February 4th, 2010

In Search of an Authentic Life

I’ve been going through a weird parallel universe thing where my internal life and external situation have been mimicking each other. A great example is this horrendous move. For 5 years we stayed in the same place. Partly because it was comfortable and safe and partly because the thought of moving and packing 5 years of our stuff made my skin crawl.

But then suddenly safe and comfy didn’t feel so comfortable anymore. We’d outgrown our tiny apartment. And picking up and starting over seemed less scary than it did before.

I expected it to be hard but, what I didn’t expect was HOW hard it would be! This move was probably the hardest I’ve ever had to go through. It seemed like I was uncovering every dark disgusting creature inhabiting hell. Suddenly, slugs, pincher bugs and spiders were coming out from every nook and cranny of our now empty apartment.

I spent 5 hours, which felt more like 5 years, vacuuming, spraying and scrubbing every dusty, musty corner I could find. I realized I had been living in filth without realizing it.

How did I not get smothered in dust when the air vent above us was caked in thick layers of the stuff?

We never had it cleaned once-once in 5 years!

My husband helped me make the connection when I asked him why we had to go through all of that stress especially since we moved a mere 5 minutes away from our old place.

He said, “Maybe we were living in denial for all those years and suddenly we’re seeing things for what they really are.”

His matter-of-fact tone in saying something so profound is what I love about him most.

I suddenly realized that all the crap I discovered while cleaning our old place was kind of like the crap I was denying in other areas of my life. Suddenly, I was uncovering it and it wasn’t a pretty sight. There were bugs crawling and dust piling up on areas in my life that desperately needed my attention.

While I’m glad for the awakening, I’m ecstatic that we finally finished the move. And in my new place (both internally and externally), I feel like I can finally start living a more authentic life, the kind of life I was supposed to be living-dust and bug free.

CategoryInspirational Stories | Comment4 Comments »

Tags:
February 1st, 2010

Ode to Meeko

When I saw Marley & Me the movie, I cried so hard in the theatre that I feared people would think I was crazy.  The story reminded me of my own Marley-a 14 year old black and white sheltie Meeko.  Crazy, rambunctious, and yet loving as hell.

It wasn’t love at first sight when I saw her though.  She was bald and pink when I met her.  Kind of like a rat.  And even weeks later when we brought her home, a tiny ball of fur, black button eyes with a tinge of blue, we weren’t all taken with her.  For one thing, we never had a dog before.  My mom only allowed me to have one because I had asked Santa for one every year since I was 7 years old.  She even warned me, “Don’t think I’m going to take care of it.  It’s your dog!”

I even questioned how much I really wanted a dog after taking care of her for a few months.  She was loud, barked at and bit everything and would cry all night unless I lay down next to her holding her paw.

We had her for a year and she still drove us up the wall.  By that time, my mom warned me she would take her to the pound or return her to its original owners.  We didn’t know what to do with this wild, hyper dog and she didn’t know what to do with us either.

My mom even tried to take her to puppy training class only to be told that Meeko was “too wild” for even the beginners.  She nearly gave me a heart attack once when she saw another dog and ran so fast her collar slipped off her neck and almost ran right into the road.  Meeko also ran around in circles and barked loudly whenever someone would leave so we would have to spell out words like, “I-M G-O-I-N-G” so she wouldn’t get upset.

Oh and the walls!  She bit her way through our walls and made deep holes in them.  In later years, she would dig through garbage, suitcases, bags and anything that could possibly hold a treat.  I had to stop bringing home chocolate for fear she would eat them all and get sick.

Yet, with all of her craziness, I fell in love.  When she was about the size of my head, Meeko would curl up on top of it at night while I was sleeping.  I think she did it to feel the cool breeze coming from my window.  I loved it even when she slipped once and scratched my eyelid the night before my high school class pictures would be taken.  Or the time when I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and when I returned to my dark bedroom freaked out when I felt something furry next to me.

Surprisingly after some time, my mom and her boyfriend Ray fell in love.  My mom has thanked me on several occasions for bringing Meeko into her life.  She said, “Meeko has opened my heart to loving again.”

It’s kind of funny how this 25-pound rascal of dog came in to our lives and rescued us.  It’s just how she loved us every day unconditionally.  How she would run up to the window when she heard our car come home, or run up to you to give you a hug, tail wagging.  How she would sigh in annoyance when I would pick her up or sit right in front of the TV so you’d pay attention to her.

Funny how a stinky little dog can capture your heart like that.  She brought us 14 years of joy, craziness and above all, she taught us love.  I’d say that was a big feat for a small dog.

Meeko

1995-2010

CategoryInspirational Stories | Comment9 Comments »

Tags:
January 25th, 2010

Inspiring Websites

These cold, winter days and heart-wrenching world news sometimes takes a toll, making faith and hope seem unattainable and impossible. Even as a writer writing this blog, I go through periods of self-doubt and uncertainty. That’s why finding inspirational websites and books are SO important to me! Here is my list of inspiring websites that make me ponder, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  1. Beliefnet. The website that infuses religion and spirituality beautifully displays inspiring slideshows with quotes and articles that has a way of lifting my spirits and making me smile. Then, they came up with The Inspiration Report – a blog that does what I try to do here, inspire hope and optimism through uplifting stories. Read it and you’ll start craving a daily dose of good news.
  2. Tonic. The website that gives back. Inspiring articles and sustainable products make this one of my favorite sites to hang out in and one I wouldn’t mind writing for!
  3. Guideposts.  Similar to Beliefnet, Guideposts provides more inspiration and less religion. It provides a wealth of information and articles on everything from dealing with pet loss to tear jerking true stories.

What about you? Any site that you visit for your daily dose of inspiration? If so, share the love here.

CategoryResources | Comment3 Comments »

Tags:
January 20th, 2010

What are your dreams telling you?

I awoke from another symbolic dream a few days ago. I was fleeing from fear. A fear with no shape, no specific face or form. It was a compilation of every man’s fear-snakes, gun shots, and dark shadows. A long corridor led me to a door. I ran with heart pounding, beads of sweat racing down my face and an intensity so strong that I felt it in my every being.

The door was a way out. I opened it and slammed it quickly. Although I could still hear the sounds of fear getting close, I suddenly felt safe. I took a brief look around the room to get some bearing of where I was.

It was a cluttered space filled to the brim with everything you could need to survive-a bed, shelves, TV, clothes, etc. I felt warm and comfortable there but it was also stifling. There were just two windows which were frosted so I couldn’t see out of them. I felt claustrophobic and had an immediate urge to leave so I opened the door. As soon as I did, I saw fear lurking in the hallways and the sound of it took my breath away. I closed the door again and woke up panting.

It took me a few minutes in this waking world to feel safe again. And another few to decipher this nightmare of a dream.

I realized that the room was my comfort zone. It was safe. It had everything I needed to survive. It was devoid of fear and it was comfortable there. But there was no room to breathe. I knew the instant that I fled to it that it was safe to stay where I was, but in order to grow and be free, I needed to step outside my comfort zone and face my fears.

The message? My dreams were telling me, “Wake up and get moving! The world is waiting for you to tackle those fears.”

I love how my dreams talk to me, reminding me that no matter how scary they are, choosing to face my fears rather than hide from them is integral to fully living life. In the end, I realized that I didn’t want to choose a safe, but stagnant life. I didn’t just want to survive. I wanted to thrive.

I think we all have dreams (awake and asleep) that define our destinies. What’s key is setting an intention to remember them and prepare for it by keeping a journal nearby. I think that if you’re open to it, your dreams will be the bridge connecting you to the life you’ve been dreaming of, the authentic life you’ve been searching for.

CategoryFacing Fears | Comment2 Comments »

Tags:
January 9th, 2010

A Shift in Perspective Can Mean More Than a Better Attitude But a Chance for a New Outcome

For the past week I’ve been fighting a cold. I say fighting because not only was my body fighting germs, but I was fighting with myself (Do nothing and feel guilty vs. Do something and stay sick longer).

In the end, I fought the urge to be productive and succumbed to the highly seductive task of sleeping in, not exercising and reading.

What did I learn?

It was a lot harder to do nothing than it would have been if I had gone to zumba for an hour every day like I normally would. And in the end, I did do a few crafts and exercise a few days last week.

But what I learned was that the most difficult part was shifting my perspective from, “If I don’t do anything, my world will come crumbling down” to trusting that everything was already working fine without me and would continue to do so whether I was working or sleeping.

Instead of working half-butt on my biz with minimal energy, I focused inward on the self-doubt and anxiety that started to arise when I was doing nothing. I meditated, read Martha Beck and stared off in space a lot.

And somewhere in between, I had a sudden feeling of peace and assurance that my business wouldn’t fail if I took a break. That what was lacking in my job search and query writing was faith. I needed to learn how to trust that everything would work out in the end. And that I could really only do so much.

If I was going to get the clients I wanted to work with and the jobs that inspired me, I realized that I needed to start with a relaxed state of mind. Desperation, anxiety and fear were only going to attract negative energy and situations to me. I know because it already had, in the past.

And you know what?

A week has passed. I am no longer sick. I am well-rested, refreshed, optimistic and have a whole slew of potential clients just from this past week.

The best part? I don’t have to worry anymore. Because when I wasn’t looking, the world kept turning and going along just fine, without me.

CategoryFollowing your dreams, Freelance writing, Inspirational Stories | CommentNo Comments »

Tags:
January 6th, 2010

Jealousy's Not Such a Monster After All

My ego went a bit crazy today when I wasn’t looking. A friend’s good news sent me in a downward spiral of self-doubt and anguish.

This unnerving reaction of why not me instead of good, happy feelings for them was a good wake up call. I quickly realized this had nothing to do with my friend, their dreams or my failures and everything to do with my own self-acceptance of an unconventional dream.

Then I started thinking:

Should we feel less than if are dreams and goals fit into a different mold from society’s expectations?

That is, if we’re not married by 28, with kids by 30 and at the top of our career at 35, does that somehow make our lives less meaningful than the every man?

I don’t think so. But it took a good dose of talking to my ego to realize something greater was going on. As Martha Beck says in Steering by Starlight,”When something ‘terrible’ is happening to us (from a ‘shallows’ perspective) something wonderful is always being born from the Stargazer’s perspective.”

I think the incident reminded me of the importance of staying true to myself and my life instead of jumping on the bandwagon with only a linear goal. Life is full of possibilities. I don’t need to limit my choices to a A + B = C formula. Unless, of course, I wanted to.

Think of it this way. What would our world be like minus world shifters like Oprah and Walt Disney? Every being’s purpose is different. Some grander than others. I know that I can’t live an authentic life by living small or living the life my family, friends, or society want for me. Big or small, one thing I’ve learned is that living a safe, unconventional life doesn’t serve any of us, least of all the world.

CategoryFollowing your dreams | CommentNo Comments »

Tags:
January 5th, 2010

Do You Believe In Magic?

[Disclaimer: If you’ve got kids in the room, it may be a good idea to read this later.]

Do you remember when Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were as real and good as ice-cream? When there was the feeling that anything was possible? When imagination and magic were every bit as real as anything we learned in school.

I have fond memories of those days. Even if one of my aunts did ruin it for me when she let me in on the truth about S.C. It’s why I answered, “Cause it’s magical,” when my cousin asked, “Why do you like Disneyland SO much?!”

What happened to the magic?

Does it still exist today and every day?

Cynics would say no. And I’d have to say so would most people. As we grow out of childhood, we begin to lose that whimsical cloud of possibility and instead grasp on to what we believe is real.

But who are we to know what’s really real?

A few weeks ago, after I wrote this post, I sent an email out to an old friend wishing her the best, hearing that she recently got married. I hadn’t spoken to her in years. Although I didn’t receive any response and did not expect any, I got a weird, random answering machine message that day.

It was a message with one of those mechanical voices. It said, “I’m sorry…” Now I’m 100% positive that it wasn’t from her but it was the apology I needed and the universe, I believe, somehow sent it to me.

Another incident happened recently that made me rethink the possibility of magic in every day life.

My husband and I have been thinking of moving. There was a certain apartment we had in mind. It was bigger than our place now and a little less expensive. The huge plus was that it had a den-the perfect place to work on my freelance writing business.

I was so excited that I started visualizing what the place would look like after we moved in. I envisioned sitting at my desk, looking out the window and imagining all the exciting new opportunities and experiences we’d have there.

You can imagine my disappointment when the apartment manager told me that the place was no longer available. Another renter beat us to the punch, securing the apartment with a deposit. Upon inquiry, I learned that the guy was debating between a 1 and 2 bedroom apartment.

At that point, I was pretty upset. My husband started to focus on other apartments. But I wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

I started imagining my own reality (albeit a seemingly delusional one). In my fantasy, I envisioned that the other guy decided the 2 bedroom was better for him, which resulted in him canceling the hold on the 1 bedroom apartment. Lastly, I imagined that the apartment managers would reduce the rent price. I painted a pretty highly unlikely situation. One, in which, my husband reacted by giving me a sad, goofy look. I could easily imagine him thinking, “My poor delusional wife.”

Yet, you won’t believe what happened next!

A few days later, the apartment management contacted me. The guy canceled the hold on the apartment, got the 2 bedroom place instead AND they reduced the price!

I was thrilled. Magic, schmagic! Uh-uh. This dream actually came true.

My dear husband’s response?

“How’d you do that?!”

Okay I know I’m no Nostradamus and what happened can hardly be called a miracle. Or could it? I think tiny miracles may be occurring every day. We just have to take the time and notice.

It’s funny what a little hope and faith can do…

How about you? Any stories of every day magic you’ve experienced lately? Please share them here!

CategoryInspirational Stories | Comment4 Comments »

Tags:
January 4th, 2010

Life Tasks to Uncover Your Dreams

It’s 2010. Do you know where your dreams are?

As for me, I’ve been stumbling. Faltering like the imperfect soul I am to find peace, inspiration and follow my dreams. In one year, what have I learned?

It takes real work to get to your dreams.

It takes physical work.

The kind that uses your muscles and sweat to get rid of old things. Decluttering. Finally saying sayonara to old letters, sweaters you bought a year ago and never used. Books you tried to finish but could never get past those first few pages. Oh and maybe a bit of exercising too! I spent a few years taking zumba and have literally felt the stress sweat out of me.

It takes mental work too.

Finding happiness and searching for your purpose involves a lot of painful mental work. Digging into the hard stuff like uncovering your greatest flaws, admitting to mistakes and accepting yourself in the process are utterly exhausting. So if you’ve already begun the process, you deserve a medal, or a spa day or a giant cookie. You do. You really do!

It takes seeing outside of the box.

Sometimes on our life paths, we fail to see outside the lines. Why do so when it’s so safe and comfy here? Well for one, life is so much more magical when we open ourselves up to possibilities instead of limitations. What I learned last year was that I could give up the expectation that I had to have a full-time corporate job in order to make a living. Just what if I could do something I truly loved and make money from it? While I’ve also learned that it ain’t easy, I’ve also discovered it’s very possible.

It takes courage.

Oh there are so many reasons not to follow your dreams! There’s money, fear of the unknown, self-doubt, economy, etc. I could go on and on. But you only really need one reason to keep going-fulfillment. I like to think of it as feeling fully filled in love, passion and inspiration. When every ounce of your being is saying, “Yes! This feels right!”

It takes some risk-taking!

You could be happy living a safe life, but happiness is fleeting. A life fulfilled that challenges us to live our highest potential, well that’s a life filled with miracles, magic and authentic living. But it involves lots of risk-taking. I love reading about Walt Disney and how he risked everything to follow his dreams. He didn’t have enough money for food or shelter and yet he gave everything he had to make his passion a reality. Some probably called him crazy. But they would later call him genius.

It takes letting go.

Part of the process is learning how to let go. Letting go of who you were (2009 schmuck) to enable you to be the person you were destined to be (2010 star!). Learn how to let go of relationships, jobs and even environments that are toxic and you’ll be leaving room for the positive, happy you you’ve been waiting for.

What about you?

What things did you discover about yourself this year? Has it helped you get closer to your dreams? Please share!

CategoryFollowing your dreams | Comment1 Comment »

Tags:
December 28th, 2009

Why I Decided to Open Old Wounds to Start Anew

When you think of the new year, what comes to mind? A list of new resolutions you’d bet your life you’ll fail? Or a Christmas list of treasures that start with Oprah and end with book club?

This year when the shiny ball falls in Times Square, I’m going to wish for something deeper.

I had a dream a few nights ago. I dreamed that I was going through old boxes of letters. Scanning through them like there was no tomorrow, I remember telling a friend what I was doing.

“I’m decluttering,” I said. “Making amends with people who I have unfinished business with.”

My first reaction was waking up in a panic thinking, “Oh my gosh? Is this the end? Am I going to die?”

After my clearly overdramatic reaction, I realized that maybe my dream was telling me that I needed to get down to business.

I have to start making amends, having compassion, accepting so-called unhappy endings, and finally putting an end to loose ends.

In reality, the job is not so easy.

I can’t just go through a box of letters and call old friends or can I?

I’ve already sent an email to one old friend and as for the rest? Well I guess we’ll have to see.

Anyway, regardless of what we want for the new year, whether real or fantasy, there is real opportunity here. To reflect on and be grateful for the things that went well this year and to declutter, reorganize and take a deep, sometimes painful look at the odds and ends we abandoned and ignored.

So for 2010, it’s not losing weight or being a millionaire that’s topping my resolutions list (though it would be nice), but learning how to be more compassionate with others as well as myself. And to open up that box of unfinished business and get unpacking.

Starting the new year with less baggage and more room for opportunity and positive experiences, are definitely something I’m going to aspire to.

What about you?

Any business left undone? Friends who you’ve lost touch with?

If you can’t reach them personally, do so in your heart. Imagine what you would say to them. Imagine that there is suddenly peace instead of heartache. Then, wait. See what it’ll do to you.

I’m thinking it just might change your world.

Happy New Year’s everyone!

CategoryHolidays | Comment3 Comments »

Tags:
December 20th, 2009

A New Year Towards New Hope

Answer searching. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. When to fight for what you believe and when to throw in the towel. It’s not such an easy decision.

I’ve been blessed in a multitude of ways. But there are still occasions when I run into people who make finding the blessings and inspirations in life a bit harder.

What do you do for example, when you encounter publishers who take your story and run unpaid? Or former clients who yell and scream and call you names?

Guess you let the mad cover you and push you to jump even farther. I sometimes think it was serendipitous that I went to the Disney museum when I did. Seeing how cool and calm Walt Disney was when the people he trusted tried to steal his money, made that path seem a lot more attractive.

Yet, it’s still a difficult decision to make.

How do you make amends with yourself, accept your mistakes, learn from them, and keep going without letting your emotions get in the way?

As 2009 quietly quells in the night, I look up toward 2010. May this year I learn to be more like Disney. Let the weaknesses of others, the disappointment and anger dissipate into the wintery rain. And my hope to find retribution through focusing on the future, hope and possibility of what can be versus what was, yesterday.

CategoryHolidays, Life | Comment3 Comments »

Tags:
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »