Posts tagged ‘Finding joy’

May 21st, 2010

Week 10: The Final Chapter (Feasting)

Can you tell I’ve been procrastinating? For 10 weeks, I’ve been diligently (well maybe just being good enough) following Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life. And it’s finally coming to the end! I have to say this is one diet, I’m sad to say goodbye to. It’s been a difficult ride-what with having to do nothing, be truthful, focus on my desires, be creative, take a risk, indulge in treats, have fun, laugh, connect with others and now feast.

Okay maybe it sounds a lot more fun and easy than it was! But all in all the journey was a life-changing one. It’s given me insight into what I really want in my life and the hope that I can achieve it. It’s taught me the importance of indulging in play and in laughing while also being conscious of my self and others. And while doing it saddens me, I must continue on to the last and my favorite part-the feast.

Here’s a story I’ll use to describe this section.

Martha uses a similar story in the book as well. Anyway, 10 years ago I worked at a chocolate shop. At that time, I didn’t like chocolate too much (I know! I can hardly believe it myself being the chocoholic I am today.) At the time, I was not very honest with myself or others for that matter. I actually told the owner I adored chocolate and that I was taking this as a permanent job, not the part-time summer gig I really had in mind.

After working there for a month, I started to develop a craving for chocolate. Maybe it was the aroma of melted cocoa that warmed me up to it or the temptation of being able to grab gourmet chocolate pieces like chocolate covered mint leaves and chocolate covered oranges anytime I wanted to. But whatever it was, I blame my chocoholism to this store.

The funny thing about it was that while working there I actually lost weight!

Why did I refrain from pigging out on any piece of chocolate I could get my hands on? It could have been the mean manager who I think didn’t like me. But more than likely it was because I fully feasted on the experience of being there. The chocolate aroma, the feel of the sweet brown cocoa melting on my fingertips, the spicy ginger flavor mixed with bitter dark chocolate. All of that was more than enough. All my senses were engaged without needing to overindulge on the experience.

This is the main focus of the last chapter. Indulging on things that are filled with beauty, that arouses our senses, that feels like a “feast” helps bring us to joy, more than cash, food, and things alone can do. It’s the pure enjoyment of life that can bring us to the highest levels of happiness and joy.

When I think about my honeymoon, for example, I think of many things. But the moment that stands out most to me?

The chocolate pyramid.

When I say those three words, my husband knows exactly what I’m talking about. It was a rich chocolate dessert put atop a beautiful arrangement of white eggplant drizzled with honey. Sitting in an open restaurant in Santorini, Greece with the sounds of soft Greek music playing, the feel of the warm night, and the simply gorgeous heaven on a plate in front of me. That was real joyous living!

She ends with the feast because it is one of the most important things to remember in being joyful. Sometimes we forget when we get caught up in the busyness of life to simply sit and appreciate the world around us. If you’re feeling that way, get back to feasting. Experience life’s small moments, breathe it in, then sit back and feel the joy!

May 4th, 2010

Week 8: The Joy of Laughter

A few nights ago, I was on the phone with my mom. It was 11:30 at night and after a week of freelance work, I was pooped. The kind of tired that makes you slur like a/your drunk. It also made me spontaneously guffaw. Sure laughing while conversing with your parent doesn’t seem abnormal, but it was the context that was odd. I was getting her credit card information and suddenly a giggle escaped from my mouth. It startled me so much that I quickly covered it up with a cough. The strange incident got me perplexed until I read, “Chapter 8: Laughter” of Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet.

According to Beck, we should be hee-hawing and guffawing 30x’s in a day! Laughing clears the tension, unclogs feelings of anxiety and brings you closer to a more authentic life. Since I made that leap from corporate cubicle to work-at-home freelancing, however laughing is harder to come by. I think my unexpected chortle a few nights ago was the result of my soul not getting its daily shot of laughter.

This exercise got me reminiscing about my earlier laughing years. While it was not always fun and games, I remember chuckling quite often. I once laughed and could not stop laughing for no real reason (laughing strategy 5) when my dorm mate was taking a nap. Another time, I cracked up when as a band leader (yes I was a band geek), I forgot everyone’s music in my section. We faked it the entire performance! And there have been thousands of times I laughed at myself (laughing strategy 6)-when I fell down flat on my face or when I took belly dancing for the first time and saw how dumb I looked trying to shake my belly. Beck says we laugh at the most anxiety provoking times, which explains why we sometimes burst out in laughter at the most serious moments. My cousins and I couldn’t stop laughing, for example, at our grandfather’s funeral. We weren’t trying to be disrespectful. I think the emotions were too intense for our young selves and laughing was the best remedy.

Nowadays laughter seems to seep out in surprising places especially when I don’t make the time for a good guffaw. How many of you are doing the same? Taking life just a bit too seriously and not taking fun and laughter seriously enough?

When I thought about the “dramas” in my life the last few weeks and saw it through the eyes of humor, I felt the weight lift from my shoulders. My ‘aha’ moment was realizing that almost nothing was so serious that I couldn’t laugh my way out of.

Try it for yourself.

The good news is laughing is fun, it does not take money and is not hard.

  • Make a point to spend time with funny people, watch movies, television shows, read books and articles to make you laugh and see if you find the solution to a pressing problem, feel less heavy and closer to feeling more joyful.

Get started with this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clw7SAJs_6w]

April 24th, 2010

How Goofing Off Can Make You More Productive

I’m stuck on item #6 of The Joy Diet and would like to stay here awhile please. Making 2 treats a part of my every day has been a blessing. Not just for my soul, but for my wallet too.

Sometimes we get so focused on our goals or obsessed with daily superficialities (iphone, ipads, gossip, buying a home, etc.) that we lose sight of the here and now. This actually works against us and our ultimate goals-to be happy, successful and to feel whole.

I know because I’ve been a workaholic lately. Digging my nails deep into the present and throwing it all in there. I’ve been reading books and articles online, crafting not2shabby things and taking classes all in the hope of making me better at something. I ended up spreading myself thin with nothing left to give and worse-with nothing left to show for it.

Have you ever been there before?

Sometimes like the empty room in a home that needs to be filled we allow worry and fear to inhabit it instead of giving time, patience and faith to let things fill it organically.

Know what I mean?

It’s what happens when an empty dining room table gets replaced with junk or why the fear of no job/relationship makes way for jobs/relationships you don’t want. Out of fear comes desperation and more things we don’t want or need in our lives. Out of faith comes the life we’re destined to live. The latter takes courage to get there.

Goofing off helps.

Last week of The Joy Diet was an easy one. And surprisingly it brought my passion back. I stopped crafting, writing, and reading things related to my career. Instead, I flipped through fun magazines and watched a few episodes of Oprah. It just so happens that I caught two shows related to my passions (Earth Day and a show about people in their dream jobs). It reminded me about my passion to help the environment, why I write, and why I sacrifice time and money to do what I do. It inspired me to write this post and gave me the hope I needed to continue on the journey in faith, not fear.

Here’s a Joy Diet Challenge:

Take an hour or a few hours a day or even a week if you can and devote the time solely to you and your passion. It could be riding a bike, taking a hike, rediscovering your love for art by visiting a museum or watching a movie. Just do something unrelated to your career. Have fun and you’ll see passion, excitement and joy returning to your life-the fuel necessary to help manifest the life of your dreams.

March 31st, 2010

Joy Diet Update: Week 3 Desire

Sounds kinda sexy doesn’t it? Well it is!

This week’s challenge is all about identifying your true desire. Beck’s theory is that any strong desire, ache, or thirst that we have are like bread crumb’s left by our soul-little nuggets to help us find our way to our true calling. That path will lead us to our destiny. Pretty cool, I’d say.

The way to get there?

Another 15 minutes of nothingness.

On Oprah yesterday, Raquel Welch spoke words that sounded like gospel to me.

She said, “A moment of silence sometimes is the most scariest thing in the world.”

Amen sister! It’s been an uphill battle for me these last few weeks, but the trek IS getting much easier.

I set the timer, closed my eyes and easily went first to nothingness, second to truth and third to this question, “What do I want most right now?”

I was suddenly flooded with images. First, I saw a book-my book on how to help others reach their dreams. Then, I felt a wave of energy pulsate through me and became swept up in the electricity of something greater than me. I saw myself as a spiritual teacher, with online classes and magazine columns and presentations. In the image, I had a strong, unbreakable spirit and surprising certainty that my life’s purpose was to inspire others to find their own purpose and live the life of their dreams.

A dam broke open.

Instead of any fear of inadequacy or fear itself (the wretched old man that walks around asking me, “Why wish, hope or dream?” since I’ll never get what I want), I  was suddenly free. Free to dream the impossible. My imagination flowed through effortlessly like a dam broke open and with it all my fears washed away and I was suddenly filled with every possibility.

Beck says we grow up learning early not to feel hopeful out of the fear of being disappointed or that wanting something is somehow selfish or hopeless. In reaction, we bury our dreams, lose sight of our true purpose and settle for the safe road. Better to conform and live a life of safety, then to reach out, take a risk and lose everything.

I am surprised that in 15 minutes, Ms. Martha Beck in her delightful book, changed everything for me. Not only did I feel optimistic about my potential and a life not limited by fear, but it also helped get me back on track. During that 15 minutes, I started to visualize every job I have had so far and knew instantly whether they fit in with this new vision or whether it was a job I took for convenience.

Thank you Ms. Beck again for making me shake my head in sheer and utter disbelief!

But I have to ask, where were you when I took that job at Apple?!

March 29th, 2010

We have a Winner!

photo by: ADoseofShipBoy’s

I just wanted to thank Carol McClelland (author of Green Careers For Dummies
and founder of Green Career Central) again for visiting 2inspired last week and for all of you who tuned in, asking great insightful questions and for helping to spread the word. It’s all of you who help make my own inspiring dreams come true.

But this post isn’t about me, it’s all about our winner. So Raechel Conover come on down…Congratulations you won! Hope you love your new Green Careers for Dummies book!

And as for the rest of the week, I’ll be posting on the third week of my joy diet. (If you’re behind and missed week one, click here.)

This week is all about desire. After doing nothing, and uncovering truth, so far I’ve learned that joy is a whole lot of work. It makes sense that some would sacrifice lasting happiness for a temporary fix.

That’s cause to live your life joyfully, you need to live it consciously. That means no more filling your time with stuff (shopping, food, errands, etc.) to avoid feeling _____ (fill-in-the-blank with your own personal emotion). Beck’s forcing me to deal head on with my demons with the ultimate goal of experiencing life to its fullest. It’s reinforcing my past belief that we avoid painful emotions out of fear. And that the fear, like all fear, is a lot worse than the fear itself.

Case in point: Last week I had two fears. Fears so great that I was in anguish the whole night before the day I was expecting fear 1 and fear 2. The next morning I woke up to both fears. The very thing I was worried would happen did. And you know what? It wasn’t even that bad. The day passed and the event became a nonevent. I learned quickly that it’s what we do to avoid the fear (drink, drugs, destruct) that’s tons more harmful than the actual emotion itself.

So anyone with me? Would love to hear about your own personal mission to joy, diet or not.

March 26th, 2010

Wondering if I fell off the joy wagon?

I haven’t posted about my first week on the joy diet, now have I? In case you’re wondering how it all went, I’ll tell ya.

I might have fell off the wagon a bit during the end of the first week.

Why?!

I know shocking right. I’m not blaming it on time or energy or even boredom. Instead, I went straight to the source:The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life.

Chapter 2: TRUTH

“If you can’t get yourself to do Menu Item #1 (nothing), you’re not ready for Menu Item #2.”

Beck says our resistance to doing nothing is a good indication that there is something we’re not wanting to deal with. Truth be told, after I read this chapter and forced myself to sit in nothing, a lot of dark somethings were unearthed. Truth behold waves of worries and a sudden uncovering of past events ran amock. I sat there for 15 minutes thinking, “Wow nothing! What a concept. Why didn’t I think of that!”

Nothing was the answer to a lot of my questions and the best part was that all I had to was sit there and do absolutely nothing. Imagine doing that for a living!

There’s something very healing about doing nothing. I wonder how much time each of us spends running around doing errands, typing on our computers and blackberries and how much energy that drains us and how much farther we get from our own truth.

If I could, I’d thank Ms. Beck for that one chapter alone. (Who I’ve actually met in person by the way and who recently Tweeted me, “Yay! I’m so excited you’re trying my “diet.” It’s still working for me, so my hopes for you are high.Keep me posted!” No joke. Really. I would not joke about this.)

Somehow all the stubborn attachments, fierce denial and false realities I’ve created over the years only to cover up fear and insecurity ended up imprisoning me. When I let certain situations be, I realized that they weren’t as scary as I thought. And the result was freeing.

I dare anyone to try it. Sit for 15 minutes and reflect on something painful you’re going through. I bet it won’t be as scary as you make it. In fact, you might learn that the story you told yourself about the event (a rejection from a publication, a conflict with a friend) was a lot worse than the even itself.

Then, come back here and tell me what you’ve experienced. It’s great to know I’m not in this alone.

March 18th, 2010

Day 3 of the Joy Diet

Well I’ve made it half way through the first week. I’ll admit that this is the easiest diet I’ve been on physically, but the most challenging mentally.

The difference between a joy diet and a food one? I’m not depriving myself of anything, except maybe 15 min of my time.

The hard part? Convincing myself I get to feel joy by doing nothing.

So yesterday, I didn’t make my 10:00 pm appointment with me, myself and I. At this point, I’m laughing at how crazy it is that I can’t fit in a mere 15 minutes of doing nothing into my day. Anyway, I finally found it at 11:45 pm last night.

The honest truth? Even though I’ve had an impressive experience so far, the whole day I was actually dreading it. Now that the novelty of nothing was wearing off, would I still enjoy it or would it be pure silent torture?

The reality. I was working on an article about my dog, talking to my mom to get more information. After I got off the phone with her, I was consumed with guilt. The guilt for not being there when my dog passed. It was a horrible feeling and then worse I thought, “Now I have to go sit in a corner for 15 min and think about nothing!” (Add dramatic sigh here.)

The outcome. Doing nothing couldn’t have came at a better time actually. Sitting in silence, thoughts came flooding to me (as I expected). What I didn’t expect were that the thoughts would be comforting ones. Things like, “You couldn’t have done anything if you were there. She knew you loved her. Things happen for a reason and everything is the way it should be” starting flowing into my mind. Then a peace settled on me. It was a soothing balm that my wounded heart needed. Afterwards I fell into a sea of nothingness where I was neither awake nor asleep.

The bottom line: I might not have felt joy, but I definitely felt peace. Looking forward to trying it again tonight.