Posts tagged ‘losing your job’

September 29th, 2009

Dealing with "What If…"

Treat yourselfAs I’m writing this post, there’s a lot of “what ifs” going on in my mind.  What if, for example my husband loses his job.  Or what if, I won’t make it as a writer.  I’m sure I’m not the only one with what ifs running around my head these days.  The economy.  The uncertainty.  The evening news.  There are more than enough reasons to pull your hair out these days and all our legit.

But even in times of despair, there are still things we can do to prevent an outright catastrophic breakdown.  Read them along with me as I try to follow my own advice:

Find the silver lining.  This might be a good time to break out that new journal you got.  Start listing down at least 3 things every night that you are grateful for.  Oprah says that even on the worst days, the fact that you are breathing is a blessing.

Take a deep breath.  Try meditating even for 5 minutes or just take a deep breath.  Feeling your breath in your body may help to refocus your attention.

Express yourself.  Go out with your friends, talk to your significant other or write about your worries in a journal.  Expressing yourself may help alleviate or help identify some of your fears.

Treat yourself.  Do something nice for yourself.  Drink a cup of hot cocoa or tea or take a warm bubble bath.  Be a kid again and indulge in a bit of fun just for the day.

Get outside.  Being in nature is so healing.  Take a walk outdoors, go hiking or bicycling and enjoy the peace that comes with feeling the wind on your face.

Spend time with kids or a pet.  Kids and animals help bring you to the present moment.  And a lot of times stress comes from worrying about what will happen in the future and regretting things that happened in the past.  When life gets you down, spend some time with them and experience the blessing of present moment living.

If all else fails, remember a time when things were really hard in your life.  Think about how you handled the situation and what came out of it.  There is usually a gift in every seemingly difficult experience.  We just need both the patience and the faith to help us get to the other side.

CategoryFacing Fears, How to | Comment1 Comment »

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August 3rd, 2009

Practice Your Happy Dance

I just finished reading The Boss of You by Emira Mears and Lauren Bacon. They devoted an entire chapter about celebrating your successes. An entire chapter! What does that say? Well to me it says being your own cheerleader is just as important as anything else when following your dreams.

This means no more thinking that the happy dance or that bottle of champagne that you’ve been saving, are for when you REALLY strike it big. The little moments deserve attention too. In fact, in their book Mears and Bacon list risk taking and even enduring a rough week as enough reason to celebrate and I agree. If not now, then when?

Sometimes we have this fear, usually us women, that if we indulge in a little celebration, that arrogance that life is really going well will come back and bite us in the behind. But I think that kind of thinking only sets us up for more disappointment. Life has its ups and downs but when we do a little happy dance when things are good, we’re inviting more good things our way. And we can either focus on being grateful for what we do have or suffer in what we don’t. I’d chose the former and I’d advise you to do the same. 

After all, the path of a dreamer is a long, challenging one. We’re going to need a lot of happy dances along the way!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRwsTyUPIYE&hl=en&fs=1&]

CategoryHow to, Inspirational Stories | Comment1 Comment »

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July 6th, 2009

The "I'm Not Worthy" Syndrome

It was made funny by Dana Carvey in SNL’s favorite sketch “Wayne’s World,” but in reality feeling unworthy is anything but funny.  Whether it’s money, success or happiness that we’re fearing, why is it that we often deny ourselves what really want out of the fear that we’re unworthy of it?

Oftentimes when I’m hitting the online job ads, I automatically look for qualifications and skills that I don’t have versus what I do.  Somehow it’s an easy way for me to eliminate jobs.  Yet, even when I find gigs that I’m qualified for I tend to second guess myself.  And what’s left?  Jobs I’m overqualified for.  Sure those are easy to get, but they’re not so fun to maintain.  More importantly, they are most likely unchallenging and unworthy of you, your time, skills and energy.

So what’s the antidote to the I’m not worthy syndrome?  Take a shot of confidence, a dose of courage and a drop of hope and then take a deep breath and do it anyway.  The thing is that even the most successful person you admire didn’t start off that way.  Everyone experiences that moment when they doubt who they are and if they can really make it.  

The difference between them and us?  They took a chance and believed that they could.  So the next time you feel insecure, unsure and unworthy, remember this one thing: pretend that you are already the person you’ve always wanted to be.  Imagine you are successful, amazing, and totally worthy.  Chances are, you already are!

Carmel

CategoryFreelance writing, Inspirational Stories, job, Life, work | Comment1 Comment »

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June 30th, 2009

How to Cover a Blunder

A pimple can be covered with concealer but a blunder?  A blunder may need to be exposed no matter how unattractive it is to its beholder.  Whether you failed a test, stuck your foot in your mouth, hit send on an angry “I will never send” email, blunders are truth tellers and you’ll be better off listening to what they’re trying to say.

The hard part may be taking it.  Sure the lesson may be to spend more time checking your work in advance, or rereading your email, but your head may be saying, “You idiot!”  

So what do you do when you’ve encountered a personal blunder? 

While failing has the power to make others quit before they’re ahead, it fuels my fire.  Yes messing up doesn’t feel good but there are ways to get around it so that you get all the benefits of learning a lesson without torturing yourself to get there.

Get Physical!  “When the going gets tough, the tough gets moving.”  Get up and get out and do something!  I love zumba because it’s fun and challenging to the point that I can’t think about anything else but what I’m doing in the moment.  The key is to find something that changes your thinking from past thoughts “Why didn’t I?” to present minded thinking “What am I doing now?”

Forgive Yourself.  I’m sure we all know that no one is perfect. Yet, we often don’t give ourselves the break that we give others.  The next time you feel like you “messed up,” imagine what you would say to a friend and then say it to yourself.

Have Faith.  “It ain’t over ’til the _____.”  I once heard a quote that said if everything hasn’t worked itself out, then it isn’t over.  I agree.  You never know why whatever happened did.  Maybe you “messed up” an interview because subconsciously you didn’t really want it.  Or maybe you loss one job or relationship only to find a better one to come along later.  You never know what will happen or why it happens and it’s better that way.  Have faith that things happen for a reason, you may just not know what that is yet.

So the next time you are faced with a blunder, don’t hide from it, cover it up or pretend it doesn’t exist.  Instead, look it right in the face and say thank you because you never know what lessons it has in store for you.

CategoryInspirational Stories, job, Life, work | CommentNo Comments »

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June 29th, 2009

Fear of Asking for What You Want

Whether it’s asking for a raise, a job, time off, or time alone, why are we so reluctant to ask for what we really need?  

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.  In the past, I debated whether to ask for more pay at a job and the fear nearly paralyzed me.  Although I eventually gained the courage to ask, I wondered why we often avoid asking for what we want?  Is the fear greater than our need?

Fear of Disappointment.  I believe part of of our fear derives from past fears of rejection.  When we were younger, we may have asked for something as small as a bike or as big as time with our parents only to end up being disappointed.  Not asking may be a way to avoid reliving these hurt feelings.

Fear of Rejection.  Whether it reminds us of our first heartbreak or loss of a job, when we ask for what we want and get turned down, it can feel like a rejection of who we are.

Feelings of Unworthiness.  Sometimes we don’t ask because we think we don’t deserve it.  Why should we for example, ask to live the life of our dreams?  Who are we to do it when everyone else  has to suck it up and slave away at their 9 to 5 jobs?

So what do we do when we feel unworthy, fear disappointment or rejection?

Stay positive.  Negative thoughts and ruminating, makes facing your fears even more challenging.  Instead try to tell yourself that getting rejecting by ___ is not a rejection of yourself and that in the end everything will turn out for the better. For affirmations, check out Wayne Dyer’s Motivational Affirmations taken from his book Excuses Begone! at Beliefnet.com.

Make it impersonal.  Sometimes when we avoid asking for what we want, what we’re really afraid of is being judged or criticized for who we are.  Remember that getting turned down for whatever it is (a date, job, etc.) has less do with us and more to with the individual.  They may not like your writing style or your hairstyle, but someone else will.  The best way to deal with this is to not take things personally.

Feeling Worthy.  Remember that you are worthy of asking for what you want.  You were born with the same rights, potential and possibilities as anyone else.  You have every right to ask for what you want in life.  And if you have trouble swallowing this one, think about someone you admire and then ask whether or not they deserve to ask the same question.

The only way to get what we want is to ask for it.  Practicing these steps, learning to trust our instincts, and having faith, will help give us courage to ask the questions that will get us to our dreams.

Path

CategoryFacing Fears, How to, Inspirational Stories, job | Comment4 Comments »

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June 27th, 2009

Risk it all to have it all

Life is scary. Life can be hard. And from what we do know, it doesn’t get any easier. So why do we do it? Why do we take risks, make that leap, dive into the unknown?

Simple. Because it’s worth it.

And it’s worth it not because it’s important to others or because of what it brings to us.  Money, prestige, awards, fame are all seemingly nice rewards for a job well done.  But the real thrill is “swallowing that jagged pill” because we are human and we can.

Life working in the cube was predictable, stable and comfortable.  But it was also boring, mind-numbing and unchallenging.  It took away all the great gifts we are endowed with being human.  There was no emotion involved, no fear of rejection, nor test of our worth.  In essence, it taught me what it would be like to be a computer.

While steady pay is always a great thing, it’s also important to remember who we are.  We’re built to be tough, to withstand hardship, to learn from our mistakes, and grow as individuals.  

This experience has taught me that no matter how scary it is to dive into the real world, I’d much rather take that risk then to deny myself the experience of being human.

Life is short.  And in the end, what will be the things we regret or wished we did?  The next time you’re faced with a challenge, remember that you’re already equipped to deal with it.  Take a chance and you will be rewarded.  Not with riches, prestige and fame (which may or may not come) but with the feeling of confidence that you can do anything and be anyone.  And that my friends, is a reward that is truly priceless.

Taking a Risk

CategoryInspirational Stories | Comment2 Comments »

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June 9th, 2009

Now What?!

You’ve done it!  You’ve made that big decision, dealt with your feelings of impending fear and doom, and you’ve acted on it.  So now what?!  

In Martha Beck’s book Finding Your Own North Star, that period between your old and new self is where “square one” takes place.  So if you’re experiencing even more fear now than before and questioning if you made the right decision, know that you’re on the right path.  Square one is all about figuring out who you are now.  

Now that for example, you’re _____ (Pregnant, married, divorced or unemployed?  Fill in the blank with your change in identity here.), you might feel like you’re going through an identity crisis.  This decision may have caused a change in who you thought you were or who you thought you would become.  

The best way to deal?  

  1. Look forward not behind.  Remind yourself of why you made the decision in the first place and focus on that.
  2. Get protected.  Protect yourself by surrounding yourself with others who have gone through similar circumstances or read about them in books or online.  Find great friends and loved ones who you can rely on to vent during these uncertain times.
  3. Be kind to yourself.  Know that what you’re feeling is normal and realize that you’ll eventually get through it.  Most importantly, it’ll be a whole lot easier, the faster you’re able to accept yourself and your situation.

Carmel

CategoryInspirational Stories, job, Life | CommentNo Comments »

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March 31st, 2009

Creating a Simpler Life

I’m someone who often tries to turn lemons into lemonade. And so our downward spiraling economy has given me yet another opportunity, albeit a tremendous one, to transform my life. When I was a kid, my friends and family had a nickname for me “cheap” or “tight with her money” because I hated spending. I was also skinny. I thought buying candy and popcorn at the movie theatre was absurd, not only because it was costly but because it was so fattening. Somehow I had everything all figured out when I was younger and then something happened…As I got older, my waist grew and my wallet shrank. How did that happen? More importantly, how did I let that happen?

When I look at online job sites now the prospects of me finding my dream job seems slim. It’s also a constant reminder to me about the importance of that simple life, the one where I knew when to stop eating and spending my money. The greatest lesson it has taught me is how to take back control of my life. Somewhere in my twenties and thirties, I had the insane notion that I could spend as much as I wanted and eat twice as much without any consequences. Whatever it was that got me here, one thing’s for sure, this economy has brought me back to reality. I don’t want to be looking back on my life ten years from now, ten pounds heavier and in debt. It’s a wake up call for me to start thinking the way I did when I was younger-to separate want and desire from necessity. To remember that a brand new car or outfit will not suddenly transform me into the confident, happy and successful person I’d love to be. That it’s the difference between the fantasy of a marketing ad and the simple honesty and realness of my own life.

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March 25th, 2009

Hope in a House Plant

We live in a stressful society. Today, the possibility that anything is possible, good or bad, can often be overwhelming. Keeping up with the Jones for example, has now turned into, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and how can anyone keep up with them. Where opportunities abound and so does imbalance and instability, having hope these days may feel like a second job. That’s why today’s post is of a simpler nature.

It’s the story of a “little house plant that could.” I’ve killed probably every single house plant I’ve ever own, along with my fish. Thank goodness my other pets are still alive. So when I asked the clerk at Trader Joe’s if this plant would be easy, I really wanted to know if it was worth the investment. Would this $6 flower plant last longer than a bouquet of fresh flowers? Well surprisingly enough, I’ve had it now for about a year. This little miracle has inspired me to never give up on my dreams. It’s a survivor. Every once in awhile, it looks like it has taken its last breath, but then it starts growing new leaves. I think it’s a simple reminder of the importance of hope. That when all seems lost, you never know the treasures waiting to bloom, just around the corner.
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CategoryInspirational Stories, Uncategorized | CommentNo Comments »

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