Archive for ‘How to’

August 18th, 2009

Playing Limbo With My Life

Have you ever been stuck with one foot in the door and the other one behind holding you back?  Well I have!  In fact, I had a friend once tell me in impatience that I need to learn how to make decisions and stick by it regardless of the outcome.  But deciding what to do when you can’t predict what will happen next is a doozy of a decision.

I was in limbo, for example, going back and forth like a tennis ball when desperately contemplating whether I should stay at my job or leave.  My indecision left everyone dizzy.  Some days I was all for it-screw that job I’d say!  Other days I thought, “Well if only I could tough it out just one more day.”

The same crazy back and forth decision-making process throws me for a loop everytime.  Should I quit?  Should I stay?  Should I move?  Should I stay?  Basically I’m asking, “Should I go or should I stay?”  Yes, stability, sameness, similarity (the 3’s) are all about feeling (here’s another one) safe.  I know where I am now.  I know who I’m dealing with now and I have some sort of pseudo control over what I am going through.  But if I take that step and drag that back leg forward and jump, will I be making the biggest mistake of my life?  Will I one day regret this move?  Will I one day ask myself why I couldn’t have been comfortable in my comfort zone?

The scary part is that there are no answers.  There’s no guidebook or instruction booklet like a recipe that you can follow word for word or a person, place or thing you can hold responsible when everything goes up in flames.  Perhaps, that’s what being human means.  Having the courage to know what we’re jumping into and jumping in anyway.

Although I’m still swinging back and forth in my decisions, I’m learning to enjoy the ride.  It also helps when I realize how many big jumps I’ve already made and far I’ve already come.  It’s kind of like taking a hike up a steep mountain.  You may not know what’s ahead or if you’ll even like it, but you can turn around and see how far you’ve already come.   And in that, you can keep treading ahead, stronger and wiser.

It’s all about listening to that quiet but clear voice.  The one that gets smothered by the “what if’s” and “shoulds” of the world.  I think we all know what we have to do.  When we listen to it, we make that big leap a whole lot smaller.

CategoryFacing Fears, Following your dreams, How to, Inspirational Stories | CommentNo Comments »

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August 11th, 2009

Just Say No: How Saying No Can Help You Say Yes to What You Really Want

On the well worn path toward the gold at the end of the rainbow, there will be many sidesteps along the way. Sometimes the road is unpaved and hard and there are no signs along the way to alert you where to go. And then you see a temporary haven, an easy way out, a shortcut towards your dreams. The question is do you take it?

Well if you have been reading my blog for a few weeks now, you know that I’ve favored saying yes in the past. That’s why you might be surprised to now read that I’ve had a change of heart. Maybe it is not always good to say yes to every opportunity.  In fact, recently I have relearned the value of saying no.

Sometimes when we’re on our way to fulfilling our dreams it can seem like forever and the gap between where we are now until where we want to be can feel overwhelming. But oftentimes we can’t see how close we are to the end.  We’re on our final lap and we don’t even know it but in our frustration we may give up too easily.  

When we are feeling desperate, we start desiring anything and everything.  You know the feeling you get when you’ve been dieting for too long and EVERYTHING starts to look good!  Well that’s what happens when you feel like you’ll never get the relationship, the job, or that plum writing assignment you are dreaming of.  Out of desperation you begin thinking of giving up.  You might think to yourself, “I might as well just ___ (fill in the blank with your chosen act of desperation) because I won’t ever get to ______ (fill in the blank with your dream).”

Well I’m hear to tell you, “Just Say No!” Although the temptation may be great, taking that low paying job or that high paying job you hate just because you are worried you won’t ever get there will only get you even farther from your dreams.  Stick to your goals.  Remember why you came here in the first place.  And don’t ever let your feelings of insecurites, self-doubt and desperation talk you into saying yes to living a life that’s less than the one that you deserve.  You will get there with time, patience, hard work and the belief that you can really succeed.  Trust me.  Saying yes to opportunities you don’t believe in and that doesn’t fulfill you is less of an opportunity and more of a temporary shortcut, one that will undermine your hardwork and prevent you from living the life of your dreams.

Path

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August 3rd, 2009

Practice Your Happy Dance

I just finished reading The Boss of You by Emira Mears and Lauren Bacon. They devoted an entire chapter about celebrating your successes. An entire chapter! What does that say? Well to me it says being your own cheerleader is just as important as anything else when following your dreams.

This means no more thinking that the happy dance or that bottle of champagne that you’ve been saving, are for when you REALLY strike it big. The little moments deserve attention too. In fact, in their book Mears and Bacon list risk taking and even enduring a rough week as enough reason to celebrate and I agree. If not now, then when?

Sometimes we have this fear, usually us women, that if we indulge in a little celebration, that arrogance that life is really going well will come back and bite us in the behind. But I think that kind of thinking only sets us up for more disappointment. Life has its ups and downs but when we do a little happy dance when things are good, we’re inviting more good things our way. And we can either focus on being grateful for what we do have or suffer in what we don’t. I’d chose the former and I’d advise you to do the same. 

After all, the path of a dreamer is a long, challenging one. We’re going to need a lot of happy dances along the way!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRwsTyUPIYE&hl=en&fs=1&]

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July 31st, 2009

One Week of Listening to Yourself

We get information overload everytime we switch on our computers. We’re logged on, Facebooked, Twittered, Myspaced, Stumbled Upon, etc. No wonder we can’t decide what to do with our lives, let alone decide what to do right now.

That’s the reason why I decided that for 1 week I would get quiet, centered and focus inward. There will always need to be something to do, something to stress about, someone who knows better than me telling me what I should do. But for just one whole week, I’m going to try and listen to myself.

This means whenever I have an instinct about something, no matter how tiny or quiet and seemingly insignificant, I am going to follow it. This experiment grew out of a desire to see if we really have the answers to all of our problems. You know the belief that the answer “lies within.” Well I’m going to try it.

What about you? Do you have problems like me listening to your inner voice, or are you a whiz at following your instincts?

My hope is that by listening to myself, I will get even closer to my dreams.

Here’s another tool for that as well. Oprah.com has a new application on their website that you can download for free. It’s the O Dream Board, a virtual vision board that allows you to upload pictures from your computer or their site to create the digital version of your dreams. I’ve already started using it and it’s been fun! I’ll let you know if it works.

odreamboard-debt-free

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July 7th, 2009

In the meantime, in between time

Sometimes you know where you want to be but you just can’t get there yet.  You might be working at a job you hate or in a relationship that’s not working. That’s okay.  You can still get to your dream and live in the moment now, no matter how sucky that now might be.  

The time between now and then may seem like eons away.  When you’re staring at the gold at the end of the rainbow but you’re standing under some gray clouds and rain, your present moment may not seem as dreamy as you’d wish it to be.  

So what do you do to stay focused on your far away dreams?

Stay positive.  Watch funny movies.  Call your funny friends.  And remember to surround yourself with as much positivity as you can stand.  It’s going to be rough in the meantime, so at least have some fun along the way.

Stay present but remain focused on the goal.  Some days may be harder than others to get through the day.  When I was feeling stuck at my 9-5 job, I used my lunch hour to read books on following my dreams and strategized how I would get there.  I had a plan and a timeline.  This helped me to stay focus on my future goals and prevented me from getting overwhelmed by the difficulties of daily life.

Try to find the silver lining.  Maybe your job, relationship, etc. isn’t the greatest, but you’re going through it for a reason.  Try to figure out what this situation is trying to teach you so that you can learn from the situation.

In the meantimes are always rough.  I know because I’ve had my share.  Remember to be kind to yourself during this time and know that like everything else, “this too shall pass.”

CategoryFacing Fears, How to, Inspirational Stories, Life, Stories of Gratitude, work | Comment2 Comments »

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June 29th, 2009

Fear of Asking for What You Want

Whether it’s asking for a raise, a job, time off, or time alone, why are we so reluctant to ask for what we really need?  

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.  In the past, I debated whether to ask for more pay at a job and the fear nearly paralyzed me.  Although I eventually gained the courage to ask, I wondered why we often avoid asking for what we want?  Is the fear greater than our need?

Fear of Disappointment.  I believe part of of our fear derives from past fears of rejection.  When we were younger, we may have asked for something as small as a bike or as big as time with our parents only to end up being disappointed.  Not asking may be a way to avoid reliving these hurt feelings.

Fear of Rejection.  Whether it reminds us of our first heartbreak or loss of a job, when we ask for what we want and get turned down, it can feel like a rejection of who we are.

Feelings of Unworthiness.  Sometimes we don’t ask because we think we don’t deserve it.  Why should we for example, ask to live the life of our dreams?  Who are we to do it when everyone else  has to suck it up and slave away at their 9 to 5 jobs?

So what do we do when we feel unworthy, fear disappointment or rejection?

Stay positive.  Negative thoughts and ruminating, makes facing your fears even more challenging.  Instead try to tell yourself that getting rejecting by ___ is not a rejection of yourself and that in the end everything will turn out for the better. For affirmations, check out Wayne Dyer’s Motivational Affirmations taken from his book Excuses Begone! at Beliefnet.com.

Make it impersonal.  Sometimes when we avoid asking for what we want, what we’re really afraid of is being judged or criticized for who we are.  Remember that getting turned down for whatever it is (a date, job, etc.) has less do with us and more to with the individual.  They may not like your writing style or your hairstyle, but someone else will.  The best way to deal with this is to not take things personally.

Feeling Worthy.  Remember that you are worthy of asking for what you want.  You were born with the same rights, potential and possibilities as anyone else.  You have every right to ask for what you want in life.  And if you have trouble swallowing this one, think about someone you admire and then ask whether or not they deserve to ask the same question.

The only way to get what we want is to ask for it.  Practicing these steps, learning to trust our instincts, and having faith, will help give us courage to ask the questions that will get us to our dreams.

Path

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June 23rd, 2009

Creating a Soundtrack for Your Life

Did you ever watch Ally McBeal?  Well I was a big fan for its humorous and quirky characters and I loved watching Ally’s drama play out in creative, fantasies that reminded me of being a kid.  

What has stayed with me long after the series ended in 2002 is how her therapist played by Tracey Ullman, asked her to choose a theme song representing her life.  I’ll never forget seeing Ally dance in the street to, “I Know Something About Love.”  It’s a reminder to me about the importance music plays in our life.

When life gets you down, when your muse is on hiatus, or when you just need a boost, do you have a soundtrack ready to lift you up?  

For me, when I’m feeling overwhelmed, when I can’t see past this week, Michelle Branch’s, “If I Just Breathe” always fills me.  It particularly makes me think of one of my favorite Sex in the City episodes. If you’re a fan like me, you know Season 6, Episode 82 “The Catch” where Carrie swings on the trapeze and falls right into the safety net.  

Something about the lyrics and seeing her smile, helps to remind me that sometimes even when there seems to be nothing there to save us in life, if we just take that giant leap, our own safety net will be ready and waiting to catch us if and when we fall.  

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Yb_RXJG0FU&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1]
What about you?  Got a tune you listen to? Share them here.

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May 28th, 2009

Trust Your Instincts

Atop my desk, right in front of my computer monitor is an index card with the words, “Trust your instincts!”  It’s a reminder to me about the importance of reaching down deep and learning to become conscious and aware of what my body is telling me.  Intuition is an important sense, one that we often ignore.  Too often we rely on our thinking mind to make important decisions for us when we’re on the fence, swaying between one choice and the next.  While using logic has its part in the process, intuition also has a significant role.  

About seven years ago, something happened to me that changed my vision of intuition forever.  I was in my room taking a nap, something I used to do regularly for 3 hours at a time almost daily.  Well after only an hour of rest, I felt a strong pull to wake up.  I didn’t question it but followed my instincts and got up in a foggy haze.  I was confused when I looked at the clock and saw that I had only slept for an hour,  but went straight to the bathroom anyway to splash water on my face.  That’s when I heard a loud crash coming from my room.  I went to see what the racket was and in my sleepy state saw that the wire holding the ceiling fan was severed.  The fan which was on while I was asleep and that had been directly over my bed, had crashed on my bed and tumbled, still spinning, to the floor.  If I had still been lying there, I would have been badly hurt.  Thank goodness I woke up in time!  

This story is my saving grace and continues to remind me about the importance of following your instincts because you never know what situations, though it might not be a ceiling fan, may befall you.

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May 26th, 2009

Befriend Envy

Jealousy can be a hard pill to swallow.  It makes our stomachs turn, our hearts beat and gives us an overall bad feeling about ourselves.  When other people do well, we shouldn’t be envious or should we?

I’d say the best way to deal with feelings of jealousy is to embrace it.  That may sound odd but being envious is actually a good indicator of what may be missing in your life.  I use it as a barometer for what goals I need to work on and what’s important to me.  

Try it.  The interesting thing about envy is that you won’t have the same reaction to everyone and everything.  Pay attention to what it is that’s making you envious and you’ll get a good clue about what you need to focus on for yourself.  For example, your next door neighbor’s good news about being promoted might not do anything for you but hearing your co-worker just ran a marathon might get your jealous juices flowing.  That’s also good news for you because it may push unconscious desires to the surface where you can work on obtaining them.  So the next time you start to look a little “green with envy,” don’t try to wash those feelings away.  Instead, stop, take inventory, and go out and grab those things you desire for yourself!

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May 21st, 2009

Positively Positive

I used to think that you either were or weren’t a positive person. (Spoken like a true pessimist!) But, after reading an email newsletter sent from Beliefnet.com and written by Chris Widener, I realized that anyone can transform negative thinking by focusing on positive thoughts. And in light of the stress and worries brought on my today’s economy, I thought we could certainly use a bit of positivity.  

Widener’s article discussed ways to redirect negativity by focusing on solutions instead of problems and by “keeping your eye on the goal.”  What a simple yet somewhat daunting task.  It’s easy to get sucked in to the way we wish things were instead of how they really are.  Common reactions, “Why me?  This couldn’t/shouldn’t have happened.”  But it’s often that resistance that breeds more negativity.  Instead, remember this moment because you might be grateful for that challenge one day.  Learning to focus our attention on what we can do now to get through it, will help make that day come sooner.

So what do you do to stay positive when life is making it hard to do so?  Some use prayer or meditation, listen to happy music, take a walk, talk with friends or spend moments thinking about what they are grateful for.  Watching Oprah always lifts me up and I also read positive quotes and inspirational stories in books and on websites to keep my positive meter running high.  Either way, I’d say, have fun and do all of them.  After all, life is short, why not choose to be positively positive!

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