Posts tagged ‘Fear’

July 5th, 2010

Surefire Ways to Burn Out, Pt.2: A Few Dream Busters

I had such a great time sharing part one of ways to burn out, I’m back again for a another round. So here we go!

  1. Bring your bad attitude wherever you go. Remember my past post about Mike Rowe and his awesome show Dirty Jobs? Those workers could do the dirtiest jobs with enthusiasm because they brought their passion wherever they went. The opposite is true too. Want to burn out and get yourself fired? Bring your unhappiness to your job and it’ll feel a million times worse being there. I once had a Japanese teacher who told us to leave our baggage outside the door so that when we entered we’d be fresh and ready to learn. While it’s not always easy to do so, being present, mindful and showing a good attitude while you’re at work, can potentially propel you into something better. Being angry, disgruntled and negative can make you miserable and eventually lead to a fast track path to burning out.
  2. Be boring. Do the same thing every day all the time. Don’t ever have any fun and be as dull as you can be. Work until you can’t work no more, then work again for good measure. Do that and you’ll need a vacation ASAP!
  3. Stay safe. Stay in your comfort zone too long and spider webs will grow on your dreams. You’ll start losing hope, have less faith and your potential for self-growth and happiness will begin shrinking all around you. Giving up is next and that’s when burnout sets in.
  4. Sit under the sun too long without any protection. The opposite of staying safe is to go out of your comfort zone too much and too often. I once had a job where I was battling my inner fears on a day to day basis. The stress not only attacked my insides, but they didn’t give me a chance to refuel, reboot and recharge either. The result? Well, you can guess what happened next. How do you protect yourself from feeling too stressed? Social support. Breaks. Adequate safety from supervisors, mentors, anyone in a position that can lend a hand. It may also mean a change is necessary, which leads me to this:

Here’s the deal. Sometimes burning out can be a good thing. It can be a sign that it’s time to move on. Maybe you’ve stayed safe too long. Maybe you’ve allowed fear to paralyze you from taking action and burning out is the sign that you’re ready to confront that fear and make a change. It could also just mean you need a break. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take some time to figure out what it’s telling you. Just like a fever is your body’s way of saying you need to rest, burning out is a signal that something’s not right. An internal and emotional shift may be necessary to put you right back on track.

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September 1st, 2009

How to Beat the Fear Monster

Yesterday I spent my jet lag haze scanning the aisles in a nearby bookstore.  My target?  Books on writing.  I’m always surprised by the lack of how-tos for writers in a bookstore.

But I digress, in the two shelves that I did find I was surprised by the flurry of book titles dealing with fear.  (The Courage to Write: How Writer’s Transcend Fear and The Writer’s Portable Therapist, to name a few.) Is writing a scary profession?  We don’t risk our lives daily like stuntmen or hold the lives of men, women and children in our hands like doctors, so what’s with all these books on fear?

Then I started having visions about my Hawaiian vacation back home.  Sneezing through dust filled binders stuffed with old papers, I was perplexed by what I saw. Wordy prose, unsightly grammatical errors and lengthly text swallowed my thoughts and points.  The attack of the too much word monster strikes again.  It’s what haunted my old homework assignments and what still gets to me now.  What plagued my work was a lack of confidence that the words could speak for themselves.

Why is writing so scary? Like anything you do which involves having your heart on the line, there is a huge risk of your heart getting broken.  When you put yourself out there, there’s a chance that people won’t like what you have to offer (fear of rejection) or that you might not be good enough (insecurity).  The best cure for either is to build up your self-confidence.

If you are a writer or a job dreamer, counterattack those fear episodes and transform seemingly indestructible obstacles by becoming the confident, self-assured person you want to be.  Author Ariel Gore of, “How to Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead” uses a superhero alter ego to take over tasks that mere mortals can’t do.  Singer Beyonce Knowles uses ‘Sasha’ another alter ego as her stage persona.  In the November 2005 issue of Vanity Fair she said, “I always held back in Destiny’s Child, because I was comfortable in a group and felt that I didn’t have to do anything 100 percent, because there were other people onstage with me. I would not lose myself or go all the way.”

This quote similarly represents what I went through as a writer.  I often held back because I wasn’t comfortable putting it all out there.  I thought that I had to beef up my prose with difficult words and phrases to cover up the fact that I wasn’t a good enough writer.  This way if people rejected what they read I could just say, “Well I wasn’t really trying anyway.”

The fear monster took over my words and ended up controlling my life.  It took me two degrees and a decade later for me to trust what I always knew-that my lot and love in life was to be a writer.

The real question is, “What is holding you back from living the life of your dreams?”  You may think it’s money, talent or time but what might be lurking under these is fear.

Hawaiian Flower

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July 27th, 2009

Overcome Fear With Faith and Doubt With Surrender

Fear, a common subject on 2inspired, is spreading like wildfire. Terreece Clarke, from Freelance Writing Gigs wrote about how it affects writing success. Life coach Jaqui Duvall said it was a common obstacle among dream chasers in Successful Dreamers. And now Dr. Oz? 

Oprah’s Radio Show host Dr. Oz interviewed Ariane de Bonvoisin, a change expert. In this short but powerful audio clip, he describes fear as “a change demon that prevents you from making change in your life.” Dr. Oz also says that “fear can be overcome by faith and doubt by surrender.”

Although this 8 min clip deals with change such as quitting smoking or losing weight rather than following your dreams, there is a common thread that unites the two. It is the challenge to get through all of our stuff to get to where we want to be. Ariane explains this as many things including acceptance and surrender of the unknown and having patience to get through the difficult times. This also applies to taking that big leap into living the life of our dreams. When doubt comes knocking, do we answer it with fear or with surrender? The way we answer may predict how likely we are to get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Want to learn more? Take a listen to this short audio and be inspired. 

 http://www.oprah.com/media/20090721-radio-dr-oz-change

CategoryInspirational Stories | Comment1 Comment »

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June 29th, 2009

Fear of Asking for What You Want

Whether it’s asking for a raise, a job, time off, or time alone, why are we so reluctant to ask for what we really need?  

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.  In the past, I debated whether to ask for more pay at a job and the fear nearly paralyzed me.  Although I eventually gained the courage to ask, I wondered why we often avoid asking for what we want?  Is the fear greater than our need?

Fear of Disappointment.  I believe part of of our fear derives from past fears of rejection.  When we were younger, we may have asked for something as small as a bike or as big as time with our parents only to end up being disappointed.  Not asking may be a way to avoid reliving these hurt feelings.

Fear of Rejection.  Whether it reminds us of our first heartbreak or loss of a job, when we ask for what we want and get turned down, it can feel like a rejection of who we are.

Feelings of Unworthiness.  Sometimes we don’t ask because we think we don’t deserve it.  Why should we for example, ask to live the life of our dreams?  Who are we to do it when everyone else  has to suck it up and slave away at their 9 to 5 jobs?

So what do we do when we feel unworthy, fear disappointment or rejection?

Stay positive.  Negative thoughts and ruminating, makes facing your fears even more challenging.  Instead try to tell yourself that getting rejecting by ___ is not a rejection of yourself and that in the end everything will turn out for the better. For affirmations, check out Wayne Dyer’s Motivational Affirmations taken from his book Excuses Begone! at Beliefnet.com.

Make it impersonal.  Sometimes when we avoid asking for what we want, what we’re really afraid of is being judged or criticized for who we are.  Remember that getting turned down for whatever it is (a date, job, etc.) has less do with us and more to with the individual.  They may not like your writing style or your hairstyle, but someone else will.  The best way to deal with this is to not take things personally.

Feeling Worthy.  Remember that you are worthy of asking for what you want.  You were born with the same rights, potential and possibilities as anyone else.  You have every right to ask for what you want in life.  And if you have trouble swallowing this one, think about someone you admire and then ask whether or not they deserve to ask the same question.

The only way to get what we want is to ask for it.  Practicing these steps, learning to trust our instincts, and having faith, will help give us courage to ask the questions that will get us to our dreams.

Path

CategoryFacing Fears, How to, Inspirational Stories, job | Comment4 Comments »

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