Archive for ‘Happiness’

May 17th, 2010

Shunning the Negative Peeps

Oprah’s show last week on the book Women, Food and God really affected me. (For a free excerpt see Oprah.com.) Funny that it wasn’t food or God that were shocking, but her emphasis on women and relationships.

There were two things in particular I found worth sharing here:

1. How our obsessions with ______ (food, clothes, money, etc.) affect not just our relationships with our self and others, but our society and the world as a whole. If all of our energy is going on how to fix ourselves (our weight/body), how much less energy are we giving to the world? I realized that maybe the greatest disrespect we are doing to ourselves and the future of our world is by pushing down our emotions and holding back our gifts. It’s a sad disturbing situation that I think every woman, myself included, needs to change for good. Let’s celebrate who we are! Banish our negative thoughts and fully embrace what we have to offer the world. I think as women we have a responsibility to support each other to be better and live more authentic lives, growing closer to who we are meant to be while leaving our former insecure selves behind.

2. Surround yourself with positivity. When Oprah talked about love and relationships, her words of wisdom were so powerful and moving it brought me to tears. She said when someone isn’t happy for you and your successes, it isn’t about you, it is about their own self-loathing. I think when we improve ourselves, there are still uphill battles to fight and one is the reaction you get from those around you. When you succeed you are a mirror that reminds others of what they haven’t accomplished and what they haven’t yet achieved. We need to learn how to get beyond our ego and refocus our attention on what we need to do instead of flailing in the sunshine of someone else’s success.

These are two important, yet difficult things to master. Yet, they are certainly necessary in the pursuit of your dreams. Surround yourself with negativity (like the phrase misery loves company) and you’ll only be as good/happy/successful as those you’re with. Focus on what you’re not good at and what you haven’t accomplished and you’ll sabotage yourself up that ladder.

How do we empower ourselves?

Be kind. Open up to the possibility of hope, love and dreams. Find positive, loving and supportive people in your life. Connect to something bigger than yourself whether it’s god, the universe, your own inner soul. Then ever so slowly, lift yourself up, and find your own path, the path that will take you one step at a time toward the life you were meant to live and the woman you were meant to be.

May 4th, 2010

Week 8: The Joy of Laughter

A few nights ago, I was on the phone with my mom. It was 11:30 at night and after a week of freelance work, I was pooped. The kind of tired that makes you slur like a/your drunk. It also made me spontaneously guffaw. Sure laughing while conversing with your parent doesn’t seem abnormal, but it was the context that was odd. I was getting her credit card information and suddenly a giggle escaped from my mouth. It startled me so much that I quickly covered it up with a cough. The strange incident got me perplexed until I read, “Chapter 8: Laughter” of Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet.

According to Beck, we should be hee-hawing and guffawing 30x’s in a day! Laughing clears the tension, unclogs feelings of anxiety and brings you closer to a more authentic life. Since I made that leap from corporate cubicle to work-at-home freelancing, however laughing is harder to come by. I think my unexpected chortle a few nights ago was the result of my soul not getting its daily shot of laughter.

This exercise got me reminiscing about my earlier laughing years. While it was not always fun and games, I remember chuckling quite often. I once laughed and could not stop laughing for no real reason (laughing strategy 5) when my dorm mate was taking a nap. Another time, I cracked up when as a band leader (yes I was a band geek), I forgot everyone’s music in my section. We faked it the entire performance! And there have been thousands of times I laughed at myself (laughing strategy 6)-when I fell down flat on my face or when I took belly dancing for the first time and saw how dumb I looked trying to shake my belly. Beck says we laugh at the most anxiety provoking times, which explains why we sometimes burst out in laughter at the most serious moments. My cousins and I couldn’t stop laughing, for example, at our grandfather’s funeral. We weren’t trying to be disrespectful. I think the emotions were too intense for our young selves and laughing was the best remedy.

Nowadays laughter seems to seep out in surprising places especially when I don’t make the time for a good guffaw. How many of you are doing the same? Taking life just a bit too seriously and not taking fun and laughter seriously enough?

When I thought about the “dramas” in my life the last few weeks and saw it through the eyes of humor, I felt the weight lift from my shoulders. My ‘aha’ moment was realizing that almost nothing was so serious that I couldn’t laugh my way out of.

Try it for yourself.

The good news is laughing is fun, it does not take money and is not hard.

  • Make a point to spend time with funny people, watch movies, television shows, read books and articles to make you laugh and see if you find the solution to a pressing problem, feel less heavy and closer to feeling more joyful.

Get started with this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clw7SAJs_6w]

March 31st, 2010

Joy Diet Update: Week 3 Desire

Sounds kinda sexy doesn’t it? Well it is!

This week’s challenge is all about identifying your true desire. Beck’s theory is that any strong desire, ache, or thirst that we have are like bread crumb’s left by our soul-little nuggets to help us find our way to our true calling. That path will lead us to our destiny. Pretty cool, I’d say.

The way to get there?

Another 15 minutes of nothingness.

On Oprah yesterday, Raquel Welch spoke words that sounded like gospel to me.

She said, “A moment of silence sometimes is the most scariest thing in the world.”

Amen sister! It’s been an uphill battle for me these last few weeks, but the trek IS getting much easier.

I set the timer, closed my eyes and easily went first to nothingness, second to truth and third to this question, “What do I want most right now?”

I was suddenly flooded with images. First, I saw a book-my book on how to help others reach their dreams. Then, I felt a wave of energy pulsate through me and became swept up in the electricity of something greater than me. I saw myself as a spiritual teacher, with online classes and magazine columns and presentations. In the image, I had a strong, unbreakable spirit and surprising certainty that my life’s purpose was to inspire others to find their own purpose and live the life of their dreams.

A dam broke open.

Instead of any fear of inadequacy or fear itself (the wretched old man that walks around asking me, “Why wish, hope or dream?” since I’ll never get what I want), I  was suddenly free. Free to dream the impossible. My imagination flowed through effortlessly like a dam broke open and with it all my fears washed away and I was suddenly filled with every possibility.

Beck says we grow up learning early not to feel hopeful out of the fear of being disappointed or that wanting something is somehow selfish or hopeless. In reaction, we bury our dreams, lose sight of our true purpose and settle for the safe road. Better to conform and live a life of safety, then to reach out, take a risk and lose everything.

I am surprised that in 15 minutes, Ms. Martha Beck in her delightful book, changed everything for me. Not only did I feel optimistic about my potential and a life not limited by fear, but it also helped get me back on track. During that 15 minutes, I started to visualize every job I have had so far and knew instantly whether they fit in with this new vision or whether it was a job I took for convenience.

Thank you Ms. Beck again for making me shake my head in sheer and utter disbelief!

But I have to ask, where were you when I took that job at Apple?!

March 29th, 2010

We have a Winner!

photo by: ADoseofShipBoy’s

I just wanted to thank Carol McClelland (author of Green Careers For Dummies
and founder of Green Career Central) again for visiting 2inspired last week and for all of you who tuned in, asking great insightful questions and for helping to spread the word. It’s all of you who help make my own inspiring dreams come true.

But this post isn’t about me, it’s all about our winner. So Raechel Conover come on down…Congratulations you won! Hope you love your new Green Careers for Dummies book!

And as for the rest of the week, I’ll be posting on the third week of my joy diet. (If you’re behind and missed week one, click here.)

This week is all about desire. After doing nothing, and uncovering truth, so far I’ve learned that joy is a whole lot of work. It makes sense that some would sacrifice lasting happiness for a temporary fix.

That’s cause to live your life joyfully, you need to live it consciously. That means no more filling your time with stuff (shopping, food, errands, etc.) to avoid feeling _____ (fill-in-the-blank with your own personal emotion). Beck’s forcing me to deal head on with my demons with the ultimate goal of experiencing life to its fullest. It’s reinforcing my past belief that we avoid painful emotions out of fear. And that the fear, like all fear, is a lot worse than the fear itself.

Case in point: Last week I had two fears. Fears so great that I was in anguish the whole night before the day I was expecting fear 1 and fear 2. The next morning I woke up to both fears. The very thing I was worried would happen did. And you know what? It wasn’t even that bad. The day passed and the event became a nonevent. I learned quickly that it’s what we do to avoid the fear (drink, drugs, destruct) that’s tons more harmful than the actual emotion itself.

So anyone with me? Would love to hear about your own personal mission to joy, diet or not.

March 18th, 2010

Day 3 of the Joy Diet

Well I’ve made it half way through the first week. I’ll admit that this is the easiest diet I’ve been on physically, but the most challenging mentally.

The difference between a joy diet and a food one? I’m not depriving myself of anything, except maybe 15 min of my time.

The hard part? Convincing myself I get to feel joy by doing nothing.

So yesterday, I didn’t make my 10:00 pm appointment with me, myself and I. At this point, I’m laughing at how crazy it is that I can’t fit in a mere 15 minutes of doing nothing into my day. Anyway, I finally found it at 11:45 pm last night.

The honest truth? Even though I’ve had an impressive experience so far, the whole day I was actually dreading it. Now that the novelty of nothing was wearing off, would I still enjoy it or would it be pure silent torture?

The reality. I was working on an article about my dog, talking to my mom to get more information. After I got off the phone with her, I was consumed with guilt. The guilt for not being there when my dog passed. It was a horrible feeling and then worse I thought, “Now I have to go sit in a corner for 15 min and think about nothing!” (Add dramatic sigh here.)

The outcome. Doing nothing couldn’t have came at a better time actually. Sitting in silence, thoughts came flooding to me (as I expected). What I didn’t expect were that the thoughts would be comforting ones. Things like, “You couldn’t have done anything if you were there. She knew you loved her. Things happen for a reason and everything is the way it should be” starting flowing into my mind. Then a peace settled on me. It was a soothing balm that my wounded heart needed. Afterwards I fell into a sea of nothingness where I was neither awake nor asleep.

The bottom line: I might not have felt joy, but I definitely felt peace. Looking forward to trying it again tonight.

March 15th, 2010

A Joyful Diet

A joyful diet sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it? But as spring approaches, I’m dieting to find out.

First of all, I have to say I’m not a dieting girl. Every time I attempt to go on a diet, it lasts all of 6 hours and then I’m spent. I think the problem is that most diets are all about deprivation. And frankly, I don’t have the time and energy for that.

But JOY?! That I could get into. Especially since the person who wrote it is one of my favorite authors: life coach, O magazine contributor and best-selling author Ms. Martha Beck.

After reading two of her books, I was craving more. More importantly joy is actually something I wouldn’t mind going on a diet for.

So here’s the deal:

There’s 10 tips for Martha Beck’s Joy Diet. I’m going to try it, one a week for the next 10 weeks and see if it brings me more joy.

Are you in?

You can follow along here or get your own book (The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life) and try it with me.

*Haven’t forgot about my BIG surprise yet? Have you? Well stick around because I’m unveiling the green treat this Wednesday, March 17th.

October 27th, 2009

Life Lessons from Me Five Years Ago

I’ve been going through old emails, cleaning up years of stuff and happened upon these 11 lessons of wisdom I wrote 5 years ago! If I knew this then, how come I’m still learning them now? Anyway, here are my top 11 life lessons:

1) People will disappoint you even friends. They will never act the way you want them to. That’s okay it’s holding onto thinking that people are perfect that causes disappointment.

2) Life is hard. We need to stop complaining and learn to see obstacles as challenges and unexpected blessings.

3) You will get what you want but not the way you expected it to be. You may ask for patience and then receive a serious challenge to test your patience.

4) Everything you want in life, you all ready have, you just haven’t realized it or don’t know where to look for it.

5) To be happy, stop running towards that which you think will bring you happiness. While you are chasing that dream, you are missing the path of happiness all around. When you get to the goal, you won’t know how you got there, and will never experience the joy of appreciating where you’ve been.

6) You will never get the approval you desire from the people you love the most. That’s okay. You don’t need it. Trust in yourself and who you are and then you will know if you made the right decision.

7) Never put your whole anything into a single person. That’s way too much pressure for one person to carry. Always remember that you are special all ready. That your partner just adds to the mix never takes away or covers your true self. You’re still you and they’re still themselves. Beautiful separate. Beautiful together.

8) Don’t ever try to fit someone into your idealistic mold. It won’t fit. Believe me, the more you force things, the less you will be happy. All it leads to is a lot of frustration and suffering on both parts.

9) If you are doing something you are unhappy about, reach deep within and have the courage to let it go. You deserve happiness like anyone else.

10) People are just people. Don’t let someone have power or control of your self. You are a special individual. Don’t ever give someone the right to take that away from you.

11) Most importantly, live life in love. Be forgiving as you would want to be forgiven for all the things you have done in your life. Remember that we all make mistakes and we all our human. No matter what someone has done to you, hold on to your belief that love is universal, eternal, and can defeat all evil and hatred. Love is the end. It was the beginning and it is the end.

Tunnel

May 30th, 2009

Happy Days Are Here Again!

It took me awhile to get here.  But I finally got it!  The key to happiness in life?  Do what makes you happy.  

Oftentimes, we’re raised by our families, friends, culture, community and society to believe that life is about struggle.  The 80’s slogan, “No pain, no gain!” epitomizes this belief.  Yet, how can we be happy if we’re spending all our time miserable and doing things that deplete rather than fill us?  As I was bike riding with my husband today, enjoying nature and the feeling of the wind on my face, I realized how simple it is, and yet how complicated we make things.  Maybe we’re afraid of being that happy or believe that it’s a mirage tempting us only to disappear when we get close.  Sure there are difficulties in life that I’m not trying to sugar coat but there are always moments in which we can choose joy instead of pain.

So here’s my challenge to you.  I dare you to do something that you truly enjoy whether it’s taking 5 minutes for meditation or an hour massage.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money to do something that feels indulgent.  For me, a night spent writing is a night well spent.  Make it a regular event and schedule it in, and soon you’ll be on a path towards true happiness.  

And for an inspirational story, check out this one from Chicken Soup for the Soul.

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March 19th, 2009

From a Spark to a Flame: Aspire to an Inspiring Life

When the stressors of day to day life begin to take its toll on me, I know it’s time for me to go on an adventure. Whether it’s by taking a hike out in nature, meditating, getting lost in a good book, or by exploring a new interest, I believe that it’s vitally important to my health, to make fun a priority.

When you put yourself first and engage in an activity that interest you, it brings new light, perspective and creativity into your daily life. Solutions to old problems may come to the surface since focusing your energy in a different direction, makes room for and attracts new ideas into your life. For example, I took a one day, three hour course in interior design. What that short course taught me was how to declutter, organize, set goals and create a plan of action before inviting anything new in your home. That design specific information also could be applied in a broad way to life. It’s given me a focus and a realistic perspective of how to bring about positive change. I need, for example, to be clear about what it is I actually want, organize my thoughts, and then create steps to ways to get there. It has also given me insight to the ways we declutter our homes and our lives in order to fill empty spaces-perhaps out of fear and lack of control of it ever being filled the way that we want them to.

The next time you are feeling out of sorts, take a little time to focus on an interest or hobby you’ve always wanted to take up. Then, have the courage to pursue it. Like the effects of that pebble thrown in the river, you never know how that small, seemingly insignificant action could change your life.