Funny how just three letters can take you from Leo the lion to Eeyore the donkey. From courage to discourage, there it goes, our hope is gone in a flash. How fast life can change in a day!
It’s a path often visited by the ambitious and dream driven.
Ssshhhh…lots of successful people wouldn’t dare admit it. But it exists. In fact, one of my favorite authors Julia Cameron of Finding Water: The Art of Perseverance
Okay I’ll admit it! One of my weaknesses is that I can get a tad bit disorganized every once in awhile, especially when inspiration hits. I know it can get rather confusing here so I’ve already rearranged things over at my other blog not2shabby (creating a search box for easy searching and a drop down archives list to keep things neat) and for you 2inspired readers, I’m also getting organized just for you.
This means that new readers can go straight to this post for information on specific topics and you oldie, but goodies can search for posts you may have missed. This helps me get organized and helps you find what you need. It’s a win-win situation in all right? *P.S. I’m open to hearing your ideas for how to get 2inspired in better shape. Feel free to email me or leave a comment below with your suggestions.
WARNING: Brace yourself for the onslaught of links ahead!
I have a confession to make. One of my favorite indulgences is diving into old diaries. I flip through pages like I’m reading a best-selling novel, staying up late at night to finish them. Once I grew so desperate and frustrated, I took a pair of scissors and cut open the front cover of one of my diaries because I didn’t have the patience to find the diary key.
There’s a jewel in there. It’s the troubled, lost, girl who was trying to find her way through heartbreak, identity-crisis and confusion, or in other words life. When I read about her first love and then break-up, I have compassion there. I want her to succeed. I want her to love herself more than some dumb guy. I want this time to be different. And somehow I keep reading hoping to find that ray of sunshine-the courage, certainty and confidence I’m happy to wear now.
Although I’m usually disappointed and know how this story ends, I still read and reread, hoping to find some nugget of “me.” Maybe this time she’ll do what’s right for her. Maybe this time she’ll realize that she deserves more.
I think about who that girl was. I look through old photographs and see her smile. Think about how beautiful she was and how she didn’t know it.
I know she’s me. But she’s a me I’ve long forgotten. When I reread old diaries, I reconnect with her. I have compassion for her and love her. I’m grateful because it’s her shoes that got me here.
It’s weird and yet so true.
Thought back to who you used to be and what you used to believe.
One thing that rereading my diaries has taught me is that all so-called problems have happy endings. If you are patient enough and if you are kind to yourself, work hard on being more of you, you’ll get there. I only had a handful of pages to wait until my prayers were eventually answered.
The next time you’re feeling despair, remember how far you’ve already come, how much you’ve already endured. When you turn around and look back, you’ll see that you’ve already climbed that mountain and survived it. You just need to remember and have the courage to meet it once again.
photo via incurable_hippie
Sometimes light begets dark, and hardship, loss and heartbreak brings hope, healing and inspiration. My guest blogger today, Margarita Tartakovsky, shares her wisdom on transforming pain and difficulty into courage and inspiration. Thanks so much Margarita!
Both of my blogs were born when my dad died.
I had always wanted to have my own body image blog, but as a flawed perfectionist – flawed because I’m not a perfectionist about everything; you should see my desk right now – I did a lot of thinking before launching one. Like two years of thinking. I did launch one, which had a title, tagline and about page. But that was as far as I got. Fast forward to this summer, after I’d written for about a year for Psych Central’s World of Psychology blog, I decided to send my blog proposal to the boss and give it a shot.
And, in November of 2009, Weightless was born. My second blog, Self-ish, had a bit of a rockier start. More like an elevator. Up went a post. Down went my motivation – with months in between posts. And so this continued, until the WordCount Blogathon, when I just decided to go for it again and just write.
So how does inspiration come from grief? Honestly, I’m not sure. I just know that I desperately wanted to distract myself and cope with something I had no control over. Working – healthy or not – was my way of dealing with what was happening and what eventually did happen.
When my dad first got sick, we figured it was like his usual once-a-year pneumonia. He’d go to the doctor, take his medicine, and promptly get better. We never thought, “What if we’d be planning his funeral a few months later?”
My what-ifs before my father’s death were of the not-good-enough kind. They weren’t “What if I get that great gig,” or “What if I become a truly successful freelancer.” Nope. They were mostly negative and perfectionism-prone. In fact, I’d rattle off a list of what-ifs like a robot.
Today, I try to work on my what-ifs because here’s the thing about them: While it’s good to prepare for the worst possible situation – like trying to plan for potential problems when starting your own business – truly expecting these what-ifs can crush creativity and inspiration. It feeds anxiety, while it starves movement.
And, no matter how many what-ifs we can come up with, we’re no fortune-tellers; we can’t forecast the future. And that’s OK.
Many of my planning propensities, however, vanished when something I never expected to happen did.
Instead, I started living more in the moment – where I’m pretty sure happiness resides. Where you smell the smells. Where you observe your surroundings. Where you breathe in the air. Where you notice the little – but equally beautiful – things. And where you can find the good stuff, like inspiration.
Margarita Tartakovsky has a MS in Clinical Psychology from Texas A&M University. She is a beautiful blogger who writes Weightless for Psych Central and has her own blog on self-improvement called Self-ish.
Oprah’s show last week on the book Women, Food and God really affected me. (For a free excerpt see Oprah.com.) Funny that it wasn’t food or God that were shocking, but her emphasis on women and relationships.
1. How our obsessions with ______ (food, clothes, money, etc.) affect not just our relationships with our self and others, but our society and the world as a whole. If all of our energy is going on how to fix ourselves (our weight/body), how much less energy are we giving to the world? I realized that maybe the greatest disrespect we are doing to ourselves and the future of our world is by pushing down our emotions and holding back our gifts. It’s a sad disturbing situation that I think every woman, myself included, needs to change for good. Let’s celebrate who we are! Banish our negative thoughts and fully embrace what we have to offer the world. I think as women we have a responsibility to support each other to be better and live more authentic lives, growing closer to who we are meant to be while leaving our former insecure selves behind.
2. Surround yourself with positivity. When Oprah talked about love and relationships, her words of wisdom were so powerful and moving it brought me to tears. She said when someone isn’t happy for you and your successes, it isn’t about you, it is about their own self-loathing. I think when we improve ourselves, there are still uphill battles to fight and one is the reaction you get from those around you. When you succeed you are a mirror that reminds others of what they haven’t accomplished and what they haven’t yet achieved. We need to learn how to get beyond our ego and refocus our attention on what we need to do instead of flailing in the sunshine of someone else’s success.
These are two important, yet difficult things to master. Yet, they are certainly necessary in the pursuit of your dreams. Surround yourself with negativity (like the phrase misery loves company) and you’ll only be as good/happy/successful as those you’re with. Focus on what you’re not good at and what you haven’t accomplished and you’ll sabotage yourself up that ladder.
Be kind. Open up to the possibility of hope, love and dreams. Find positive, loving and supportive people in your life. Connect to something bigger than yourself whether it’s god, the universe, your own inner soul. Then ever so slowly, lift yourself up, and find your own path, the path that will take you one step at a time toward the life you were meant to live and the woman you were meant to be.
I’m stuck on item #6 of The Joy Diet and would like to stay here awhile please. Making 2 treats a part of my every day has been a blessing. Not just for my soul, but for my wallet too.
Sometimes we get so focused on our goals or obsessed with daily superficialities (iphone, ipads, gossip, buying a home, etc.) that we lose sight of the here and now. This actually works against us and our ultimate goals-to be happy, successful and to feel whole.
I know because I’ve been a workaholic lately. Digging my nails deep into the present and throwing it all in there. I’ve been reading books and articles online, crafting not2shabby things and taking classes all in the hope of making me better at something. I ended up spreading myself thin with nothing left to give and worse-with nothing left to show for it.
Sometimes like the empty room in a home that needs to be filled we allow worry and fear to inhabit it instead of giving time, patience and faith to let things fill it organically.
It’s what happens when an empty dining room table gets replaced with junk or why the fear of no job/relationship makes way for jobs/relationships you don’t want. Out of fear comes desperation and more things we don’t want or need in our lives. Out of faith comes the life we’re destined to live. The latter takes courage to get there.
Last week of The Joy Diet was an easy one. And surprisingly it brought my passion back. I stopped crafting, writing, and reading things related to my career. Instead, I flipped through fun magazines and watched a few episodes of Oprah. It just so happens that I caught two shows related to my passions (Earth Day and a show about people in their dream jobs). It reminded me about my passion to help the environment, why I write, and why I sacrifice time and money to do what I do. It inspired me to write this post and gave me the hope I needed to continue on the journey in faith, not fear.
Take an hour or a few hours a day or even a week if you can and devote the time solely to you and your passion. It could be riding a bike, taking a hike, rediscovering your love for art by visiting a museum or watching a movie. Just do something unrelated to your career. Have fun and you’ll see passion, excitement and joy returning to your life-the fuel necessary to help manifest the life of your dreams.
I haven’t posted about my first week on the joy diet, now have I? In case you’re wondering how it all went, I’ll tell ya.
I might have fell off the wagon a bit during the end of the first week.
I know shocking right. I’m not blaming it on time or energy or even boredom. Instead, I went straight to the source:The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life
“If you can’t get yourself to do Menu Item #1 (nothing), you’re not ready for Menu Item #2.”
Beck says our resistance to doing nothing is a good indication that there is something we’re not wanting to deal with. Truth be told, after I read this chapter and forced myself to sit in nothing, a lot of dark somethings were unearthed. Truth behold waves of worries and a sudden uncovering of past events ran amock. I sat there for 15 minutes thinking, “Wow nothing! What a concept. Why didn’t I think of that!”
Nothing was the answer to a lot of my questions and the best part was that all I had to was sit there and do absolutely nothing. Imagine doing that for a living!
There’s something very healing about doing nothing. I wonder how much time each of us spends running around doing errands, typing on our computers and blackberries and how much energy that drains us and how much farther we get from our own truth.
If I could, I’d thank Ms. Beck for that one chapter alone. (Who I’ve actually met in person by the way and who recently Tweeted me, “Yay! I’m so excited you’re trying my “diet.” It’s still working for me, so my hopes for you are high.Keep me posted!” No joke. Really. I would not joke about this.)
Somehow all the stubborn attachments, fierce denial and false realities I’ve created over the years only to cover up fear and insecurity ended up imprisoning me. When I let certain situations be, I realized that they weren’t as scary as I thought. And the result was freeing.
I dare anyone to try it. Sit for 15 minutes and reflect on something painful you’re going through. I bet it won’t be as scary as you make it. In fact, you might learn that the story you told yourself about the event (a rejection from a publication, a conflict with a friend) was a lot worse than the even itself.
Then, come back here and tell me what you’ve experienced. It’s great to know I’m not in this alone.
“Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood…
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me…”
– From Alanis Morissette’s “So Unsexy”
I was going to post this on my profession writer website, but realized that all of us experience rejection at some time or another, whether we’re writers or not. Just the other day in fact, someone close to me told me that I’m not that good of a writer.
In fact, over the years I’ve collected a list that would give Santa Claus a run for his money. Things like, “You think you’re good, but you’re not. You’re a poor writer. You’re just not that talented.” have once haunted me. And admittedly on occasion it still runs through my head during a particularly difficult day. Sometimes I wonder, “Are they right? Should I just give up?”
Here’s the thing. The more you venture out into the vast open land of possibility, the more you’ll open yourself up to rejection. When you do something outside your comfort zone, it makes others feel nervous and uncomfortable. They’ll start to wonder what’s wrong with them. Hence their reaction: They’ll try to keep you down, so they won’t have to feel uncomfortable around you.
Here’s what I’m not saying. I’m not talking about friends and family who love you and give you constructive feedback or criticism. I think it’s always wise to keep your eyes wide open and your ears as well. There’s always something you can learn from any situation.
What I’m saying is this: Don’t let other people sway you from doing what you feel is primal to you. Whether or not you’re good or bad, talented or not, you can still create the life you want. Give yourself the opportunity to see how far you can go without giving up just because someone told you not to.
Living life safe. Stability and comfort can be good things. But sometimes you need to reach beyond what’s familiar to get to your dreams. If I listened to the hundreds (okay maybe not hundreds) of people who deterred me from following my dreams, I would be safe, unhappy and stagnant. Not the kind of life I had in mind. I wouldn’t have move to California, traveled to Europe or start my own freelance writing business.
Think about it this way. Everyone has to start somewhere. So what if you’re not up to par with the greats, you’re sole purpose in life is to find the path of your dreams. And that path is made for you and only you. To get to where you want to go, you need to start from here. Here’s what I’ve learned: If you keep working at it, you will get better. I can say that my writing has gotten so much better in one year let alone the 20 years since I started.
After reading Walt Disney’s biography in Neil Gabler’s Walt Disney: The Triumph of the American Imagination (Vintage)
He had the passion that makes one think he’s going to change the world. It’s funny that in the end, Disney wasn’t doing the animation he started out with. In fact, a lot of his employees couldn’t really say what Disney did. But they knew what he was good at. He was passionate about whatever he put his mind too. And I’ve come to realize that this is key to fulfilling your dreams.
So go ahead. Be obnoxiously confident about yourself and your talent. If you won’t, nobody else will be. And who are you to do it? Well, you’re the one person responsible for changing your world.
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Well I’ve made it half way through the first week. I’ll admit that this is the easiest diet I’ve been on physically, but the most challenging mentally.
The difference between a joy diet and a food one? I’m not depriving myself of anything, except maybe 15 min of my time.
The hard part? Convincing myself I get to feel joy by doing nothing.
So yesterday, I didn’t make my 10:00 pm appointment with me, myself and I. At this point, I’m laughing at how crazy it is that I can’t fit in a mere 15 minutes of doing nothing into my day. Anyway, I finally found it at 11:45 pm last night.
The honest truth? Even though I’ve had an impressive experience so far, the whole day I was actually dreading it. Now that the novelty of nothing was wearing off, would I still enjoy it or would it be pure silent torture?
The reality. I was working on an article about my dog, talking to my mom to get more information. After I got off the phone with her, I was consumed with guilt. The guilt for not being there when my dog passed. It was a horrible feeling and then worse I thought, “Now I have to go sit in a corner for 15 min and think about nothing!” (Add dramatic sigh here.)
The outcome. Doing nothing couldn’t have came at a better time actually. Sitting in silence, thoughts came flooding to me (as I expected). What I didn’t expect were that the thoughts would be comforting ones. Things like, “You couldn’t have done anything if you were there. She knew you loved her. Things happen for a reason and everything is the way it should be” starting flowing into my mind. Then a peace settled on me. It was a soothing balm that my wounded heart needed. Afterwards I fell into a sea of nothingness where I was neither awake nor asleep.
The bottom line: I might not have felt joy, but I definitely felt peace. Looking forward to trying it again tonight.
[Disclaimer: If you’ve got kids in the room, it may be a good idea to read this later.]
Do you remember when Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were as real and good as ice-cream? When there was the feeling that anything was possible? When imagination and magic were every bit as real as anything we learned in school.
I have fond memories of those days. Even if one of my aunts did ruin it for me when she let me in on the truth about S.C. It’s why I answered, “Cause it’s magical,” when my cousin asked, “Why do you like Disneyland SO much?!”
Does it still exist today and every day?
Cynics would say no. And I’d have to say so would most people. As we grow out of childhood, we begin to lose that whimsical cloud of possibility and instead grasp on to what we believe is real.
A few weeks ago, after I wrote this post, I sent an email out to an old friend wishing her the best, hearing that she recently got married. I hadn’t spoken to her in years. Although I didn’t receive any response and did not expect any, I got a weird, random answering machine message that day.
It was a message with one of those mechanical voices. It said, “I’m sorry…” Now I’m 100% positive that it wasn’t from her but it was the apology I needed and the universe, I believe, somehow sent it to me.
My husband and I have been thinking of moving. There was a certain apartment we had in mind. It was bigger than our place now and a little less expensive. The huge plus was that it had a den-the perfect place to work on my freelance writing business.
I was so excited that I started visualizing what the place would look like after we moved in. I envisioned sitting at my desk, looking out the window and imagining all the exciting new opportunities and experiences we’d have there.
You can imagine my disappointment when the apartment manager told me that the place was no longer available. Another renter beat us to the punch, securing the apartment with a deposit. Upon inquiry, I learned that the guy was debating between a 1 and 2 bedroom apartment.
I started imagining my own reality (albeit a seemingly delusional one). In my fantasy, I envisioned that the other guy decided the 2 bedroom was better for him, which resulted in him canceling the hold on the 1 bedroom apartment. Lastly, I imagined that the apartment managers would reduce the rent price. I painted a pretty highly unlikely situation. One, in which, my husband reacted by giving me a sad, goofy look. I could easily imagine him thinking, “My poor delusional wife.”
A few days later, the apartment management contacted me. The guy canceled the hold on the apartment, got the 2 bedroom place instead AND they reduced the price!
I was thrilled. Magic, schmagic! Uh-uh. This dream actually came true.
My dear husband’s response?
“How’d you do that?!”
Okay I know I’m no Nostradamus and what happened can hardly be called a miracle. Or could it? I think tiny miracles may be occurring every day. We just have to take the time and notice.
It’s funny what a little hope and faith can do…
How about you? Any stories of every day magic you’ve experienced lately? Please share them here!
