Posts tagged ‘Finding happiness’

May 10th, 2010

The Single Secret to a Successful Life

You might read the title and blow it off. I mean come on, one secret! One secret to a successful life! There’s no way or is there?

Here’s what I know for sure:

While there are no easy ways to success, there is a simple way. And it’s one thing you can do now that will help you down the road to success.

In the almost year long path that I’ve been on my own pursuit of happiness, I’ve learned a few things.

  1. You can’t trust everybody. I had enough deadbeat clients to learn that the hard way. But it also taught me my next lesson.
  2. I’m responsible for my life. This means that I need to be selective about the people I interact with and invite into both my personal and professional life. Which also leads to #3 and what I consider to be the #1 secret for a successful life.
  3. Confidence! If you don’t feel it, feign it. Why? Because over the last year I realized that you get what you think you deserve. If you feel unworthy of success, of good friendships, a happy marriage, even a working car, then you’ll get exactly what you think you’re worth.

The big ‘aha’ moment for me came when I dug in deep and discovered that what was really holding me back was me. There was a voice that said that I was not good enough as a writer to do it for a living.

The thing that got it from boisterous betrayer to wimpy whisper is understanding that I was creating my destiny. I was tripping over my own path because I believed that I wasn’t good enough to deserve better.

What got me over the hurdle was building up my own sense of self-worth. Reminding myself of how far I’ve come personally and professionally and silencing the inner critic with a larger than life ally.

The difference has been profound.

Just thinking that I deserve everything I desire has gotten me better clients, better pay (in one case, almost 7x’s what I was making at the start) and more opportunities. The best indicator of the change is my writing. Just like the way people can perceive in your body language how you feel about yourself, I think you wear your writing on your sleeve.

One of my friends kept telling me my writing has gotten better recently. While I pondered what changed, I suddenly got it! It was my perception of myself and my abilities that had affected my writing.

While I’m still a work-in-progress, I definitely think that confidence has helped me go from, “I think I’m a writer,” to “Yes I can and Yes I am a writer!” And this single secret to success, I believe can also help you on your own endeavors. Try on a bit of confidence, wear Oprah’s or a mentor, someone you idolize, and see if that doesn’t get you one step closer to your dreams!

April 24th, 2010

How Goofing Off Can Make You More Productive

I’m stuck on item #6 of The Joy Diet and would like to stay here awhile please. Making 2 treats a part of my every day has been a blessing. Not just for my soul, but for my wallet too.

Sometimes we get so focused on our goals or obsessed with daily superficialities (iphone, ipads, gossip, buying a home, etc.) that we lose sight of the here and now. This actually works against us and our ultimate goals-to be happy, successful and to feel whole.

I know because I’ve been a workaholic lately. Digging my nails deep into the present and throwing it all in there. I’ve been reading books and articles online, crafting not2shabby things and taking classes all in the hope of making me better at something. I ended up spreading myself thin with nothing left to give and worse-with nothing left to show for it.

Have you ever been there before?

Sometimes like the empty room in a home that needs to be filled we allow worry and fear to inhabit it instead of giving time, patience and faith to let things fill it organically.

Know what I mean?

It’s what happens when an empty dining room table gets replaced with junk or why the fear of no job/relationship makes way for jobs/relationships you don’t want. Out of fear comes desperation and more things we don’t want or need in our lives. Out of faith comes the life we’re destined to live. The latter takes courage to get there.

Goofing off helps.

Last week of The Joy Diet was an easy one. And surprisingly it brought my passion back. I stopped crafting, writing, and reading things related to my career. Instead, I flipped through fun magazines and watched a few episodes of Oprah. It just so happens that I caught two shows related to my passions (Earth Day and a show about people in their dream jobs). It reminded me about my passion to help the environment, why I write, and why I sacrifice time and money to do what I do. It inspired me to write this post and gave me the hope I needed to continue on the journey in faith, not fear.

Here’s a Joy Diet Challenge:

Take an hour or a few hours a day or even a week if you can and devote the time solely to you and your passion. It could be riding a bike, taking a hike, rediscovering your love for art by visiting a museum or watching a movie. Just do something unrelated to your career. Have fun and you’ll see passion, excitement and joy returning to your life-the fuel necessary to help manifest the life of your dreams.

March 31st, 2010

Joy Diet Update: Week 3 Desire

Sounds kinda sexy doesn’t it? Well it is!

This week’s challenge is all about identifying your true desire. Beck’s theory is that any strong desire, ache, or thirst that we have are like bread crumb’s left by our soul-little nuggets to help us find our way to our true calling. That path will lead us to our destiny. Pretty cool, I’d say.

The way to get there?

Another 15 minutes of nothingness.

On Oprah yesterday, Raquel Welch spoke words that sounded like gospel to me.

She said, “A moment of silence sometimes is the most scariest thing in the world.”

Amen sister! It’s been an uphill battle for me these last few weeks, but the trek IS getting much easier.

I set the timer, closed my eyes and easily went first to nothingness, second to truth and third to this question, “What do I want most right now?”

I was suddenly flooded with images. First, I saw a book-my book on how to help others reach their dreams. Then, I felt a wave of energy pulsate through me and became swept up in the electricity of something greater than me. I saw myself as a spiritual teacher, with online classes and magazine columns and presentations. In the image, I had a strong, unbreakable spirit and surprising certainty that my life’s purpose was to inspire others to find their own purpose and live the life of their dreams.

A dam broke open.

Instead of any fear of inadequacy or fear itself (the wretched old man that walks around asking me, “Why wish, hope or dream?” since I’ll never get what I want), I  was suddenly free. Free to dream the impossible. My imagination flowed through effortlessly like a dam broke open and with it all my fears washed away and I was suddenly filled with every possibility.

Beck says we grow up learning early not to feel hopeful out of the fear of being disappointed or that wanting something is somehow selfish or hopeless. In reaction, we bury our dreams, lose sight of our true purpose and settle for the safe road. Better to conform and live a life of safety, then to reach out, take a risk and lose everything.

I am surprised that in 15 minutes, Ms. Martha Beck in her delightful book, changed everything for me. Not only did I feel optimistic about my potential and a life not limited by fear, but it also helped get me back on track. During that 15 minutes, I started to visualize every job I have had so far and knew instantly whether they fit in with this new vision or whether it was a job I took for convenience.

Thank you Ms. Beck again for making me shake my head in sheer and utter disbelief!

But I have to ask, where were you when I took that job at Apple?!

March 26th, 2010

Wondering if I fell off the joy wagon?

I haven’t posted about my first week on the joy diet, now have I? In case you’re wondering how it all went, I’ll tell ya.

I might have fell off the wagon a bit during the end of the first week.

Why?!

I know shocking right. I’m not blaming it on time or energy or even boredom. Instead, I went straight to the source:The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life.

Chapter 2: TRUTH

“If you can’t get yourself to do Menu Item #1 (nothing), you’re not ready for Menu Item #2.”

Beck says our resistance to doing nothing is a good indication that there is something we’re not wanting to deal with. Truth be told, after I read this chapter and forced myself to sit in nothing, a lot of dark somethings were unearthed. Truth behold waves of worries and a sudden uncovering of past events ran amock. I sat there for 15 minutes thinking, “Wow nothing! What a concept. Why didn’t I think of that!”

Nothing was the answer to a lot of my questions and the best part was that all I had to was sit there and do absolutely nothing. Imagine doing that for a living!

There’s something very healing about doing nothing. I wonder how much time each of us spends running around doing errands, typing on our computers and blackberries and how much energy that drains us and how much farther we get from our own truth.

If I could, I’d thank Ms. Beck for that one chapter alone. (Who I’ve actually met in person by the way and who recently Tweeted me, “Yay! I’m so excited you’re trying my “diet.” It’s still working for me, so my hopes for you are high.Keep me posted!” No joke. Really. I would not joke about this.)

Somehow all the stubborn attachments, fierce denial and false realities I’ve created over the years only to cover up fear and insecurity ended up imprisoning me. When I let certain situations be, I realized that they weren’t as scary as I thought. And the result was freeing.

I dare anyone to try it. Sit for 15 minutes and reflect on something painful you’re going through. I bet it won’t be as scary as you make it. In fact, you might learn that the story you told yourself about the event (a rejection from a publication, a conflict with a friend) was a lot worse than the even itself.

Then, come back here and tell me what you’ve experienced. It’s great to know I’m not in this alone.

March 18th, 2010

Day 3 of the Joy Diet

Well I’ve made it half way through the first week. I’ll admit that this is the easiest diet I’ve been on physically, but the most challenging mentally.

The difference between a joy diet and a food one? I’m not depriving myself of anything, except maybe 15 min of my time.

The hard part? Convincing myself I get to feel joy by doing nothing.

So yesterday, I didn’t make my 10:00 pm appointment with me, myself and I. At this point, I’m laughing at how crazy it is that I can’t fit in a mere 15 minutes of doing nothing into my day. Anyway, I finally found it at 11:45 pm last night.

The honest truth? Even though I’ve had an impressive experience so far, the whole day I was actually dreading it. Now that the novelty of nothing was wearing off, would I still enjoy it or would it be pure silent torture?

The reality. I was working on an article about my dog, talking to my mom to get more information. After I got off the phone with her, I was consumed with guilt. The guilt for not being there when my dog passed. It was a horrible feeling and then worse I thought, “Now I have to go sit in a corner for 15 min and think about nothing!” (Add dramatic sigh here.)

The outcome. Doing nothing couldn’t have came at a better time actually. Sitting in silence, thoughts came flooding to me (as I expected). What I didn’t expect were that the thoughts would be comforting ones. Things like, “You couldn’t have done anything if you were there. She knew you loved her. Things happen for a reason and everything is the way it should be” starting flowing into my mind. Then a peace settled on me. It was a soothing balm that my wounded heart needed. Afterwards I fell into a sea of nothingness where I was neither awake nor asleep.

The bottom line: I might not have felt joy, but I definitely felt peace. Looking forward to trying it again tonight.

January 4th, 2010

Life Tasks to Uncover Your Dreams

It’s 2010. Do you know where your dreams are?

As for me, I’ve been stumbling. Faltering like the imperfect soul I am to find peace, inspiration and follow my dreams. In one year, what have I learned?

It takes real work to get to your dreams.

It takes physical work.

The kind that uses your muscles and sweat to get rid of old things. Decluttering. Finally saying sayonara to old letters, sweaters you bought a year ago and never used. Books you tried to finish but could never get past those first few pages. Oh and maybe a bit of exercising too! I spent a few years taking zumba and have literally felt the stress sweat out of me.

It takes mental work too.

Finding happiness and searching for your purpose involves a lot of painful mental work. Digging into the hard stuff like uncovering your greatest flaws, admitting to mistakes and accepting yourself in the process are utterly exhausting. So if you’ve already begun the process, you deserve a medal, or a spa day or a giant cookie. You do. You really do!

It takes seeing outside of the box.

Sometimes on our life paths, we fail to see outside the lines. Why do so when it’s so safe and comfy here? Well for one, life is so much more magical when we open ourselves up to possibilities instead of limitations. What I learned last year was that I could give up the expectation that I had to have a full-time corporate job in order to make a living. Just what if I could do something I truly loved and make money from it? While I’ve also learned that it ain’t easy, I’ve also discovered it’s very possible.

It takes courage.

Oh there are so many reasons not to follow your dreams! There’s money, fear of the unknown, self-doubt, economy, etc. I could go on and on. But you only really need one reason to keep going-fulfillment. I like to think of it as feeling fully filled in love, passion and inspiration. When every ounce of your being is saying, “Yes! This feels right!”

It takes some risk-taking!

You could be happy living a safe life, but happiness is fleeting. A life fulfilled that challenges us to live our highest potential, well that’s a life filled with miracles, magic and authentic living. But it involves lots of risk-taking. I love reading about Walt Disney and how he risked everything to follow his dreams. He didn’t have enough money for food or shelter and yet he gave everything he had to make his passion a reality. Some probably called him crazy. But they would later call him genius.

It takes letting go.

Part of the process is learning how to let go. Letting go of who you were (2009 schmuck) to enable you to be the person you were destined to be (2010 star!). Learn how to let go of relationships, jobs and even environments that are toxic and you’ll be leaving room for the positive, happy you you’ve been waiting for.

What about you?

What things did you discover about yourself this year? Has it helped you get closer to your dreams? Please share!

May 30th, 2009

Happy Days Are Here Again!

It took me awhile to get here.  But I finally got it!  The key to happiness in life?  Do what makes you happy.  

Oftentimes, we’re raised by our families, friends, culture, community and society to believe that life is about struggle.  The 80’s slogan, “No pain, no gain!” epitomizes this belief.  Yet, how can we be happy if we’re spending all our time miserable and doing things that deplete rather than fill us?  As I was bike riding with my husband today, enjoying nature and the feeling of the wind on my face, I realized how simple it is, and yet how complicated we make things.  Maybe we’re afraid of being that happy or believe that it’s a mirage tempting us only to disappear when we get close.  Sure there are difficulties in life that I’m not trying to sugar coat but there are always moments in which we can choose joy instead of pain.

So here’s my challenge to you.  I dare you to do something that you truly enjoy whether it’s taking 5 minutes for meditation or an hour massage.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money to do something that feels indulgent.  For me, a night spent writing is a night well spent.  Make it a regular event and schedule it in, and soon you’ll be on a path towards true happiness.  

And for an inspirational story, check out this one from Chicken Soup for the Soul.

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