for me.

But neither is tolerating difficulty, boredom, uncertainty and the other valleys in our lives.

Our struggle is fighting the urge to rush to get to the top.  Maybe it’s an internal desire in us to believe that “bigger is better” or that winners are somehow more worthy than losers.  Whatever it is, sometimes we’re too much in a hurry to achieve greatness to be appreciative of what’s going on in the meantime.

Let’s role play for a minute.  I’ll imagine you asked me, “What’s the worst that can happen by wanting better for myself?”

Well like adrenaline, when there’s a right amount, you actually do better.  Adrenaline and dreaming of success are motivating.

But on the other hand, sometimes wanting too much too soon can have the opposite effect-it can be paralyzing.  Losing 20 pounds, for example, feels overwhelming but having a goal of losing a pound of week seems more doable.

This is why it’s better to do one small thing than to wait for a life changing moment to take action.  If you want to be a successful paid blogger, for example, start small by trying it out as a hobby before you quit your day job.  Or if you’re anxious for your small business to be a big success, focus first on your products and company before you decide to branch out to bigger and better things.

Every thing has its time and place.  Sometimes we try to rush our experience because the not knowing, or the feeling like we might never accomplish our dreams scares us and either paralyzes us or pushes us too quickly into unknown territory.

The cure?

Start small.  Take every moment as it comes.  Dream big but pursue it with baby steps.  You want to know how to get to the top?  Put one foot in front of the other and over time you will eventually get there.  Just be patient, wait and see!

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